Being drove insane on the postnatal ward

[TrappedWindArse]

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

AveryGoodlay
Postnatal wards are he'll. There was a baby on one of mine who sounded like a cat when they cried!

Cri du chat syndrome? It’s a chromosome disorder and pretty awful.

I had a full on jerry springer show with some woman who’d had a fight with the baby’s dad, not told him about the birth, he appeared and started giving her hell talking about his “yard” and disrespect. His family and her family going at it, security called, the whole shebang.

My mum was appalled and tried to get me to move to a side room, but we were only allowed visitors 4 hours a day, i was in for a long stay, and I thought it would at least be entertaining. This was pre smart phone so I only had regular (fucking expensive hospital) terrestrial tv, magazines and playing cards for entertainment. Not even wifi.

That and the ward was so desperately understaffed and baby and I were so ill I had a nasty feeling we’d be forgotten about in a side room and only discovered weeks later….

@namechangedtoaskaquestion to be fair, if you get a catheter you're asked to pee in a bedpan and leave it in the toilet for a midwife to check the volume of urine.

Oh there were some really odd people on mine. I was in there for a week so I had to find things to amuse myself whilst hiding behind my curtain trying to get jaundiced DD to latch on
Person next to me sounded like they were either dying or having sex
One couple kept getting told off for leaving their baby on the bed and going off. Then they tried to give the baby Evian
Another couple were really neurotic and complained about absolutely everything including the food. I loved the 70s food!

[quote shouldistop]@namechangedtoaskaquestion to be fair, if you get a catheter you're asked to pee in a bedpan and leave it in the toilet for a midwife to check the volume of urine. [/quote]
Along with blood in the shower and a bloody pad stuck to the floor?

Like those posters from years ago.
I had my two in 1969 and 1972.Both by what is now called crash caesarean sections.My DS1 and I nearly died during the first birth, and my second son also needed resuscitation when born. Post natal care then was heaven compared to what you poor ladies on here have suffered and my heart goes out to you are all.
As the posters from those times have commented, strictly enforced visiting hours, no husbands/partners allowed to stay on the wards at all.
I had a single room both times, as did all caesarean mothers then.I was very ill the first time I could not remember much about those early days but got one to one care.Both of my babies were in NICU for the first two days and as soon as they were well enough were brought to the ward, and stayed in the nursery overnight for the first week.I was in for two weeks both times and not allowed home till al stitches or clips were removed from my wound and no sign of infection.
What on earth has happened?.
One of my grandchildren was born by EMCS 25 years ago.She was a premature baby and was in NICU for 6 weeks.Her mother was in for a week, and had a single room all the time. I have two great grandchildren, both straight forward uncomplicated deliveries, both babies and their mother were home in a few hours, I did not get to know of any complaints if there were any.
My heart goes out to you all.

I think a compromise would be to allow 1 female companion per new mum on the post natal ward and no other visitors.
(Although as I am typing that I realise that we are no longer allowed to distinguish between biological females and men who identify as women, so that would be a non-starter).
I really object to vulnerable women being forced to share spaces with men they do not know. It is wrong and very unfair.
There needs to be a proper discussion about this at government and NHS management level.

to be fair, if you get a catheter you're asked to pee in a bedpan and leave it in the toilet for a midwife to check the volume of urine

Are you? I’ve had a catheter 3 times and never been asked to pee in a bedpan.
I don’t see why volume of urine would be useful anyway, as a catheter wouldn’t affect how much urine your kidney’s are making.

Along with blood in the shower and a bloody pad stuck to the floor?

I was just addressing why the bedpan was probably there.
Although after both of mine I was uncontrollably bleeding after giving birth. The shower looked like a murder scene afterwards. I remember showering in the labour room after my second and trying to rinse the blood away after I'd managed to get a pad and my pants on but the midwife told me not to be silly and just to leave it.

@Nomoreusernames1244 yes, both times with mine I've been asked to do my first wee in a bedpan and leave it for the midwives to check in the toilet. They said it was to check volume of urine to make sure my bladder was ok.

I mean I know a lot of us are joking about it- me included- but it’s fucking appalling actually.

And they wonder why the breastfeeding rates in this country are so utterly SHIT, trying to establish that while I was sweating from the inexplicable heat of the ward, a baby who couldn’t latch and no one available to help, zero rest or sleep, in pain and then absolute inconsiderate twat blokes lording it around on the other side of a piece of fucking flimsy hospital curtain.

Well, what a surprise- hardly the right environment to master something if neither you or your newly born child have ever done it before.

@nousernamehere01 good luck with your home birth, hope all goes well. I had DD2 at home and have fond memories of eating a bacon sandwich in our spare room bed an hour after her birth. And then the bliss of sleeping in my own bed the night after she was born.

Should improving conditions on postnatal wards not be a concerted @mumsnetHQ campaign? They managed to get the Bounty reps kicked off the wards so have a track record of success. The Chancellor just announced cash for the NHS to include maternity care and sorting out wards would surely repay investment? Just so so many of us here with terrible experiences (my night on the ward was probably the worst of my life) and a clear comparison to make with the different circumstances lockdown requires.

@WheelieBinPrincess

I’d have paid for a side room! I asked the midwife if it was an option and she said ‘this isn’t the premier inn!’

But on the hospital literature it says you can request and pay!

Yes you can do this at my hospital! So it is a thing at some hospitals for sure - only if there is a room free of course

Three babies here. For DC1 and DC3 I threatened to discharge myself (with DC2 we’d been able to pay £50 for a private room). With no1 they discharged me within hours of me threatening to leave and no3 moved me to a private room following an awful experience with a healthcare assistant who squeezed my boobs and was trying to force me to collect milk with a syringe even though bubbs had passed her sugar tests. She woke me up to do this, even though the baby had just latched on and fed - post natal wards are crazy crazy places OP, I hope you’re out of there soon 🤞

@WheelieBinPrincess

I mean I know a lot of us are joking about it- me included- but it’s fucking appalling actually.

And they wonder why the breastfeeding rates in this country are so utterly SHIT, trying to establish that while I was sweating from the inexplicable heat of the ward, a baby who couldn’t latch and no one available to help, zero rest or sleep, in pain and then absolute inconsiderate twat blokes lording it around on the other side of a piece of fucking flimsy hospital curtain.

Well, what a surprise- hardly the right environment to master something if neither you or your newly born child have ever done it before.

Oh definitely and the ante natal was just as bad I’m pretty sure my backside was hanging out at one point in front of someone’s husband. I had a back-to-back baby and was past caring

I found the post natal ward hell last year and that was even when visiting was restricted. Babies squealing like tortured cats next to you, barely got a few minutes of sleep. I was there for a week and I still have ptsd. Hoping you get to leave ASAP!

I put off having a second for years due to the horrible experience giving birth and post natal care.
After 4 years I came to terms with the fact that if I was to have another baby I would have a planned CS. I went for a meeting to discuss this where the midwife helpfully told me that Dh could stay to help me after the birth.....well I had a panic attack there and then. The thought of strange men on the ward over night when I felt most vulnerable (my Dh would have to go home to look after ds) was unthinkable.
Luckily she wrote a report asking for a side room. It was dhs job to ask every person we saw about this room, that we were happy to pay and happy to move if the room was needed for an emergency.
It was the best £60 I’ve ever spent. They only charged us for 1 night not 2 (I was on the ward for 6 nights with my first) and it was a completely different experience.

Part of me thinks that if they went back to the drawing board with staffing structure and had say a HCA and midwife per bay of 4 that were actually visible and there helping it would be so much easier. I never knew who was who and who I could ask for help. All staff at the nurses station away from the bays writing notes all the time seemed that there was never any time to actually provide care.

@WheelieBinPrincess

Ah god they’re horrible.

And there’s always one that doesn’t pick up their baby. The midwife yelled ‘YOUR BABY IS CRYING YOU NEED TO PICK HER UP’ at 5am to one mum and she said;

‘I shan’t, she has to learn’

Cue six other sleep deprived and furious mums shouting out ‘LEARN WHAT?!!!’ in unison from behind various curtains.

The baby was hours old. You’d have more success teaching something to a Maris Piper.

God, this thread is bringing back so many horrible memories.
With DD1 I was that mother who wouldn't pick up her crying baby. I had an epidural, a spinal block and an EMCS and I couldn't move at all from the chest down. Tiny DD was crying and crying and no one came to help. I pressed the buzzer so many times, I shouted for help and the midwifes were just too busy to do anything. Finally, after literally hours, one came and shoved the baby at me - and then once she was settled I couldn't twist to put her down. I was so tired I was terrified I was going to drop her. There were a hundred other horrible moments in those first few days on the post-partum ward, but that one broke me.

@LittleDoritt

God, this thread is bringing back so many horrible memories. With DD1 I was that mother who wouldn't pick up her crying baby. I had an epidural, a spinal block and an EMCS and I couldn't move at all from the chest down. Tiny DD was crying and crying and no one came to help. I pressed the buzzer so many times, I shouted for help and the midwifes were just too busy to do anything. Finally, after literally hours, one came and shoved the baby at me - and then once she was settled I couldn't twist to put her down. I was so tired I was terrified I was going to drop her. There were a hundred other horrible moments in those first few days on the post-partum ward, but that one broke me.

I am so sorry you went through that. I have read the whole thread and this story really upset me particularly.

Thing is, it doesn't have to be like that. I had the exact kind of experience described here with dc 3, born in the UK. The other two were born in US and Canada respectively and on both occasions I got a room to myself post-partum.

Of course it's cheaper like this but I suspect it's a false economy as the mothers and babies harmed by the lack of rest, help or privacy will need treatment later.

When i was on the postnatal ward there was a women who snored and was deaf in 1 ear. Her baby was crying for ages rang the midwife and i asked if they could wake her because baby was crying told me yeah shes deaf in 1 ear so cant hear baby cry asked them to ask her to not sleep on the eat she can her so can hear baby cry cuz no1 else is getting a sleep between the snoring and her baby crying..

Oh you poor thing. It’s an utter nightmare. I was looking at a lovely baby yesterday and thinking how cute one would be, but now you’ve reminded me of all that horror and put me off (I’m 50 so it was highly unlikely anyway 😁).

@LittleDoritt

God, this thread is bringing back so many horrible memories. With DD1 I was that mother who wouldn't pick up her crying baby. I had an epidural, a spinal block and an EMCS and I couldn't move at all from the chest down. Tiny DD was crying and crying and no one came to help. I pressed the buzzer so many times, I shouted for help and the midwifes were just too busy to do anything. Finally, after literally hours, one came and shoved the baby at me - and then once she was settled I couldn't twist to put her down. I was so tired I was terrified I was going to drop her. There were a hundred other horrible moments in those first few days on the post-partum ward, but that one broke me.

I’m sorry you went through that

If I was on the ward with you and I could have I’d of helped lift your DD to you and back, of all the things on this thread this makes me so sad, you must have felt so vulnerable and useless, makes me nervous considering I’m expecting my DD in a few weeks in a hospital that has recently been put under special measures for their maternity/postpartum care.

Sounds awful. When I was on the postnatal ward, you were only allowed one visitor for one hour per day. It was bliss, and the only good thing about the pandemic for me.