Being drove insane on the postnatal ward

[TrappedWindArse]

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

the midwife pissed about and faffed about and I really wanted to get DD on the breast but I was hooked up to all these wires and couldn't get my breast out of my gown and the midwife wasn't there to help. She was crying and DH was getting really overwhelmed too because he knew we both wanted to fulfill the most primal urge but we couldn't. She came in and faffed and faffed some more and eventually DH let out a moan and she asked very sharply if something was wrong. He said sorry it's just the heat

Why on earth didn’t either of you open yo ur mouths and say “I need help to breastfeed”?? Instead of making PA moans and then pretending it was just the heat??

@FindingMeno

Congratulations!! I don't know where I'd have been without the other lovely women on the post natal ward supporting each other. The nurses were under too much pressure so we looked out for each other a bit. Personally I think there's too much access for dad's. I didn't really want a bloke I didn't know across the room all the time when I'm expelling wind after a c section.

Man alive! The trapped wind after the caesarean. 😫

I still suffer with it now and my son is 10.

When I had my 3rd baby there was a Polish girl in the next bed to me who sang all the time through the night.

It was the loveliest, softest, soothing thing I've ever encountered and I often think of her.

I have birth a month ago and got chucked on the PN ward at 3am (and my husband got ejected from the hospital until 8am for visiting hours).
It was absolute hell. Before I gave birth I was horrified that they tried to discharge mothers 6-8 hours after an uncomplicated birth (I was sure I'd need more time to sleep/recover). After a 39 hour instrumental delivery I couldn't get out of there fast enough... the snoring, the lack of care, the heat. I was a crying wreck and nobody really seemed to care. I got discharged by 11am, it was just unbearable.

I wonder if the level of care would be the same if men gave birth

The rest of us who struggled must definitely have not been trying hard enough and should be ashamed of ourselves for not coping better.

Right. Comments like hers always annoy me because they always come off as it’s the Mother’s fault for not coping well despite many of us who couldn’t physically move enough to and were on understaffed wards. I couldn’t move enough to pick up my son from the bassinet for almost 16 hours after I had my son because of whatever meds they used for my emcs and having those inflatable boots on. I was placed on the ward around 2 am. I was still being rolled over to change my pad and having my bag changed because I could barely move but of course I should have tried harder and known how my body would cope to such drugs with my first child 🙄.

Before I gave birth I was horrified that they tried to discharge mothers 6-8 hours after an uncomplicated birth (I was sure I'd need more time to sleep/recover)

It does make me raise an eyebrow when first time mums insist they want to stay on a post natal ward for days as they will need to recover, get help with breastfeeding, sleep, shower, learn how to care for their new baby…

No love, it’s not some lovely spa experience with ladies in white floating about to help you whenever you need, it’s a literal boiling hot hell on earth and you should be planning how soon you can escape.

Ime “help with breastfeeding” extended to offering to get a bottle, while lecturing me that I hadn’t brought my own bottles, and doing so everytime they passed and saw me breastfeeding “again”- and I found breastfeeding relatively easy.

No sleep, i wouldn’t have used their shower for a million pounds, and the only “help with baby” was them waking me and baby off during the only chance we had to sleep to show me how to bath her. Left me with a cold, screaming baby having to settle down again. My second I told them to go away. That and fend off the bounty people too.

[quote Ajl46]@Thedogscollar genuine question - how do mothers recovering from a CS cope without the partners or families being there to help with nappy changes / pass the baby across for feeding etc? [/quote]
Ok this might not go down well on here but I can genuinely say hand on heart this is what happens in my unit. The call bells are answered immediately and I mean within 1 /2 mins max.
All c section ladies cannot get out of bed for quite a few hours following their op. The midwives do all the lifting in and out babies and help with feeding do the nappy changes etc. We give them fresh water when jug is empty and I've made tea and toast if hungry.
There is no excuse for call bells not being answered for hours as some posters have said. Only reason a call bell might go on for longer is if we are attending an emergency but there is usually someone who can answer it.
Yes postnatal wards are hellish and I can say from experience improved dramatically when covid restrictions were in place.
I have had partners in the bed while the woman who had the csection sit on the chair with her baby she just said she didn't mind as her partner was so tired.
Really. Well he can feck off home to his own bed. Tbh I've seen it all, heard it all and have more bad experiences with partners staying than good.

Thankfully she hospitals have banned the bounty reps. In my hospital they put a bounty pack on every bed, but the reps don't come in. It needs to be the same everywhere.

Hope you get out soon. Postnatal is a fresh level of hell.

I had a similar experience to you and was in for 5 days. I discharged myself at 3am so get a decent few hours sleep!

@Babyboomtastic

how do mothers recovering from a CS cope without the partners or families being there to help with nappy changes / pass the baby across for feeding etc?

The first night after my first section I was in by myself. They encouraged me to use the bell whenever I needed and responded within about 30 seconds. If baby needed feeding, they gave baby to me, but they offered to do the nappies (and I wasn't going to decline). They were there if I wanted to chat, and it was very positive experience

They also served food to the bed and came around with cups of tea etc. Frankly it was a bit like a cheap hotel where the staff tried really hard. It was nice 🙂

Ha ha exactly what happens in my unit! If a mum buzzes and just wants her baby handed to her after major abdominal surgery of course I will do that without thinking if it or grumbling about it.

@Thedogscollar you must work somewhere fantastic. I had an emcs, was bed bound for 4 days with a drain fitted and I'd wait at least 15-30 minutes of buzzing before a midwife would come and I couldn't get to my daughter at all. I was told by a midwife at one point to pull myself together and stop crying. Also told (the day I gave birth) I was starving my daughter because I wanted to bf but couldn't lift her myself.

[quote Chanel05]@Thedogscollar you must work somewhere fantastic. I had an emcs, was bed bound for 4 days with a drain fitted and I'd wait at least 15-30 minutes of buzzing before a midwife would come and I couldn't get to my daughter at all. I was told by a midwife at one point to pull myself together and stop crying. Also told (the day I gave birth) I was starving my daughter because I wanted to bf but couldn't lift her myself. [/quote]
That is truly awful and I'm sorry you experienced this.
I treat my ladies like I would want to be treated or any of my friends. I work in a busy unit in the south east but we are a fantastic team very close knit and we try our hardest despite staffing issues to make the postnatal experience as pleasant as possible.
We might not always be able to stay throughout a whole feed but I always ensure Mum is comfy safe and has call bell to hand and that baby is attached to breast properly and feeding well. I try to get back asap to make sure they are still ok and then Mum can call me when baby is finished and I will settle baby back in cot.
I prioritise my work and mums and babies are the priority. Paperwork of which there is loads believe me can be caught up with later.

It is awful OP, I've been left with an unnatural hatred of boys called Noah after my time on the postnatal ward. The mum in the bed next to me was totally enchanted with her newborn Noah, and spent the entire night loudly repeating "Noah, Noah, Noah, my best boy Noah" until I thought I was going to throttle her. Urgh!!!

I am horrified that men are allowed to stay overnight. My youngest is 10, so my experience is not that long ago. Everyone was turfed out in the evening thank god

Reading these stories makes me so glad I had a private room each time. Only annoying thing was with my 2nd birth that was unexpected on my living room floor, when we got to hospital baby was cold so had to be put in an incubator then a hot cot. Because of that they came in constantly all night usually just after I'd got back to sleep after feeding baby. And she was very sicky so every feed meant a change. I was so tired. I asked dh to come in next day early so I could sleep before going home but I got discharged 1hr after he came in so I went home to bed while he looked after baby. This was only in May.

These postnatal stories are all so bad! It just bought my memories screaming back.

Tell the cat noise making man to shut the hell up!

I remember it being a million degrees on the ward I was on, c-section and my husband couldn't stand the warmth so only stayed minutes at a time. The lady next to me had her phone alarm set to go off every 45 minutes or so and it would take her 2-3 minutes to switch off. I think I was going mad by the time I left.

My last section no visitors were allowed on the ward and the response from midwives was totally 50/50. Half of them were just amazing, said not to worry just call for anything I needed at all. The other half directly contradicted this saying things like “you really need to be doing more for yourself, do you expect us to lift baby out every time for you?” Bare in mind I still had the catheter in and was less than 12hrs postop and My bp was so low they kept me in recovery for most of the day.. I couldn’t get anything for myself and not knowing which attitude of midwife I was going to get when I rang made me prioritise
I.e lift the baby for a feed: yes
Ask for water/something from my bag: no
I couldn’t wait to leave

@Helpimfalling

I am the only one on this thread that is goiNg to go against the grain and say I bloody loved it.

Each time. I loved bonding with the baby and being away from home just me and her/him for a night or two and being fed and watered was such a special time In me and baby's loved up little bubble.

But I must say my Husband was an abusive twat so maybe I just
Enjoyed a
Few days away from him.
Come to think of it maybe that why I kept repeating the experience lol

Yeah, me too.

I didn't realise how lucky I was until afterwards and I spoke to other mums.

💐 to you, @TrappedWindArse

Hopefully, you'll be home soon.

I had my DS last July so during the first lockdown. You were only allowed one visitor a day and they could only stay for 2 hours so DH got to spend 4 hours in total with DS during the first 24 hours of his life, it was completely shit. Postnatal ward was fucking horrible, the woman beside me just snored all night long and it was the loudest snoring I’ve ever heard in my life. She hadn’t had her twins yet but was in to be induced I think. I had to complain to a midwife eventually because I was just crying with exhaustion. Then someone walked past in the middle of the night and deliberately shoved into my curtain and therefore into DS’s cot which gave him a jolt and woke him up. It was quite a violent shove and just couldn’t have been done accidentally, I think it was the snorer (guessing she heard me complain or something, I don’t know).

It was just horrible anyway, I sat crying most of the time and was desperate to go home. I actually pretended I felt better than I did so they’d discharge me quicker. You have my sympathies OP, they’re hell on Earth.

Then someone walked past in the middle of the night and deliberately shoved into my curtain and therefore into DS’s cot which gave him a jolt and woke him up. It was quite a violent shove and just couldn’t have been done accidentally, I think it was the snorer (guessing she heard me complain or something, I don’t know).

Come on- you really think someone deliberately shoved your curtain? Rather than assuming, it being a hospital ward full of post natal women, that someone wobbled and fell?

When I was on the postnatal ward a woman in the ward was struggling to breastfeed and whenever I fed DS her husband just stared at me. Not glanced over or absentmindedly looked in my direction but full on studied me. I don't know if he was trying to learn what I was doing that was working for us. Or he was looking at me so he could tell his wife it was easier than she thought. Or it was resentment that it was working for us. But it made me so fucking uncomfortable.

Yes it was working for us. And no I don't think women should have to cover up or hide when feeding. But I didn't want to be fucking stared at while I adapted to breastfeeding a two day old baby two days after a complication EMCS.

Also I think it was the second reason. I don't know why but I often think that if breastfeeding didn't work out for that woman, I was brought up as a metaphorical stick to beat her with.

I was absolutely disgusted by people’s partners clearly using the patient only toilet to go for a poo.

It’s just grim.

@Staryflight445

I was absolutely disgusted by people’s partners clearly using the patient only toilet to go for a poo.

It’s just grim.

Yeah I had to go in after someone’s partner and it stank. It’s bad enough trying to pee while in stitches and bruised down there.

Also our local hospital did breakfast as a buffet and some bloke pushed in front of me and stole the last bit of toast! I gave birth late at night, had been living on snacks and was starving. If I wasn’t so weak I would have snatched it off him.

I later witnessed him laying in the hospital bed eating his toast and scrolling on his phone while his wife tried to breastfeed in the chair. Poor woman.

After my first (also a section and limited mobility) the woman opposite had her baby taken away (was still in the hospital in NICU but also removed by social services). Why they put her on the ward with all the other mothers and babies is beyond my comprehension. It was awful, everyone on edge.
Obvs they hadn't taken this baby away for no reason. There was drug use and an abusive boyfriend who she refused to give up - social worked told her she could have the baby if she dropped the boyfriend.
She picked fights with other Mums. Obvs you could hear every convo, which is how I know the details. She'd watch Eastenders so loudly on her ipad into the night and kick off when asked to turn it down a bit.
Midwife threatened to put my catheter back in if I didn't start weeing, but I was anxious to leave my newborn feet away from this woman who'd had her own newborn taken away and was in a bad place.
Fucking nuts, honestly.
To top it off, the discharge nurse too ALL DAY to prepare my discharge paperwork because she kept gossiping about this woman every time she was away from her bed. I finally left at 7pm, without my notes, and could hear the woman in the next cubicle demanding to be moved.