Being drove insane on the postnatal ward

[TrappedWindArse]

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

I'm currently 36weeks and naively hadn't given a thought to PN wards. Think I'm going to add ear plugs and eye mask to my hospital bag. I wouldn't want my DH spending the night if I can avoid it, if he's at home having a full nights sleep then at least I can play the "your well rested card" when I come home.

How have you not screamed .. it’s not a fucking cat stfu?

Nothing was done as the family would have been deemed an ethnic minority so there would not doubt have been screams of discrimination.

@almahart

I am horrified that men are allowed to stay overnight. My youngest is 10, so my experience is not that long ago. Everyone was turfed out in the evening thank god

Me too. So random men sleep in the same room as you and your new baby? I wouldn't even be able to relax never mind sleep. The thought of this makes my skin crawl.

@RachelHasThoseInBurgundy

Nothing was done as the family would have been deemed an ethnic minority so there would not doubt have been screams of discrimination.

My apologies, I have asked for my post to be deleted, my choice of wording wasn't appropriate and doesn't accurately describe the people involved and I meant no offence, bad choice of words.

how do mothers recovering from a CS cope without the partners or families being there to help with nappy changes / pass the baby across for feeding etc?

Honestly, I just got on with it because I didn't have a choice and was too gooned from labour, lack of sleep, birth and the drugs. My first birth with DS1 came as a shock to me. I'd anticipated and prepared for a simple vaginal birth in an MLU. It didn't go to plan.

My DM had, unbeknownst to me and for what reason I still don't understand why or even how, had swapped my carefully packed hospital bag into another completely different bag, taken things out and moved them. Whilst I was in labour /transferred. Long labour, large baby, emcs, all visitors ejected at 8pm. I couldn't feel anything from the nipple down and still had a catheter in. I didn't realise I had that in until I tried to stand up to wheel DSs incubator closer to the bed. Call button thing was hung on the wall and too far behind me to reach. I managed to get some nappies, wipes and stuff on my table and then just stayed awake too frightened to go to sleep in case he stopped breathing.

A MW did come in at about midnight and showed me how to bf lying down but said I must make sure not to fall asleep as a baby had rolled off a bed the week before. It was painful and I was terrified of nodding off and suffocating him so I just sat up holding him all night.

HCP came in at about 5am and removed my catheter, I'd not realised I was tethered quite so closely to the bed and had tried to stand up and bled all over the floor, which I'd tried to clean up.

Phoned my dad at 7am begging him to send my Mum at 8am when visitors were allowed in. Didn't bother with dh as I knew he'd sleep through the phone ringing anyway. Made it clear I wanted to be discharged and was cleared to go (against medical advice) by evening. 25 hours on postnatal in total. Hadn't slept in 3 days.

@Lizlou85

I'm currently 36weeks and naively hadn't given a thought to PN wards. Think I'm going to add ear plugs and eye mask to my hospital bag. I wouldn't want my DH spending the night if I can avoid it, if he's at home having a full nights sleep then at least I can play the "your well rested card" when I come home.

Yes pack plenty of ear plugs!

@Mybalconyiscracking

This has brought back memories. I was in a ward at 3 in the morning, with a newborn crying and crying. I felt so sorry for the poor Mum, until she said “ I’m not picking you up, I’m not going to spoil you”

I said “Pick that fucking child up now!”
.. silence!

I often wonder what became of that poor child?

Oh my, are people really like that with a newborn? Can't believe you would expect something living in a dark, warm womb which then has to learn to see, respond and feed and squeezed through a tiny hole to 'learn' to not want a bit of comfort.

Is this other people's experience too? I'm constantly told I over indulged my kids by bf past a year and made a 'rid for my own back', but at least I'm not like this.

I was on a post natal ward for a day and a bit and had no sleep for three days. I naïvely thought it was like the old days in movies where the midwives or support workers offered to take the baby for a couple of hours so you could sleep. How wrong I was. I was hallucinating due to lack of sleep and kept seeing people standing in the opening of the curtains that weren't there. I feel for you OP.

I was readmitted a few days after delivery for high blood pressure and placed in the delivery suite, with my newborn. Problem was the other women in my room were still pregnant and being monitored for complications. So me being there with the baby must have been difficult for them. I tried to be as quiet as possible and luckily DS doesn't cry much but I thought it was a bit insensitive of them.

Later I was moved to the postnatal ward and all of the people there, mothers and partners alike, were actually decent and thoughtful of others. I had someone's partner bring me dinner trays when DH wasn't there, he was a genuinely nice guy. I didn't believe it myself until it happened, but these unicorn wards where roommates are alright do exist.

Congratulations! You'll be home soon. They are hell.

I agree with the double edged sword of partners being allowed to stay in the hospital with mother and baby. Everyone wants their own DP but noone elses from what I've heard.

Although its sad that partners are used to substitute care that overstretched midwives/nurses cannot provide. I'll never forget when SIL gave birth as a single parent. Only partners were allowed on the PNWard and everyday she had to watch everyone else's DP bustling in with takeaways, chocolates, soaps etc and help their partners get a shower or nap while they held baby etc. Poor DSIL said the midwives were always sat doing paperwork and not really able to help and she has never felt so alone but yet so intruded on in her life

In my experience it’s always the partners acting up who think that it’s them ego actually birthed the kid. Had one dad do skin to skin with a newborn for hours the mum didn’t get a look in, she was glad when he fucked off I think he would have breast fed given half the chance.

I don't think men should be allowed to stay unless you're in a private room. It's not fair to have them on the wards.

With my first I had my first night on high dependency where no visitors at all were allowed at all (DH had to go home at 7pm after I'd given birth at 4pm). That night was fine, just women and their babies and all of the women were poorly/in bad shape so we honestly all slept apart from caring for the newborns. I don't remember much about it (I was high as a kite on oramorph!)

They moved me to the ward the next day and I lasted all of 3 hours before crying my eyes out and asking for a private room. It was hell. So loud, so hot, packed with people, people whipping my curtain open every five minutes so zero privacy, men sticking their heads round looking for the partners. Yuck. Luckily, because I was ill (awful birth, many many stitches, huge bleed and surgery) with a baby who wouldn't feed and was also under observation and they knew I'd be in for a few nights they moved me to a room and allowed DH to stay with us, which was a godsend as I needed way more help than the midwives could give. He was v considerate though, stayed in the room away from other women and left the maternity ward entirely to use the toilet etc. He slept on the chair in my room. Men weren't allowed to stay overnight on the wards. This was 5 years ago.

Second baby I booked a private room in advance and had an ELCS. This time the room actually came with a bed in it for DH (a pull out job, but still, a bed!). This time though I was actually fine and sent him home to mind our eldest. Apart from needing help lifting baby to feed - which the midwives helped with no problem - I felt well and perfectly able to manage on my own. Having a private room was so relaxing and would have been well worth every penny except they didn't charge me in the end, because I'd had a surgical birth so qualified for one by 'need' and there were several sat empty so it went against policy to charge me for one.

There needs to be change to postnatal wards. They're horrible. I don't know anyone who has had a positive experience. They are hospital wards for patients at the end of the day, not bloody social areas! It wouldn't happen in any other area of the hospital and unfortunately most people don't behave with any respect towards others!

More staff are needed on maternity wards. OK, we have a midwife shortage, but basic stuff can be handled by HCAs, surely.

More staff to give women the care they need might reduce people wanting their partners there for too long.

I'm pretty sure we can get rid/"downsize" some manager jobs. I don't believe that the salary for a CEO of an NHS trust should be more than the salary the PM gets for running the country.

@SmellyOldOwls

She was crying and DH was getting really overwhelmed too because he knew we both wanted to fulfill the most primal urge but we couldn't. She came in and faffed and faffed some more and eventually DH let out a moan and she asked very sharply if something was wrong.

To be fair to the midwife, I'd have probably wanted to say a lot worse to him, if I had some random bloke sighing and moaning at me for just doing my job and providing his wife with care. Not needed at all, he could have waited outside the area with DD and let the midwife crack on.

I’m childfree by choice so have never gone through this and never will, but these threads fill me with vicarious rage. Not sure what’s worse, the selfishness of other people (pizza deliveries and loud FaceTiming in the middle of the night) or the ridiculous system that allows women to be subjected to ogling men, noise, intrusions and other crap at a time when they’re particular knackered and vulnerable. Can’t imagine anywhere else in modern society where you’d be expected to put up with this other than, perhaps, prison.

These threads appal and fascinate me in equal measure.

As much as this thread has put the fear of god into me, it's also made me really thankful that I have such a nice husband.

Just yell ‘stop that it’s annoying and not helping’ out local maternity hospital is all single en suite rooms which is much better. Dads can stay the full time.

Postnatal wards are hell, especially after a c section. Thankfully they will still shove you out the door as soon as possible so it's likely you won't be there long there is an end in sight.

Last July I was on the antenatal ward to be induced. I was next to the most disgusting lady and her partner who was there all day during visiting hours- they were both constantly farting , burping, swearing, laughing, eating, on FaceTime etc I feel sorry for the poor baby with parents like that.

@RachelHasThoseInBurgundy

the midwife pissed about and faffed about and I really wanted to get DD on the breast but I was hooked up to all these wires and couldn't get my breast out of my gown and the midwife wasn't there to help. She was crying and DH was getting really overwhelmed too because he knew we both wanted to fulfill the most primal urge but we couldn't. She came in and faffed and faffed some more and eventually DH let out a moan and she asked very sharply if something was wrong. He said sorry it's just the heat

Why on earth didn’t either of you open yo ur mouths and say “I need help to breastfeed”?? Instead of making PA moans and then pretending it was just the heat??

100% this.

I read this and wondered if the OP and her DH thought that the “faffing” midwife was supposed to be a mind reader?

Unfortunately, unless you live in a really rural area with a very small birth rate, don’t watch One Born Every Minute as you will be extremely disappointed. Sadly the majority of pregnant women will have a succession of midwives during labour/childbirth who won’t engage in any type of conversation with you, and have no idea what has/hasn’t happened.

@TrappedWindArse op, how are you doing? Are you home now