Being drove insane on the postnatal ward

[TrappedWindArse]

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

Gosh this thread has taken me back. DD and I were both in ICU for a few days (premature and pre eclampsia), and then she was taken away to the Night Nursery every night for a further week before we were allowed home. The ICU was DEFINITELY better than the ward!!!! Congratulations on your baby, and hang in there - you'll be home soon.

Yabu because you can't get out of bed to do it

Just tell him to STFU.

I would.

I'll send a gun.

'I’d have paid for a side room! I asked the midwife if it was an option and she said ‘this isn’t the premier inn!’'

Lol! They usually give those rooms to mums whose babies have gone to neonatal I think but you are supposed to be able to pay for one if there's one free. Only problem is you might get chucked out if someone needs it.

Urgh. Sympathies op. I was in for one night, very recently, post-CS. Most people were fine but the person opposite me was a very young mum with SS involvement and an abusive partner. I spent 24 hours listening to her on the phone to the partner, mum, social worker, a court hearing, various friends etc and then there was an almighty drama about a temporary foster placement for her and her kids. None of this was her fault really but she if no one else could have done with a private room. (There were none, thanks to the latest innovation at Lewisham Hospital that seems to have taken them all out of service.)

And why are men staying there? How does that help all the other women and provide the privacy they need? I'm glad that didn't happen when I had my two. It was bad enough being opposite the drug addict talking loudly about SS taking her imminent baby away

If I was in charge of maternity services I would commission Travel Lodge or similar to build a block next to the hospital. All women who had uncomplicated deliveries would go to a family room there. Care to be provided by community midwives as if they were at home

They used to do this in the 50s and 60s. They were called maternity homes. No visitors allowed.

This is why All Hospital Visitors should be banned.
Have your partner there for the birth but no more.

Just call over to him, loudly, “can you please stop calling your child like a cat! It’s driving us all insane.”

What do you have to lose? You don’t need him to like you or think you’re nice. You need to sleep.

I had a private room with just me dd and dh it was bliss , With ds in covid times was complete opposite. i was left in recovery for hours Before I asked to be moved to the ward cause i was struggling so much . I was shoved in the end cubicle alone bar obs. I was actually so glad to be turfed home the morning after my cs . Even after only one night with no visitors ,I felt so isolated and alone.
but this thread has made me fucking glad

This brings back memories..dc1 had a really loud snorer....DC2 was an Xmas baby and staff seemed to have an all night party just outside the ward...DC3 side room on my own.. bliss!

I hated every second on the postnatal ward and demanded to go home more than once when I knew I would be better at home.

Ah no, sorry op, that would true,y drive me insane. I was in for a week after similar situation with my eldest. The mum opposite me and her husband took to singing all night and they were not tuneful. The girl in the bed next to me was intolerable, her partner though was very lovely, asked her to keep noise down because I was asleep, and looked after their baby quietly rocking him while she slept. Unlike my own arse of an ex who barely visited me and when he did, ate my food..

Throw a shitty nappy in his mouth the second he starts with his Shenanigans🤪

I had a caesarean and hated the first 4 days on a ward because it was so noisy. Second time round I paid for a private room but I didn’t know that the first time.

You have my sympathies x

Oh I do feel for you! When my eldest was born there was a woman in the bed opposite that would call the midwife buzzer for everything!

“Why is she crying?”
“I don’t know, have you checked her nappy?”
“No”
“Have you tried feeding her?”
“No”
“Have you tried picking her up?”
“No”

Her method for stopping baby crying was saying her name over and over again in the style of Sheldon
“Penny. Penny. Penny. Penny”
The baby was less than six hours old. It had NO IDEA what it’s own name was!

So baby kept crying, mum kept calling midwives, midwives got rightfully narked and I got no sleep! Which was nothing to do with the babies!

Omg OP made me realise how lucky I was with post natal ward I had a room to myself with my own shower.

Congratulations on birth of baby. Not sure I would have coped

Another one to agree post natal wards are hell, I had a section and stayed in overnight (thankfully the one night) I had a lady opposite me who played music at 6 in the morning very loud on her phone and had her what I assume was her babies father on loud speaker all night, he sounded awful and told her I hope he don’t cry all night like that when your both home ( she was sat in the bed on the phone with the baby left to cry) it was horrendous and don’t get me started on the heat in their 🥵

Oh God, I'm having flashbacks to DS2's after birth stay. I was next to the door, which the midwifes kept leaving open (I was post C-section so not very mobile). Directly across the corridor was the room where they macerated the used bed pans. So a very loud mechanical grinding noise going off randomly at all fucking hours. Torturous.

I think postnatal wards probably worked when the babys spent all night in the nursery, and the dads were allowed a strict one hour visiting slot… alas it’s not the 60s any more and now they’re a disaster 😂

I’m a midwife. During covid we didn’t have visiting on the PN ward and I felt it actually worked a lot better. No children running amok, no partners snoring all night. Obviously there were still babies that cried but it was better. Unfortunately women absolutely hated it, campaigned to change it, petitioned, and we received 100s of letters a week about it.

And now we have visiting back as we did pre-pandemic, and we receive lots of complaints a week about how other people’s partners have affected the stay.

So essentially, it seems women want their partner to stay but no one else’s (very understandable tbh but not very practical/enforceable!)

Until there’s a major overhaul of the NHS and we essentially rebuild every hospital across the country so there’s only private rooms, I don’t know what else to suggest 😢

This makes me so glad that I gave birth in the US, where all the rooms are private. I can't imagine anything worse than sharing a room just after having given birth.

Okay. How do I pay for a private room? I'm willing to throw money at the problem.

I'll be giving birth at Gloucester Royal Hospital if anyone can help me at all, please?

@authenticforgery

I have to say, one positive of giving birth during lockdown was the absence of annoying visitors. It was peaceful! You realise it isn't the babies creating chaos, it's fucking annoying family members.

Back when I had mine, early 70s, visiting was very restricted, well it was in the hospital I was in. One hour at night and only one visitor to a bed, afternoon visiting on Wednesday and Sunday for an hour. The ward was great, all mums together sharing war stories and supporting each other. I honestly don't think having visitors on the ward 24 hrs a day is positive at all.

I hope you get out soon.

actually I'm not sure I mean macerate, but a word that means to shred up and break apart. Damn my menopausal brain.

@IDontDrinkTea

I think postnatal wards probably worked when the babys spent all night in the nursery, and the dads were allowed a strict one hour visiting slot… alas it’s not the 60s any more and now they’re a disaster 😂

I’m a midwife. During covid we didn’t have visiting on the PN ward and I felt it actually worked a lot better. No children running amok, no partners snoring all night. Obviously there were still babies that cried but it was better. Unfortunately women absolutely hated it, campaigned to change it, petitioned, and we received 100s of letters a week about it.

And now we have visiting back as we did pre-pandemic, and we receive lots of complaints a week about how other people’s partners have affected the stay.

So essentially, it seems women want their partner to stay but no one else’s (very understandable tbh but not very practical/enforceable!)

Until there’s a major overhaul of the NHS and we essentially rebuild every hospital across the country so there’s only private rooms, I don’t know what else to suggest 😢

Sometimes we don't realise what we are wishing for until we get it and realise we didn't really want it at all.