Being drove insane on the postnatal ward

[TrappedWindArse]

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

@TakeYourFinalPosition

I’m genuinely stunned that so many places allow Dads to stay!

My hospital will not, it’s made me feel really anxious about giving birth. You aren’t allowed to use the private rooms for maternity to avoid a “two tier system of maternity care”, and DH is allowed to be with me from active labour at 4cm until an hour after baby is born; or until I leave the recovery ward if it’s a c section. That’s all. Then they can be around at visiting times, which is currently limited to two hours a day at alternating times to the beds next door, and only one visitor.

But that’s just a Covid thing isn’t it? Not the usual rule.

I don’t know what my hospital allows now. I am thankful beyond belief that my DH stayed with me my entire stay pre COVID (and horror of horrors, we just slept in the little hospital bed together). I was confused and sleepy when they told me my baby was sick and was sent to NICU in the middle of the night and he listened and spoke to the doctors on my behalf and explained it to me when I was more lucid. When I could just about manage it he helped me walk up and down the corridors every few hours day and night to visit the baby in NICU which was on a different floor and a bit of a walk away, a walk I couldn’t have managed until day 2 or so and I doubt any of the nurses would have done with me. He helped me hand express and manage all he colostrum syringes and everything that went with having a baby that wasn’t actually with you. If I’d been alone on the postnatal ward I doubt I would have seen my baby for at least a day and I am 99% sure they would have had to introduce formula against my wishes.

@RedHelenB the mother in the cubicle next to me had 3 in depth conversations with doctors and was clearly not stupid. So she could have asked about comforting her baby if she didn't know what to do.

In addition there were 2 mothers who had horrendous births and 2 others with sick babies who they were disturbing by not picking their baby up. Everyone else was aware that others were sicker than them, so altered their behaviour for the better particular when the latest mother who had an horrendous birth was put on the ward.

@TheWorldKickedBack

I remember being on the high dependency ward after a very bad csection and scary blood pressure crash. First night was lovely but the second night there was a lady with her family in the bay next to me. It was around 8pm and I was just drifting off to sleep when her mother decided to turn the main lights on in the ward, they then proceeded to eat vast amounts of food the mother brought in and her 2year old kept repeating "baaayyyybeeeee" over and over again while the guest chair creeped closer and closer to my curtain, bashing into my baby's crib. This carried on until 11pm (the midwife tried to get the visitors to leave but they wouldn't).

The midwife saw me in floods of tears and moved me to a private room which would have been nice, except that late at night when it was dark, I thought they had moved me into a little broom cupboard I was terrified of being left with just the baby as I couldn't move at all and cried even more until the midwife brought me some Oramorph, and I had a lovely sleep.

The next day with the sun shining through I could tell it was indeed a proper room, not a broom cupboard!

That made me laugh. I had my first in a very busy inner city hospital, when I'd had the baby and was stitched up they had nowhere to put me, no beds on the ward until someone was discharged and they needed the delivery room so I was wheeled into a linen cupboard. So there was me and baby all tucked up in a linen cupboard. One up on a broom cupboard.

@authenticforgery

I have to say, one positive of giving birth during lockdown was the absence of annoying visitors. It was peaceful! You realise it isn't the babies creating chaos, it's fucking annoying family members.

I was really surprised when our first grandchild was born 16 years ago to learn that OHs/partners were able to hang around all day, or at least until about 11pm and that there seemed to be no restriction on the number of other visitors during the day. Poor new mothers must have been so fed up.

My husband was never allowed to stay on the postnatal ward (even when I had a private room), he was allowed to stay the time at the birth center and it was SOOOO much easier but we where only there one night as opposed to weeks in NICU and postnatal ward.

That said if he clicked and tutted I would kick him out myself lol.

Urgh this brings back memories of the same psspspsps noise made by the woman in the next cubicle to me after I was recovering from a section. I very briefly thought that if I smothered her with a pillow I would get away with it because of being so post natal. In the end I just did the terribly British thing of tutting lots

Oh god. Hell on Earth. I had my DS 4 months ago. Opposite me was a woman who’s baby screamed like a banshee day and night. She snored like a fucking walrus, oblivious to her child. She was replaced by a woman who FaceTimed CONSTANTLY with no head phones. Every other word was “fuck” and she referred to her daughter as a bitch. Then the woman next to me, every time her newborn coughed/cried/was sick would be hitting the call button, shrieking at the top of her lungs that her child was choking. I think I had about 20 minutes sleep total across the three days I was there.

Many congrats OP. Thank goodness I didn’t spend much time on the post natal ward with either of my two. Sounds awful. You need to get some rest, earplugs and curtains pull around. When I had my first baby, the midwifes took him for a few hours for me to get some sleep.

Sorry op but your post made me chuckle. I have huge sympathy for you and remember it well from having dd. When I had DS the postnatal ward is all private rooms, didn't stop them turning the heating up to 3000 degrees though. Needless to say I've chosen the hospital with all private rooms for when I give birth to my 3rd

omg I laughed so much at the cat noise.

Congrats on the baby though!

Congrats OP!

Yeah postnatal wards are utterly shit. I had the pleasure of living in the same giant room as a dad who sprayed Lynx Africa all over himself every couple of hours, a woman who watched Hollyoaks loudly without earphones all day (the theme tune still triggers me), a rowing couple who the midwives had to calm down several times, and a bloke whose snoring sounded like a pneumatic drill.

Oh and when I was being induced and felt like vomiting from the pain, the lady opposite had her partner bring her a donor kebab and sat eating it while watching me groan.

I’m never ever having kids again unless I win the lottery and can go private.

Threads about postnatal ward come up quite regularly on MN and they make me so bloody angry. It’s fucking in humane the way post natal- and in many cases, post surgery, women are treated and the shit they are expected to put up with whilst recovering and trying to care for a helpless baby.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Unfortunately women absolutely hated it, campaigned to change it, petitioned, and we received 100s of letters a week about it.

Are they quite mad?

They're in hospital such a short while as a rule (I had an EMCS so was in longer), surely they can manage without partners between visits for a few hours. Fellow patients are recovering from a nasty procedure and major trauma to their bodies. They are the ones should be put first, and I well understood that meant not having my partner at my beck and call 24/7.

Back in the 70s we were vocal about alot of things, one of them being the father being allowed to stay for the birth. I was vocal about that and it wasn't allowed with my first, then with my second I got my wish and realised I actually preferred being left to get on with it without him.

It was standard, well where I was, for a first time mum to be in for 7 days if everything was straightforward, some women I knew were in for 10 days, so people hated only having one visitor for 1 hr a day. It was also hard on women who already had children as they were only allowed in on a Sunday and only if mum was considered well enough for Sister to say they could go to the day room as the children weren't allowed on the ward in any circumstances.

There were other things like reducing inductions/episiotomies/pethidine.

It was a different world and we campaigned for things and some were good and some weren't. I can only apologise, we didn't know all the bad outcomes.

Oh enemas and dry shaving were other horrors I'd forgotten about.

oh my god I think I would throttle him!!

Postnatal wards are awful. When I had my youngest there was a new mum whose baby was crying for hours, but she was just shushing it and rocking it not actually feeding it! I wanted to scream at her, JUST FUCKING FEED IT!!! FUCK SAKE.

It was the worst days of my life - my son was born at 26 weeks and was in NICU. Thankfully (I suppose) I was in a bay with other mums whose babies were also on NICU but overnight we could hear babies down the corridor. I begged for a private room but because I had severe preeclampsia they wouldn't let me have one.

Ugh.

After I had my second baby, I got put on the postnatal ward next to someone who had their bedside TV blaring. She introduced herself by saying "this is my sixth baby so I'll probably be alright at keeping him quiet. You'll have to excuse my telly though." I immediately said "why will I? Do your headphones not work?"
She was obviously massively taken aback and said "uh...yeah. They do." She whisked her curtains round. Then there was silence. Tv silence. Baby silence. The woman in the bed opposite said "thank you, I've wanted to strangle her all day, the cow."

You've just had a baby. You get a free pass for being blunt. Just shout out "stop the fucking psss pssssing!!! It's a baby, not a bloody cat!!"

OP congratulations on your little one! The wards are a horror.

I was in for TWO WEEKS with poorly jaundiced DS. I had an emergency c-section and my son didn't breathe for the first few minutes after birth. Scary stuff.

I had a variety of people on the ward and whilst the mums weren't bad (apart from the mum of twins who kept leaving them alone and undress to go for frequent ciggies and talking loudly on the phone about her thrush all hours of the day) it was the dad's who took the fucking piss.

One dad was watching football without headphone as loud as his phone could go at MIDNIGHT and the nurses were so busy no one had time to go in and tell him, so I hobbled in there myself to remind him that there were a lot of women and babies who needed rest. It wasn't said in such a kind way and I didn't hear a peep from him again, but like, what was he thinking???

After the first week I had a semi-break down at the nurses station as I was a week in with no sleep, had a raging infection and a poorly son who has suspected meningitis (He didn't) and needed some fucking rest. I was quickly given a private side room and let me tell you, the RELIEF. I couldn't thank those nurses enough, the next week was bliss, even if it wasn't at home, I cuddled my little dude and rested in the day when my partner was there.

The wards are a nightmare, you have my sympathy OP and I hope you're out soon.

@Mybalconyiscracking

This has brought back memories. I was in a ward at 3 in the morning, with a newborn crying and crying. I felt so sorry for the poor Mum, until she said “ I’m not picking you up, I’m not going to spoil you”

I said “Pick that fucking child up now!”
.. silence!

I often wonder what became of that poor child?

Oh that poor baby. I'm glad you said something

@WheelieBinPrincess

I’d have paid for a side room! I asked the midwife if it was an option and she said ‘this isn’t the premier inn!’

But on the hospital literature it says you can request and pay!

I paid for one with my third baby. Literally could have wept with joy when they told me I could now do that. It was steep, WAY more than a premier inn- about £250 for the night, but I think it was a flat charge for however long you were in the room. They could have emptied my bank account if it meant I didn't have to be on a postnatal ward ever again

Congrats OP :)

I remember being opposite a lady who was shrieking to her husband that 'Its not springing back! They said it would spring back! Its never going to be the same again!'. I kept my curtains firmly closed

@authenticforgery

I have to say, one positive of giving birth during lockdown was the absence of annoying visitors. It was peaceful! You realise it isn't the babies creating chaos, it's fucking annoying family members.

I totally agree with this. My first pre covid the ward was so noisy, second during covid so much quieter. Whilst I missed my DH being in so much I liked the atmosphere so much better

I was in postnatal ward with my first for a week. It was an experience that I’ve never forgotten. I think I slept about two hours in total.

With my second I went in, pushed him out, & was discharged home in under 12 hrs.

I had PND with my first, that lasted well into his 3rd year. The second was a breeze. I still think that traumatic period will n hospital contributed to my poor mental health. I was so determined not to relive that experience with my second that i just literally got in, gave birth, got home.

You’ll be home soon

@RachelHasThoseInBurgundy

Just call over to him, loudly, “can you please stop calling your child like a cat! It’s driving us all insane.”

What do you have to lose? You don’t need him to like you or think you’re nice. You need to sleep.

Exactly, although me being rather impatient and intolerant, I’d be catching his eye and telling him to shut the fuck UP, you annoying twat! You’ll never see him again, plus you’ll be the hero of the ward!

@AveryGoodlay
Cri du chat is a recognised genetic syndrome