Being drove insane on the postnatal ward

[TrappedWindArse]

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

@Royalbloo

Got any headphones? I had one of those bins at the end of my bed, the sort you use your foot to open. Every 5 minutes it went, "KUNG!" Urgh, you have my sympathy x

Oh my god the fucking bins. It's like they chose the noisest one they could find.

Sympathies - I discharged myself. Not ideal after a Caesarian but it was awful.

Fuck me, it's depressing what women are expected to put up with after giving birth. Can honestly say my 2 nights on postnatal were the worst of my life. Baby in NICU, surrounded by other people's crying babies, being woken all night long and told to walk to NICU to breastfeed. I couldn't walk, Id just had a c section. I sort of dragged myself around, couldn't find it and ended up in a store cupboard and wept. When I eventually found it I got told off for taking so long and the baby already had a bottle.
I hated that place, and I hated my baby for putting me through it and I just wanted to run. Took a really long time to heal from that

Christ, I'd have thrown my own DH out if he called to any of mine like they were a cat.
With DD1, I must've won the bed lottery or something. Lady opposite was a nurse so when I was left holding a naked screaming DD1 after paediatrician told his 2 students she had a heart murmur (this is how I found out) then blithely told me someone else would be in shortly before walking out, she was appalled, buzzed for midwife then her and the other mum in our bay basically reassured me and held me together while DD was whisked away to scbu for monitoring and scans until DH could arrive. Maybe I was their nightmare neighbour.
With DS I think someone from the Clampitts was in the next bed, about 10 visitors from 3 generations. I nearly changed DS's name because their older son had same name and was a wee shite the whole time. The final straw was when the grandad got mixed up and nearly lifted DS out of his crib. I was very icy "that is MY baby", while simultaneously ringing call button to arrange to discharge myself.

@Learningatmyownpace

Sympathies - I discharged myself. Not ideal after a Caesarian but it was awful.

Same. There was no way I was going to do any recovering there.

@ThreeLocusts

Thing is, it doesn't have to be like that. I had the exact kind of experience described here with dc 3, born in the UK. The other two were born in US and Canada respectively and on both occasions I got a room to myself post-partum.

Of course it's cheaper like this but I suspect it's a false economy as the mothers and babies harmed by the lack of rest, help or privacy will need treatment later.

The reason wards are like that is due to lack of staff.

Two of the women on my ward weren't allowed to draw their curtains except for a brief period at night. They were also checked by a HCP around every hour and were told off if they had drawn their curtains.

Basically they expected everyone on the ward who went past them - they were put near the toilet/bathroom - to call a member of staff if they collapsed or had any other emergencies.

Myself and DP were given a broken bed and chair. I noticed on my last day, but I thought I would be discharged by then, that there was a completely empty ward next to me.

@Royalbloo

Got any headphones? I had one of those bins at the end of my bed, the sort you use your foot to open. Every 5 minutes it went, "KUNG!" Urgh, you have my sympathy x

Oh god the bins! My last bed was next to a bin and a sink. Constant water blasting and bins bashing 😠

how do mothers recovering from a CS cope without the partners or families being there to help with nappy changes / pass the baby across for feeding etc?

The first night after my first section I was in by myself. They encouraged me to use the bell whenever I needed and responded within about 30 seconds. If baby needed feeding, they gave baby to me, but they offered to do the nappies (and I wasn't going to decline). They were there if I wanted to chat, and it was very positive experience

They also served food to the bed and came around with cups of tea etc. Frankly it was a bit like a cheap hotel where the staff tried really hard. It was nice 🙂

I managed ok overnight after all of my C sections but the staff did answer the buzzer without crazy delays.

If anyone has the inclination to move to Fife (East Scotland) I've had my 3 babies there in the last 5 years and quite honestly have been treated like a VIP from the booking-in phone call to the post natal discharge. Private room 3 times, superb staff, brilliant specialist care when needed. Peaceful, calm, attentive. First 2 times DH was sent home overnight, 3rd time he voluntarily went home overnight to get some sleep.

I feel SO lucky, having read these stories.

I had emcs start of first lockdown last April, the midwives on the ward after wouldn't help me by passing baby to me said I had to get up to get him, kept saying he needed to wake up and feed or we wouldn't be allowed home. When I managed to get out of bed to tend to him overnight I bled on the blood, buzzed for help and was told someone would come....no one did, I ended up dropping some baby wipes on the floor and kinda mopping it with my foot and picking them up with my toes the best I could.

The worst was the following day when they removed my pressure bandage over the wound, apparently it was bleeding on one side so she went off to get another midwife to check......2 hours later I was still lay there on the bed holding my tummy up unable to reach the call button, terrified to move too much incase I opened my wound further with a baby crying to be picked up. Eventually a health assistant popped her head in the curtain to find me and baby crying.

They had been saying 24 hours maximum in hospital but no one wanted to do the paperwork to discharge us. I'd heard the other women repeatedly asking too. They kept saying they would come back with it and didn't. Then shifts changed, and the night staff were trying to persuade me to stay another night as it was getting late. Not a chance, I wanted my husband, our bed and my older kids. They finally got the paperwork ready and I left at 9.30pm. It's a good job this one was my last cos after that I definitely wouldn't have done it again! Oh and I was by the sink and bin and the biggest bloody window that had no blind or curtain and lights galore outside overnight!!!

I was the last ELCS of the day six weeks ago with my breech baby- I missed food having been fasting since 10pm the previous night and was starving on the recovery ward by 5pm. I’d thought there would be toast then food on the ward! DH asked if he could go and get a sandwich for me and was told no because be wouldn’t be admitted back in. Got to ward to find nothing left to eat there and I only got a jug of water after asking three times- the big water bottle having long since been drank!

I had a couple of cereal bars and a packet of imperial mints to last me until 9am the following morning. I had packed more snacks but they packed away most of my things out of reach.

@PurpleFadesToGreen

I don't think you need to completely ban partners or visitors, but to bring back enforced visiting hours.

When I had my bunch, dad's could "visit" between 9am and 9pm, so all day.

Other visitors were limited to two 2 hour slots, something like 3pm to 5pm, leave for tea time.
Then 7pm to 9pm .

Only children allowed on the ward at all were siblings.

I don't see how that wouldn't be fair?

New mums only stay 24 hours at most these days, so I don't understand why dad's need to stay all night?

Agreed. All these 'major abdominal surgery so can't cope without partner there 24/7' are baffling. Visiting hours: fine, no problem with that. All-nighters with snoring dads when other patients are at their most vulnerable: not fine.

But given some of the responses on this thread, I see why the midwife posting upthread got such a hard time.

OK so it's good for fathers to bond with babies too but not staying overnight doesn't mean they can't do this. You get some time with them on the recovery ward before being discharged to the horrors of postnatal.

I had an EMCS after hours and hours of punishing labour where it became apparent my contractions just weren't strong enough to get him out. That's 'major abdominal surgery' plus nearly full transitional labour. I catheterized. I breastfed. I also had to fend off those appalling Bounty reps: in the end my only recourse was full-scale rudeness to make the intrusive, persistent buggers fuck off in no uncertain terms. And they have even less place there than the fathers. No new mother should have to deal with that.

It's a few days only. I've no idea how the human race has survived all this time if these things were as impossible as some make it sound.

@laurenGame my SIL just went private on DB's work insurance and the experience was amazing. Def do it if you can.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks I'm really impressed with your stamina and endurance and how well you coped after your section. The rest of us who struggled must definitely have not been trying hard enough and should be ashamed of ourselves for not coping better.

Can anyone tell me what a Bounty rep is?! It sounds like some sort of MLM thing, but that can’t be right can it?

@WheelieBinPrincess ladies that pounce on you just after birth who do not make it clear they are not hospital staff and tell you you must sign up to bounty club and have photos taken of your baby. You than have to pay for the photos and are spammed from everyone under the son as your details have been passed on to all and sundry.

God!! That sounds horrific.

@WheelieBinPrincess indeed, they could be really quite pushy if you realised they were not compulsory and refused their offers!

They are just normal people with a dslr who walk around the post natal wards taking rubbish photos of newborns and charging a fortune for them.
They drive me absolutely nuts and I told them both times to just go away. Their job adverts mention how they don’t even require people to have any photography experience… how lovely!

@WheelieBinPrincess

I hope they’ll be banned from hospitals soon. It’s really not appropriate at all.

I can’t imagine letting a complete random take a pic of my newborn!! They really catch you at your most vulnerable and sleep deprived too, awful.

I’m so angry with what so many of you and others have to go through in post natal wards. It’s absolutely barbaric.

I was extremely lucky to have been given a private room both times 16 and 12 years ago. Even then, visiting times were 2-5pm (I think?) and 7-9pm. My partner stayed after visiting ended with my first baby and was chased out of my room at 10pm by the midwife. No partners were allowed to stay. Thank goodness.

I was kept in post natal due to high blood pressure & jaundiced baby. By day 3 I was utterly losing it, hospital was so overcrowded they then had to put extra beds in the room & I was effectively sharing a cubicle with another mum & baby.
I was crying the whole time, basically said if I'm not discharged today you will have to transfer me to the psychiatric hospital as I'm seriously not coping & unwell.
Totally contributed to my PND, absolutely horrific.

Oh my god you have my sympathy. The wards went to shit when I had my baby and I was surrounded by postnatal and induction patients. It was honestly hell. Worse than labour. Throw something at him!

The issue of men/visitors on wards is necessary because wards are understaffed is causing the understaffing. If the midwives aren’t having to do the care because partners are there then they aren’t accurately assessing the staffing needs. You need to remove all visitors and partners outside of limited visiting hours in order to get a true idea of the staffing needs of the ward. It’s a catch 22 but it’s the responsibility of the NHS to properly assess and staff their wards- it is simply not acceptable to leave it up to partners. How many medical issues are missed because a partner is caring for his post surgery wife and baby instead of the trained medical professional who is supposed to?