Being drove insane on the postnatal ward

[TrappedWindArse]

I gave birth yesterday via section, had a nasty hemmorage and am now stuck on the postnatal ward with a very lethargic and jaundice DS. I haven't slept properly in days. 20 mins here and there. I'm fucked.

There's a seemingly pleasant couple in the bay opposite me with their own newborn who is quite difficult to settle, so they do have my sympathy.

The problem is the dad has adopted a method of trying to sooth the baby by making that noise you make when you're trying to beckon a cat "click click pspspsps click click pspspsps"

Obviously it doesn't work, but that doesn't deter him.

Now imagine that on loop constantly, alongside not instead of, the poor grizzly newborn. All night long. Into the morning, then afternoon.

"Click click pspspspspspsps"

Another lady on the ward kindly introduced the mum to white noise on YouTube. It helps the baby a little, hurrah, mum is very thankful, but the dad is still doing that bloody cat noise.

WIBU to strangle him and cite temporary insanity due to hormones and extreme provocation? or at the very least ask him to bloody stop it

[quote AudTheDeepMinded]@MarieIVanArkleStinks I agree entirely with your sentiment but wards would have to be adequately staffed. If you've spent a long time listening to your baby cry and in too much pain (or hooked up to a catheter and still anaesthetised) to move, and not had a hcp respond to your genuine call for help, or been treated with utter disdain because you they have had to give you that help, you would understand why someone might want someone present who could help and who could advocate for them and the baby when they are vulnerable.[/quote]
Exactly this. I'm not sure why women are expected to be able to deal with eg meconium nappies straight after an emcs with no help (midwives at my hospital didn't have the time to assist).

@phoenixrosehere

how do mothers recovering from a CS cope without the partners or families being there to help with nappy changes / pass the baby across for feeding etc?

Supposed to ring the call button but if you accidentally knock it off while trying to reach for your baby and can’t move your legs then you have to wait until a midwife comes.

If you can, pay the fee (was £105 a night last I was in 4 years ago) for a suite with your own bathroom, tv, and couch so you can have someone to help you there if necessary.

The midwives at my hospital (a large teaching hospital) were too busy to help with nappies etc. They expected partners or families to help.

@phoenixrosehere

how do mothers recovering from a CS cope without the partners or families being there to help with nappy changes / pass the baby across for feeding etc?

Supposed to ring the call button but if you accidentally knock it off while trying to reach for your baby and can’t move your legs then you have to wait until a midwife comes.

If you can, pay the fee (was £105 a night last I was in 4 years ago) for a suite with your own bathroom, tv, and couch so you can have someone to help you there if necessary.

Ps a private room in said teaching hospital is £995 per night!! 😵‍💫

Ps a private room in said teaching hospital is £995 per night!

Wow! Where did you have yours?

@PurpleFadesToGreen

I don't think you need to completely ban partners or visitors, but to bring back enforced visiting hours.

When I had my bunch, dad's could "visit" between 9am and 9pm, so all day.

Other visitors were limited to two 2 hour slots, something like 3pm to 5pm, leave for tea time.
Then 7pm to 9pm .

Only children allowed on the ward at all were siblings.

I don't see how that wouldn't be fair?

New mums only stay 24 hours at most these days, so I don't understand why dad's need to stay all night?

To help mothers recovering from eg major abdominal surgery look after a baby? The midwives at my hospital didn't have time to help with nappies etc. Without my husband being around I've no idea how I could have coped.

I never put my baby in the crib after my c section- he stayed with me in bed all night. I was wheeled down late and in the dark and never told where the button was to call, and I couldn’t work out where it was. All my belongings were put out of reach too! It was a long night.

for you OP and congrats. I really feel for you and hope you and baby can escape asap.

My first 2 were born when men weren't allowed to stay. When visiting time was over at 9pm, they had to leave. Post natal care on the the ward after birth was very good. Always someone around to help and nursery nurses during the night to feed babies. The vast majority of babies were bottle fed and could go to the nursery for the night if you needed sleep. If you were breastfeeding they would bring your baby to you. It was enjoyable and a nice experience, recovering from the birth, a lesson in giving baby a bath and getting to know baby in the company of other mums.

Fast forward to my 3rd and it was the hell you describe I would surely have murdered the man behind the curtain in the next bed if I'd been physically able to get out of mine. The baby guzzling noises combined with his oohs and ahhs were singularly responsible for giving me the ick and putting me off trying to give breastfeeding a go.

And not a single healthcare professional to help me. My memories are of bleeding, pain, feeling helpless - unable to even reach my hungry baby in the cot next to my bed and not a single soul to help.

@ElinoristhenewEnid

Reading these posts I am so grateful that when I had my dcs over 30 years ago fathers were not allowed to stay on the ward.

I was in hospital for a week with both my dcs but visiting was restricted to 3.30-5pm for any visitors and 7-8 pm fathers only. Other than those times mums were left in peace!

Ditto when I had my DCs.

There were regular tea rounds and every afternoon, post natal exercises were followed by an obligatory rest on your bed. There was always someone around to help with breast feeding and show you how to bath your baby, change nappies etc.

Totally feel you on this! But I needed my DH.

I've just given birth in Brunei via CS in a lockdown. Had to wear a mask and no hubbies or visitors allowed. All the buzzers were off due to staff shortages so I had no choice to co - sleep for 4 days and nights, which was fine apart from the part you can't move due to the spinal and then the pain afterwards, they offered Panadol for pain relief. Never had I missed the NHS so much,
Worse bit I was subjected to the call to prayer on loop on the overhead TVs then a fellow mum had a religious radio channel on blaring. I lost my shit..... why are people so selfishly oblivious? I used headphones and saved family calls till I got home? One more thing why do some people love a blaring light on all the time?

I feel for you, OP. It is hell on earth. I remember the woman in the bed next to me getting tinned beans and sausages on toast. Her husband ate it all and then complain that there weren’t enough sausages!

phoenixrosehere

how do mothers recovering from a CS cope without the partners or families being there to help with nappy changes / pass the baby across for feeding etc?

I had my second cs last week. Visiting was still restricted in my hospital so no DH to help apart from a 2 hour Visiting slot twice daily. I was given a buzzer to ask for help. Most staff were lovely and would do what they could for me but the staff were so stretched, they couldn't give me the help I needed. I was left for hours without seeing anyone apart from the regular obs checks. As soon as my spinal wore off I was expected to get up and get on with it alone. I very much overdone it trying to attend to baby and was sobbing with the pain despite being on morphine. Then to be told lunch was down the hall and I had to collect it myself. I couldn't manage the walk so I went without until DH had his 2 hour Visiting slot and brought me food.

Once the catheter was out I was told to buzz so the midwife could measure urine output. I buzzed and was scolded for doing so by another nurse/midwife as they were busy so and was told to walk to the nurses area to drop the urine off. I literally cried and slowly hobbled to the station, barely able to keep myself upright, while the nurse/midwife watched me struggle. It would have taken her no extra effort to just take it off me and let me get back to bed, bloody cruel treatment!

Discharged myself after 24 hours when I definitely wasn't ready to leave as I couldn't cope and needed DH to help with the baby. Despite being in excruciating pain I was only allowed to take home paracetamol and ibuprofen because if given anything stronger, I wasn't managing pain well enough and had to stay in. Still the full experience was not as bad as my first emcs hospital stay that definitely contributed to me developing pnd. It's disgusting how women are treated in maternity care and can honestly say never again!

First time in managed to get a private room. Second time (two weeks ago) I was on the ward with a woman who wanted to call her baby covid.

Oh God this brings back memories of DC#1 16 years ago. They kicked partners out at night then. All well and good--but there wasn't the staff to help. I had just had a caesarean, was on magnesium sulphate for pre-eclampsia, and there was no one to help me pick up or put her down. It's inhumane really. You can't have these multi-bed bays and no staff and expecting partners to do it. That will be why people want visitors back, for the help.

#2 and #3 were in the USA--one hospital was older and still had semi-privates (2 women to a room with a curtain) but they had night nursery and took the babies if you wanted. Bliss! Other was private, which seems to be how new hospitals are built here.

Men couldn’t stay on wards, with any of my children, but the last child was the only one where I was ever on a ward, and it was hell, with people, men and families there all day, and no privacy. Absolute hell.
Then they moved me to a private room 😂

Men on a maternity ward are not pleasant to have around

@knitnerd90

Oh God this brings back memories of DC#1 16 years ago. They kicked partners out at night then. All well and good--but there wasn't the staff to help. I had just had a caesarean, was on magnesium sulphate for pre-eclampsia, and there was no one to help me pick up or put her down. It's inhumane really. You can't have these multi-bed bays and no staff and expecting partners to do it. That will be why people want visitors back, for the help.

#2 and #3 were in the USA--one hospital was older and still had semi-privates (2 women to a room with a curtain) but they had night nursery and took the babies if you wanted. Bliss! Other was private, which seems to be how new hospitals are built here.

Yes. I think the endless pinging of the "call midwife" button throughout the night and nobody showing up for ages or at all has been more triggering for me than any of the annoying roommate noise.

I feel for all of you who have had to deal with postnatal ward chaos, it sounds like absolute hell.
My local hospital/birth centre was only built a few years ago - all private rooms with en suites and pull down beds for the dad's, it was fantastic.
Having said that, I really don't like where we currently live (moved for DH work) as the town is dead and it's too far from anywhere so the plan is to move in the next few years but not before I have DC#2 due March next year!

I’m surprised nobody’s shouted shut up at the dad by now! Making a cat noise (that doesn’t work anyway) must be driving the other couples up the wall!

I think I would have called into the darkness ‘whoever is making that cat noise please stop, I can’t take it anymore!’

I'm taken aback by this thread, I'm pregnant and my GP is trying to persuade me to go public when I've an option to go private. Why would she do that, I feel like calling her and having a bit of a go at her.

The fact that I was considering to go public as per her advice.

@laurenGame

The fact that I was considering to go public as per her advice.

God no. Go private if you have the insurance/funds in place. I wished I could have!

@laurenGame I wouldn't have a go at her, just ask her. It could be entirely area dependent. I had two sections, private room both times, absolute bliss. Would do it again in a heartbeat. Only one shared room in the hospital and it's for immediate discharge ladies.

Ask her what the basis of her advice is. Perhaps the NHS hospital has an excellent reputation where you are. Perhaps not.

Congratulations!!
I don't know where I'd have been without the other lovely women on the post natal ward supporting each other. The nurses were under too much pressure so we looked out for each other a bit.
Personally I think there's too much access for dad's. I didn't really want a bloke I didn't know across the room all the time when I'm expelling wind after a c section.

@stripetop I'm in Australia and her argument is that public system is amazing.

I have been paying private because I thought I might need ivf (struggled to conceive) and now I can use private my GP is trying to get me to go public. I wonder if she loses some fee or something.

@Vbree thank you, I was in two minds but def will go private. I've already been paying private healthcare so I won't need to pay much extra. Plus only having one so might as well.

People suggest going public for the labour because if it all goes tits up then you'll be transferred to an NHS hospital anyway in most cases and you might as well be in the best place medically. But I'd take private postnatal care for sure.

Got any headphones? I had one of those bins at the end of my bed, the sort you use your foot to open. Every 5 minutes it went, "KUNG!" Urgh, you have my sympathy x