To think it’s fine to spend lots of time in bed!

[Thatsthewaytis]

I spend lots of time in bed and starting to feel like my DH thinks it’s lazy or that it’s not right to do so.

For context we’ve no DC, both WFH full time since March 2020. He is up at 8, out walking the dog, cooking his breakfast and at his desk working for 9.

I get up at 8.30, make a coffee and breakfast, back to bed, switch on laptop and do admin type tasks for the morning (reading work documents, review and comment on people’s work, organise meetings etc etc) then usually get up around 12.30 get dressed, lunch and spend my afternoon at the desk doing data parts of my work that need two screens.

Sometimes DH will walk past and say ‘still in bed’ ‘are you getting up soon’ etc - not in a mean way but just in a way that implies he thinks I’m still in bed.

I mean I am physically but I’ve done a full mornings work same as him.

Also in evenings if he’s heading out for example my preference is usually to get into bed with a cup of tea and watch tv there instead of on the couch - it’s comfier and warmer! He also seems to think I’ve gone ‘back to bed already’. Again technically true - I could be out of bed at 12 and back in bed by 8 when this happens.

Anyone else spend lots of time in bed or would you also think it’s not right? For more context as well, I suffer with back issues and I have an amazing firm mattress so I’m just more comfortable in bed than on a chair or couch.

Hmmm.. I can't relate. I wake up, get out of bed and go about my day and only get back into bed when it's time to fall asleep again. I even hate watching tv in bed.

@Thatsthewaytis

Interesting mixed responses! I don’t see it as depression at all or hiding away - I’m flat out on instant messenger, reading docs, preparing meetings and so on. Just in bed as opposed to at the desk. Under the duvet but blinds up and window open.

For example my day today:
Up at 8.30, made a coffee & breakfast, back to bed, drafting a doc for higher ups, sent it on for comments, reviewed doc that come back this morning for changes, organised a meeting, replied to emails.

Up at 12.30, dressed, made bed and tidied room, emptied dishwasher, put away washing, put on new wash, checked post, tided kitchen , made lunch and about to do some Pilates.

Afternoon will be working at desk and a few meetings. Finish work around 6, make dinner, clean up after dinner, walk the dog, have a bath, watch tv with DH. If I have morning meetings I would be at the desk for those but most meeting tend to be afternoon.

Re going to bed for 8 - this is only if DH has gone out which isn’t all that often. If he’s in we spend the evening downstairs together. It’s just my preference Is to chill in bed.

@Hemingwayscats I think my DH also associates it with being ill or not feeling well hence his comments as that’s the only times he would be in bed whereas for me it’s comfortable and warm!

I see no issues.

Ugh no my DH does this if he's not out of the house at work and is makes me mad. It does cause issues. We have 2 DC though, which exacerbates my frustration.

It is lazy IMO. But obviously you should live the way you want - it's not a problem that you like doing it, the problem is the mismatch between you and your partner.

@Bluntness100

I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with it, and would be slightly concerned if my husband was only up for seven hours a day and spent 17 hours a day in bed regularly . However if you’re happy and comfy I think that’s what matters most.

Sorry I shouldn’t have said that about the back into bed for 8 - bit of a red herring! that’s just if he has gone out for the eve and I’m in alone so probably maybe 3 times a month if even. I meant that more to show if I’m on my own my preference would be bed over couch but not to sleep - to watch tv or read. And obviously on the weekends when I’m not working I’m not in bed all day. But I do enjoy my cosy mornings work from bed!

@MolkosTeenageAngst

Well in terms of laziness I don’t see the difference between sitting in bed at your laptop and sitting at a desk at your laptop and I don’t see a difference between sitting in bed watching TV and sitting on a sofa watching TV. If the bed is your comfy place then it’s fine, I probably spend similar amounts of time on my sofa as you spend in bed on days where I’m wfh.

Yes, this. OP will be doing the same stuff regardless of where she is, so why is one 'lazy' and the other not? And since when was being 'lazy' such a bad thing anyway? What more worthy things should OP be doing on a work day other than, well, working, which is what she is doing?

I'd be stunned if this was helping your back. Sitting at a desk using an exercise ball or one of those posture seats would likely be a much better option.

When I lived alone I used to hop back into bed to have breakfast and lie in reading for an hour or so at the weekends but I couldn't imagine spending hours in bed on my laptop.

I had lower back issues and would recommend a standing desk and moving around a lot during the day - minimal sitting and lying.

It wouldn't be for me - but if it works for you and you are productive enough that work are satisfied with you, then fine.
I don't get up early but I need to get up, get washed and dressed, breakfast and then sit at desk to do my work properly.
In the winter I do tend to get into bed fairly early if I'm not out for the evening. So I'll eat and shower and be in bed by 7 pm or so, reading or watching netflix. It's to save on heating bills really and also my bedroom is really cosy now with fairy lights and candles.

I would need to be unwell to spend that much time in bed and I would get too hot! But if you like it I don’t see that I’d really affects anyone else.

I get up earlyish at 6.30am to exercise and shower and go to bed early too at 9pm but we have a no devices rule in the bedroom for sleep hygiene. I couldn’t be awake at 8am and not washed and clean.

This could have been written by me

I love watching tv in bed, but I wouldn’t work there

@bunnybuggs

This is the trap of working from home. Hopefully you will get out of the lazy habit when you have responsibilities or your work manager realises you are doing this. How do you separate work and home? YABU

What a bizarre thing to say! As long as the work is getting done (which it is) it really doesn't matter one iota if OP is sat at a desk or sat in a bed. Both are sitting positions with a laptop.

Just a stupid question....while you work, do you sit or lay in the bed?
I really cannot picture how to work efficiently while in bed, unless you sit up against the headboard with the PC on your lap?

I’m confused by some of the responses calling it lazy… it’s just a choice of seating surely?

I love my bed. I am most comfortable when sat in it, and I have an old and cold house so enjoy having a duvet to hand. I can’t do my job from bed but if I could I’m sure I would.

Those who say it would really annoy you if your partner did this… why? I’d think my partner was a right controlling twat if he dictated where I sat to do my work each day, especially as he isn’t there anyway!

@bunnybuggs

This is the trap of working from home. Hopefully you will get out of the lazy habit when you have responsibilities or your work manager realises you are doing this. How do you separate work and home? YABU

Why the fuck would her manager care?

I do wonder for your mental health longterm and definitely isn't healthy for your back to work that way.

Maybe he's worried about you. I'd find it weird to work and sleep in bed all the time unless sick.

Get some fresh air and exercise. A nice shower, wash the sheets and save it for special time and sleep!

@Enwi

I’m confused by some of the responses calling it lazy… it’s just a choice of seating surely?

I love my bed. I am most comfortable when sat in it, and I have an old and cold house so enjoy having a duvet to hand. I can’t do my job from bed but if I could I’m sure I would.

Those who say it would really annoy you if your partner did this… why? I’d think my partner was a right controlling twat if he dictated where I sat to do my work each day, especially as he isn’t there anyway!

I feel like there are A LOT of controlling people on here who heartily disapprove of a lot of what other people and their own partners do

@JuneOsborne

The older I get, the more time I spend in bed. Just to warn you though, it started with me when I was really deficient in vitamin D.

Same. I have been doing this more recently and my vitamin D is often very low indeed so I think i need supplements again plus iron.

@BiscuitLover09876

I do wonder for your mental health longterm and definitely isn't healthy for your back to work that way.

Maybe he's worried about you. I'd find it weird to work and sleep in bed all the time unless sick.

Get some fresh air and exercise. A nice shower, wash the sheets and save it for special time and sleep!

Where does OP say she does it 'all the time'?

She gets up at 12:30.

I would find that very draining and depressing, sorry. And it is definitely outside the norm so I can understand your husband commenting on it. It would also depress me to see another person in my house with those habits, to go down for lunch and see my partner in their pyjamas? Just no

Nothing wrong with it but not my idea of comfortable. The odd lie in or early night to read is bliss but I certainly wouldn’t want the bed to be my home office.

I can understand that you’d want to stay where your back is most well supported though. I used to have a sofa so uncomfortable I felt about 300 years old when I prised myself up off it.

I spend hardly any time in bed at all!
I work full time out of the house, have DC and no TV in my room. I’m definitely going to start having a cup of tea in bed it sounds like heaven!

There’s nothing wrong with it, I just personally couldn’t do it. I need to get up and changed so I’m motivated to work. If I had my laptop in bed I’d end up falling asleep or watching Netflix all day

WFH is bad enough - home is where I switch off from work! I'd hate to associate my bed with work though.

But if it works for you ...

Being in bed all day with hypremesis made my back issues much worse. Also, working in bed must impact your sleep? I try to have no screens in the bedroom at all and its made my sleep a lot better.

I haven't rtft but could being in bed so much be making your back worse? I have a great mattress too but am often a bit stiff in the mornings until I get moving.

I couldn't work form my bed - it's unprofessional and wouldn't put me in the right frame of mind to work, and would give me backache. But then i've never been one to stay in PJ's all day either. I like to get up, get showered and dressed and crack on with the day. Up at 7am, shower, dressed, at my table for 7.30am to work. Weekends more like 8/8.30am.

I don't have a tv in my bedroom as I like my bedroom to be conducive to sleeping and not full of screens but I have the living room to myself with a tv so also don't see the need.