Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s fine to spend lots of time in bed!

328 replies

Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 12:57

I spend lots of time in bed and starting to feel like my DH thinks it’s lazy or that it’s not right to do so.

For context we’ve no DC, both WFH full time since March 2020. He is up at 8, out walking the dog, cooking his breakfast and at his desk working for 9.

I get up at 8.30, make a coffee and breakfast, back to bed, switch on laptop and do admin type tasks for the morning (reading work documents, review and comment on people’s work, organise meetings etc etc) then usually get up around 12.30 get dressed, lunch and spend my afternoon at the desk doing data parts of my work that need two screens.

Sometimes DH will walk past and say ‘still in bed’ ‘are you getting up soon’ etc - not in a mean way but just in a way that implies he thinks I’m still in bed.

I mean I am physically but I’ve done a full mornings work same as him.

Also in evenings if he’s heading out for example my preference is usually to get into bed with a cup of tea and watch tv there instead of on the couch - it’s comfier and warmer! He also seems to think I’ve gone ‘back to bed already’. Again technically true - I could be out of bed at 12 and back in bed by 8 when this happens.

Anyone else spend lots of time in bed or would you also think it’s not right? For more context as well, I suffer with back issues and I have an amazing firm mattress so I’m just more comfortable in bed than on a chair or couch.

OP posts:
Judystilldreamsofhorses · 28/10/2021 23:24

Inspired by this thread I took my laptop to bed this morning. It was nice with the electric blanket on, and the cat was loving it, but my back feels sore now.

maofteens · 28/10/2021 23:26

The working in bed is ok, but I'd be put out if you went to bed rather than spend time with me your partner in the evening . I think it's antisocial and sending signals you'd rather be alone.

NotMyCat · 28/10/2021 23:56

I don't think it makes a difference where you work really. I work at a desk for 9hrs, I don't get any more daylight/vitamin d/exercise than I would if I was sat in bed!
(Yes I'm deficient and take vitamin d!)

Harmonypuss · 29/10/2021 00:26

I'm disabled and don't work.

Some days I physically can't get back up the stairs if I manage to struggle down them and the toilet is upstairs.

I feed my dog upstairs but there's an open door for him to access the garden for the loo. He's getting on a bit so isn't too bothered about going out for walks, he loves to just cuddle up with me. I do use a dog walker occasionally just to make sure he can get some exercise and also try to get out maybe once a week myself with him if possible.

I have a strange diet so can get away with going to my kitchen once every 2 or 3 days, so all in all I spend at least 90% of my time in/on my bed.

GirlWithAGuitar · 29/10/2021 00:34

I don’t see the problem. Your work is done, you’re eating, getting exercise, going outside, doing housework and spending time with your husband and dog. Each to their own.

WFHWF · 29/10/2021 00:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ClareBlue · 29/10/2021 00:46

Yep, exactly same. Partner is up showered and working at a desk by 9.00am. I bring the laptop to bed and do all morning email and reading in bed. Get up and shower and at desk by about 11.30am. Often go to bed to work on laptop early evening or sometimes even in afternoon. Being in bed is great.

Kanaloa · 29/10/2021 01:07

@DrSK2

To me, anyone who argues YABU does so out of jealousy! You can afford this, have a job that you can do as you are pleased and enjoy it. So what is the matter here? I bet if people would be able to earn money this way, they would do it this way. Otherwise it is all rationalisation (as they will never get that chance so let’s pretend they don’t like it). Don’t even doubt a moment op, enjoy it!!
Not everyone disagreeing with someone is jealous.

For what it’s worth I’m part time and could easily lie about in bed all morning twice a week. I choose not to because I’d find it uncomfortable and depressing. Even after surgeries I’ve always been encouraged to move from the bed to the chair in hospital as soon as I could. For me lying around bed most of the day is what the very elderly or disabled often do - when I’ve worked in home care many elderly or disabled people will be in bed a lot of the day. But for a healthy able bodied person I would think it’s healthier to be up out of bed for a majority of the day.

Furtherdownthespiral · 29/10/2021 01:21

Nah you're grand OP, you are living the dream! I'm so glad Covid increased WFH for office based roles and people like yourself (and many of my friends/family) have had the chance to get off the hamster wheel of commuting for the sake of it. Good for you!

I work in a really physical job (NHS) with stupid shifts (hence the early hours posting) and have a 100 mile a day driving commute on top, I spend every minute I can of my time off in my beautiful, cosy, fabulous bed and I don't feel a bit guilty Grin

MrsBerthaRochester · 29/10/2021 01:25

I would happily spend most of my time in bed. I don't work due to physical and mental illness but even when I was younger I just loved laying in my bed. Reading,listening to music,watching TV. Dawn French wrote a book about a women who went to bed for a year. I could happily do that and just have occasional visitors

oviraptor21 · 29/10/2021 01:33

It's no wonder you have back issues if you spend all that time in bed. You need to get up and moving a bit more.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 29/10/2021 01:34

@TrufflesAndToast

Being totally honest if my partner did this I would find it really unattractive and a bit of a turn off. It’s a bit grim spending that much time festering in bed and I would associate it with not great hygiene tbh. An adult who doesn’t get up and shower first thing in the morning is a bit Envy to me and I would just see you as quite lazy and unmotivated, sitting in bed for half the day, even if you are working productively. It just seems not very…fresh. It’s up to you of course but I think there’s a big chance your husband’s remarks are coming from the fact that he feels similarly and is trying to gently draw attention to it. It’s slovenly, being blunt, and it’s not surprising if your husband finds it grim. It’s up to you whether you put much importance on that - personally I would.
I agree with this
Pheasantlysurprised · 29/10/2021 02:19

I would love to go back a few years and see what people would say if the 'bed' person was unemployed or disabled. I have been royally fucked over three times this month by wfh fucking arseholes including my bank.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 29/10/2021 03:53

It does sound lazy. Do you shower when you get up at 8:30?
If you're in bed so much, does that mean the bed is never made?
I was brought up with a bedroom being for sleeping in, making the most of the day by being out in the fresh air as much as possible. Sitting up straight at a chair/standing will be better for your posture too.

SelkieQualia · 29/10/2021 04:10

It's really bad sleep practice. You should only use the bed for sleep and sex. You really shouldn't have screens in bed. It will be affecting your sleep quality.

BritWifeInUSA · 29/10/2021 04:29

I WFH full-time and have done for years (not a COVID convert to WFH). There’s absolutely no way I could work in bed, not washed or dressed. I need a clear separation between “work me” and “home me”. I get up, shower and dress as if I were going to an office except I keep my slippers on. If I didn’t, I would feel like I sleep at my workplace, not that I have an office in my home. Apart from the fact that I need two screens for almost everything I do.

Back issues? Get a Varidesk. I can’t recommend it enough. And a really good chair.

BritWifeInUSA · 29/10/2021 04:31

Oh and my bed needs to be aired every day too. Blankets all pulled back, window open. Let the bed breathe. No way could I spend all but 8 hours a day in it.

GirlWithAGuitar · 29/10/2021 05:05

Festering and slovenly........mumsnets finest.

UnsuitableHat · 29/10/2021 05:15

I couldn't do the morning in bed, but that's me, and if it's your most comfy place, why not? I could most definitely go to bed at 8 to chill when I'm on my own. That sounds lovely.

Iggly · 29/10/2021 05:20

Maybe you need to do more exercise and general moving about. Walking etc. That kind of thing is really important for your physical health - general movement. It does appear a bit lazy in bed loads!

Gilly12345 · 29/10/2021 07:16

Nothing wrong with going to bed early, cup of tea, book, tv etc but I think staying in bed in the morning to work is strange.

Righty · 29/10/2021 07:27

I think it sounds a bit lazy and unmotivated. I agree with pp, if a partner did this I'd find it very unattractive, seems like you're hiding away and not engaging with the world. We've been out of lockdown for ages, why not go out in the evening instead of laying in bed?

MrsDThomas · 29/10/2021 07:33

Its lazy. Have you never thought of muscle weakness? Make a point of getting up, wash and get dressed. Bed isn’t the place to work.

jwpetal · 29/10/2021 10:22

I think it is more of a conversation with your dh as to dig deeper into what story he is telling himself. He knows you aren't sick and your back feels better then why the continued questioning. I think do what works for you and your back. Why change to meet another's narrative. If you are getting your work done then go for it.

NotMyCat · 29/10/2021 10:42

@MrsDThomas

Its lazy. Have you never thought of muscle weakness? Make a point of getting up, wash and get dressed. Bed isn’t the place to work.
Why would you get muscle wastage sat in a bed and not in a chair at a desk?