To think it’s fine to spend lots of time in bed!

[Thatsthewaytis]

I spend lots of time in bed and starting to feel like my DH thinks it’s lazy or that it’s not right to do so.

For context we’ve no DC, both WFH full time since March 2020. He is up at 8, out walking the dog, cooking his breakfast and at his desk working for 9.

I get up at 8.30, make a coffee and breakfast, back to bed, switch on laptop and do admin type tasks for the morning (reading work documents, review and comment on people’s work, organise meetings etc etc) then usually get up around 12.30 get dressed, lunch and spend my afternoon at the desk doing data parts of my work that need two screens.

Sometimes DH will walk past and say ‘still in bed’ ‘are you getting up soon’ etc - not in a mean way but just in a way that implies he thinks I’m still in bed.

I mean I am physically but I’ve done a full mornings work same as him.

Also in evenings if he’s heading out for example my preference is usually to get into bed with a cup of tea and watch tv there instead of on the couch - it’s comfier and warmer! He also seems to think I’ve gone ‘back to bed already’. Again technically true - I could be out of bed at 12 and back in bed by 8 when this happens.

Anyone else spend lots of time in bed or would you also think it’s not right? For more context as well, I suffer with back issues and I have an amazing firm mattress so I’m just more comfortable in bed than on a chair or couch.

I spend... significantly... more time in bed than OP. I like it. I'm in good shape and health. Doing well professionally (WFH, obv). Just living my life. Getting up and dressed at the same time every morning and then busying myself with day to day tasks doesn't do it for me. (No kids ofc). Most of the criticism I've had when I (rarely) mention it often comes from people who appear to me to be very tired, stressed or unhealthy, interestingly. Most often very '9-5' people. All very good citizens.

How can it be a lazy habit when the op is working. It's just a different way of doing things.

I think those saying it is lazy are narrow minded and can't think out of the box.

Op, if its normal for you and not hurting anyone then it's normal.

It's warm and comfy, so why isn't it OK?

It's just not healthy OP. Bed is for sleeping in. Or if you're sick and aching.

You should have a walk with your partner.

When do you excersise?

Psychologically, I think it's better to separate sleep and work. I think if I worked in bed, I would struggle to sleep there as well because of the association with busy working mind. I also like to get up and shower at the start of the day to come to work fresh (albeit from home).

I don't think there's anything morally superior about working at a desk/watching TV on a sofa compared to working/watching while in bed.

However, this is a very sedentary lifestyle and unless you're breaking it up with regular exercise you will be increasing your future likelihood of health problems.

Long term you may also set up sleep issues as you're eroding the subconscious connection between bed and sleep. But not everyone is affected by that and you may be ok.

I think it’s fine, you’re not “in bed” as in sleeping, you’re using it as a piece of furniture instead of a sofa or a chair because you find it more comfortable.

To add, I wouldn’t do it personally because my bedroom is my work-free zone. But if you don’t have a problem disconnecting from work at the end of the day, then it’s fine.

Is he annoyed that he's up and sorting the house and the dog while you stay home and sleep in?

I prefer watching the TV in bed rather than the sofa, this is a fairly new thing as our old sofa was a huge corner one and as comfy as a bed but our new one just looks good and is nowhere near as comfy. I think its fine but I suppose if my DH went on like yours it would probably put me off. I definitely don't think its a sign of depression! People on here love to jump to conclusions!

Each to their own - if you can get your work done from bed, then go for it.
DH and I tend to keep the bed for sleep and DTD. If I tried to work from my bed, I don't think I'd get much (if anything) done really. In the evenings, we chill out in the living room (key word there being 'living') and watch TV together. If it's only one of us at home, we still watch TV in the living room, as it's the only room in the house where we have a TV. Watching stuff on our laptops just isn't the same.

Chilling in bed would just make me fall asleep eventually!

You need to stop lounging in bed so much.
It's not good for your back or any other muscles.
You're seeing it as perfectly ok so the bar will slip lower and lower as time goes by.
Get out of this and start living.

Sounds depressing, don’t get me wrong I love my bed but what you describe sounds quite miserable. Don’t you get a sore arse from the lack of movement?

When do you walk?

I used to do my marking in bed - in the days when we had physical student scripts to mark - I could spread them out and create piles where I could cross reference for consistency - much more comfy than sitting at the desk. These days I go back to bed with a cup of tea, after feeding the dogs, and check MN and twitter for an hour or so before walking them.

Lovely view out of my bedroom window too ......

It sounds very student bedsit but I do understand the cosiness aspect.

You could just have a conversation with him, couldn't you? Point our that you and he use the bed differently and that being in bed does not equate to sleeping for you, whereas it clearly does to him.

Not RTFT but do you leave the house each day? Just wondering when you exercise/ get some fresh air? I personally couldn’t do it, I would feel a bit slovenly and gross.

I'm operating on a hybrid model. At my desk in my chair, but with a duvet.

Just seen you do Pilates and walk the dog in the evening so not quite as bad as it first reads!

Still probably wouldn’t be for me but I can’t see the harm so long as you’re not extending the amount of time you’re in bed.

Don't see it as an issue. On my days off work (I can't work from home) I easily spend most of my days in bed up until noon. My husband is across the room on his computer. Only difference is, he's in a sitting position! Not like we don't work hard. Bit different if someone not pulling their weight.

I don’t think it’s great tbh OP, because, dress it up as you want, it’s being sedentary….and that’s not good for human beings. If you don’t use it you will loose it.
If you have a bad back you gotta get up and do strengthening exercises not just sit in bed. Crikey.

I like to work from my bed occasionally (when the kids are off school), but in reality I know it's not good for me so not very often. I'm self employed and work from home. I generally feel I have a more productive day if I get up early and get dressed. Also if I don't work out in the morning I won't do it at all, and with a fairly sedentary lifestyle I need to prioritize exercise. Spending too long in bed is really bad for my back too - I start getting a sore lower back even though I don't normally have back problems.

I’d get piles if I sat in bed all day. Also the bed would stink. I guess if you enjoy that, great. I wouldn’t.

It's interesting that so I many people think this is "lazy" - what's the difference in sitting in bed or on a chair? Is like people who think it's lazy to lie in - why is that lair than going to bed early?

I do exactly the same as you op! I get my breakfast and eat it in bed - so much warmer and cosier, especially in winter. Then I get started on work and can get several hours of productive work done without spending an hour faffing about beforehand. I wash and dress at lunchtime, and go out for a run or a swim before more work in the afternoon.

Would I be morally superior if I sat at a desk?

Descartes used to work in bed in the mornings. In 1649 Queen Christina invited him to visit and asked him to teach her philosophy and history each morning at 5 am. He caught a cold and died

No, I do the same and my partner comments the same as your husband! It drives me bonkers! I mean what's the difference between watching netflix on your laptop in bed or on the settee?