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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s fine to spend lots of time in bed!

328 replies

Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 12:57

I spend lots of time in bed and starting to feel like my DH thinks it’s lazy or that it’s not right to do so.

For context we’ve no DC, both WFH full time since March 2020. He is up at 8, out walking the dog, cooking his breakfast and at his desk working for 9.

I get up at 8.30, make a coffee and breakfast, back to bed, switch on laptop and do admin type tasks for the morning (reading work documents, review and comment on people’s work, organise meetings etc etc) then usually get up around 12.30 get dressed, lunch and spend my afternoon at the desk doing data parts of my work that need two screens.

Sometimes DH will walk past and say ‘still in bed’ ‘are you getting up soon’ etc - not in a mean way but just in a way that implies he thinks I’m still in bed.

I mean I am physically but I’ve done a full mornings work same as him.

Also in evenings if he’s heading out for example my preference is usually to get into bed with a cup of tea and watch tv there instead of on the couch - it’s comfier and warmer! He also seems to think I’ve gone ‘back to bed already’. Again technically true - I could be out of bed at 12 and back in bed by 8 when this happens.

Anyone else spend lots of time in bed or would you also think it’s not right? For more context as well, I suffer with back issues and I have an amazing firm mattress so I’m just more comfortable in bed than on a chair or couch.

OP posts:
SpiceRat · 27/10/2021 14:08

Get out of this and start living.

Start living by moving to a chair and a desk? She’s working, not spending all morning on her phone or watching tv.

If you’re comfortable and content in bed doing work then that’s fine op. Just be aware of how you’re feeling in terms of back pain etc as you won’t be supported as well as at a desk. But then a bed could always be the more comfortable option for example if you’re sat in a dining chair that’s going to offer little to no support long term too. Make sure you have lots of moving around time and decent exercise though.

It’s just the way people view bed I suppose. I used to do this when I was a student, couldn’t do it now mainly because I’d just fall back asleep but if you’re happy crack on.

Twinmumwithtoddler · 27/10/2021 14:08

Do you ever make your bed though OP?

I love getting up, making my bed all nice and then getting into it in the evening. That’s the best part of the day! Especially with fresh bedding.

Loses its novelty if you never leave it.

MatildaIThink · 27/10/2021 14:09

I find it odd that someone who is not ill would spend 16 hours a day in bed, it does seem like depression and avoidance.

Potpourri23 · 27/10/2021 14:10

@MatildaIThink

I find it odd that someone who is not ill would spend 16 hours a day in bed, it does seem like depression and avoidance.
She's not just lying around and sleeping though, she's working and doing everything she'd do from a desk...
TheBlackHeart · 27/10/2021 14:10

@MatildaIThink

I find it odd that someone who is not ill would spend 16 hours a day in bed, it does seem like depression and avoidance.
I really just fail to see how people are seeing this as depression.

She's not just hiding under the duvet - she's doing work and being productive!

5128gap · 27/10/2021 14:11

My DP does this and it really annoys me. In theory it's not hurting anyone, but in reality its actually opting out of anything that might need doing in the up and about world. The person who is up generally does more of what needs doing, answers the door, let's the cat out, walks the dog, locks the house up at night etc. Small things, granted, and its not the doing them that's the issue; its more that by staying in bed he's refusing to participate in anything but his own little world. Probably unreasonable of me, but I resent it nonetheless.

SparrowNest · 27/10/2021 14:13

I sometimes used to work from bed with my laptop when I worked from home, same when I was studying. It wasn’t that different from when I worked lying on the sofa.

I guess I can see why a partner wouldn’t like it, though ultimately it’s your choice. Have you explained to him that it’s comfier for your back? Mine worked out of the house at the time so it didn’t affect him at all.

Lasair · 27/10/2021 14:14

I used to as a student but not now with kids… it’s fine if it makes you happy. No harm in it.

fuckoffImcounting · 27/10/2021 14:15

I'd be telling him to fuck off every damn time he made a comment about it - he is criticising your working habits and lifestyle and implicitly trying to change them so that you are more like him. Tell him being an early rising wanker is not superior to working in bed.

SirenSays · 27/10/2021 14:17

As long as its not impacting your MH or sleep, I say do whatever makes you happy! My parents would be horrified at this, sitting in bed seems to only be acceptable for people with victorian wasting diseases 😂 so they're up and dressed before 7am and then turning the heating on because they're cold.

Staffy1 · 27/10/2021 14:17

If I could do it I would. You’re not actually sleeping the whole time, just in a different room than you could be but doing the same stuff, so what difference does it make to anyone.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/10/2021 14:17

Yes, it's definitely a statement of 'this is my time, do not disturb', be that work or leisure time. I regard sitting in bed reading as a lovely thing to do but it happens after everything that needs to be done is done. It is a very deliberate withdrawal from responsibility into my own little cosy world.

During the day there are people knocking at the door etc and you're either up, dressed and presentable, or you're not fully participating in the day, in my life anyway. If no-one knocks at your door and you do all your chores and errands during the afternoon / early evening, then I guess it works for you.

Sounds really bad for your back though. Surely no adequate support?

ShirleyPhallus · 27/10/2021 14:19

@bunnybuggs

This is the trap of working from home. Hopefully you will get out of the lazy habit when you have responsibilities or your work manager realises you are doing this. How do you separate work and home? YABU
Why would her manager care about this if she is getting all her work done?
eightlivesdown · 27/10/2021 14:19

Sounds OK, especially the evening. I'm not sure working from bed is as efficient as from a desk for most people, but if it works for you where's the problem? It also breaks up the work day between morning and afternoon working.

Wexone · 27/10/2021 14:19

i agree with @MrsTulipTattsyrup. While its not doing any harm, its not the best physically and mentally for you. I have said this before on this page, when we all started working from home work did a huge thing about helping us work from home. One thing is keep to a routine, get up shower and get dressed around same time every day, doing this kick starts your mind to be productive. Working from your sofa or bed not good for your back, pajamas are not warm enough to war every day. Clear distinguish between work space and living space if you can, have a space that is not work if you can. I couldn't work from bed, i have a good chair and two big screens. Plus my bedroom is my room for relaxing i don't want work in it, plus its not juts my room its also my partners room, he doesn't want my work in it either. I am like you love my bed but i am sorry couldn't do my work from it . Try slowly progressing from the bed to another dedicated space. I am differnt o my partner no prpbs lounging in bed at weekend watching tv etc or in eves when it really cold but i am sorry i couldnt do it every mooring and work from there

Joystir59 · 27/10/2021 14:21

I doubt being prone in bed for long periods of time is at all good for your health.

Beautiful3 · 27/10/2021 14:23

I have problems with my back and find that spending time in bed makes it worse.

Beautiful3 · 27/10/2021 14:23

I would save lying in for night time. It's honestly not good for your back.

toolazytothinkofausername · 27/10/2021 14:24

In winter bed is the greatest place to be!!! Comfortable, warm, why be anywhere else?

Justcallmebebes · 27/10/2021 14:24

No sorry, this would drive me potty in a partner. It's also very bad for your posture and your overall health. Also you're getting zero exercise and it comes across as lazy. Not for me, sorry

Embroidery · 27/10/2021 14:25

Its very unhealthy and not a good way to live. Itll be contributing to your back problems.
I used to spend too much time in bed when I was young and depressed but its not good for you at all.

Sorry to harsh but I wouldnt stay in a relationship with someone who spends 16+ hours a day in bed, apart from.the odd lie in or if ill.

Original poster
Thatsthewaytis · 27/10/2021 14:25

I do Pilates a few lunchtimes a week and my back exercises every day.

I probably shouldn’t have said about back in bed at 8. I meant that if DH is out and I’m on my own my preference is to chill in bed rather than downstairs on the couch to show my further preference for my bed!

I get what people are saying about my back but honestly I find too long sitting on the couch or at my desk just agitates it where the mattress doesn’t.

Thanks all for the responses! Interesting to see I am mainly alone but a few others are like me!

OP posts:
PeterIsACockwomble · 27/10/2021 14:25

It would be my idea of Hell. I get up at 7, get showered and properly dressed, and get on with my day. Go to bed at 10ish. Bed is a lovely place for sex and sleeping. I don't even use bed for illness - tend to lie on the sofa then.

If my DP were in bed at midday and went back again at 8, even if he were using bed as his office, I would think that he and I were incompatible. I'd also think he was an unfit and unhealthy slob (not saying that you are, OP - just my perception of it).

My teenagers sometimes don't get up until lunchtime and then swan around in their nightwear. I find it very stressful, but as they're my children, I can't readily LTBs.

I couldn't bear to have a TV in the bedroom, either (in fact, I don't have one at all). But that's just me.

1forAll74 · 27/10/2021 14:25

I could not spend so much time in bed, although I am not that brilliant at getting up in the morning. I would not have a tv in the bedroom, I just like to read a while in bed before sleep.

i know quite a few people who have to be in beds,because of various ailments and serious illness issues. some will have to be bedridden for all time now.

My three cats spend a lot of time sleeping on my bed though. maybe they have the right idea then !

Bluntness100 · 27/10/2021 14:26

I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with it, and would be slightly concerned if my husband was only up for seven hours a day and spent 17 hours a day in bed regularly . However if you’re happy and comfy I think that’s what matters most.