To think it’s fine to spend lots of time in bed!

[Thatsthewaytis]

I spend lots of time in bed and starting to feel like my DH thinks it’s lazy or that it’s not right to do so.

For context we’ve no DC, both WFH full time since March 2020. He is up at 8, out walking the dog, cooking his breakfast and at his desk working for 9.

I get up at 8.30, make a coffee and breakfast, back to bed, switch on laptop and do admin type tasks for the morning (reading work documents, review and comment on people’s work, organise meetings etc etc) then usually get up around 12.30 get dressed, lunch and spend my afternoon at the desk doing data parts of my work that need two screens.

Sometimes DH will walk past and say ‘still in bed’ ‘are you getting up soon’ etc - not in a mean way but just in a way that implies he thinks I’m still in bed.

I mean I am physically but I’ve done a full mornings work same as him.

Also in evenings if he’s heading out for example my preference is usually to get into bed with a cup of tea and watch tv there instead of on the couch - it’s comfier and warmer! He also seems to think I’ve gone ‘back to bed already’. Again technically true - I could be out of bed at 12 and back in bed by 8 when this happens.

Anyone else spend lots of time in bed or would you also think it’s not right? For more context as well, I suffer with back issues and I have an amazing firm mattress so I’m just more comfortable in bed than on a chair or couch.

You're in bed a lot but if you've no responsibilities then I can't see what the issue is. The comments would piss me off though, so I would tell him to STFU.

I'm in bed right now 😁

If it works for you, crack on. That said, it would wreck my ability to sleep (as in "sleep hygiene) and my back would be in bits from the lack of movement!

I’d honestly absolutely make the most of this while you have no kids. Cos when you do, you’ll spend about 5 hours a night in bed asleep and the rest of the time is up / awake / staring obsessively at the monitor etc etc

BUT this is Mumsnet so I’m opening up bingo for:

• it’s a waste of the day
• oh I could never do that, I do my best work at 5am
• anyone who isn’t out of bed by 6am absolute latest is a lazy wench
• do you think you have depression / other mental health issues

Etc etc

YANBU, as long as you're getting some good exercise too.

My DH works from bed for a lot of the day. I don't get it as I need a proper desk, chair etc but it works for him.

It becomes an issue if you become increasingly sedentary, that's when I put on weight.

Yes but I have ME. I get tired and achy. I spend most evenings in bed watching TV all cwtched up in my duvet. I live with just DD and the dog though. I don’t see any real issue with it but I think I’d feel a bit yuck if I didn’t get up in the morning.

It wouldn’t work for me. For me bed is where I relax and try to sleep, I’d feel a bit sort of rubbish if I stayed there most of the day. I don’t mind it of an occasional Sunday.

Agree with PP, it's quite lazy and for your bad back too - it's all well and good having a great mattress but exercise is key for a bad back

Mmmmmmm bed

I think WFH from your bed every morning is strange behaviour if I'm honest

When do you shower/dress for the day?

If your sofa/ desk are uncomfortable I would look at finding a solution to that rather than spending half your day in bed

Its hard to articulate why I think it's 'wrong' but I wouldnt be happy if I lived with someone who behaved like that

I don’t but I often make a nest on the sofa with cushions and a duvet so it’s essentially like a bed anyway!

Interesting mixed responses! I don’t see it as depression at all or hiding away - I’m flat out on instant messenger, reading docs, preparing meetings and so on. Just in bed as opposed to at the desk. Under the duvet but blinds up and window open.

For example my day today:
Up at 8.30, made a coffee & breakfast, back to bed, drafting a doc for higher ups, sent it on for comments, reviewed doc that come back this morning for changes, organised a meeting, replied to emails.

Up at 12.30, dressed, made bed and tidied room, emptied dishwasher, put away washing, put on new wash, checked post, tided kitchen , made lunch and about to do some Pilates.

Afternoon will be working at desk and a few meetings. Finish work around 6, make dinner, clean up after dinner, walk the dog, have a bath, watch tv with DH. If I have morning meetings I would be at the desk for those but most meeting tend to be afternoon.

Re going to bed for 8 - this is only if DH has gone out which isn’t all that often. If he’s in we spend the evening downstairs together. It’s just my preference Is to chill in bed.

@Hemingwayscats I think my DH also associates it with being ill or not feeling well hence his comments as that’s the only times he would be in bed whereas for me it’s comfortable and warm!

If you are comfortable working in bed I can't see any harm in it. I'm the opposite, up early but love to go to bed early with a good book. Again what's the harm?

Ultimately it's your choice.

But things that jumped out at me....

A proper seat at a desk may be better for your back.
Does this mean that throughout the morning you DH is working but in between doing little jobs such as loading dishwasher, loading emptying machine etc because he's downstairs? Maybe he feels the equality has tipped?

And please tell me you wash your bedding more than once a week if you're sending that much time in it?! Your dh doesn't get to dictate when you're there but he does have a right to fresh bedding if you're suing it for more than just sleeping.

Well in terms of laziness I don’t see the difference between sitting in bed at your laptop and sitting at a desk at your laptop and I don’t see a difference between sitting in bed watching TV and sitting on a sofa watching TV. If the bed is your comfy place then it’s fine, I probably spend similar amounts of time on my sofa as you spend in bed on days where I’m wfh.

This is the trap of working from home. Hopefully you will get out of the lazy habit when you have responsibilities or your work manager realises you are doing this. How do you separate work and home? YABU

My first thought was that it sounds like a very unhealthy lifestyle. It's probably a bit lonely for your DH too. Don't you ever have breakfast together? Or even go for a walk at lunchtime?

I do this a lot when my joints are are bad, because it's more comfortable on a decent mattress than a sofa / dining room chair.

After your last update, I think he needs to pack it in tbh. You seem to get your work done as well as chores.

@bunnybuggs why would my manager care where I work as long as the work is done? It’s a laptop based non- customer facing role.

@itsgettingwierd no I do all those jobs, he works upstairs in a room we converted into an office.

I think he might be of the same view as some others that he would only be in bed if ill or something was wrong so doesn’t see why I am there in the mornings.

Thanks all for the views! Just thinking about it this morning and figured I’d ask and see if I’m the only one!

I’d honestly absolutely make the most of this while you have no kids.

Maybe she won't/can't have them, it's not right to make assumptions

I think going to bed early in the evening to watch TV or read is absolutely fine (although not amazing sleep hygiene) but working in the morning, unwashed, under the duvet, doesn't sit well with me. If you were up, showered and dressed and sitting on top of the duvet to work because it's more comfortable than the desk that seems okay though.

I’m currently in bed with my baby twins, they settle so much better and I get to rest at the same time!

I don’t do it all the time though but they haven’t been well recently. I used to be a bit like you before I had kids, as well as when I was working from home and looking back I was probably quite depressed and it wasn’t healthy.

I definitely don’t see a problem with it in the evening. Sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea watching tv sitting in bed with a cup of tea watching tv isn’t really that different. And our bedroom is a lot warmer than our living room so on winter evenings we might watch tv up there.

Working in bed I couldn’t do, not specifically because of the bed itself, but because I’d need a mouse and preferably a second screen to work best.

I have worked from home for almost two decades. Have never had children.

I LOVE my bed.

But I couldn’t do what you do for several reasons.

Bed is my lovely comfy, cosy, relaxing, sleeping space. I don’t want to associate it with work! It’s bad enough that I have an office in my house, so I never truly leave work behind, but I wouldn’t want to sully my bed with it. And I wouldn’t sleep properly if I’d been in bed most of the day.

I wouldn’t feel properly awake and switched on unless I had got up, washed, dressed, breakfasted and got to my desk. But I do have a comfortable, ergonomic chair and proper desk with two monitors. So I am more comfortable working there than I would be clasping a laptop while sliding down the pillows. I have to get up and down and move plenty to stop my achy knees from getting worse, and being in bed would make me disinclined to do that.

OP, you mention being warm and comfy in bed a lot in your posts, with the implication that it’s cold and uncomfortable elsewhere in your home. It seems to me that you could do with cranking up the heating a bit and getting some more comfortable furniture in the rest of your house, so that bed wasn’t the only place you can relax.

Also - when do you spend time with your DH if you retreat to bed after dinner each evening? It sounds like you’re cutting yourself off.

What you’re describing in terms of the amount of time you are spending in bed certainly isn’t normal, and for me, I wouldn’t think it was healthy either. I also wouldn’t believe that you are in the right mindset for work if you’re in bed. I’d try to vary your routine and see if you feel better for it. You might be inclined to make more of your evenings if you get better sleep hygiene and spent less time in bed.

No, I am up straight away at around 6-7 a.m. when I wake and may go for an afternoon nap. I have taken to reading in bed for an hour or two if my DP is gaming in the evening, but otherwise no, I am up and about as much as I"m able. I have had lower back problems for years so usually sit in an upright chair with a back cushion, so I need to be careful.

But, if it suits you, then that's totally fine! It certainly is warmer come the winter months. :)