To think it’s fine to spend lots of time in bed!

[Thatsthewaytis]

I spend lots of time in bed and starting to feel like my DH thinks it’s lazy or that it’s not right to do so.

For context we’ve no DC, both WFH full time since March 2020. He is up at 8, out walking the dog, cooking his breakfast and at his desk working for 9.

I get up at 8.30, make a coffee and breakfast, back to bed, switch on laptop and do admin type tasks for the morning (reading work documents, review and comment on people’s work, organise meetings etc etc) then usually get up around 12.30 get dressed, lunch and spend my afternoon at the desk doing data parts of my work that need two screens.

Sometimes DH will walk past and say ‘still in bed’ ‘are you getting up soon’ etc - not in a mean way but just in a way that implies he thinks I’m still in bed.

I mean I am physically but I’ve done a full mornings work same as him.

Also in evenings if he’s heading out for example my preference is usually to get into bed with a cup of tea and watch tv there instead of on the couch - it’s comfier and warmer! He also seems to think I’ve gone ‘back to bed already’. Again technically true - I could be out of bed at 12 and back in bed by 8 when this happens.

Anyone else spend lots of time in bed or would you also think it’s not right? For more context as well, I suffer with back issues and I have an amazing firm mattress so I’m just more comfortable in bed than on a chair or couch.

I didn’t know this was an option! now rethinking how I spend my waking hours.

I work ft but when I’m off I spend a lot of time in bed- watching movies or the TV while the downstairs is occupied by teens or oh watching sport or gaming etc.
I still go out and exercise, get a shower, cook etc etc just prefer to sit on my bed than the couch. Don’t really see a difference tbh

YANBU

At the start of WFH I bought myself a bed desk and I haven't looked back since.

I do the opposite from you though OP - downstairs in the morning, and work from bed in the afternoon. Even on TEAMS calls nobody can tell I am in bed as I have a corporate background applied

I go to bed early to watch telly or read because I agree it's comfier and warmer, but I do think not getting up til lunchtime is just weird. And it would annoy me if DH did that.

I have recently been living how you describe, but I've just had a really big operation. And TBH that only last for maybe the first ten days after the op.

Don't you have things to do in the mornings, like put a wash on, and don't you just feel the urge to get out of bed?

I don't think the amount of time in bed is an issue in itself, eg: if you were a student in a single room where your bed basically was the sofa.
BUT - I don't like it when my DH spends the day or evening in our shared bed because when I want to come to sleep the nice tidily made restful bed I left for myself to return to in the morning has already had a sweaty man in it for hours wrinkling it up and making the air in the room stuffy, and leaving empty mugs all round it etc. Not what I'd want to turn up to in a hotel and not really what I want to arrive to in my own home after a day's work either! (I obviously have no problem with us both being in the bed together in general, it is just coming into it when it is already well used as a lair that is a bit off putting).

Churchill used to work from bed in the mornings

@Firesidefox I’m not supposed to be doing stuff like putting a wash on - I’m supposed to be working which is what I do. I do any chores at lunch or after work.

That’s fair @BestZebbie
I wouldn’t like that either. I always make the bed when I get out of it and there’s never stuff lying around.

I think maybe he just feels like some people here that I’m not doing anything if I’m in bed or if I’m in bed it’s because there is something wrong. Whereas I am actually usually really busy. It’s definitely not said in a mean way but more like he feels he has a half day done by the time I appear in the office - but I also have it done just not from my desk!

It’s interesting most people find the bed agitates their back, I am definitely the opposite. Chairs really get to mine. Must look at the ergonomics of it all. I also do enjoy the slower pace of checking my emails and getting on top of the work and setting up tasks for the day while still warm and comfortable with a nice cup of coffee!

Probably will be back in the office soon enough so it’ll come to an end then anyway!

Have you thought about standing for your bad back OP? My DH has chronic sciatica and uses these standing desk things….swears by them. No more slumping at a chair or on the couch. The brand name is Helves …made in the UK from sustainable wood. Great for posture, fully adjustable.

It’s nobody’s business!
Bed is my favourite place in the world.
You do you.

@IncreMental

Churchill used to work from bed in the mornings

A great mind but not a model of physical fitness really.

I’ve never had a tv in my room, i guess I’ve never formed that habit of spending much time in there. I also find it hard to go to sleep at night if I’ve spent more time than usual in bed in the day time. I like to treat it as just a place to sleep, or read sometimes before bed. I need a good routine or I feel a bit unproductive and it becomes a downward spiral for me!

I love everything about my bed.

I have it set up more like a recliner position when I work from my bed.
I'm fully dressed and not in my underpants all day lol.

Of course I exercise and stretch and do other things.

@Lotusmonster

Have you thought about standing for your bad back OP? My DH has chronic sciatica and uses these standing desk things….swears by them. No more slumping at a chair or on the couch. The brand name is Helves …made in the UK from sustainable wood. Great for posture, fully adjustable.

Thanks @Lotusmonster this looks great. Maybe ditching the chair altogether is the way to go! Sorry to hear your DH is in the same boat with the pain. Not fun!

Its nice to be comfy but you have to invest a bit of time with your partner. Get him to come and drink tea and watch TV with you and you sometimes stay downstairs and slop about on the sofa with him.

I have a DH that enjoys horizontiality (made up word) and as I'm more an upright person it does piss me off sometimes. But that's my problem. As long as the house is sanitary and the bills are paid then its okay. Your DH should pipe down about the working in bed and you should be prepared to spend a bit more time with him. Of course, if he's going out anyway he should be quiet, its your time alone to spend how you see fit.

Christ no! I couldn't lie in bed all day, no wonder your back's bad. Get a comfy chair instead, & some proper help for the back.

But the real Mumsnet question is -

How often do you change your sheets?

No probs …he loves them. Apparently people burn calories just by standing too…so added bonuses. He says the Helves work really well for Teams calls.

I couldn’t work in bed, partly because I do not want our bedroom to feel like an office - it’s bad enough that the kitchen table (me) and spare room do! I also feel a bit weird being “at work” and not showered/dressed etc.

But I love bed. If I am on a day off work I tend to get up, make tea, then go back to bed with my phone and usually the cat. I’d happily stay there until lunchtime. On weekend mornings DP and I often stay in bed late (no dc) as long as one of us gets up regularly to make tea and eventually bacon rolls.

It irritates me when DH does this as I like the bed to stay clean, cool and neatly made until it’s sleeping time! When he watches TV in it everything gets rumpled and crumbs get onto the sheets. I don’t mind if he’s ill or injured obviously but I’d hate for him to make a habit of it.

If you’re sharing a bed and you’re not ill, exhausted, pregnant or injured I think it’s a bit rude to spend most of the day in bed, regardless of whether you’re working or having a cup of tea. Beds are designed for sleeping. You’re putting excessive wear and tear on it by using it like a sofa/desk/chair. Not to mention the bed linen will need changing far more often, especially if you’re wearing clothes to bed.

I like getting into a cool, clean, smooth bed at night, in a fresh room. Not a bed that’s been used all day. Obviously if you had separate rooms or your own bed it’s different.

Can’t you look into why you don’t want to stay up? Eg turn up the heating, wear warmer clothes, get an ergonomically designed desk and chair to work at (working in bed surely is worse for your back?)

I love my bed. Going up stairs now to watch bit tv. wfh mainly. I tidy my emails in bed on my phone in the morning and answer easy ones. Do get up 9.30ish and log on but only because easier to work on my desktop. Once eaten and say gone for a walk I back in my bed. Love watching tv by myself at night too and weekends in bed

Eaten on night I mean.

I spend quite a chunk of the day in bed. I'm disabled and have a fully adjustable bed. It's far more comfortable for me to sit propped up in bed watching telly, reading or surfing my laptop than it is to sit on the settee or dining room chairs. I don't get out much as I can't walk far or be on my feet for long.
I imagine there'll be much MN disapproval but 'walk a mile in my shoes' as the saying goes. I can't even manage that.

Not great tbh.
I mainly wfh and get up 7.30-8ish and not back until bedtime. Occasionally I’ll go to bed early if I’m knackered esp if no-one else is in, but unless ill I’m not in bed during the day.
I do find that the more I’m lazing around, the less I want to go out.

Being totally honest if my partner did this I would find it really unattractive and a bit of a turn off. It’s a bit grim spending that much time festering in bed and I would associate it with not great hygiene tbh. An adult who doesn’t get up and shower first thing in the morning is a bit to me and I would just see you as quite lazy and unmotivated, sitting in bed for half the day, even if you are working productively. It just seems not very…fresh. It’s up to you of course but I think there’s a big chance your husband’s remarks are coming from the fact that he feels similarly and is trying to gently draw attention to it. It’s slovenly, being blunt, and it’s not surprising if your husband finds it grim. It’s up to you whether you put much importance on that - personally I would.

That would really irritate me. Isn’t a healthy way to live, especially if you have back problems.