To think my boyfriend doesn't think I'm clean?

[pinkflowerss]

This is gonna sound nuts but new boyfriend of 5 months.
He keeps buying me household items.
He bought me a cutlery set saying it looks like yours has seen better days.
Then he bought me a new pan as he said he couldn't cook "on my cheap pan"
Then last night he bought me a new duvet set and a tefal casserole dish.

Now I'm not gonna lie when I moved in I spent a lot on decorating and furniture that I skimped on pans etc

Aibu to feel a bit meh about this?

I would read that again as territory marking, sorry.

Dp and I, of 8 years lived together four, don't budget and choose household things together. Unless it's decorative we just buy things we want individually...

But this couple don't even live together. It's not the same at all.
5 months together and he buys stuff for OP's flat with no discussion at all. It's not on.

Reading this makes me uncomfortable. It should be a nice feeling that someone is thoughtful/helping out with the household items but I’d feel a bit colonised and berated for not having a better pan or duvet…. But that’s just me. Maybe he’s being thoughtful and trying to contribute if he’s spending a lot of time at your place?

My BF of 9 months has bought me a 'good, big pan', a 'sharp-sharp' knife and a fancy new garlic press. He's also bought me flowers and other more romantic stuff. The kitchen equipment is because he likes to cook, and often cooks when he comes over to my house. I don't like cooking and just see it as a chore - so I don't really notice if the knife isn't great or the pan is a bit wonky on the bottom. It doesn't bother me. But it bothers him and affects his enjoyment of a cooking for us, which he sees as a way of being loving and looking after me. It's not weird or controlling. He isn't trying to stealth-move-in - his house is bigger and posher, but mine is cosier and more colourful$

I bought him a novelty door-mat and a new dressing gown, and I even left some slippers at his house! But I'm not trying to mark my territory either, it's just part of being in a mutually supportive relationship with a lovely man.

@pinkflowerss

He has a good job but when he split With last ex he took this as it's opposite his ex. I've been in his bed sit. It's clean and tidy just small but he said the hours he works he would rather pay £350 for it than something else bigger for more money that he is never home to use. He doesn't like it as his landlord is a idiot

Do you rent OP or are you a homeowner?

I used to have a friend like this who did exactly what your boyfriend is doing to you. She had her own flat but a load of debt. Met a new man who owned his own home. She bought things for his house and spent a lot of time at his and barely back at her flat. She set up a standing order to pay her boyfriend several hundred pounds per month and called it 'house'. Her flat was sold and her debts repaid. She moved in with him permanently.

He became worried just before she moved in 'What's to stop you taking half this house off me if things don't work out?'. She replied it's OK we will have it all put in writing legally...

OP, be very very careful about the 're-cutlerisation' of your house it could cost you your home.

I deffo don't want him to move in.
I like my own space too much.
He has been saying how cold he's bedsit is so maybe he does want to move in
I really don't know

What happens when you tell him you need a night to yourself?

A new boyfriend bought me an ironing board once i didn't mind, it was a bit weird but I needed one! We didn't last long though (me and the boyfriend that is, the ironing board was my faithful companion for years!)

Having the right frying pan really makes a difference. Frying eggs (including pancakes and French toast) needs a good non-stick pan. Steaks need to be done on a cast iron one. If you're used to a good one, you'll find a poor one frustrating to use.

[glares at the cheap frying pan hanging up in the kitchen, keep forgetting to buy a new one]

@pinkflowerss

I deffo don't want him to move in. I like my own space too much. He has been saying how cold he's bedsit is so maybe he does want to move in I really don't know

He can buy a plug-in heater and an electric blanket like a big boy.

@pinkflowerss

I deffo don't want him to move in. I like my own space too much. He has been saying how cold he's bedsit is so maybe he does want to move in I really don't know

Of course he wants to move in!:

'It'll be lovely, our first Christmas together! I''ll be with you Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and move in by January...'

^ Tell him he would be better spending his money on a nice oil rad, draught excluders and warm sheets for his own bedsit rather than in your own home.

OP,

Make it clear you need nights on your own.

Moving in by stealth after 5 months?

No way.

Give me a fancy casserole dish over flowers anyday.

Bedding seems a very personal thing to buy for someone else's house. It's a decor choice and in a very personal, private room. Quite different from kitchenware.

I deffo don't want him to move in.

Then you need to make this clear ASAP. The guy's a hobosexual.
There'll be some kind of accommodation emergency in no time at all - his "idiot landlord" will want to evict him for something or other or the heating will break down in the middle of a mini ice-age.....

He has been saying how cold he's bedsit is so maybe he does want to move in

Oh I see he's preparing the backstory for that one already.

What a tit. Instead of wasting money on duvets and casserole dishes and other stuff for you which you don't want and never asked for, he could have bought an electric blanket, a fucking jumper and maybe an electric radiator on wheels......

@pinkflowerss

I deffo don't want him to move in. I like my own space too much. He has been saying how cold he's bedsit is so maybe he does want to move in I really don't know

Oh, no.

You'll get the reenactment of the Death of Little Nell over the phone every night.

'Oh, I'm sooo coooooooooold...I can't move, I can't get to the fridge....my hands are frozen, my fingers are blue...can I stay with you, just for one night of human warmth and love..cough, cough...there's no water because the pipes have frozen, I can't use the toilet or have a cup of tea...cough, cough....it's sooo dark and coooooooolllllllllllllddddddddddddd..............'

🚩🚩🚩Quite likely to escalate into controlling and critical. Speaking from experience.

You'll get the reenactment of the Death of Little Nell over the phone every night.

'Oh, I'm sooo coooooooooold...I can't move, I can't get to the fridge....my hands are frozen, my fingers are blue...can I stay with you, just for one night of human warmth and love..cough, cough...there's no water because the pipes have frozen, I can't use the toilet or have a cup of tea...cough, cough....it's sooo dark and coooooooolllllllllllllddddddddddddd..............

@NeverDropYourMooncup You are hilarious!! Thanks for giving me a good laugh.

OP,

From your updates it reads like he's trying to put you in his debt so when his cold flat, owned by the idiot, goes tits up, he can move in to yours for a bit.

Beware.
I think he is scheming to move in.

Understand any circumstances don't.

Time to dump perhaps, certainly the first suggestion of moving in, just dump.

Have you read The gift Of Fear by Gavin de Becker? You can read it online.
'Loan Sharking' is when he does you a favour so he can demand one in return...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gift_of_Fear

hmm.... i'm wondering why him and his ex split now...?

I’d run for the hills!

I deffo don't want him to move in.

Then return the household "gifts". "You shouldn't be buying stuff for my house". And when he buys anything else wrinkle your nose up and say "well, it's good quality but it's not my taste, you'd better take it back". Every time.

I like my own space too much.

He is making it his space, not yours.

Don't let him stay so often. "I want week-nights to myself, you can stay over on Friday and Saturday" - or whatever suits you.

If he doesn't like his bedsit he can move elsewhere. If he's cold "oh dear what a pity". Don't suggest he buys a heater, don't suggest he stays at your house.

@Hunderland

Make your car look a bit dirty

🤣🤣🤣

The guy's a hobosexual.

@fumfspos OMG he so is!!!

"Hobosexual" is my new fave word!