Is it weird to keep her with me until 5?

[Whatwillyakkabetoday]

Dd, is 3 and an August birthday. Is it unusual to keep her at home with me until she turns 5 and send her the September after she turns 5?
I’m a nursery teacher so do lots of activities at home etc.
She wouldn’t have any pre school etc until 5
Has anyone done this?

I was with my mum until I started going to preschool at 4. I spoke like an old person and was quite daunted by the active spirited social kids I encountered. Playdates once a week or fortnite? I am actually shocked you think this is ok. And this to go on until she is five. Have you thought about the level of separation anxiety this will produce? I went through it , I know first hand. I definitely didn´t want that for my daughter. She went to nursery and is now at preschool.

I’m a summer born baby and I started nursery (at a school) aged 3. A lot of dc were almost 4 and I had only just turned 3. I was a well socialised child who never struggled academically or socially. I think your Dd would benefit from more socialisation with dc her own age. I’m really surprised that, as a nursery teacher, you don’t realise the importance that socialising has on all elements of child development. Your Dd is not a baby.

There are two issues here; the first is lack of preschool/nursery and the other is starting at CSA (compulsory school age).

Point 1 re lack of nursery - I think lots of children benefit from a gentle introduction to being in a non-home environment so I think, if you can, all parents should send their children to some sort of nursery environment (even if only part time using the 30 free hours).

Point 2 re starting an August born at 5 and a few weeks rather than 4 and a few weeks - this is becoming increasingly common and there's a misconception these children skip YR and go straight into Y1. That isn't the case any more. The admissions authority needs to prove that skipping Reception would be in that child's best interests, which they can't as Reception is such a vital year. So the option is absolutely there to start a 31 August 2017 child at the same time as a 1 September 2017 child and I think that's very sensible. Some will say 'someone's got to be the youngest', but it's not about being the youngest, it's about being ready. And I don't think formal education for a kid that less than a month ago was 3 years old is appropriate.

Deferral of school until 5 is fine. I'm in Scotland and most children go to school at 5.
I don't understand why you wouldn't send her to nursery though? You said you're a nursery teacher so I'm presuming you're out at work some of the time? Why not have her go to nursery while you're working?

@StormyTeacups

We did similar, neither went to preschool. Our daughter was an August baby and in hindsight school at just turned 4 was too much. We had our doubts but she had wanted to so 🤷 we then withdrew her in yr 1 and home educated until the yr4. Ds didn't have any formal education or childcare until yr 2.

Dd has just started secondary, and while academically she is totally where she should be, I can still see an emotional difference between her and a couple of her friends who are September birthdays so nearly a year older.

I’d say that by the time dc are in Year 3 (age 7) there’s not a big difference between summer and winter born babies, academically or emotionally. This is just your dd’s personality, not her birth month.

Why?
Is she SEN ASD??
Lucky you not needing to work why the lack of social contact?

Seeing other children only once a week or fortnight isn't enough after age 3 in my opinion.

The social side is the mst important aspect that nursery brings.
I deferred my oldest child in starting school - he was 5 and a half. ( True deferrement though which we can do in scotland.
He did start pre- school nursery at 4.
Prior to that with both my children we attended play group/toddler group and playgroup 4 days a week.
So at 2 or 3 years old my children were in play group ( with me in attendance) playing with other children, and loads of informal play with neighbourhood kids.

I think socialisation with other children on an almost daily basis is vital in the early years.
If you can only manage that once a fortnight - not ideal by any stretch.

Playmates every fortnight isn't anywhere near enough. You'd need to see people most days.
Just send her to pre-school.

Most western countries don't send their kids to school til 6 or 7 so do what you think's best! We have a August born who went to school after just turning 4 and she's a striver but it's there is a marked difference in her maturity and ability to the autumn born kids. She loves school and academically the school measure her on where she is withing her AGE so they do take into account her development is naturally behind the older kids.
In your position, I would defer school We didn't because she was in a nursery that went to the school, so all her friends were going that year.
If she hadn't had such close friendships, we would have kept her back a year,

My July-born 7 year old did go to nursery (2 mornings a week) but we deferred the start of reception until she had turned 5.

It worked out very well for us. She is thriving, popular and doing very well academically.

We are currently following the same procedure for my June-born 4 year old!

I think deferral of starting year R for a august born child is worth serious consideration.

I think not sending to preschool or playgroup before 5 is unusual and a little odd if I’m honest. Your robbing her of the chance to see if she might like it.

also surprised there are no playgroups or toddler groups where you are, if there are children there are or could be groups surely?

I’m not in the U.K., where I am, they start school itself at age 6. That would have been super helpful in your OP.

@StrikingMatches

Of the children in my DD class who have been kept back a year, they are all ok until Year 1 when the children are maturing and suddenly they find they seem older than their class mates.

August children are just fine in school and it's usually the parents who are struggling with the concept of them going to school not the child.

This opinion isn’t borne out by the vast mountain of research that has been carried out on this point.

Outcomes for summer born children are poorer across the board, and remain so for life.

There are always individuals who buck this trend, but the trend is absolutely still there.

I'm glad I had a shower before replying as starting school age 6 in another country is a very different scenario to the England based system most will be assuming (and will continue to as posters will miss the drip feed). My original response would have been more scathing!

Starting school with your peer group is important. This doesn't seem to be an issue.

Children need time with their peers. They will also need to cope with spending time away from their parent before starting school. That doesn't have to mean pre-school, but regular settings where they can develop age-appropriate friendships is important. They will need to be able to cope with the group routines of school life, things like taking turns and queuing up.

Home education done well should meet the children's social needs. Many do groups like scouting/ guiding and sports which provide this, plus many have collaborative home education groups.

As a nursery teacher, why do you not think nursery would be the correct setting for her?

Have you thought about starting up your own playgroup op?

@sassbott I don't know but as I said the kids who cried on being left for weeks/months in my children's classes had been to nursery and there have been plenty of examples people have given of kids settling in fine after being at home, so it's not as simple as
Stay home til 5 = children will struggle
Go to nursery = child will settle in fine
The kids in Our Yorkshire farm all start school at 5 after no nursery and seem to settle in fine
My own kids went to childcare/nursery from a young age so I've no skin in the game

clockover

I’m a nursery teacher

So where will she be when you are at work?

Why, as a nursery teacher, are you not able to see the benefits of a child being in nursery?“

Our daughter was a nursery teacher. It had quite the opposite effect (certainly in respect of the baby stage).

@Phrowzunn

The amount of catastrophising on this thread is hilarious! In Scotland it’s perfectly normal for kids to start school at 5 or 5.5. I’m pretty sure the entire population of Scotland isn’t damaged / traumatised / socially inept etc etc 😂

Most go to nursery/pre school first though - we don't tend to simply keep them at home

The other consideration is that if the mass culture is to go to pre-school, that reduces other opportunities to socialise because there isn't the demand to provide them. You don't get many evening opportunities for young children because most are too tired to do much after pre-school.

From what you’ve said Op, it sounds fine. You know her best anyway. It’s only in the U.K. that children start school at 4 anyway.

Mine went to a nursery from about the age of 2 yrs 9 months, but it was only 9.15 to 12 for three mornings a week. If they didn’t want to go, I didn’t force them and we just did something else instead (but I was SAH so had that option). On the ‘no nursery’ mornings, we did Tumble Tots, of music groups. I’m in London though, so there was always something going on. I did loads of phonics with them and all four went into reception fine.

I think children do need socialising (daily), but that’s not to say they need to be all day in a nursery from a very young age. They don’t! Just a few mornings per week is enough and gets them used to a more ‘institutionalised’ setting (queuing up, etc). Is there nothing like this near you? If not, I would definitely take her to groups (messy play, gym, music, whatever) and have other children over every day.

Most go to nursery/pre school first though - we don't tend to simply keep them at home
Exactly.

My kids started school at 5.4 and 5.9 years. Lods of parents did the same.
But priot to that they were in pre school nursery for 5 days a week, moving up to big school with their peers.
Prior to that was playgroup 4 days a week.

@Mistlewoeandwhine

My DS1 started school at about 4 and 9 months. He could read, articulate himself well etc and he went into school for the first time with no tears as we’d talked a lot a bout school and he could understand how everything worked. The kids crying round him were the ones who’d been in the preschool the previous year! I’m Irish (but living in England) so have a different way of looking at things but frankly, seeing tiny tots going off to school every day depresses the hell out of me. No one needs to be acclimatised to ‘systems’ when they are three.

@Mistlewoeandwhine “ No one needs to be acclimatised to ‘systems’ when they are three. “

This. Spot on.

Back in the 50s most of us were at home with mum until the term we turned 5. Children started in the September, January or April depending on when their birthday was. I only remember one girl crying and she was screaming and pulling the teachers hair as well, the poor kid couldn't speak English so it must have been terrifying for her.

We didn't have playgroups, not many nurseries as all the wartime ones closed so women had to give up work and let men returning from war have the jobs. Certainly in the inner city area I was in no one went to pre school activities. I remember it being confusing for a few days but we were all fine as far as I know.