Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it weird to keep her with me until 5?

391 replies

Whatwillyakkabetoday · 27/10/2021 09:17

Dd, is 3 and an August birthday. Is it unusual to keep her at home with me until she turns 5 and send her the September after she turns 5?
I’m a nursery teacher so do lots of activities at home etc.
She wouldn’t have any pre school etc until 5
Has anyone done this?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 27/10/2021 10:05

Thanks for all the feedback, how do homeschoolers justify it then, if it’s so wrong for the child (not in my opinion, I’m really unsure about that, but judging by some responses on here)

They don't plan to send their child to school a year later and they socialise with others more than once a fortnight

sassbott · 27/10/2021 10:05

@JellyTotCat like what?

These children had separation anxiety pure and simple. The mothers even tried to come in and sit in the class to help them settle and apparently all that would happen is the children would still want to sit on their parents knees and the melt downs would still happen when the parents tried to leave.

It was nothing short of traumatic to these children.
They’d spent the majority of their young years not separated from their primary carer. Play dates and socialisation groups still have the primary carer present.

I’m sorry but I look at scenarios like this (the exception of course being special needs) and think this is 100% about the parents needs and not the child’s.

Original poster
Whatwillyakkabetoday · 27/10/2021 10:06

In terms of teaching, we do phonics, number recognition etc etc, she’s very up to date and bright, v articulate, early speaker etc. I’m not worried about that side of it, just socially perhaps

OP posts:
onlysomany · 27/10/2021 10:06

@Whatwillyakkabetoday

I’m a teacher but currently home with Dd

I’m not in the U.K., where I am, they start school itself at age 6.

They can start pre school at age 4, but have to go everyday, no option for part time etc

She tried a private pre school in September and really suffered, she was very unhappy, was super confident and outgoing before that. It clearly knocked her confidence.
I have some friends homeschooling, plus lots of friends in nursery, we all regularly meet up. We have lots of days out, plus she has dance lessons once a week.
I suppose I’m worried she won’t be ready next September for full time pre school or it will be a repeat of before where we saw our previously happy girl take a real hit in confidence.
Definitely not for my benefit. As much as I love being with her, I’d love a break too!

Thanks for all the feedback, how do homeschoolers justify it then, if it’s so wrong for the child (not in my opinion, I’m really unsure about that, but judging by some responses on here)

If they start school at 6, then that's totally different. If she'll be starting school with other children, she won't be disadvantaged in the way I described above.

As to whether she'd be better off in pre-school or at home with you, that depends so much on your individual circumstances, including your DD's personality and yours, it's hard to say!

Could you enrol her in a different pre-school for the last term before school maybe?

Do you have a choice of pre-schools in your area? As a nursery worker I'm sure you appreciate that different nurseries can give very different experiences. Perhaps there's one she might like better?

Do you have child minders in your country? As you may know, in the UK we have childminders who look after DC in their own home, and often have a lot of them. And can be more flexible on days.

Perhaps that might be a bridge? As she'll be away from you for a while and learning to socialiase with a group of DC?

Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 27/10/2021 10:07

If I had my time again I’d have kept one of my kids home until 5. She never settled in to preschool. Hated it. Couldn’t articulate why. In the end I took her out in the September before she was due to start primary school (in Australia, so school year starts early feb). She sailed off to school, no problems and has never looked back. I think the uk starts their children in formal education terribly young!

BrilliantBulb · 27/10/2021 10:08

@Spudina

IME August born babies do fine in school. You would be doing her a disservice.
So much data disagrees with you.
EisQuiaPiusEs · 27/10/2021 10:09

OP, I didn't send my DC1 to school until the term after he turned 5, because I saw no reason to. I liked having my DC at home, and we went to toddler groups, friends' houses, etc, etc, etc, etc, plus they were learning all the time at home. This meant in practice that he missed Reception altogether, and went straight into Year 1. When he started school, he was light years ahead academically, but less advanced socially - so the school focussed on this side of things with him (fortunately it was a lovely little school).

I was going to do the same with the others, but they all started at some point after Christmas during Reception because they thought school looked like fun, having been in the playground etc while collecting DC1.

Phrowzunn · 27/10/2021 10:09

The amount of catastrophising on this thread is hilarious! In Scotland it’s perfectly normal for kids to start school at 5 or 5.5. I’m pretty sure the entire population of Scotland isn’t damaged / traumatised / socially inept etc etc 😂

StormyTeacups · 27/10/2021 10:10

We did similar, neither went to preschool. Our daughter was an August baby and in hindsight school at just turned 4 was too much. We had our doubts but she had wanted to so 🤷 we then withdrew her in yr 1 and home educated until the yr4. Ds didn't have any formal education or childcare until yr 2.

Dd has just started secondary, and while academically she is totally where she should be, I can still see an emotional difference between her and a couple of her friends who are September birthdays so nearly a year older.

JustLyra · 27/10/2021 10:10

@Whatwillyakkabetoday

I’m a teacher but currently home with Dd

I’m not in the U.K., where I am, they start school itself at age 6.

They can start pre school at age 4, but have to go everyday, no option for part time etc

She tried a private pre school in September and really suffered, she was very unhappy, was super confident and outgoing before that. It clearly knocked her confidence.
I have some friends homeschooling, plus lots of friends in nursery, we all regularly meet up. We have lots of days out, plus she has dance lessons once a week.
I suppose I’m worried she won’t be ready next September for full time pre school or it will be a repeat of before where we saw our previously happy girl take a real hit in confidence.
Definitely not for my benefit. As much as I love being with her, I’d love a break too!

Thanks for all the feedback, how do homeschoolers justify it then, if it’s so wrong for the child (not in my opinion, I’m really unsure about that, but judging by some responses on here)

Homeschooling is completely different. It doesn’t involve sending a child into a class that’s been established for half the year for starters.
StormyTeacups · 27/10/2021 10:10

It is quite common now to decelerate a summer born, your local admissions should be able to help

Pandaly · 27/10/2021 10:11

Completely up to you really. You know your child best. Just do what's right for them not for you.

Michellebops · 27/10/2021 10:11

In Scotland we start at 5/5.5 as our cut off birthday is end feb.

My daughter started last just just before her 5th birthday along with kids who were 5 6 months before her.

It's not unusual.

As the parent you decide what's best for your child ❤️

Stopcallingmemum · 27/10/2021 10:12

I have two summer born children.. both went to preschool..
My son I held back from starting till the following year..
My daughter I sent when she'd just turned 4.. she's only in reception but struggling with the work.. really regret not holding her back a year too. It worked really well for my son.

WakeUpLockie · 27/10/2021 10:12

Right, so where you are they don’t start school til 6, so you’re actually asking if your kid should start preschool at 5? I mean, yeah? If you want?

stingofthebutterfly · 27/10/2021 10:13

Straight into year one with no preschool? I wouldn't. If you're a nursery teacher, surely you understand the benefit of social interaction with peers prior to starting full time education.

I'd be surprised if it's easy for you to find a school who will admit her straight into year one. Perhaps a compromise is needed. Part time preschool until she's 5?

SpinsForGin · 27/10/2021 10:13

I’m not in the U.K., where I am, they start school itself at age 6.

That bit of information would have been useful at the start!!

JustLyra · 27/10/2021 10:13

@Phrowzunn

The amount of catastrophising on this thread is hilarious! In Scotland it’s perfectly normal for kids to start school at 5 or 5.5. I’m pretty sure the entire population of Scotland isn’t damaged / traumatised / socially inept etc etc 😂
Scottish kids don’t start school halfway through the year when their class is set up and established.

If they defer they defer the whole year and start P1 with the next cohort.

@Whatwillyakkabetoday if you’re going to defer then defer the year. Not part of it.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 27/10/2021 10:14

My DS1 started school at about 4 and 9 months. He could read, articulate himself well etc and he went into school for the first time with no tears as we’d talked a lot a bout school and he could understand how everything worked. The kids crying round him were the ones who’d been in the preschool the previous year! I’m Irish (but living in England) so have a different way of looking at things but frankly, seeing tiny tots going off to school every day depresses the hell out of me. No one needs to be acclimatised to ‘systems’ when they are three.

SunshineCake1 · 27/10/2021 10:15

My daughter went to nursery but it wasn't right for her and this was after we had tried a play school which also couldn't meet her needs. It was rather a surprise that she needed to start school aged four years one month. She'd been at home with me for five months but then after the play school and nursery nightmare. I was more worried than she. Turned out she was out on the G and T programme and is now 18, at uni and doing great. I think they need the reception year much more than people think and it is irrelevant that you are a nursery teacher, you can't give her what a morning in school with her peers would.

Bluntness100 · 27/10/2021 10:16

Is she struggling because she’s not being socialised enough op? It does seem that way from what you’ve written.

Ok so you’re a stay at home mum, do you not feel the sooner the better for her as leaving it longer will possibly cause her even bigger issues?

SunshineCake1 · 27/10/2021 10:16

I agree @Mistlewoeandwhine. I only sent mine to play school because dh wanted them to go. His reasons for going seemed better than mine for staying at home but if I had my time again I'm sure they wouldn't go when they did, if at all.

1stTimeMama · 27/10/2021 10:16

Lots of us choose to home educate permanently, so I don't see the harm in sending her when she's not legally obliged to start until then anyway.

Igneo · 27/10/2021 10:17

I remember as a child the children who hadn’t been to nursery crying for their mummies on starting primary school.

I’d want to avoid that, and for kids that age, being away from primary caregiver for short sessions in the year or so before school starts makes a big difference.
Having said that, my summer born child benefitted hugely from the break in schooling lockdown provided in reception and year 1. He really was finding the days too long. I don’t know if i’d have had the wherewithal to reduce him to shorter days before he was 5, but in hindsight that would have been a good idea.

Redsquirrel5 · 27/10/2021 10:17

@Spudina

IME August born babies do fine in school. You would be doing her a disservice.
Mine didn’t.

Do what you think is best and you may change your mind as she grows.