Is it weird to keep her with me until 5?

[Whatwillyakkabetoday]

Dd, is 3 and an August birthday. Is it unusual to keep her at home with me until she turns 5 and send her the September after she turns 5?
I’m a nursery teacher so do lots of activities at home etc.
She wouldn’t have any pre school etc until 5
Has anyone done this?

Sorry that should have been "What are your group options for her outside of school settings?"

I’m a nursery teacher

So where will she be when you are at work?

Why, as a nursery teacher, are you not able to see the benefits of a child being in nursery?

My little one is a similar age and he loves playdates and groups, we meet with other toddlers most days. When we are not with other children he says he misses his friends.

I think if you can when the funded hours come your way maybe send your little one in for a few sessions. You can send them in for as little as three hours.

I think at three they seem to really crave relaxed the.with their peers.

I think its fine, shes not missing the first year of school, she's missing nursery.

It's depends where the OP lives. The child would potentially miss Reception which is different to nursery.

For me, it would depend on the child. I know lots of August born children who coped perfectly well in reception aged 4. It's also nice when all the children start school together and firm friendship groups.

Starting school at 6/7 is fine in countries where all children do that! When your child is the only one, the situation is entirely different.

I was a SAHM, so my DC's didn't go to nursery. DS was old in his year so did a couple of mornings a week at a pre-school before starting the school nursery mornings only for the year before reception. DD missed out on being an August baby by 12 hours. She went straight into mornings at the school nursery for a year before reception, but was used to toddler groups, and gym and dance classes. She was so ready for reception - more so than her brother who was 8 months older when he had started school.

Depends who you are doing it for really, her or you?
It’s going to be quite a shock for her on the first day of school though

Yes, she'll miss out.

If you're in the UK, as a nursery worker I'm sure you're aware that reception is part of the Early Years curriculum. At my DC's school, reception was absolutely lovely, a great bridge between pre-school and more formal school when they're older.

They did loads of learning through play, and were gently introduced to the way the school runs.

They were all new and in the same boat and made friends together.

Year 1 was a big step up. The learning became less play-based, more what you'd expect at school. The kids all knew how the school was run and had all made friends.

Any child coming into school for the first time in year 1 would have been at a disadvantage to the other kids.

Enrol your DD in reception, you'll be doing her a diservice not to.

Have you hear of flexischooling? Maybe that would work for you and DD? Flexischooling is part home schooling, part mainstream school. Whether you can do this depends on the school. Some support it, many don't. But if they're under 5, I'm not sure there's much they can do as the DC aren't legally required there? You'd need to look this up if you're considering it asw this is the sum total of my knowledge about it!

Maybe join some flexischooling groups on Facebook, they're not hard to find and the parents there will be able to advise about this.

Or, just enrol her in school and know that if you feel she needs a break, you can simply take her out for a day or so when she's under 5.

I don’t think it’s weird. I know lots of people who don’t send their children to school until 5, 7 or ever in fact. I hear the ‘but how will they learn to socialise?!’ trotted out all the time, and it’s total nonsense. Socialising doesn’t only happen in school or nursery (although I would argue that a once a week play date is probably not enough for most children, unless she really struggles with social situations, or has a lot of additional unstructured social time out in the community like parks, libraries etc where she gets to interact with a variety of people).

Most people are horrified by the idea because ‘it’s not the way things are done’. That doesn’t make it wrong. Some children will thrive in preschool/nursery etc. Others will thrive in school, but not until they’re a bit older. There are also plenty of children who don’t thrive in school at all.

In Scotland we keep them at home until 4.5 and most places encourage you to defer until 5. My DS went at 4.5..I'm not sure he would have been ready at just 4 but he was definitely ready half a year later. My best friend lives in the faroe Islands and they don't send until 7 but they do get highly subsidised nursery from 1 and her DS who is 4.5 leaves the house at 9 am and plays in the fields with all his cousins until tea time. Its quite a different lifestyle that I'm not sure we would be able to have here.

I had DS at home at 2.5-3.5 then he eventually got to nursery for about 3 terms before primary school. I understand wanting to keep them at home, I really miss him now he is at school. However your child must have been about 1 when you went into lockdown so missed prime socialising age. I think nursery has been excellent at fostering independence at being able to cope without mummy all day and helping him understand that he is not the only child in the room and other children need the adults time. Also it gives yoy a little transition into school life...I kept him home from nursery if I wanted.

FIrst of all, playdates once a week really isn't enough. If you can form a sort of parents' group/parent-run coop/homeschool co-op (or if you just happen to know lots of people doing similar things and can spend a lot of the time hanging out with them), then fine. Otherwise....

When kids go into Year 1, it's assume they know some basic literacy and maths. You should be able to teach it at home, but you need to make sure you do.

What are you going to do about the school place issue? Do you live in an area where it's easy to get your child into your choice of school if she goes into Year 1? If there tends to be any pressure on places in your area, you could end up only being able to get a place at the less popular school other people don't want, or one that is some distance from your home.

@sassbott

What? Why? You’re a nursery school teacher and you first hand see the benefit children in these environments get. Why would you deprive your child of these?

Is this for you? Or for the child? (It smacks me of the former).

And by the way, in my child’s reception year it was very clear the 2 children who had not been socialised via pre school. Every morning the meltdowns at the school gates were something to behold - these children were sobbing/ screaming and pushing their parents back from the school begging not to be sent. They regressed into soiling/ wetting themselves in school. And were quite unsettling influences within the classroom. I thought it was really cruel actually and not remotely fair on the other children.

To balance this out, my dc each had 2 kids in their class who were like this and they'd been to nursery for years, so there might be other factors that led to it other than staying home/nursery

My mum did this, I found starting school hugely distressing and never settled.

I’m a teacher but currently home with Dd

I’m not in the U.K., where I am, they start school itself at age 6.

They can start pre school at age 4, but have to go everyday, no option for part time etc

She tried a private pre school in September and really suffered, she was very unhappy, was super confident and outgoing before that. It clearly knocked her confidence.
I have some friends homeschooling, plus lots of friends in nursery, we all regularly meet up. We have lots of days out, plus she has dance lessons once a week.
I suppose I’m worried she won’t be ready next September for full time pre school or it will be a repeat of before where we saw our previously happy girl take a real hit in confidence.
Definitely not for my benefit. As much as I love being with her, I’d love a break too!

Thanks for all the feedback, how do homeschoolers justify it then, if it’s so wrong for the child (not in my opinion, I’m really unsure about that, but judging by some responses on here)

@Seeline

Starting school at 6/7 is fine in countries where all children do that! When your child is the only one, the situation is entirely different.

I was a SAHM, so my DC's didn't go to nursery. DS was old in his year so did a couple of mornings a week at a pre-school before starting the school nursery mornings only for the year before reception. DD missed out on being an August baby by 12 hours. She went straight into mornings at the school nursery for a year before reception, but was used to toddler groups, and gym and dance classes. She was so ready for reception - more so than her brother who was 8 months older when he had started school.

In the countries that do this, the DC mostly go to full time pre-school.

In Denmark, for example, kids don't start till later, and both parents can take up to 2 year off work IIRC. But then the DC all go to full time nursery from 2 years, so they are in an educational environment, just not school.

That's not so massively different from the UK, if schools are following the Early Years curriculum for reception (as they should be) and not starting more formal teaching till Key Stage 1 at 5/6.

@StrikingMatches

Of the children in my DD class who have been kept back a year, they are all ok until Year 1 when the children are maturing and suddenly they find they seem older than their class mates.

August children are just fine in school and it's usually the parents who are struggling with the concept of them going to school not the child.

A child born at the end of August could literally be a day older than a September born child in the following year. Even if both were born mid month they would only be a month apart and I'm sorry I don't believe that is a difference that would show. The gap between the oldest child in the year who was maybe born in September and the youngest who maybe was born in August is a much bigger difference.

One of my siblings was born in the first week of September and was very bright, by the time he was 11 he was so bored he was turned off school for life.

Personally I don't believe in a rigid date, there should be more flexibility.

She’ll probably struggle if she’s an only child that has received 100% attention and lots of enriching activities to fill her time, when she’s thrust into a class with lots of others, all competing for the teachers attention. A play date once a week or fortnight is unlikely to develop sharing skills etc.
Wouldn’t she just miss reception and go straight into year one as that will be her correct year. That’ll be even harder for her to adjust when there are already established friendships. Just the same if you decide to start her the January of reception,

And people also trot out the line about Scandinavia and children not starting school until 6 but what they miss is in these countries full time nursery from 18 months is the norm.

Here in Ireland most children don't start school until the age of 5/5.5

I’m not in the U.K., where I am, they start school itself at age 6.

That's quite the drip

I wouldn’t. My August baby has just applied to Oxford Uni

@Whatwillyakkabetoday

I’m a teacher but currently home with Dd

I’m not in the U.K., where I am, they start school itself at age 6.

They can start pre school at age 4, but have to go everyday, no option for part time etc

She tried a private pre school in September and really suffered, she was very unhappy, was super confident and outgoing before that. It clearly knocked her confidence.
I have some friends homeschooling, plus lots of friends in nursery, we all regularly meet up. We have lots of days out, plus she has dance lessons once a week.
I suppose I’m worried she won’t be ready next September for full time pre school or it will be a repeat of before where we saw our previously happy girl take a real hit in confidence.
Definitely not for my benefit. As much as I love being with her, I’d love a break too!

Thanks for all the feedback, how do homeschoolers justify it then, if it’s so wrong for the child (not in my opinion, I’m really unsure about that, but judging by some responses on here)

I home schooled mine till they were 9, didn't cause any issues except for one or two children who resented it and obviously repeating parents would say, "you must be stupid because you haven't been to school."

Actually mine weren't behind, went to grammar school and did well.

Do what you think is right for her.

I was going to say that effectively you're just suggesting homeschooling her for the first years.

Homeschoolers get great socialisation but you do need more than once a week/fortnight imo

I guess the question is about how many times you try and transition her into formal education before you decide it's not for her and take homeschooling permanently? And also how long you're willing to leave her to settle into formal education before withdrawing her?

What you're proposing isn't wrong and works for many families until kids attend college.

What you need to do is decide how you're going to do it.

Yes, it's weird. I was kept at home til that age I can say now that I wasn't socialised properly and unfortunately that has been a 'for life' thing.

My child turned 3 in July and has only just gone to preschool. He would of went earlier but we where in a pandemic and I had the luxary to keep them at home. Due to this socially he is behind speaking to the eyfs teachers in school they have said a lot of children are. They are also having more children off sick as their immune system has been protected more with the lack of normal socialising. I would get your child in to preschool ASAP.

For those saying she would miss reception and straight into year 1 - the option exists now to put them into reception if you hold them back