MIL - Who is being unreasonable?

[GivenchyDahhling]

(Just to say this is not a usual MIL thread. Although my MIL is a PITA in a myriad of ways, this is fairly lighthearted although I actually feel kind of sorry for her).

So. MIL (let’s call her June) goes to two bridge clubs, Monday night and Tuesday night. On a Monday night, she gets a lift from her friend who we will call Graham. Graham is, apparently, always moaning about something and I think they have nice little quarrels in the car but, of course, June being June obviously thinks nothing of it.

Anyway.

Yesterday afternoon, Graham rang June and said to her terribly sorry but (someone - friend of Graham ) had tested positive for the old ‘rona, he was isolating and unfortunately wouldn’t be able to drive her to bridge

BIL was at June’s and, feeling that June shouldn’t miss out, offered to drive her.

Well - and I think you can all see where this is going - who do you suppose was there already when June arrive?

It was, of course, that treacherous bastard Graham.

Cue a very awkward evening where June and Graham were pointedly ignoring each other.

Now, my DMIL is not one to be snubbed. Oh no. When she got home she was RAGING. She did, perhaps because of the late hour, decide to sleep on her rage.

The next day - today - she got to work. She rang EVERY SINGLE person in the bridge club individually to inform them of what a two faced lying shitbag Graham was.

After that, she then rang every other mutual connection of theirs. The contractor she recommended to him? Got a call. Her hairdresser? Got a call. The gardener they share (and his dad?) Got a call.

So it’s safe to say that Graham might find himself something of a social pariah come next Monday.

Now I know how MN feel about CFs and lifts generally. I don’t think MIL is a CF, I think Graham lives up the road and offered the arrangement (and, besides, it’s about a 3 minute drive but MIL can’t walk more than a few steps unaided so wouldn’t be able to get there (she has a car but has developed a bit of a fear for it, she’s in her 80s.) I suspect the reason Graham lied is because she drives him up the wall and he wanted out of the arrangement. But it was also a pretty stupid lie and obviously quite embarrassing for her - but bad enough for the nuclear reaction?

YABU - June is a classic CF, Graham obviously had had enough of her and is perfectly within his rights to make any excuse he wants to get out of the arrangement and June is being vindictive and OTT

YANBU - Graham was being a dick to an elderly lady, he got caught out of a stupid lie when he should have just been honest if he didn’t want to drive her and June is perfectly within her rights to seek petty revenge

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

Well that was a stupid lie wasn't it!

A lie you could only make if you were confident that everyone else was going to back you up next week. I stand by what I said earlier - nobody wanted June at bridge and all were in cahoots with Graham.

A lie you could only make if you were confident that everyone else was going to back you up next week. I stand by what I said earlier - nobody wanted June at bridge and all were in cahoots with Graham.

I think one has to wonder if that's the situation. Maybe they don't want her there for whatever reason - always moaning, cognitively can't keep up with the game, who knows

Even if it's just Graham, surely he is allowed to decide he no longer wants to provide the lift as a favour even if she now considers it an entitlement. He told a white lie to avoid offending her or getting into an argument presumably - he's not the first to do that. It wasn't a stupid lie if he didn't think he'd get found out due to BIL helping out. Mumsnet is full of people complaining about friends and family taking advantage over lifts, childcare etc & people usually offer advice on how to get out of these arrangements - perhaps Graham should have asked on here.

OP told the story in a very amusing way, but I don't see Graham as the bad guy here - June has shown herself to be very unpleasant badmouthing him to everyone. They may nod to her face but she doesn't end up looking good.

@ITakeCharge

Totally agree

June comes across as spiteful. She could have let it go.

Perhaps he had enough of giving her lifts

June sounds epic and terrifying in equal measure. Graham sounds like an idiot.

Interestingly June told DH she hasn’t been able to get a lift and is having to arrange a taxi instead; which might give some weight to some of the recent posts suggesting the club don’t want June around. Or maybe they are afraid of the relationship turning sour post-Graham antics!

June is not defeated though, don’t worry. She’s already booked a regular taxi to take her from next Monday!

June for the win. I think I love her actually.

I love that June didn’t let Graham winkle out of the group. So many would have felt mortified and embarrassed. June wants to play bridge so she hired a taxi and made it happen. Graham outed himself as a person who can’t communicate without lying and is unwilling to give a fellow group member a five minute lift. June may be difficult but she stood up for herself and whilst her reaction might have been extreme - she certainly nipped any further lying by Graham in the bud.

*winkle her out of the group

I must be going against the flow but I think June is more than just a little bit unhinged here.

So Graham lied to her but he was clearly afraid of the fall out if he stopped the lifts to/from bridge club so he tried to think of something that (if she was in the same car for more than 15 mins might have made her a 'close contact' and to need to isolate, which backfired on him completely) didn't work out as originally planned.
He was clearly right to be afraid of her and the fall out. That's bullying behaviour by June towards Graham. She is singling him out for this punishment in her mind.

She saw not just red, but every shade of red and pink and purple (all the rage colours), and behaved despicably towards someone she had previously called a friend.

The first rule of Bridge Club is that you shouldn't talk about what happens in Bridge Club!

#TeamGraham!!!

I don't get it. Why are the majority of MNers celebrating June? Because if she was part of any of their lives they'd hate her. She sounds awful. She's right-wing, racist and vindictive, yet 90% of people are "team June" or "She's gold" or "Love her!!"

He was pretty shortsighted but she is deranged. He won't be a social pariah they'll all be thinking he was justified.

Exactly. Or as someone else said, the rest of the group begged him not to bring her as they wanted a break.

Your MIL is my hero and exactly who I'm going to turn into when I get older

@saraclara

I totally agree - all those people saying how amazing June is, is quite incredible, she sounds absolutely vile. And you can bet that all those shouting 'team June' and 'June is gold' would hate to have to deal with such a person in real life and if they knew them would consider them to be appalling and borderline dangerous. Are these people really saying we should celebrate people who are extremely right wing, racist, vindictive and spiteful ? Is this behaviour that people consider to be entertaining and amusing ?
I find MN quite astounding at times.

@Skatastic

Your MIL is my hero and exactly who I'm going to turn into when I get older

You want to be a spiteful racist?

@hotmeatymilk

Can we get June on Mumsnet please?

Beat me to it!

Would really love to hear direct from June!!

I wonder if all the hero worship of June is because she is old ? If someone came on here talking about this behaviour from a thirty year old vicious racist woman would people be queuing up to say ' I want to be just like her' ?

The fact is if June is a bigoted spiteful person at eighty she has probably been one all her life.

I would love to be a fly on the wall because bridge players come in fours. I don't know how bridge clubs work - do you play with the same people each week or move round like a Beetle Drive?

Will people choose not to play with June, or will they side with her?

Everyone admires a strong lady who gives no fucks, but perhaps Graham grew tired of her -isms.

I admire him more. He’s extricated himself from June’s company in a way that shows he gives even fewer fucks.

And I bet everyone June rang to complain about Graham has got June’s number down juuuust right.

Grahame must have been absolutely desperate to lie like that. He's been doing her this favour for a long time, it seems, and he just wanted a night off from the so-called 'nice' little quarrels* in the car.

June being June, there's probably no other reason that she'd have accepted, so he was forced to pull the Covid card.

*It's so fucking patronising of OP to refer to them as that. They're presumably proper arguments that wouldn't be referred to as 'nice little quarrels' if the protaganists weren't old.

June is a magnificent nutcase, and Graham had to do something because every time he picked her up his balls retreated so far up himself he got a sore throat

June should call and offer to pick Graham up in her taxi!

I sympathise with Graham not wanting to give June lifts twice a week until the end of time, especially if they truly were arguing every week, but he really was rather stupid to tell such a flimsy lie, unless he wanted to infuriate her and incur her wrath. He was probably desperate to get out of their arrangement, but not clever enough to come up with a better, plausible lie, and not brave enough to tell her the truth.

June sounds crazy and unpleasant, involving people they both just happen to employ. How awkward for those people! It would've been embarrassing and cringe-worthy enough to call every member of the bridge club! She doesn't seem very sympathetic.

As my saaaff London Gran would have said, "gawd luv a duck".

I feel sorry for June. It must have been quite a slap to walk in and find Graham there as large as life after he’d lied to her.
I think she must have been very hurt. It was an unkind thing to do. It really was like saying she didn’t belong in the group. Horrible.
He only gives her a lift on Mondays. Not twice a week. He drives past her house. She can barely walk and Op says it’s just 3 mins up the road. Hardly a stretch to help out someone once a week on your way to a mutual club, as you drive past their house, especially as she has difficulty walking.
Op says Graham is always Moaning so it’s probably six of one and half a dozen of the other
But I’m glad she sorted a taxi so she can still get to her club.

Um, can anyone please quote anything that suggests June is actually racist? Seems to be an assumption based on the fact she read the Daily Mail...

Happy to be corrected, but if not aren’t you pp’s just as judgemental?

I would say MIL is like a Daily Mail bingo card of ‘isms, except she stopped her subscription to the Mail several years ago because it got too left wing and now only reads the Express.

From the OP