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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL - Who is being unreasonable?

198 replies

GivenchyDahhling · 26/10/2021 20:30

(Just to say this is not a usual MIL thread. Although my MIL is a PITA in a myriad of ways, this is fairly lighthearted although I actually feel kind of sorry for her).

So. MIL (let’s call her June) goes to two bridge clubs, Monday night and Tuesday night. On a Monday night, she gets a lift from her friend who we will call Graham. Graham is, apparently, always moaning about something and I think they have nice little quarrels in the car but, of course, June being June obviously thinks nothing of it.

Anyway.

Yesterday afternoon, Graham rang June and said to her terribly sorry but (someone - friend of Graham ) had tested positive for the old ‘rona, he was isolating and unfortunately wouldn’t be able to drive her to bridge

BIL was at June’s and, feeling that June shouldn’t miss out, offered to drive her.

Well - and I think you can all see where this is going - who do you suppose was there already when June arrive?

It was, of course, that treacherous bastard Graham.

Cue a very awkward evening where June and Graham were pointedly ignoring each other.

Now, my DMIL is not one to be snubbed. Oh no. When she got home she was RAGING. She did, perhaps because of the late hour, decide to sleep on her rage.

The next day - today - she got to work. She rang EVERY SINGLE person in the bridge club individually to inform them of what a two faced lying shitbag Graham was.

After that, she then rang every other mutual connection of theirs. The contractor she recommended to him? Got a call. Her hairdresser? Got a call. The gardener they share (and his dad?) Got a call.

So it’s safe to say that Graham might find himself something of a social pariah come next Monday.

Now I know how MN feel about CFs and lifts generally. I don’t think MIL is a CF, I think Graham lives up the road and offered the arrangement (and, besides, it’s about a 3 minute drive but MIL can’t walk more than a few steps unaided so wouldn’t be able to get there (she has a car but has developed a bit of a fear for it, she’s in her 80s.) I suspect the reason Graham lied is because she drives him up the wall and he wanted out of the arrangement. But it was also a pretty stupid lie and obviously quite embarrassing for her - but bad enough for the nuclear reaction? Grin

YABU - June is a classic CF, Graham obviously had had enough of her and is perfectly within his rights to make any excuse he wants to get out of the arrangement and June is being vindictive and OTT

YANBU - Graham was being a dick to an elderly lady, he got caught out of a stupid lie when he should have just been honest if he didn’t want to drive her and June is perfectly within her rights to seek petty revenge

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 26/10/2021 23:02

@JudgeJ

The next day - today - she got to work. She rang EVERY SINGLE person in the bridge club individually to inform them of what a two faced lying shitbag Graham was.

Sounds like a dreadful employee making all these personal calls on the firm's time!

😂😂😂
HollowTalk · 26/10/2021 23:04

I'd like to nominate June for an AMA thread.

PinkStink · 26/10/2021 23:16

@HollowTalk

I'd like to nominate June for an AMA thread.
Only if Graham gets equal air time.

‘I have been alienated by my community AMA’

Feedingthebirds1 · 26/10/2021 23:32

June's been reading too much Jenny Joseph:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

ANameChangeAgain · 26/10/2021 23:34

@HollowTalk

I'd like to nominate June for an AMA thread. Stuff that, I'd like to nominate June for next Prime Minister Grin

Cherrysoup · 26/10/2021 23:40

Graham’s an idiot for thinking June wouldn’t find out. Fool.

June sounds like a horrible person who needs to get over herself. Phoning everyone to tell them? Has she zero self awareness eg Graham can’t stand her?!

MintyCedric · 26/10/2021 23:49

I've just read this thread to my 17yo DD who summed it up in a nutshell:

"Well, June sounds a bit extra..." Grin

I can totally imagine my mum doing something like this, if only I could get her out of the house to join something in the first place.

Mamanyt · 26/10/2021 23:54

Well, I think I may be on Team June, just because, but (something we'd say in the States) her reaction was kinda like taking an automatic weapon to shoot cockroaches!

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 26/10/2021 23:56

Poor Graham. Hope people just rolled their eyes at her and don't treat him any differently, seeing as all he did was lie to someone clearly mental. He wanted a night off. Who can blame him?

Happymum12345 · 26/10/2021 23:58

This would make good tv! A comedy.

Lalliella · 26/10/2021 23:59

June sounds horrendous. Can’t blame Graham for not wanting to drive her anymore. Hopefully her crazed attempt at revenge will backfire and everyone will gravitate to Graham’s side.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/10/2021 00:03

Poor June. That must have been a humiliating shock to see that utter Cad Graham sitting there large as life.
We are all taught to behave with dignity, but June wasn't going to take this lying down was she?
Or was Graham using more of the little grey cells than we originally thought. He knew June would go nuclear and in her revenge she would embarrass herself and he, the Wrong Doer, would gain sympathy from all who heard her rage... next episode please.

LaurenKelsey · 27/10/2021 00:16

They’re both guilty but this is quite entertaining. A woman in her eighties taking revenge on that treacherous bastard! 👏

noodlezoodle · 27/10/2021 00:53

@HollowTalk

I'd like to nominate June for an AMA thread.
Oh my god this needs to happen.

Graham didn't really think this one all the way through, did he? June is a magnificent warrior queen.

billy1966 · 27/10/2021 01:26

Graham is so dim as to be a pity.

As for your MIL, such energy will fuel her for a couple of decades.

PizzaCrust · 27/10/2021 02:39

😂😂😂 OP, you have quite the talent for writing. I hope you continue to regale us with these tales.

Anyway, YABU is my selection. It’s understandable to be pissed but ringing the gardener etc is just… bonkers. God help you all over the coming weeks, I can’t imagine you’ll hear much of anything else!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 27/10/2021 03:23

Well that was a stupid lie wasn't it!

Wingedharpy · 27/10/2021 03:24

Graham must be a single man, or know very little about women.
Everyone knows you do not mess with any woman who has been through the menopause.
We do not come out the other side, the same as we went into it.

You know what to get June for Christmas OP?
Her very own Junemobile mobility scooter .
She can burn rubber as she overtakes treacherous Graham on Tuesdays, while waving 2 fingers at him.Wink

Frannibananni · 27/10/2021 03:24

Jesus June take a fucking Xanax and start calling a taxi. Poor old spineless Graham was probably terrified of her awful hysteria.

UnsuitableHat · 27/10/2021 03:33

Woh, don’t mess with June. 😀 Her reaction is OTT (I wouldn’t ostracise anyone on the basis of that phone call- I’d just think they could sort it out for themselves) but it’s funny.

hattiesmith · 27/10/2021 03:40

I want to high five June!!! There's noooo messing with her! I want to be more like June!
And what a dick Graham is. I hope he's well and truly learnt his lesson and hanging his head in shame.

TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons · 27/10/2021 10:09

Reminds me of an elderly lady I knew. When DF attempted to grow a beard, it was rather straggly. She said "Your father looks like an old tramp with that beard." I always thought he looked like Catweazle myself. Grin

Chachachawoo · 27/10/2021 10:18

June is solid gold
The gardener and the hairdresser were particularly nice touches.
This has the makings of a classics thread. Thank you

SunshineCake1 · 27/10/2021 10:33

@user1471457751

While it was a dumb lie, I feel sorry for Graham as your mil sounds incredibly unpleasant. It's weird because if the sexes/ages were different, the reaction on here would be different. No one would be calling a middle aged man a legend for this type of behaviour, it would be all red flags, nasty and stay away.
Lots of situations are treated different because of the gender of the relevant parties.
cstaff · 27/10/2021 11:14

I can see the writer Martina Cole (writes about gangs and crime in London) contacting June for the content to her Dangerous Lady (2) book.

June is definitely a funny but dangerous lady - I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her. She is definitely the talk of the Bridge Club for this week anyhow. As for Graham - he will be the wuss that she married / dated and tried to bring him around to her way of thinking but will inevitably be dumped or killed off at the end Grin