Stop teaching child that it’s okay to refer to someone’s skin colour

[CannotThinkOfName]

Calling someone - a random person you don’t know - black is racist. I don’t care if your personal friend or your family member or someone else you’re close to doesn’t mind being referred to like this because they’re speaking for themselves as individuals.

Pointing out someone by skin colour is rude at best and at worst a form of racism. This is because

1. Skin colour that I was born with is brown.
2. Skin colour that I was born with does not define anyone. It doesn’t define your traits, characteristics, hobbies, goals, ambitions or anything else that truly defines who a person is.
3. It’s a form of racial harassment to start bothering someone at random and bringing up their race and colour for no real reason and singling them out by it.

I’ve seen people say there’s nothing wrong with their child referring to people by skin because they are just “saying what they see”. This is wrong because as a child, I never ever saw myself as “black” or described myself “black”. This is taught as a way to refer to people, it’s not simply a child “saying what they see”.

Please stop teaching your child that it’s okay to refer to people that you don’t know this way. If you do know someone and they’ve told you to call them black then that’s their choice as an individual. They don’t speak for anyone else but themselves.

If you don’t know someone’s name, - just ask them what their name is and call them by their actual name. Not “that black girl” or “the black woman” or “that black lady”.

This isn’t “goady” it’s something that needed to be said.

Referring to someone as black is not racist.
I have brown skin but refer to myself as black

3. It’s a form of racial harassment to start bothering someone at random and bringing up their race and colour for no real reason and singling them out by it.
I'm not quite sure what this about. People bothering someone is different to being referred to a black

I do not think that referring to someone's skin colour is racist. I do think phrases like "that black lady" convey that white is the "normal" skin colour and therefore probably are racist. Using your preferred language to describe skin colour is also a very reasonable request.

But if I have to describe someone (my job involves describing missing people to the police at times) I think it would be ridiculous not to use skin colour. I also specify when someone is white.

@Batshittery

Referring to someone as black is not racist. I have brown skin but refer to myself as black

3. It’s a form of racial harassment to start bothering someone at random and bringing up their race and colour for no real reason and singling them out by it.
I'm not quite sure what this about. People bothering someone is different to being referred to a black

Referring to someone that you don’t know as black is racist.

If you, as an individual don’t mind being called black - that’s your decision as an individual. You don’t get to speak for other people.

Just don’t assume everyone wants to be referred to that way or won’t consider you racist for calling them that.

We do describe people in other ways, though. For example, the blonde lady, the man with the beard, the woman wearing glasses. I would feel funny describing someone as black but, objectively, I don't really know how it's different unless you take into account history of oppression and white privilege

“I do not think that referring to someone's skin colour is racist”.

It’s racist. It’s just that it’s a form of racism that has been normalised. People need to quit it.

How do you describe someone who’s black without saying they’re black?

My boss is black and she told me she hates people saying things to her like ‘I don’t see colour, I just see the person’ because she finds it really gaslight-y. Like, come on, are you pretending to me you can’t see reality?

Genuine question, how is it racist if you are describing someone? If I needed to describe r point out someone amongst a large group of people I'd do it by visual features - so it might be their clothes if they are wearing something noticeable, but it equally might be "the black woman with long straight hair" or "the white woman with curly brown hair"?

I'm happy to take advice on this subject so will read with interest.

Surely it's context dependent though? Agree that randomly approaching someone or bothering them because of the colour of their skin is clearly not ok.

But using physical descriptors of a person when you don't know their name is normal behaviour, such as "the blonde girl" or "the tall girl", or if there is more than one person that meets a descriptor you may need to be more specific.

But it’s descriptive? Surely it’s only racist it said in a derogatory way. I work in a multicultural and incredibly diverse school and when we’re trying to identify a student ie because they’ve been involved in an incident, skin tone helps us narrow down students names, as does height, build, hair style, hair colour etc.

Oh ffs.

If you, as an individual don’t mind being called black - that’s your decision as an individual. You don’t get to speak for other people

Oh the irony

I’m another blank person from a back family who have an array of skin tones and we are all happy to be referred to as black.

You don’t get to speak for all black people.

@Interrobanger

How do you describe someone who’s black without saying they’re black?

My boss is black and she told me she hates people saying things to her like ‘I don’t see colour, I just see the person’ because she finds it really gaslight-y. Like, come on, are you pretending to me you can’t see reality?

Like mentioned in the OP. One person doesn’t speak for everyone who happens to be grouped in with them. Your boss is an individual and they apparently like having their skin colour mentioned and brought to attention. That’s their choice but you shouldn’t assume everyone is like that.

Race is a made up thing. It’s not real so I disagree with you that you’re just “seeing reality”. If no one taught you the label black to call people, you wouldn’t have known such a term existed. Calling people black is learned behaviour that people pick up from the environment they’re either raised in or live in as an adult.

**If you, as an individual don’t mind being called black - that’s your decision as an individual. You don’t get to speak for other people.

Just don’t assume everyone wants to be referred to that way or won’t consider you racist for calling them that.**

Please tell me your understand the definition of irony

Can you be more specific about why you believe it to be racist? As clearly not everyone of a similar skin colour agrees with you.

I think context and intent are very important factors here.

And I have a five year old and three year old - I tell them it’s rude to comment on anyone’s appearance in any way, and if they have any questions it’s okay to ask me very quietly. They have at times asked questions about disabilities, skin tone, weight etc louder than I’d have liked but they certainly aren’t being racist when they’ve asked about skin colour!!

But many Black people say it’s racist to avoid using Black when describing someone, because dancing around it suggests being Black is problematic – which obviously it isn’t. So isn’t it fair to say that you find it racist and others don’t, rather than it categorically being so?

Interesting thread OP

The only thing that's confusing me is this. Are you speaking for other black people while telling other black people they don't speak for other people?

"They don't speak for anyone else but themselves", is the part I'm confused by.

Race isn't real?

Race is a made up thing. It’s not real

Doesn't that contradict the notion that 'I don't see colour' is unhelpful at best?

I think she's speaking for herself, making contradictions

@Merryoldgoat

If you, as an individual don’t mind being called black - that’s your decision as an individual. You don’t get to speak for other people

Oh the irony

I’m another blank person from a back family who have an array of skin tones and we are all happy to be referred to as black.

You don’t get to speak for all black people.

Exactly. You and your family don’t speak for me or anyone else but yourselves. You are not the authority on how we should be referred to. Just because you give permission to your friends, family and acquaintances to call you black, doesn’t mean everyone else does.

But you don't speak for everyone either 🤷🏻‍♀️

Saying 'the black lady over there' when a point and just 'the lady over there' clearly identifies who you mean is racist. ' ' jenny is the black lady' when identifying someone in a crowd isn't because, if appropriate, I would also say 'jenny is the white lady'.

Or at least that's my view.