Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

I think it's this that is the problem
"What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?"
It just doesn't occur to me to buy chocolate bars or crisps at all, large or small, on a regular basis. It never has. I think it all starts with the habits instilled from childhood.
If I do overindulge eg on holiday I don't feel guilty because it's rare, but I do crave a plate of vegetables the next day!
I love love love food, but just not those things. So I'm not skinny, just slim with a normal BMI around 20.

Please may I ask a question?
Why are women so obsessed about their weight?
Could you please, please, look at the men? Do they worry about how they look? Initially, probably.
Why, please, tell me, why a "six pack" turns into a barrel?
Sorry. Rant over. Mostly.
This stuff makes me SO cross!! We are so much better than this.

@BobISMyUncle

Please may I ask a question? Why are women so obsessed about their weight? Could you please, please, look at the men? Do they worry about how they look? Initially, probably. Why, please, tell me, why a "six pack" turns into a barrel? Sorry. Rant over. Mostly. This stuff makes me SO cross!! We are so much better than this.

I am ‘obsessed’ about my weight for health reasons. I don’t want to be unhealthy and immobile as I get older.

Oh and my DH is equally as ‘obsessed’ as me, also for health reasons.

Meant to add, I don’t keep any of my trigger foods in the house. If they are there I will eat them. I don’t keep in fresh bakery bread, biscuits, chocolate or crisps. On the odd occasion I fancy them I will work them into my daily plan and go out as get an individual portion for me to enjoy. Even though my mindset has improved massively, avoiding temptation is important. When I stay over with family, they have cupboards heaving with Pringles, chocolate, cookies etc (they are all obese/ morbidly obese) and snack a lot. I end up falling into the same sort of pattern whilst there, just cos the food is available. So evening snack, I think just 3 Pringles then I will stop, but I will then find myself aimlessly eating till they are all gone, and then have something else afterwards!
@WouldBeGood sounds like you are doing all the right things, good luck! I am fortunate that I’m not keen on alcohol as it’s empty calories and can then lead to extra snacking. I maybe have one or two small glasses of wine/ Prosecco a year as that’s all I genuinely fancy. Don’t think about it the rest of the time

@BobISMyUncle I see what you are saying, but for me personally I am not obsessed with my weight but I am obsessed with my health. My mobility and overall fitness is much better after losing 4 stone of excess fat.

@BobISMyUncle

Please may I ask a question? Why are women so obsessed about their weight? Could you please, please, look at the men? Do they worry about how they look? Initially, probably. Why, please, tell me, why a "six pack" turns into a barrel? Sorry. Rant over. Mostly. This stuff makes me SO cross!! We are so much better than this.

Because I don’t want to be obese...I don’t even want to be overweight...I want to be as healthy as I can....My choice My (male) partner is the same....doesn’t want to be overweight or obese....wants to be healthy.....same as most people I would imagine

Thanks @EssexLioness. Yes, I was actually surprised by how changing my foodstuffs to a more protein based diet fills me up. But I envy you on your alcohol indifference! That's my next step

@BobISMyUncle

Please may I ask a question? Why are women so obsessed about their weight? Could you please, please, look at the men? Do they worry about how they look? Initially, probably. Why, please, tell me, why a "six pack" turns into a barrel? Sorry. Rant over. Mostly. This stuff makes me SO cross!! We are so much better than this.

I wouldn't call not wanting to eat a tub of icecream or a family pack of crisps being obsessed with weight. I wouldn't enjoy doing that even if it was zero calories. A small bowl would be enjoyable. A tub, no.

@BobISMyUncle It is my DH who had more of weight issue in my house. When he was doing a job he loathed he piled on the pounds which compouned his low self esteem. When he took the brave step of leaving and retraining, the weight didn't fall off, but in time he felt able to take control. He has now lost the weight, but remains careful about his diet to stay trim. And quite right too -I want him to join me in a long and healthy old age.

Being overweight is bad for women and men - I'm not sure making it a feminist issue really helps anyone.

Maybe the issue isn’t that women should care less about their weight, but that men should care more. Being obese isn’t healthy, whatever sex you are.

Maybe the issue isn’t that women should care less about their weight, but that men should care more. Being obese isn’t healthy, whatever sex you are.

That is a reasonable statement, but the men in my life do care about their weight. No one want to be fat. I am not sure obesity is a gendered issue.

Apologies - I haven't read the full thread but wanted to signpost to this documentary that was quite eye-opening to me about ultra-processed food and the way in which the body responds. Something that sticks out for me is: “Eating ultra-processed food became something my brain simply tells me to do, without me even wanting it”, he says, adding this is a similar brain response to taking substances we consider classically addictive such as cigarettes, alcohol and drugs.

www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/van_tulleken

I've been obese and lost a lot of weight (which I've maintained for five years). For those saying 'how can you let yourself get like that' truly it was gradual, then it was habitual, then it was depressing, then it was soul-destroying. I hated myself but still I ate. It's a complicated relationship and for me (with counselling) I traced it back to having been deprived of food (boarding school for 9 years) so even now, binging is my go-to to make myself feel happy.

Their is no go to fix, what works for one will be no good for someone else. That unfortunately is why dieting is big business. But one thing works for all and that is to get your head sorted, eat to live not live to eat. Easier said than done, of cause. Find out why you over eat,
Childhood,
Relationships,
Abuse,
Boredom,
Bullying.
The list is endless. Sit down and be honest with yourself.
Oh just remembered
I love chocolate but I heard if you give it up, even for three weeks it taste nasty. It does it really does. I prefer dark now one piece a day and I enjoy it

Great post, Arkestra.

Sound advice there from Arkestra.

@Ddot I agree about the chocolate. It mostly tastes waaay too sweet, especially cheap stuff (I am amazed to find I don't like Kit Kats any more).

I also have occasional dark chocolate only now.

I love chocolate but I heard if you give it up, even for three weeks it taste nasty. It does it really does. I prefer dark now one piece a day and I enjoy it

This isn’t true for me. I’ve given up chocolate for lent a fair few times. I still enjoy it. I prefer crisps though.

Milk chocolate has changed or my taste buds have. It seems overly sweet and tasteless and doesn't seem to melt the same.
Dark kit kats are yummy, but I only eat one stick.

@gingercatsparky sorry for the delay I'd not read the updates.

We eat protein and good fats mainly. I swap in low carb bread, I get mine from either Waitrose or Lidl. I swap in cauliflower rice and low carb noodles depending on the dish.

So brunch might be boiled eggs with a slice of toast or scrambled eggs on toast. A full cooked breakfast without hash browns or baked beans is also ok. I also like kippers for breakfast.

I leave 18 hours between my last meal and my breakfast next day. In reality this is dinner at 6-7pm and brunch at 12-1 although often it's as early as 11am. This gives the body a rest from producing insulin constantly and rests the beta cells.

Dinner will be based on a protein. I very much like chicken. I swap out potato for celeriac and have lots of above ground veg and gravy. There is no limit, eat as much as you need to feel full. But that's it until brunch the next day. Below ground veg are eaten but only limited amounts as they contain more carbs.

I still enjoy a take away curry just with cauliflower rice and a popadom (5 carbs) rather than rice and nann bread.

If I snack it's on nuts or home made sugar free treats. I also make a almond based quiche with cream bacon eggs and onions. This is great snack food too.

It's a very easy way to eat, and the weight really does just fall away.

@beautifullymad I would love to hear your quiche recipe if you don't mind sharing?

Me too!

@Arkestra

Some interesting answers here. For what it's worth, my take is:

1. The first step - and first major achievement - is making up your mind to try losing weight. Just doing making that decision, and doing what you can to follow through on it, is a great thing and a victory, even if you don't get where you want as fast as you want.
2. Willpower is a finite resource. A regime that is constantly involving you in a struggle against hunger is not likely to succeed over the long term. This is the most important thing to keep in mind - a daily struggle is not sustainable. Do whatever you can to help yourself out here. Be kind to yourself. Try to set yourself up to win, not to struggle.
3. A pound of fat equates to around 3,500 calories. For many people with plenty of extra weight, running a 500 calorie a day deficit does not have to involve feeling hungry, and this will lose you a pound a week without having to combat hunger and so expend your limited stock of willpower (see point 1). Your body may take a few days to adjust, but after that you may be surprised how little effort you're having to make.
4. It's possible to lose weight faster than this (2lb a week is achievable for many) but this tends to involve a regime that is so different from the post-diet one that it's not easy to then sustain weight loss once the diet is over. I have personally found going for a slower loss rate more sustainable in the long term.

3a. There is some evidence that rapid weight loss (e.g. much over 1lb a week) will increase your body's appetite for some time afterwards, also making it harder to maintain weight loss. The evidence is still somewhat patchy here, but it's another reason to take it easy and not kill yourself on a crash diet. Slow and steady wins the race.

1. Avoid carbs: sweets, bread, chocolate - the problem with these is that they are broken down quickly and then you are hungry again. Protein and fat fill you up for longer, so you're not using willpower to combat hunger (see point 1). And veg is great too as it will fill you up. But the more carbs you eat, the more you'll get hunger pangs kicking in. I get this is really hard if you have a sweet tooth, but it is hard for me to overstate how much difference cutting carbs makes in terms of being able to manage eating habits.

4a. Space your meals. Eat something for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This is important as it will make it a lot easier for you because you are less likely to end up ravenously hungry at any point, and so you won't have to expend so much willpower (see point 1)

1. Avoid booze as a regular habit. Not only does it carry lots of calories in itself (600+ for a bottle of wine), it has a similar "sugar crash" effect to carbs so you end up eating more snacks as a knock-on effect unless you exert lots of willpower (see point 1)
2. Help yourself remember what things were like before you started the diet: take "before" pictures.
3. Keep track of your weight. I weigh myself daily and track a moving average on this website: www.fourmilab.ch/cgi-bin/HackDiet/ - a big advantage of a moving average of the kind that this website calculates is that temporary fluctuations don't overly depress you, causing a general lack of motivation and so depleting your willpower (see point 1).

7a. Fluctuations are totally par for the course, by the way. Water retention can make pounds of difference between one day and the next. Also your body has a few pounds of low-energy-density storage - glycogen rather than fat. This comes off and regains quickest. So if you slip for a day or two and a couple of pounds go back on, this isn't somehow 7,000 calories of fat that have appeared from nowhere. It's water and glycogen, and it will disappear as quickly as it came.

1. I find that setting targets helps my motivation/willpower, as long as I am tracking progress using 7. But that may not be for everyone.
2. Tell your friends you are dieting. Friends worth having will want to encourage and help you.

9a. If someone is trying to sabotage your self-improvement efforts, they are telling you a lot about their relationship with themselves and with you - none of it good. 10. Don't feel you have to fall in line with what others are doing. People vary enormously in their appetites and general responses to food. Genetics, deeply-learned habits, medication - all these things can have profound effects. The long term goal is to come up with a way of living that you can sustain indefinitely without constantly feeling like you are having to deny yourself all the pleasure that makes live worth living. The compromises you arrive at may be very different from those that others arrive at. 11. Small daily differences add up - for good or for bad. I put on a stone over lockdown, which I am now most of the way to losing. This weight went on over a year and a half. My daily surplus in calories was about 100 - less than half a Mars Bar.

Good luck OP. It is very easy to put on weight slowly over time and end up in a state one would never have expected to be in. But it is possible to get out of it again.

Great post indeed.

Eat when hungry. Stop when full. Don’t eat junk or lots of sugar. Keep Reasonably active.
Our bodies should regulate themselves . It’s about listening carefully to what your body is telling you .