Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

There have been lots of societal changes from the war years to current times.

Chemical use is huge in daily life compared to the 1940s and contributes to the obesity problem as it disrupts the body's normal homeostatic control mechanism. Google obesogen chemicals.

If I overeat I know I’ll feel gross afterwards and won’t want a proper dinner.

There’s nothing physically preventing me. I just know it’s not good for me.

I try not to buy junk food to keep in the house.
I have shit willpower but will stop eating when full. I exercise quite a bit and I like the thought of having a toned body over being overweight/obese. If I know I have an event where there will be photos etc I make a better effort at not eating rubbish and exercising more for a week or two before it. I’m really self conscious and hate myself in most photos but I’m slim looking I don’t hate it so much.

I have a young DD and my parents passed away fairly young so even if the worst happens to me, I can say I made every effort on my part
to stay healthy and be around longer for her despite the bad luck or genetics.

I’ve recently cut off drinking full fat cola unless out a restaurant. I drink Coke Zero or low calorie Irn bru instead and it’s helped loads. Sometimes I cave in but its not everyday. If I’m going to eat cake or biscuits/sweets I make sure it’s really good stuff worth the effort.
I won’t graze on rubbish, but would rather save those calories to have a really good treat or drink. I don’t count calories or deny myself but tend to do things in moderation. If I know I’m going out for a nice dinner I will eat very lightly during the day (or at all depending on what ive got going on) And if I get super full from a big meal out somewhere I eat really lightly the remainder of the day and next day.

I realised that you have to listen to your natural hunger centre. I eat when I’m hungry and then when I feel full I stop.
Yesterday we planned go for a late lunch at our local pub ( around 4pm) we often do this if we have a late breakfast. But DH was hungry at lunchtime and we made the mistake of having a sandwich. We ate at around 5.30 in the pub but neither of us was hungry so ended up taking most of the meal home in a doggy bag. I then didn’t eat again until 12 today when I felt hungry,
I’m overweight but very good at maintaining weight. Having just been given the all clear after breast cancer I am going to loose the extra stone I’ve been carrying around to help reduce my breast cancer risk further.
Eating a balanced diet is key. A carb heavy/low fat diet often leaves you feeling hungry.

I couldnt eat that because it'd make me sick op. Too much. Stomachs shrink and expand according to habit, if you eat a bit less on a regular basis it'll take less to feel full up and vice versa.
I can almost eat half a packet of digestives though, they're my weakness. And I then feel sick.

@MagpieMary
How did I do it?
I spent quite a bit of time observing slim people- what, how frequently and how much they eat. I compared what they did to what I did. I realised that my portions were double normal size. I observed that I would be the one to hover near the buffet, the one to always order cake with my coffee, the one to eat the most biscuits. I observed that all the fit active people around me, in my 60+ age group, and out enjoying their lives, were slim- pretty much without exception. I observed that my slim friends possessed weighing scales. I knew diets didn't work. I've been slim lots of times before- I was a slim child who grew into a slim adult. My issues with food probably began as a young adult, once I'd stopped growing. My issues are also emotional. On the positive side I've always liked fruit veg and lean protein. So I knew I needed to decide once and for all to nourish myself with good food, to count calories and stick to 1200 a day. Saturdays became 'eat whatever you want day' but as time went on I found I didn't crave the treats so much. Saturday remains treat day though. I bought weighing scales and I weigh myself most mornings. That's it really.

Also, as other are saying, I dont eat alot of carbs. Pasta, potatoes bread and rice very rarely these days- I just don't want them. Apart from really good proper bread with really good butter- that's a weakness of mine and so, to curb it, I only buy bread when I've consciously decided to indulge myself, usually when I've got visitors and we are having homemade soup or something. I don't buy it otherwise because I can't resist good bread and butter. I don't have chocolate, cake, biscuits, crisps or ice-cream in the house unless I've consciously decided to treat myself.

The other thing I would say is if you are obese whatever way of eating you choose to follow needs to be something that doesn't feel like a punishment, because you are going to be doing it for a long time. So find something that you can happily and easily do for a couple of years. So for instance I love cheese, I couldn't happily follow a way of eating that restricts that, so I have chosen low carb.

It's interesting posters talking about 'treats' in terms of food, particularly junky type food.

If I decide to treat myself to something - I don't think food really occurs to me. I care much more about clothes and books than I do about food so a treat would be a new book or dress or makeup.

I guess I didn't grow up in a house where junky food was labelled as treats. A birthday meal out - yes - at the Hard Rock Cafe or Asterix.

I can see if you've set that up as a habit since childhood - it's hard to break and possibly leads to making the food seem more exciting than it actually is.

Whilst I have no doubt at all that mental health and eating disorders play a huge and growing role in the UK, the food we eat (rather than the amount itself) plays a big part. For anyone who wonders what 'ultraprocessed food' is and whether or not they eat it, I can strongly recommend the following (long) article:

www.theguardian.com/food/2020/feb/13/how-ultra-processed-food-took-over-your-shopping-basket-brazil-carlos-monteiro

@TatianaBis

It's interesting posters talking about 'treats' in terms of food, particularly junky type food.

If I decide to treat myself to something - I don't think food really occurs to me. I care much more about clothes and books than I do about food so a treat would be a new book or dress or makeup.

I guess I didn't grow up in a house where junky food was labelled as treats. A birthday meal out - yes - at the Hard Rock Cafe or Asterix.

I can see if you've set that up as a habit since childhood - it's hard to break and possibly leads to making the food seem more exciting than it actually is.

Maybe some posters prefer a slice of chocolate cake to clothes or a book? Clothes and books aren’t treats to me really… they’re every day items. I’m not fussed about clothes beyond the essentials, and I love books but use the library regularly, have a kindle unlimited subscription and buy lots of second hand books. However I see a really nice cheeseboard and a bottle of good wine as a ‘treat’, as I don’t have them very often.

@TatianaBis
It's interesting posters talking about 'treats' in terms of food, particularly junky type food.
If I decide to treat myself to something - I don't think food really occurs to me. I care much more about clothes and books than I do about food so a treat would be a new book or dress or makeup.
I guess I didn't grow up in a house where junky food was labelled as treats. A birthday meal out - yes - at the Hard Rock Cafe or Asterix.
I can see if you've set that up as a habit since childhood - it's hard to break and possibly leads to making the food seem more exciting than it actually is
It has often hit me that food is my go to treat. I'm going to address this going forward. I'm going to my local bookshop to treat myself to a book! I want to change this ingrained focus on food. I've done so much, this is my next step. It's the only time in my life I've consciously chosen to stop the bloody yoyo'ing. So thank you.

Dinner plates are bloody huge now, like bin lids. It's no wonder we eat to much. Try a small plate, load it up with veg at least half the plate, the rest should be one quarter protein one quarter carbs. I prefer 75% veg myself

@Ddot

Dinner plates are bloody huge now, like bin lids. It's no wonder we eat to much. Try a small plate, load it up with veg at least half the plate, the rest should be one quarter protein one quarter carbs. I prefer 75% veg myself

Pre-pandemic (can't comment now as I haven't been in a restaurant since) some chain pubs actually served their 'challenge' meals - 32oz steaks with a whole camembert to dip it into plus chips etc, for example - in an actual bin lid.

I eat 3 meals a day, 2 with puddings, walk everywhere and only eat when I'm hungry. Sometimes I don't eat when I'm hungry as I'm also tired and need to sleep.

This is such an interesting thread. I have been following it for the past couple of days. I have been a yo-yo dieter for about 20 years. My problem has been that I have been on many diets, then once I either get to my desired weight or give up, I go back to my old ways of eating and inevitably weight piles on again.
Recently lost almost 4 stone since the first lockdown last year. It has been fairly steady loss but this time things are different. My attitude has changed. I am having a hard time with peri menopause aged 43 which has made it harder but also it has made me much more health focused. I want to eat well and have cut out most of the crap. I have increased my protein and still have a good amount of carbs such as pasta, potatoes, oats and a little bread. But the increase in protein and avoiding the bad carbs such as cake, cookies etc have changed my tastebuds over time. It also means I am no where near as hungry as I used to be so my portions are much smaller. I used to have a huge appetite and always be hungry. That is because the rubbish just makes you hungrier and increase your cravings. I used to have a terrible sweet tooth but this has reduced a lot. I still love the occasional bit of chocolate (maybe every couple of months) and we have homemade dessert once a week. But often I find a little Greek yoghurt hits the spot and actually satisfies any sweet craving I may have (honestly if you had suggested this a couple of years ago I would’ve laughed at the idea).
But more importantly I think my motivation has changed. Yes I want to look good and enjoy buying clothes in a size 10 now, but it’s so much more than that now. I want to eat well to manage my menopause symptoms, including lots of digestive issues, and also to be fit and active in my older years. I feel like I am reaching the age where I can’t just keep getting away with these things for much longer. If I eat rubbish it takes its toll now. I used to regularly eat whole tubs of ice cream, sharing bars of chocolate etc and still do very occasionally now. But when I do, I feel so awful that it really puts me off and I am eager to resume my healthy habits. I don’t really get cravings now except for the first 2 days of my period when I want all the bad food and also am like a bottomless pit: I’m so hungry that nothing curbs it. So for 2 days a month I eat more than usual with a few extra treats, but not completely out of control. However, my good eating habits the rest of the time balance these out so I don’t worry about it.
I try to take the thinking out of food as much as possible too and I meal plan and prep all the time. If I find myself disorganised one day and stand there wondering what I want to eat, that’s when I make bad choices. So I have about 3-4 go to breakfasts which I choose from, lunch is always a salad in warmer weather or soup with a sandwich thin when it is cold. I will make enough soup for the week so I can just reheat it most days.I don’t tend to snack, except for a small portion of Greek yoghurt in the afternoons. Dinners vary, but always plenty of veg.
I’ve also become interested in exercise for the first time in my life because I want to be fit and healthy long term and I know this is a big part of it.
Time will tell if I can keep the weight off this time but I am fairly confident because I just don’t view food in the same way I used to.

Oops, sorry for the essay everyone! 😳I have a habit of waffling!

I'm very active with a good metabolism. It keeps me a size 8 despite eating what I want.

Really interesting @EssexLioness. That’s kind of what I’m aiming for as I’m 52, scared of an infirm old age, and am doing fitness. Trying to eat better too and more protein does fill me up. Need to quit the wine though …

I starve myself for 23hrs a day. Eat one meal, eat some junk, then starve for another 23hrs.

It’s not good or healthy and it’s not a lifestyle to envy.

I was obese, in fact I'd tipped into class 2, I'm now overweight on my way to being healthy. Something clicked in my brain and I decided I just didn't want to be obese anymore and I have dieted since March, 3 stone gone. I have another 2 stone to go and I'll do it, I'm certain.

I don't eat bad things in a day to day basis anymore, that's not to say I never have them, it just isn't the norm anymore. I joined the gym about 2 years ago and my body was changing but I lost no weight at all until I dieted and I'm now muscular, that's what gives me a thrill now, not a bag of crisps. I'm not sure what clicked in my brain but I'm happy it did.

I have also accepted that I'll watch my diet for the rest of my life. I'm not 'on a diet' or 'not on a diet' anymore, I am however going to watch the scales and my calorie intake forever more. Not as an obsession, but as I casual adjustment when it is needed.

I eat what I like within reason but I tend to only eat 2 meals a day lunch and dinner and no snacks unless I'm really hungry. that's intuitive eating for me. And I workout 3 times a week because I enjoy it.

[quote Joystir59]@MagpieMary
How did I do it?
I spent quite a bit of time observing slim people- what, how frequently and how much they eat. I compared what they did to what I did. I realised that my portions were double normal size. I observed that I would be the one to hover near the buffet, the one to always order cake with my coffee, the one to eat the most biscuits. I observed that all the fit active people around me, in my 60+ age group, and out enjoying their lives, were slim- pretty much without exception. I observed that my slim friends possessed weighing scales. I knew diets didn't work. I've been slim lots of times before- I was a slim child who grew into a slim adult. My issues with food probably began as a young adult, once I'd stopped growing. My issues are also emotional. On the positive side I've always liked fruit veg and lean protein. So I knew I needed to decide once and for all to nourish myself with good food, to count calories and stick to 1200 a day. Saturdays became 'eat whatever you want day' but as time went on I found I didn't crave the treats so much. Saturday remains treat day though. I bought weighing scales and I weigh myself most mornings. That's it really.[/quote]
Good for you!

@roarfeckingroarr

I'm very active with a good metabolism. It keeps me a size 8 despite eating what I want.

Are you post menopausal? This is when I began to have to watch what I eat....I remain a size 8 to 10:but now eat much less

Some interesting answers here. For what it's worth, my take is:

1. The first step - and first major achievement - is making up your mind to try losing weight. Just doing making that decision, and doing what you can to follow through on it, is a great thing and a victory, even if you don't get where you want as fast as you want.
2. Willpower is a finite resource. A regime that is constantly involving you in a struggle against hunger is not likely to succeed over the long term. This is the most important thing to keep in mind - a daily struggle is not sustainable. Do whatever you can to help yourself out here. Be kind to yourself. Try to set yourself up to win, not to struggle.
3. A pound of fat equates to around 3,500 calories. For many people with plenty of extra weight, running a 500 calorie a day deficit does not have to involve feeling hungry, and this will lose you a pound a week without having to combat hunger and so expend your limited stock of willpower (see point 1). Your body may take a few days to adjust, but after that you may be surprised how little effort you're having to make.
4. It's possible to lose weight faster than this (2lb a week is achievable for many) but this tends to involve a regime that is so different from the post-diet one that it's not easy to then sustain weight loss once the diet is over. I have personally found going for a slower loss rate more sustainable in the long term.

3a. There is some evidence that rapid weight loss (e.g. much over 1lb a week) will increase your body's appetite for some time afterwards, also making it harder to maintain weight loss. The evidence is still somewhat patchy here, but it's another reason to take it easy and not kill yourself on a crash diet. Slow and steady wins the race.

1. Avoid carbs: sweets, bread, chocolate - the problem with these is that they are broken down quickly and then you are hungry again. Protein and fat fill you up for longer, so you're not using willpower to combat hunger (see point 1). And veg is great too as it will fill you up. But the more carbs you eat, the more you'll get hunger pangs kicking in. I get this is really hard if you have a sweet tooth, but it is hard for me to overstate how much difference cutting carbs makes in terms of being able to manage eating habits.

4a. Space your meals. Eat something for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This is important as it will make it a lot easier for you because you are less likely to end up ravenously hungry at any point, and so you won't have to expend so much willpower (see point 1)

1. Avoid booze as a regular habit. Not only does it carry lots of calories in itself (600+ for a bottle of wine), it has a similar "sugar crash" effect to carbs so you end up eating more snacks as a knock-on effect unless you exert lots of willpower (see point 1)
2. Help yourself remember what things were like before you started the diet: take "before" pictures.
3. Keep track of your weight. I weigh myself daily and track a moving average on this website: www.fourmilab.ch/cgi-bin/HackDiet/ - a big advantage of a moving average of the kind that this website calculates is that temporary fluctuations don't overly depress you, causing a general lack of motivation and so depleting your willpower (see point 1).

7a. Fluctuations are totally par for the course, by the way. Water retention can make pounds of difference between one day and the next. Also your body has a few pounds of low-energy-density storage - glycogen rather than fat. This comes off and regains quickest. So if you slip for a day or two and a couple of pounds go back on, this isn't somehow 7,000 calories of fat that have appeared from nowhere. It's water and glycogen, and it will disappear as quickly as it came.

1. I find that setting targets helps my motivation/willpower, as long as I am tracking progress using 7. But that may not be for everyone.
2. Tell your friends you are dieting. Friends worth having will want to encourage and help you.

9a. If someone is trying to sabotage your self-improvement efforts, they are telling you a lot about their relationship with themselves and with you - none of it good. 10. Don't feel you have to fall in line with what others are doing. People vary enormously in their appetites and general responses to food. Genetics, deeply-learned habits, medication - all these things can have profound effects. The long term goal is to come up with a way of living that you can sustain indefinitely without constantly feeling like you are having to deny yourself all the pleasure that makes live worth living. The compromises you arrive at may be very different from those that others arrive at. 11. Small daily differences add up - for good or for bad. I put on a stone over lockdown, which I am now most of the way to losing. This weight went on over a year and a half. My daily surplus in calories was about 100 - less than half a Mars Bar.

Good luck OP. It is very easy to put on weight slowly over time and end up in a state one would never have expected to be in. But it is possible to get out of it again.