Why aren’t you obese?

[Spottyphonecase24]

A bit of a weird one but I have just got off a zoom call with my therapist. We were talking about my weight (I am obese).

Why isn’t everyone else obese? What stops you? I don’t seem to have an off button. I remember going from a 10 to a 12 and thinking that’s it I’m not going to get any bigger but I did and now I am in a size 24 and they are getting a bit tight. I’ve read lots about how people have their light bulb moment to lose weight and that has not happened to me, or maybe it has and I’ve ignored it.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

I honestly don’t know the reasons why people don’t eat more. Is it will power, feeling full?

I think claim to need "a long hard look" at your diet if going from a 6/8 to 10 is nearer to anorexic behaviour than anything else.

I'll answer your questions from my point of view.
(1) I have lipoedema. It's a fat disorder that ten per cent of women have
(2) I have an under-active thyroid and Hashimoto's syndrome.
(3) The treatment I got as a fat girl made me terrified of being hungry
(4) I wasn't active, not in the raise your heart rate way that makes a difference to weight.
(5) I didn't know what worked for me in terms of nutrition, and that includes calorie control.

Once I addressed the medical issues and the trauma I was STILL FAT. Not obese, I lost all my loseable weight. I still look like a photo from a Daily Fail article about obesity (except I have a head). I am now incredibly knowledgeable about foot and physical training as they apply to me, I wasn't twenty years ago.

The worst time for me was when I was working with a dietician. "Eat instinctively" doesn't work if you have hormone issues. That's the most weight I ever put on.

@poppymaewrite

Everyone’s body reacts differently to food. Maybe when you eat sugar, your body has a more extreme reaction. Maybe higher blood sugar spike, maybe your brain produces more dopamine. Everyone telling you that they just have more self control is talking bollocks, a lot of people hardly put effort into not being obese, it’s just their nature!

Yeah interesting. My paternal side of the family has a very eat to live mentality. I remember hanging out with my cousin's...their mum had cupboards full of sweets, chocolate and crisps but my cousin's barely touched them. Or if they did, they'd have one and leave the rest. My sister andi were the opposite...if it was there, we'd eat it. I remember our cousin keeping her easter eggs for months before shed open them...we would ea them as soon as we got them. My mother's side of the family are very much live to eat kind of people and I take after them.

Bad news - I'm not obese because my grandma and my dad, whom I take after, have always been skinny, so part of it is down to genes.

I don't drive, but walk or cycle everywhere instead. No other regular exercise to speak of.

Despite the genes and lots of walking, when menopause hit the pounds round the waist started appearing out of nowhere. The only way to keep them under control was to shift my eating times - big breakfast, big lunch, and a small nibble at about 5pm. No food afterwards. All the extra pounds are now gone and it's amazing how quickly you get used to the new eating routine. I make exceptions to late eating if out with family or friends for dinner.

That's pretty much it.

Always eaten whatever I wanted. Weight stays around top end of healthy BMI whether I exercise and eat healthy stuff or live off chocolate and pizza. I’m okay with that.

It’s not about will power or being a good person. It’s about luck and circumstances.

Part of maintaining a healthy weight for me, having lost 4 st two years ago, has been accepting that I will always have a dysfunctional.relationship with food. There is an inner unhelpful voice that says things such as ' you are really skinny now, you need to feed yourself up' or 'yiincan eat what you like, eat intuitively, you are naturally slim'. I am in my true self a slim person, but there is always a fat person trying to get out. I'm very unhappy when I'm fat. I look drowned in fat, when some people still look very attractive and voluptuous, and I feel so I healthy, heavy and unfit. It depresses me and makes life harder to cope with. I'm determined I'm not going there again having yoyo'd between size 10 and 20 all my adult life. I'm 64, I can't afford to do that any more. The irony is I love all the food that is good for you. I've learnt to nourish myself not kill myself with food.

The worst time for me was when I was working with a dietician. "Eat instinctively" doesn't work if you have hormone issues. That's the most weight I ever put on

Agree. When I did that, I got to be the biggest I've ever been and clearly in the obese range. Instinctively led to an awful lot of chips and mcflurries.

Once I finally accepted healthy eating is a lifelong thing rather than just a temporary thing to lose weight then it becomes much easier I think.

Completely agree with this ^

I found once I cut back on the processed carbs which was the majority of my diet in the past, my appetite changed dramatically, I just don't feel hungry in the same way. It probably helps that I drink a lot more fluids too, so no longer confuse dehydration and hunger signals.
I have the odd day when I am busy and get to 6pm and realise I haven't eaten anything, which is fine for me because my body still has a huge amount of reserves to tap into, my very slim friend would be chewing her own arm off because she needs to get all her calories from food.
I sometimes spend a few weeks plateauing around the same weight. In the past I would have seen this as a sign of failure and would have promptly dived headfirst into a big carbfest of sabotage ! I would then have blamed the 'diet' and not the fact that I had stopped. Instead I have accepted that to get to where I want to be weight wise, it will probably take me a year to 18 months and that there will be times when the scales won't move.

The worst time for me was when I was working with a dietician. "Eat instinctively" doesn't work if you have hormone issues. That's the most weight I ever put on
Eating instinctively doesn't work for me either. I have to consciously manage my relationship with food. The pay off of having to consciously manage that relationship is well worth the effort,- just having one size of clothes in my wardrobe, being light on my feet, less a

Eat instinctively doesn't work if you're already overweight either. To lose weight you generally need to eat fewer calories than your body needs so it burns fat instead. Eating instinctively means you eat as much food as your body needs, so you will at best maintain your weight and most likely gain weight. It's fine as a way to eat if you're already a healthy weight. I don't know why people say it's a good weight loss method.

Less aches and pains, feel good about how I look in clothes. Also I have to say that people take me much more seriously as a person when I'm slim. I do think that obese people get judged instinctively. I think it's a bit how we regard any kind of obvious addiction- there is a subconscious (and unfair) tendency to judge the person as being out of control.

I also read that when we have more fat cells, the cells produce a substance that makes us want more food. I think there is truth in this, I've noticed that when I put weight on I start to want more food. When I'm at my optimum weight I want normal amounts of food.

@frumpety

Once I finally accepted healthy eating is a lifelong thing rather than just a temporary thing to lose weight then it becomes much easier I think.

Completely agree with this ^

I found once I cut back on the processed carbs which was the majority of my diet in the past, my appetite changed dramatically, I just don't feel hungry in the same way. It probably helps that I drink a lot more fluids too, so no longer confuse dehydration and hunger signals.
I have the odd day when I am busy and get to 6pm and realise I haven't eaten anything, which is fine for me because my body still has a huge amount of reserves to tap into, my very slim friend would be chewing her own arm off because she needs to get all her calories from food.
I sometimes spend a few weeks plateauing around the same weight. In the past I would have seen this as a sign of failure and would have promptly dived headfirst into a big carbfest of sabotage ! I would then have blamed the 'diet' and not the fact that I had stopped. Instead I have accepted that to get to where I want to be weight wise, it will probably take me a year to 18 months and that there will be times when the scales won't move.

Yes totally with you both on this one!

Because of my diabetes my low carb and low sugar diet is for life. It's not just a short term diet. I've also found my appetite has massively reduced too.

Diving into a heap of yummy processed carbs is still something I miss but it's not worth the impact of that health wise!

@frumpety

Once I finally accepted healthy eating is a lifelong thing rather than just a temporary thing to lose weight then it becomes much easier I think.

Completely agree with this ^

I found once I cut back on the processed carbs which was the majority of my diet in the past, my appetite changed dramatically, I just don't feel hungry in the same way. It probably helps that I drink a lot more fluids too, so no longer confuse dehydration and hunger signals.
I have the odd day when I am busy and get to 6pm and realise I haven't eaten anything, which is fine for me because my body still has a huge amount of reserves to tap into, my very slim friend would be chewing her own arm off because she needs to get all her calories from food.
I sometimes spend a few weeks plateauing around the same weight. In the past I would have seen this as a sign of failure and would have promptly dived headfirst into a big carbfest of sabotage ! I would then have blamed the 'diet' and not the fact that I had stopped. Instead I have accepted that to get to where I want to be weight wise, it will probably take me a year to 18 months and that there will be times when the scales won't move.

I do agree with accepting it's a lifelong thing, I have reached that point and tbh if it hadn't been for Covid I don't think I'd have regained weight as I have, my whole life was geared around work and gym 5x a week and when that all changed (WFH and gym closed) I really struggled.

That said, even though I spent nearly 2 years eating almost no carbs (cut out rice, pasta and potatoes almost entirely, at most I'd have 1 of them once a week, wholemeal bread only, and just 1 slice a day max) I never stopped craving them, never stopped feeling hungry. I thought about food all the time. I didn't eat much but I wanted to eat all the time. I was exercising several times a week too.

I kept expecting my appetite to shrink, to stop missing food or wanting to eat but I never did.

@Joystir59

Part of maintaining a healthy weight for me, having lost 4 st two years ago, has been accepting that I will always have a dysfunctional.relationship with food. There is an inner unhelpful voice that says things such as ' you are really skinny now, you need to feed yourself up' or 'yiincan eat what you like, eat intuitively, you are naturally slim'. I am in my true self a slim person, but there is always a fat person trying to get out. I'm very unhappy when I'm fat. I look drowned in fat, when some people still look very attractive and voluptuous, and I feel so I healthy, heavy and unfit. It depresses me and makes life harder to cope with. I'm determined I'm not going there again having yoyo'd between size 10 and 20 all my adult life. I'm 64, I can't afford to do that any more. The irony is I love all the food that is good for you. I've learnt to nourish myself not kill myself with food.

How did you do it? Well done!

Something curious to ponder. I have a brother and sister. My brother and I gain weight very easily, have a problem with carbs and are insulin resistant. My sister has always been slim. She eats like a horse. She doesn’t eat junk but she eats a lot of bread and pasta and large portions. She is also someone who is always on the go. She inherited a different genetic make up in some way.

Another Zoe Harcombe fan. She has done a lot of work on the physiology of eating: how the body reacts to various 'food'stuffs.

Since menopause ( I’m 56) I eat less otherwise I would gain weight....I have around 1200 to 1400 calories a day...weekends i am not so strict ( eg meal out, alcohol).....I’m a size 8 to 10
I weigh myself weekly....if I have put more than 3lb on ....I eat less for the next few days to lose it

I haven't RTFT, but the twin doctors from Operation Ouch have a podcast examining that to a degree, because Xand is obese and dealing with health problems related to his current weight, but Chris is not. It's on Spotify: "A Thorough Examination".

Some of the episodes focus on ultra-processed foods, and the effects that our modern diet, which relies on UPF for a lot of meals, can have on our brains. But it also gets into how stress can affect our weight, and how the stressors in Xand's life vs Chris's were very different. And also discusses how our loved ones' efforts to get us to change our behaviour can backfire. It really made me rethink how I've been speaking with my own obese family about health. Was worth the listen.

I'm not obese because I hate how I look when I've put a few pounds. I see myself in a shop window and think 'got to sort that out'

I hate how my clothes don't fit and that feeling of having nothing nice to wear because I have put on weight (I love clothes and I can't afford to buy loads of new clothes). The availability of cheap fashion hasn't helped people's willlpower has it?

I know people judge me when I'm a bit bigger. I see it on here, society judges.

I love my food and drink and puddings but have to moderate to avoid the above feelings. I do strength training and run, yes to feel fitter and healthier and to keep the lard off.
In my 50s now and it's hard, really hard. I have a belly that won't shift. I'm my 20s I could eat whatever I liked.

Now DP eats whatever he likes, does no exercise and frankly it shows. When he saw me off for a run the other day he said 'all that looking after yourself stuff is for younger people' 🙄

I said don't you want to be fit and healthy and around for the DC for as long as possible? He had no answer!

So that's it as well - around for my DC. 😊

I was obese now healthy bmi took 8 months to lose 5 stone in my 40s. What helped was focusing on health. Trying to eat lean protein and lots of fruit & veg. Small amounts of chocolate eg a Kit Kat a day to stop me craving/binging. Virtually no takeaway/meals out. I don’t drink alcohol very often which helps too. For me I immediately felt better eating less carbs - white bread/pasta does not agree with me. I eat some carbs but not lots and chose Wholemeal. I do slimming world which gets slated in mumsnet but I find group support and accountability helps plus I find diet is sustainable and family friendly - it’s not massive bowls of pasta and muller lights. I also enjoy cooking and do a lot of pinch of nom, slimmingeats and slimming foodie recipes.
Your appetite does change and you can’t tolerate things like you used to - I don’t think I could stomach a tub of icecream or a greasy dominos pizza. If I eat stuff like that I feel effects after which puts me off. That said my old habits can easily slip back - I can easily overeat biscuits, crisps, cake etc. I’ll always have to be sensible. I do find going weekly to group to weigh even at target helps. If it were easy then everyone would be healthy weight. Something like 70% of women my age are overweight or obese, men even higher percentage.

It’s definitely not just genes as that does not explain why such a huge proportion of the population is now overweight.

I do think it’s largely due to how our bodies react to processed, sugary, crap food. I think there is growing evidence about this.

@Duckrace

I think claim to need "a long hard look" at your diet if going from a 6/8 to 10 is nearer to anorexic behaviour than anything else.

Agreed! And what an insult to any poor ‘fatty’ (definite sarcasm here) who happens to be a size 10 or heavens forfend bigger.

When I look at photos of war time children, they are usually thin and bony. Now many children are overweight or obese so it can't just be due to genes - unless our genes have changed a whole lot in the past 80 years or so. Yes - some people do seem to be predisposed to putting on weight, but surely that doesn't explain the large numbers of obese people we see around us. I have a lovely friend who is grossly overweight. She insists that she doesn't overeat. But she regularly has take away Indian food (not the slimming sort) and loves a regular weekly cooked breakfast (I wish I could have that, too, but don't) and when we used to go to lunch together, she treated herself to apple crumble while I had a cup of tea. As a coeliac, I can't eat the range of puddings she does, but gluten free cakes and biscuits are very high in fat and sugar, so I limit myself to 2 pieces of GF bread a day (and the slices are tiny!) and sometimes binge on the biscuits when I'm feeling a bit blurgh. But I really don't want to be a 70 year old fat woman because I love my skinny jeans, so I'm really careful. This isn't judgemental, by the way. Some people overeat because of lots of understandable reasons. Just telling you what I do and what I've seen.

What stops you eating a tub of icecream or picking up a large bar of chocolate instead of a small one or one bag of crisps instead of a family size bag?

Honestly, nothing. I will happily get through a tub of Ben & Jerry’s or a big bag of Doritos or Haribo or whatever by myself. I’m not strict about treats or anything but I don’t do it every day, or even every week, because I don’t necessarily want to. I get plenty of exercise- not in a workout at the gym way, but I have a toddler I’m always running around after and I don’t drive so walk everywhere, and I live in a very hilly town so just leaving my house involves cardio! I’ve never really had to watch what I eat (except I did put on weight due to a particular medication some years back, and had GD during my first pregnancy) but I can’t with any certainty put it down to genetics as my Mum has had weight problems for a long time now and also has type 2 diabetes.

So essentially, I eat what I want when I want including the bad stuff, but I guess the level of activity in my lifestyle just balances it out.