To stay with my baby at the childminder's?

[anxiousmummy2021]

NC for this thread.

I'm a highly anxious new mum (diagnosed with postnatal anxiety and depression). I've been struggling a lot but the biggest fear I have is of leaving my baby with anyone else. She's 7 months and so far I've left her only with her father for up to an hour or so at a time. I can't bear to leave her with anyone else or for any longer than that.

I have to go back to work in the new year. Childminder lined up - all good, very happy with her from first impressions. We have taster sessions booked in for November where the plan is for me to take her and leave her for a few hours to half a day initially, then progress to a couple full days in early December.

The thing is, I just can't face leaving her yet, not even for a few hours. Would it be completely weird of me to ask the childminder if I can stay for those first few hours to ease her in, then try leaving her on the next taster session? I don't want it to seem to the childminder as though I don't trust her or wanting to "observe" her, because this is absolutely not the case at all - I've researched enough about her and got good enough impressions from her to feel like she's the best possible person for my baby. But I also don't want to tell her the details of my severe anxiety. Will she be used to parents wanting to do this? Or will it come across as offensive or strange?

Please - no comments along the lines of "why did you have a baby if you're going to dump her in childcare" etc. I've seen them before on threads like these and I honestly have no time or emotional energy for them so I will completely ignore any such comments. I'm simply looking for views on staying with my baby at her settling in sessions and how to approach this with the childminder so as not to offend her!

Many thanks.

I never did @anxiousmummy2021 some childminders are absolutely atrocious, as are some nurseries.

[quote anxiousmummy2021]@Staryflight445

At the risk of dwelling on irrelevant issues ... I looked around a nursery and there was no chance in hell my baby was going there for 8 minutes let alone 8 hours. It was awful. Staff not interacting with the babies just picking them up and plonking them down in chairs etc, lots of babies looking miserable and sad, their attitude was dreadful when I asked them about keeping daily records of events / development (they referred to this as "extra paperwork"😳)... I could go on. It was depressing and I wanted to cry when I left: the childminder was such a contrast to this. So warm and friendly, the babies and small kids were going up to her all the time for cuddles and to show her what they had done suggesting a positive attachment with her, she showed me scrapbooks she had made for babies in her care to follow their journeys, she cuddled my baby and my baby smiled away at her, etc ..... It was a small, warm and homely feel, and it's perfect for my baby.

Please don't turn this thread into a debate about my childcare choices. That's not the point of it. [/quote]
I felt the same when I saw baby rooms in nurseries. We went with a childminder who was fantastic. DD did 50/50 nursery and childminder from 2.5 and is full time nursery now at 3. I'm very glad she went to a childminder in the beginning though.