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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP obsessing over bouncer, weird bully behaviour?

483 replies

SweetMaryHell · 26/10/2021 08:10

This has been bothering me since weekend. Been with “dp” for 7 months. On Saturday night we went out for a few drinks. DP nudged me at one point and told me to look at the bouncer stood near the door. I looked, turned back to Dp and said “what about him?”. He burst out laughing and said “look at his crotch” 🤔 so I looked … slightly unusual but as a nurse I know there are many conditions that could present like this so shrugged my shoulders and said something like “so what”. DP continued laughing at kept telling me to look again. I was getting irritated and told him to stop being weird so he said “he must have socks stuffed down his trousers!” I asked him to stop going on about it. He then told me to look at bouncers face. Getting really bored of this now I asked what his problem was with this guy, he replied “he looks like Gru from Despicable Me!”. Ok … tried to change the subject and saw that he was taking photos of this bloke. I swear he paid more attention to this guy than he did to me during the whole evening. He just wouldn’t stop banging on about him, even suggested he ask him for a selfie. I told him I was leaving in the end as he just wouldn’t talk about anything else. Kept going on and on about his crotch and nose.
Long story short, we got back to my place and I went to bed. Heard him giggling, turned out he’d taken numerous photos of this bloke as well as zoomed in photos of his crotch. I told him he was out of order and went to sleep.
Next morning I thought maybe I should give him some leeway as he was drunk but still wanted to say something. I asked him why he kept going on about the bouncer night before and why he’d taken photos. He burst out laughing and started asking if I thought he’d stuffed something down his trousers. I said something along the lines of “I think you’re a bit of a bully to be honest and I don’t like this side of you”. He acted shocked and gave it the whole “woah! Where is this coming from? Did you fancy him or something?” So I reminded him that I wasn’t the one staring at his crotch all night!!!

In hindsight he’s shown signs of this bullying attitude in the past. One time loudly whispered that my hairdresser had a massive nose (loud enough for her to hear if she had good hearing) and then kept going on about her looking like Alice Cooper. On another occasion he loudly “whispered” taking the piss out of the way a caretaker had said a certain word. Again loud enough for him to hear if he had good hearing.

After the whole bouncer thing I’m thinking of calling the whole thing off. He made me feel really uncomfortable and I felt he was cruel to this bloke (he’d also said he was going to upload the photos to Facebook).

He thinks I’m totally over reacting and looking for something to argue about. AIBU?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 27/10/2021 21:42

@Johnnydontcare

men have very different sense of humour to women, very school boyish generally. He won’t change so make your choice now! It made me giggle but then again I am a guy 😄
Ok Hmm
EmergencyPoncho · 27/10/2021 21:48

Op did GET RID!! And Johnny, just no. Even the most puerile men I know, may have chortled for a moment but I mean a moment and certainly would not have taken photos. I don't like the way he spoke about the hairdresser and mocked the caretaker.
And I absolutely think your low key response was correct, you don't know how someone like that will react. Well done and take care.

SleepingBunnies21 · 27/10/2021 21:51

he’s shocked at the way I’ve turned out, he never thought I could be so heartless apparently

What great irony.

RosiePosieDozy · 27/10/2021 21:51

You are well rid. He is a manipulative gas lighter.

If he comes to your house or follows you anywhere again, I would call the police. You have made it very clear you want to be left alone.

SleepingBunnies21 · 27/10/2021 21:53

@Johnnydontcare

men have very different sense of humour to women, very school boyish generally. He won’t change so make your choice now! It made me giggle but then again I am a guy 😄
You "giggled," at a grown man taking pictures of another man's genital area (who either had a condition or wax just wearing a jacket strap to avoid being kicked or kneed in the balls) without his awareness or permission, with with intention of sharing with others, posting online etc.?

Right.

SleepingBunnies21 · 27/10/2021 21:54

*jock strap

3scape · 27/10/2021 22:03

I'm delighted you shut off the WiFi. The fucking cheek of him. I can picture him sitting there planning his future jokes about how he has to wait for hours while sweetmary had her "moment"
He wasn't apologetic or contrite or even using his phone to plead his side. Just sat there entertaining himself like it was a normal thing to be kicked out of someone's house and life.

ChargingBuck · 27/10/2021 22:06

@Johnnydontcare

men have very different sense of humour to women, very school boyish generally. He won’t change so make your choice now! It made me giggle but then again I am a guy 😄
Is that a fact? {SPOILER - no.)

Your sex makes no odds to your crass opinion of what constitutes humour btw.
HTH

LouH1981 · 27/10/2021 22:28

Go with your gut xx

georgarina · 27/10/2021 22:28

He seems like someone who might get really nasty and paranoid if he was jealous. Thinking you fancy the random bouncer, not letting it go...red flags.

Lizzy1980 · 27/10/2021 22:32

He sounds like a very unpleasant person

Johnnydontcare · 27/10/2021 22:32

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Johnnydontcare · 27/10/2021 22:36

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Johnnydontcare · 27/10/2021 22:38

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Johnnydontcare · 27/10/2021 22:42

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DogsandCatsB4u · 27/10/2021 22:48

hes a piece of ish and you arent
you are not going to work out

Closetbeanmuncher · 27/10/2021 23:00

Small man syndrome...

If he sits on your step again open your upstairs window and douse him with a bucket of Cold water - see how funny the little prick finds that.

🍤

Caelan2018 · 27/10/2021 23:07

Oh my god he sounds horrible get rid and your much too good fir him by the sounds of it imagine him speaking to your future kids like that about other kids cut your losses you will meet someone else x

mobear · 27/10/2021 23:17

Unkindness is so unattractive. In your situation, I'd dump him.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/10/2021 23:18

What an arse.

RantyAunty · 28/10/2021 00:05

Well done on getting rid.

He's a complete batshit weirdo.

Bleachmycloths · 28/10/2021 00:31

@DivorceAdvicePlease123

50 million people telling her to dump him when she's made it clear she already has. Read the fucking thread! For fucks sake!!
50 million? Sometimes, threads are so long and involved that I can understand people just responding with their gut reaction to the OP first post. With each ‘dump him’ post she is receiving affirmation that she’s done the right thing.
TwinTeensMum · 28/10/2021 01:35

@Bleachmycloths
“50 million? Sometimes, threads are so long and involved that I can understand people just responding with their gut reaction to the OP first post. With each ‘dump him’ post she is receiving affirmation that she’s done the right thing.”

People can actually read all the replies from the original poster very quickly by clicking on ‘see all’ - you need to log in to do that but you also need to log in to reply!

TwinTeensMum · 28/10/2021 01:38

@SweetMaryHell well done for dumping him - guilty by association springs to mind

Touchmybum · 28/10/2021 01:52

Get rid immediately xx