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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP obsessing over bouncer, weird bully behaviour?

483 replies

SweetMaryHell · 26/10/2021 08:10

This has been bothering me since weekend. Been with “dp” for 7 months. On Saturday night we went out for a few drinks. DP nudged me at one point and told me to look at the bouncer stood near the door. I looked, turned back to Dp and said “what about him?”. He burst out laughing and said “look at his crotch” 🤔 so I looked … slightly unusual but as a nurse I know there are many conditions that could present like this so shrugged my shoulders and said something like “so what”. DP continued laughing at kept telling me to look again. I was getting irritated and told him to stop being weird so he said “he must have socks stuffed down his trousers!” I asked him to stop going on about it. He then told me to look at bouncers face. Getting really bored of this now I asked what his problem was with this guy, he replied “he looks like Gru from Despicable Me!”. Ok … tried to change the subject and saw that he was taking photos of this bloke. I swear he paid more attention to this guy than he did to me during the whole evening. He just wouldn’t stop banging on about him, even suggested he ask him for a selfie. I told him I was leaving in the end as he just wouldn’t talk about anything else. Kept going on and on about his crotch and nose.
Long story short, we got back to my place and I went to bed. Heard him giggling, turned out he’d taken numerous photos of this bloke as well as zoomed in photos of his crotch. I told him he was out of order and went to sleep.
Next morning I thought maybe I should give him some leeway as he was drunk but still wanted to say something. I asked him why he kept going on about the bouncer night before and why he’d taken photos. He burst out laughing and started asking if I thought he’d stuffed something down his trousers. I said something along the lines of “I think you’re a bit of a bully to be honest and I don’t like this side of you”. He acted shocked and gave it the whole “woah! Where is this coming from? Did you fancy him or something?” So I reminded him that I wasn’t the one staring at his crotch all night!!!

In hindsight he’s shown signs of this bullying attitude in the past. One time loudly whispered that my hairdresser had a massive nose (loud enough for her to hear if she had good hearing) and then kept going on about her looking like Alice Cooper. On another occasion he loudly “whispered” taking the piss out of the way a caretaker had said a certain word. Again loud enough for him to hear if he had good hearing.

After the whole bouncer thing I’m thinking of calling the whole thing off. He made me feel really uncomfortable and I felt he was cruel to this bloke (he’d also said he was going to upload the photos to Facebook).

He thinks I’m totally over reacting and looking for something to argue about. AIBU?

OP posts:
Worstyear2020 · 27/10/2021 19:33

SweetMaryHell you sound so lovely, I often wonder why nice people end up together with a bully.

I am always a target of bullies, I know I am different to 'normal' people. I can tell who are two faced as I normally see the ugly side unfortunately Sad. Most people don't see the ugly side until they witnessed how they treat others who are less fortunate/ vulnerable etc people.

I think you have done the right thing and a lucky escape!

fib88 · 27/10/2021 19:34

You need to dump this creep pronto … imagine if you had kids together! He puts people down to make himself feel better 100% bully and vile

Barmychick · 27/10/2021 19:36

Get shut! Vile man.

IndecentCakes · 27/10/2021 19:41

Haven't rtft but he sounds like he's deep in the closet fantasising about your man on the door!

mathanxiety · 27/10/2021 19:41

Please block him now.

Is there any chance he has photos of you?

flashy44 · 27/10/2021 19:53

what a twat,childish behaviour from a grown man who i bet isnt anything special himself

Roxy69 · 27/10/2021 19:55

There's an ugly man inside. You don't want to get mixed up with him, save yourself now; you are worth more.

TableFlowerss · 27/10/2021 19:57

He sounds vile

JustaPOV · 27/10/2021 20:01

Dump this bully. With a, “imagine if someone kept going on like that about your tiny penis!” Smile

Trudij123 · 27/10/2021 20:04

Can you get a date with the bouncer?

( I know - childish and ridiculous and we should rise above, blah blah blah)

Roxy69 · 27/10/2021 20:06

The Royals have it right, never complain and never explain. Choose to take the moral high ground and don't have any more involvement about this, with anyone.

StargazerAli · 27/10/2021 20:07

Yes, a bully, immature and insensitive. He won't change I'm afraid, so bite the bullet now rather than prolonging the inevitable.

Newbabynewhouse · 27/10/2021 20:11

This is very odd.. I would say, he's either gay.... or he was making a deal out of it as he thought you had noticed the crotch so wanted to point it out as he was jealous... or.... he is a bully... neither are good for a relationship with you really...

DivorceAdvicePlease123 · 27/10/2021 20:15

50 million people telling her to dump him when she's made it clear she already has. Read the fucking thread! For fucks sake!!

Donnaslayer · 27/10/2021 20:18

I just wanted to high five you when you said you turned your WiFi off lol. He sounds like a CF. Nice reply also to mom friend

SallyWD · 27/10/2021 20:19

Unpleasant behaviour but what strikes me more than the bullying aspect is that he just doesn't seem very intelligent. Like a PP said I can imagine him being mean to any future children you might have.

paisley256 · 27/10/2021 20:24

The votes say it all really, he sounds awful.

TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius · 27/10/2021 20:26

Yes, agree with the above. OP isn't the arsehole whisperer! It's not her job to educate and guide this dickhead. The more he does this the more he gets shit back. If OP put him straight, she would be doing him a favour. She owes him nothing but definitely not a favour!

namechangecovidquery · 27/10/2021 20:33

He is vile- get rid.

Suzanne999 · 27/10/2021 20:36

Your Spidey senses are already saying walk. He sounds immature and I think one day he may turn on you.

Lilyfergusonjames · 27/10/2021 20:36

This guy sounds exactly like my ex from my early 20’s, it all started out like this and I, being young, ignored all the red flags. I just thought he was a bit immature (despite being 10 years older than me Hmm). His rude comments were shortly redirected towards me and he ended up being extremely emotionally abusive, whenever I’d get myself together enough to tell him where to go he’d show up crying or send me messages through friends and I’d take him back until the it all started again the following day/week. Definitely get rid and good riddance!

jamandmarmalade · 27/10/2021 20:37

At least now you're free to date that nice bouncer... Wink Grin

FairFuming · 27/10/2021 20:53

Oh god he's a horrible manipulative bully isn't he? I'm.so glad you got rid of him.

Johnnydontcare · 27/10/2021 21:20

men have very different sense of humour to women, very school boyish generally.
He won’t change so make your choice now!
It made me giggle but then again I am a guy 😄

NeverDropYourMooncup · 27/10/2021 21:28

@Johnnydontcare

men have very different sense of humour to women, very school boyish generally. He won’t change so make your choice now! It made me giggle but then again I am a guy 😄
So you have a morbid fascination with Testicular Hydrocoeles as well? Take lots of photographs of them so you can stare for longer when you're in bed, do you?

I mean, obviously you can't be gay - all men just love looking at photos they've taken of other men's genital areas without consent and start staring at them in bed and smiling at the thought of how huge their scrotum must be, don't they? All good, healthy, heterosexual fun with an added bonus of telling your girlfriend her clothes are crap and saying spiteful things about other women just to lighten your day even more?