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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP obsessing over bouncer, weird bully behaviour?

483 replies

SweetMaryHell · 26/10/2021 08:10

This has been bothering me since weekend. Been with “dp” for 7 months. On Saturday night we went out for a few drinks. DP nudged me at one point and told me to look at the bouncer stood near the door. I looked, turned back to Dp and said “what about him?”. He burst out laughing and said “look at his crotch” 🤔 so I looked … slightly unusual but as a nurse I know there are many conditions that could present like this so shrugged my shoulders and said something like “so what”. DP continued laughing at kept telling me to look again. I was getting irritated and told him to stop being weird so he said “he must have socks stuffed down his trousers!” I asked him to stop going on about it. He then told me to look at bouncers face. Getting really bored of this now I asked what his problem was with this guy, he replied “he looks like Gru from Despicable Me!”. Ok … tried to change the subject and saw that he was taking photos of this bloke. I swear he paid more attention to this guy than he did to me during the whole evening. He just wouldn’t stop banging on about him, even suggested he ask him for a selfie. I told him I was leaving in the end as he just wouldn’t talk about anything else. Kept going on and on about his crotch and nose.
Long story short, we got back to my place and I went to bed. Heard him giggling, turned out he’d taken numerous photos of this bloke as well as zoomed in photos of his crotch. I told him he was out of order and went to sleep.
Next morning I thought maybe I should give him some leeway as he was drunk but still wanted to say something. I asked him why he kept going on about the bouncer night before and why he’d taken photos. He burst out laughing and started asking if I thought he’d stuffed something down his trousers. I said something along the lines of “I think you’re a bit of a bully to be honest and I don’t like this side of you”. He acted shocked and gave it the whole “woah! Where is this coming from? Did you fancy him or something?” So I reminded him that I wasn’t the one staring at his crotch all night!!!

In hindsight he’s shown signs of this bullying attitude in the past. One time loudly whispered that my hairdresser had a massive nose (loud enough for her to hear if she had good hearing) and then kept going on about her looking like Alice Cooper. On another occasion he loudly “whispered” taking the piss out of the way a caretaker had said a certain word. Again loud enough for him to hear if he had good hearing.

After the whole bouncer thing I’m thinking of calling the whole thing off. He made me feel really uncomfortable and I felt he was cruel to this bloke (he’d also said he was going to upload the photos to Facebook).

He thinks I’m totally over reacting and looking for something to argue about. AIBU?

OP posts:
Justmebeingme245 · 27/10/2021 15:55

Totally agree with you ChargingBuck. He wants attention, negative or positive doesn’t matter and he will be looking for ammunition to give to his flying monkeys, so he can make you out to be the one in the wrong/crazy. Don’t give it to him. Non-contact and block from now onwards!

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 27/10/2021 16:16

@TheGirlCat - @ChargingBuck is completely right.

Why are you encouraging this OP to escalate this? It’s just odd.This isn’t some Netflix serial for your entertainment.

SunshineCake1 · 27/10/2021 16:34

@TheGirlCat

Or, send him a link to this thread.
Do not do that. Never in the history of these type of threads has it ever been a good idea.

Use your brain.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/10/2021 16:44

@SweetMaryHell

I text school mum and just said “oh god sorry he’s turned up there, I’m absolutely fine - we have broken up and he’s just being a drama queen about it. If he comes back just tell him to piss off :-) x
Excellent response! And reading of how he's behaving now - you really have dodged a bullet there.
FredWinnie · 27/10/2021 17:07

I agree with @ChargingBuck too.
It's not a woman's job to re-educate, enlighten or teach twat men - or anyone for that matter
Besides, escalating a situation is never advised

bondgirl76 · 27/10/2021 17:28

Erm..why exactly are you with him????.sounds like a right tosser

janice511 · 27/10/2021 17:28

He's disinhibited and immature, not partner material, he's going to land you both in trouble soon

LovelyIssues · 27/10/2021 17:31

Soinds completely like a person I would detest. Sorry OP. You'll be on the receiving end of it one day

retirementrocks · 27/10/2021 17:39

He sounds a complete dick!

Bebethany · 27/10/2021 17:41

SweetMaryHell Get rid now please, this is so wrong and you will be in the firing line next… this is about how you are reacting and it’s a form of Grooming.

Balldog · 27/10/2021 17:42

Dump him asap!

Feeasco · 27/10/2021 17:42

I see red flags. Next will be you and your children. Weird really.

Beehappy21 · 27/10/2021 17:43

Well done you for calling out such sh*y behaviour 👏👏 x

T2001 · 27/10/2021 17:45

Escape while you can.

CambsAlways · 27/10/2021 17:47

Yuk what a vile man, who the hell does he think he is, taking photos and calling ppl out, the first time he did It! I would be off, I can’t stand insecure bullying childish men, he wouldn’t get a second chance with me! I wouldn’t give him the time of day, nasty creep,bin him before you are the butt of his jokes op

ddl1 · 27/10/2021 17:50

He sounds awful. His behaviour is bullying, and to put the pictures on social media without the person's consent ought to be illegal.

I don't often say an unreserved LTB, but I do on this occasion!

Ace7 · 27/10/2021 17:54

Goodness OP! Dump him now! What immature unpleasant and uncivilised behaviour! It won’t get better. I know, I have overlooked what appeared to have been immature behaviour which was in reality deeply unpleasant bullying behaviour. This is a significant character flaw.

simiisme · 27/10/2021 17:56

@User527294627

He sounds childish, insecure and bullying. Can totally, totally see why you’ve been so put off! It would be hard to come back from seeing that side of someone so clearly.
Agreed.
Anonymous48 · 27/10/2021 18:02

@PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside

*That I'm surprised someone educated and in a profession is still juvenile enough to make jokes referencing sexuality.

"I nearly told her has was gay, ha ha ha"..*

Unfortunately being educated and in a caring profession is no guarantee that someone isn't homophobic.

toxic44 · 27/10/2021 18:14

He's told and shown you what he is. Get rid.

JDEE72 · 27/10/2021 18:20

Dump him.

Because he will turn that bullying on to you, and you’ll likely try to be apologising to people on his behalf.
Do you want to be clearing up after him for the rest of your life?
Can you really see a future with him?

He sounds horrendously insecure, controlling, and like he would gaslight you into hell.
It’s only seven months.
Get rid.
You sound far too good for him, and he knows it.
If he wants to act like a 12 year old at a burn party, let him. Just not with you.

These are warning signs, take heed of them.

JDEE72 · 27/10/2021 18:23

Ooops, none of the replies were showing when I typed my answer, I shall RTFT 🤗

Bebethany · 27/10/2021 18:23

JDEE72 Well said, I echo your sentiment 🌷

RevolvingPivot · 27/10/2021 18:25

I'm female and I've never locked at anyone's crotch. Why would you? Plus taking photos? I agree he's probably trying to come to terms with being gay or he found him good looking and was jealous. If he is so what why bring others down? Very strange behaviour.

For the posters not reading the whole thread....

SHE HAS DUMPED HIM!!!

Caoilinsmum1 · 27/10/2021 18:31

Maybe he fancied the bouncer? 😏