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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP obsessing over bouncer, weird bully behaviour?

483 replies

SweetMaryHell · 26/10/2021 08:10

This has been bothering me since weekend. Been with “dp” for 7 months. On Saturday night we went out for a few drinks. DP nudged me at one point and told me to look at the bouncer stood near the door. I looked, turned back to Dp and said “what about him?”. He burst out laughing and said “look at his crotch” 🤔 so I looked … slightly unusual but as a nurse I know there are many conditions that could present like this so shrugged my shoulders and said something like “so what”. DP continued laughing at kept telling me to look again. I was getting irritated and told him to stop being weird so he said “he must have socks stuffed down his trousers!” I asked him to stop going on about it. He then told me to look at bouncers face. Getting really bored of this now I asked what his problem was with this guy, he replied “he looks like Gru from Despicable Me!”. Ok … tried to change the subject and saw that he was taking photos of this bloke. I swear he paid more attention to this guy than he did to me during the whole evening. He just wouldn’t stop banging on about him, even suggested he ask him for a selfie. I told him I was leaving in the end as he just wouldn’t talk about anything else. Kept going on and on about his crotch and nose.
Long story short, we got back to my place and I went to bed. Heard him giggling, turned out he’d taken numerous photos of this bloke as well as zoomed in photos of his crotch. I told him he was out of order and went to sleep.
Next morning I thought maybe I should give him some leeway as he was drunk but still wanted to say something. I asked him why he kept going on about the bouncer night before and why he’d taken photos. He burst out laughing and started asking if I thought he’d stuffed something down his trousers. I said something along the lines of “I think you’re a bit of a bully to be honest and I don’t like this side of you”. He acted shocked and gave it the whole “woah! Where is this coming from? Did you fancy him or something?” So I reminded him that I wasn’t the one staring at his crotch all night!!!

In hindsight he’s shown signs of this bullying attitude in the past. One time loudly whispered that my hairdresser had a massive nose (loud enough for her to hear if she had good hearing) and then kept going on about her looking like Alice Cooper. On another occasion he loudly “whispered” taking the piss out of the way a caretaker had said a certain word. Again loud enough for him to hear if he had good hearing.

After the whole bouncer thing I’m thinking of calling the whole thing off. He made me feel really uncomfortable and I felt he was cruel to this bloke (he’d also said he was going to upload the photos to Facebook).

He thinks I’m totally over reacting and looking for something to argue about. AIBU?

OP posts:
SweetMaryHell · 26/10/2021 08:27

Thinking about it he’s already started taking the piss out of what I’m wearing, calling my coat “the granny coat” and continuously asking why I wear clothes that are too big for me

OP posts:
KILM · 26/10/2021 08:28

What a horrible, childish man. I'd be concerned that he finds other behaviours acceptable on top of this. Glad to hear you are ending it.

Marvellousmadness · 26/10/2021 08:28

Get rid. For sure

Arbitan · 26/10/2021 08:29

How old is he, about 10??

Pathetic behaviour. I’d feel the same way, and would consider ending it. His response when you raised it hardly bodes well too.

hotmeatymilk · 26/10/2021 08:34

Why the fuck are you still going out with this horrible child?

billy1966 · 26/10/2021 08:35

He is a nasty piece of work and the hairdresser incident would have been enough for most people.

Really nasty.

I don't think you have a clue just how ugly his personality is YET.

If you place ANY value on kindness as an important trait, you will dump him quickly.

He sounds really dim too.

Good luck.Flowers

Suspicioussam · 26/10/2021 08:36

I can't believe you have to ask. He is a horrible horrible man and a bully.

NiceTwin · 26/10/2021 08:37

How old is he, just out of interest?

He sounds bloody awful, I couldn't be with somebody like that.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 26/10/2021 08:40

7 months and he's behaving like this... After you explicitly told him to stop?

I'd dump...

MountainAshley · 26/10/2021 08:40

He doesn't sound nice at all. This is one side of him you have seen that you don't like. I wouldn't be sticking around to see what else might happen.

furbabymama87 · 26/10/2021 08:40

Maybe he fancied the bouncer. The taking pictures especially of the crotch is not normal behaviour.

saltontoast · 26/10/2021 08:42

Nah he sounds like an arse

FatCatThinCat · 26/10/2021 08:47

Dump and tell him it's because you don't date children.

diddl · 26/10/2021 08:47

"He thinks I’m totally over reacting and looking for something to argue about. AIBU?"

Who cares what he thinks?

He's a nasty judgemental bully!

Hope you ditch him soon!

MrsWhites · 26/10/2021 08:48

I absolutely have people like this, imagine how it would feel to be minding your own business, doing your job and you hear someone laughing at you or commenting on your appearance just to amuse themselves.

Definitely get rid, he won’t change!

Thatsnotall · 26/10/2021 08:48

Not a chance I'd spend another second with this arsehole, what a pathetic creep.

OP, obviously I don't know you, but I can guarantee you deserve better than to be with this sh*tbag who will only make you miserable and is taking advantage of the fact that people don't stand up to him.

Grim.

Go with your gut OP and run for the hills.

BreatheAndFocus · 26/10/2021 08:50

He sounds a bully and grossly immature and insecure. Bullies pick on others to disguise their own inadequacies. The fact he says things about people that they could hear is nasty and shows a complete lack of empathy.

Don’t think that ‘insecure’ always means shy and nervous, in some people it shows as arrogance and zero empathy. He found something that made him feel good - bullying the bouncer - and he couldn’t stop himself gorging on it.

Dump him - he’s not a nice person and probably has underlying issues.

starsinthegutter · 26/10/2021 08:51

"It's not me, it's you." Job done.

TheOccupier · 26/10/2021 08:51

Ugh I can't bear people who do things like this. They think they're so funny and clever and it's just rude, childish and embarrassing. Bin him.

Ugzbugz · 26/10/2021 08:52

He sounds gross. Does he have a tiny penis and was jealous this bouncer didn't? I doubt he's any bloody Brad Pitt either. Ugly personality makes a very ugly person. RUN!

Helpimfalling · 26/10/2021 08:55

Hate stuff like this...

It could easily be one of my children or me he was mocking and uploading pictures of on face book.

Heartbreaking for some people.

You don't want any part of that.

flowersmakeitbetter · 26/10/2021 08:55

He sounds awful.

I imagine that you'll be next. If you have children they'll get it as well.

It's not worth it. People tell you who they are. You need to listen.

Branleuse · 26/10/2021 08:56

Thats really horrible. These people are just living and existing near him and hes targetting them for no reason. Youre right, its bullying. I couldnt be with someone like that. Its much uglier than any physical trait

TravelLost · 26/10/2021 08:57

@SweetMaryHell

Thinking about it he’s already started taking the piss out of what I’m wearing, calling my coat “the granny coat” and continuously asking why I wear clothes that are too big for me
Yep. I thought he would end up doing that too…

At least this time he has been clear in his intentions. You’ve dodged a billet there.

Practicebeingpatient · 26/10/2021 08:58

If this is irritating you after 7 months you will be ready to kill him after y years. End it now before you get banged up!