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AIBU?

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Original poster

Tell parents to not bring sick children into playgroup

169 replies

Motherofking · 25/10/2021 22:44

My toddler was born during lockdown so we never went to playgroups. We have started going to this playgroup on Thursdays. First time we went there a day after my son was sick with a viral infection for nearly 2 weeks with constant fever and diarrhoea. The gp told me he likely caught it from another child who had the same infection. I brushed it off afterwards as one of those odd infections that toddlers get. Next time I went to the playgroup when my son recovered, I saw a the playgroup leaders son covered in little rashes and spots and he had a snotty nose. The week after when I went there again I overheard the group leader talking to the mum next to me saying ‘ ive had such a rough week, we have just recovered from hand , foot and mouth disease’. That very same day my toddler became ill and got the same rash the little boy had, I went to the gp said he has hand , foot and mouth disease too. I added one and one and realised that my son caught it off her son in .
Is there some kind of playgroup policy whereby parents shouldn’t bring in sick children . I am not talking about a little cold , I am talking about the viral infections and contagious infections. I don’t want to confront the playgroup leader, but would it be wrong of me to message the playgroup as they have a playgroup WhatsApp chat and ask what is the policy with bringing in sick children who have viral infections into the playgroup. Also would I be wrong to suggest without insulting anyone that children who are ill should not be brought in .
Again i am not talking about a minor cough or cold, im talking about viral infections and contagious diseases

Should i message the group saying this or should i just leave it and stop my son from going there

OP posts:
Waahingwashingwashing · 26/10/2021 10:27

Oh god. Nits. And worms.

Scottishskifun · 26/10/2021 10:43

[quote Motherofking]@mewkins I understand . I think the issue isnt my son catching them , its at the rate that its happening . Right after the other . for two months hes been ill three times . I wouldnt mind the illnesses if they were spread out over a period of months but not right after the other . I think thats where my frustration comes from[/quote]
Honestly 3 times in two months is not frequent for a toddler.
Agree that you need to adjust your expectations of how frequently toddlers get ill.

Marynotsocontrary · 26/10/2021 10:45

I am so very sorry HayleyBay.

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 11:41

Unfortunately our immune systems need to build back up.

For lockdown babies it needs to develop.

Therefore catching viruses will happen more often than usual currently,

I work in education. The first year I caught everything going. After over a decade I didn't even seem to catch a common cold anymore and avoided lost rounds of noro.

Interestingly enough I caught covid early March last year. It was like a virus that my body could suddenly host 🤔🤣

Since then with all the mask wearing etc I seem to be back to catching every damn cold etc that anyone has in school.

It's so hard watching your LO be I'll and will be a shock when you've got a young one who didn't do this from birth due to LD.

But colds and coughs and HFM etc are usually viruses and will help the immune system long term.

Ireolu · 26/10/2021 11:48

Don't take him then but he will still catch whatever is going around if you decide to send him to nursery or eventually in school. They get more colds/viral illnesses than adults we quote on average 9-10/yr. We don't go to soft play because of this.

Hankunamatata · 26/10/2021 11:50

Yes I'd be cross but hand foot and mouth unless the child is unwell in themselves then advise is they can go about their normal stuff

SnugKnights · 26/10/2021 11:55

@Almostascot

Hand foot and mouth is not like chickenpox. Chickenpox can be a very serious illness in some children requiring hospital treatment. That is why the NHS advise is to keep a child at home until they are over the infection period. HFM is not serious and is unlikely cause any complications. (Although any virus even the common cold can cause complications if you are unlucky). The virus shed from the airways for up to 6 days before symptoms and for weeks after symptoms are gone (months in the stool). That is why the advice is to only keep a child at home if they not well enough to go out. Keeping children at home for longer is unlikely to stop the spread.
This was my point earlier. You can’t expect people to keep kids isolated for months because they could still be shedding virus.
zafferana · 26/10/2021 12:00

I can understand your frustration OP. I think all parents feel like that when their DC are little because once they start mixing with other DC, whether that's at play group, nursery, childminder or school, they get one thing after another. One way to look at it is this - either your DC catches all these things now, or he gets them when he starts school. Because if you keep him at home now to stop him getting them, all that's going to happen is that his immune system won't learn to fight those infections now, so he'll get sick later on. So then what do you do? Home educate because you don't like him being ill when he's 4? Do you see what I'm saying? This is a horrible stage, any parent will agree with you on that, but it's a sadly necessary one.

DeepaBeesKit · 26/10/2021 12:00

Honestly these sorts of viruses are near impossible to avoid because they can be infectious or contagious before or after a child shows symptoms. HFM in particular is near impossible to contain, it's also mild, which is why NHS allows it in schools and nurseries.

Even with things like chicken pox, some children will have marks for many weeks afterwards, so it's almost impossible for a volunteer led playgroup to police when a child should be able to attend

DeepaBeesKit · 26/10/2021 12:03

is it normal for half of the population of toddlers to have viral infections causing vomiting , Diarrhoea and dieases such as hand and foot mouth or chicken pox all the time ?

Basically yes. There's a couple of years between 1 & 3 where some children really do seem to be constantly ill. DS wasnt, but DD has been and it's been a nightmare with working.

RichTeaRichTea · 26/10/2021 12:43

[quote Motherofking]@mewkins I understand . I think the issue isnt my son catching them , its at the rate that its happening . Right after the other . for two months hes been ill three times . I wouldnt mind the illnesses if they were spread out over a period of months but not right after the other . I think thats where my frustration comes from[/quote]
This rate sounds normal to me. Even pretty favourable! It is an absolute slog

FuckingFabulous · 26/10/2021 12:45

Two weeks without eating? That's something you should be seeing a doctor about. He will need nutrition. Not eating for two weeks because of a virus is not usual.

Nanny0gg · 26/10/2021 12:48

[quote Motherofking]@PeachesPumpkin I know that i do expect my toddler to be ill occasionally but not every time he goes in he needs to catch a virus . It causes us lack of sleep for two weeks and he goes two weeks without eating which isnt good for him either[/quote]
You wait till he starts school...

surreygirl1987 · 26/10/2021 16:40

@surreygirl1987 re read what i wrote . I never mentioned not going in due to colds . I stated viral injections and contagious diseases

OP... am I wrong in thinking a cold is a viral infection (I assume you mean infection not injection!)? And HFaM is a contagious disease isn't it? So when I'm talking about colds and HFaM, I'm talking about viral infections and contagious diseases...

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 26/10/2021 16:47

It’s not great to bring a child with obvious symptoms of anything serious to a playgroup. I’d be too embarrassed if nothing else. However if you complain or raise it in anyway you’ll look unhinged and won’t win yourself any friends.

Mygodicanteven · 26/10/2021 17:35

You're being just a bit ridiculous. Kids, especially under 2's get sick very, very frequently. That's just how it is. It's annoying, yes, but it gives their immune system a boost every time they do get ill.

Labloverrr · 26/10/2021 18:04

@Mygodicanteven

You can tell from your post that you’re ‘that parent’ bringing their kids along with all sorts for others to catch and have no consideration.

It’s not nursery, it’s playgroup and bringing kids with HF&M etc is just careless.

Mygodicanteven · 26/10/2021 18:12

[quote Labloverrr]@Mygodicanteven

You can tell from your post that you’re ‘that parent’ bringing their kids along with all sorts for others to catch and have no consideration.

It’s not nursery, it’s playgroup and bringing kids with HF&M etc is just careless.[/quote]
That is such a massive assumption to make and an untrue one at that. Love the self righteous attitude btw. Very endearing! 💐

CreepySpider · 26/10/2021 18:17

Unfortunately children get a lot of bugs and the fewer they have had, the more susceptible they are to coming down with something as they haven’t build up antibodies against them.

The vast majority of these bugs are contiguous before the child has any symptoms and no matter how diligent a parent is, at some point or another it’s almost certain their child will have passed something on.

tootootaataa · 27/10/2021 07:31

@CreepySpider

Unfortunately children get a lot of bugs and the fewer they have had, the more susceptible they are to coming down with something as they haven’t build up antibodies against them.

The vast majority of these bugs are contiguous before the child has any symptoms and no matter how diligent a parent is, at some point or another it’s almost certain their child will have passed something on.

This.

And who determines the cut off point? A mother of 3 will certainly have a different idea on what is normal to a new mum with her PFB.

I have 4DC, ran playgroups for 7 years, I am also a primary teacher and I have never ever met a parent who willingly sent their child out into the world, knowing that they were contagious. Covid has heightened awareness, on both sides.

Also, Playgroup is not just for the children, it is also a vital support for the parents. OP, you state that you are alone, so you understand how lonely motherhood can be.

I genuinely think, breathe, be kind to yourself and all others who are doing their best. Your LO will get sick as they are exposed to bugs but it is not this way forever.

Darbs76 · 27/10/2021 07:37

Most sensible parents would not take their child to mix with others if they were sick. Unfortunately some will though, either they don’t think or don’t care. Your child will catch a lot of things when they first start mixing with others. Mine went to nursery from 9 months and we’re constantly sick in the first year. I guess it’s either now or when your child starts nursery. My GP was right in that once they started school they would have a good immune system and rarely be off

surreygirl1987 · 27/10/2021 07:57

@darbs76 out of interest, if your children were 'constantly' sick for the first year of nursery, did you 'constantly' keep them off?? Did you or your husband have to stay at home with them, and if so how did that impact on your jobs??

Rainbowheart1 · 27/10/2021 08:08

It’s just life, every parent before you has had to endure the same thing.

Buckle up, this will be happening until they are at least 7/8 years old.

It’s normal, you can’t run your life around other people all the time.

WTF475878237NC · 27/10/2021 08:49

OP my friend has just text to change our plans today because she's keeping her toddler off playgroup as he doesn't seem himself and was exposed to HFaM at the weekend. So there are sensible less selfish parents out there even if not many of them are on this thread Smile

RichTeaRichTea · 27/10/2021 09:07

Oh come on, absolutely no need for that