Tell parents to not bring sick children into playgroup

[Motherofking]

My toddler was born during lockdown so we never went to playgroups. We have started going to this playgroup on Thursdays. First time we went there a day after my son was sick with a viral infection for nearly 2 weeks with constant fever and diarrhoea. The gp told me he likely caught it from another child who had the same infection. I brushed it off afterwards as one of those odd infections that toddlers get. Next time I went to the playgroup when my son recovered, I saw a the playgroup leaders son covered in little rashes and spots and he had a snotty nose. The week after when I went there again I overheard the group leader talking to the mum next to me saying ‘ ive had such a rough week, we have just recovered from hand , foot and mouth disease’. That very same day my toddler became ill and got the same rash the little boy had, I went to the gp said he has hand , foot and mouth disease too. I added one and one and realised that my son caught it off her son in .
Is there some kind of playgroup policy whereby parents shouldn’t bring in sick children . I am not talking about a little cold , I am talking about the viral infections and contagious infections. I don’t want to confront the playgroup leader, but would it be wrong of me to message the playgroup as they have a playgroup WhatsApp chat and ask what is the policy with bringing in sick children who have viral infections into the playgroup. Also would I be wrong to suggest without insulting anyone that children who are ill should not be brought in .
Again i am not talking about a minor cough or cold, im talking about viral infections and contagious diseases

Should i message the group saying this or should i just leave it and stop my son from going there

Your ds will have a robust immune system. It’s horrible going through it. But this is natural and what humans have always done. The pandemic has made us live even more artificially than how our species evolved.

It’s frustrating but I would actually expect your toddler to be ill every time they go to something like this at the moment, sorry! It’s frustrating but it is part of having a baby. When my son started nursery he was ill with one thing or another every week for months. My own lockdown baby started nursery last month and last week was the first week she wasn’t ill since starting.

There are certain things that children shouldn’t be brought to things such such as D&V (always 48 hour exclusion).

Nor is it for you. Perhaps you should drop it rather than expecting others to drop it.

I hear you OP. My third baby is 13 months old so was born during the pandemic. Since my eldest have been back at school and we've been out and about more he has been constantly ill. Cold, covid, cold, virus, now stomach bug. That's all in about 7/8 weeks. It's worse than with my older two because he's no immunity as spent the first year protected.

I know it's so so hard when their constantly poorly but some bugs are contagious for weeks and you can't keep them home if it's not serious. You can always try have a few weeks at home to avoid illness and get rest but once you're out and about it will start again!

Hang on in there, it does get better!

I'm afraid it's part and parcel of having a toddler. Yes it's frustrating and yes it sucks to deal with but the flip side of that as others have said is that it's actually really important exposure for them to build up a immune response.

It's also impossible to tell, toddlers can seem to have a constant runny nose you don't know what illness it is.
When DS was the same age he had back to back viruses which included fevers of 40. My suggestion is learning to use calpol/Ibruprofen on a alternate basis with spacing so that you keep him comfortable without one dropping off and getting spikes.
You won't go anywhere if you don't get used to toddler illnesses I'm afraid!

OP, I agree with you. My LB is just getting over hand foot and mouth, caught at a local playgroup. He gave it to my DP too, who was really quite ill with a high fever. He needed a week off work - he's self employed so no sick pay, and I'm coming to the end of mat leave so money's tight! That's a lot of pain from an hour's fun for LB.

I agree that babies and toddlers need to catch illnesses to build their immune systems. However, there's a big difference between catching a cold at playgroup and catching something worse. If your child is really unwell just don't take them.

I've decided to stay away from these types of playgroups for a while. The type where all the toys are just put back in the box into the cupboard at the end, with no cleaning. OK with older children's toys, but not baby toys!
Makes me feel (not envy) in normal times, but with COVID... it's too much for me.

Its part of having a toddler, people who have had HF&M are infectious for weeks after symptoms go, so really following your logic your little one shouldn’t attend playgroups for around 6-8 weeks.

You’ll find with school the autumn term is filled with colds, bugs etc.

‘ It’s actually really good for your child to be mixing with others and picking up infections. It stimulates and strengthens their immune system.’

^ this isn’t true. We come across pathogens all the time that our bodies fight without us realising. The only thing that happens when we get viruses like this is that our bodies strengthen our fight against the virus we’ve just had, it doesn’t overall strengthen the immune system at all.

I’d change baby groups op. Most adults wouldnt take their unwell child to a babygroup and with COVID about I wouldn’t feel comfortable mixing with parents that didn’t seem to care.

I help out at a toddler group and we have a “please don’t bring your child if they are ill” request on the website but realistically everyone is going to have a different threshold for too ill to come, and it’s not paid childcare, we can’t turn people away

Having said that “we can’t turn people away”, I have never in all the years I’ve been helping out had a situation where I thought a child appeared too ill to be there. I did once have my own child, who was a little snotty but fine when we arrived and were setting up, but within an hour was clearly coming down with something (temp gone up and getting miserable) so I took them home. They change so quickly.

My eldest had a snotty nose and cough every year, from October to March, when she was little. Couldn't stay in all that time.

It's worth beating in mind that we are expected to be exceptionally poorly this autumn due to the lockdowns and isolation from general bugs. Both my DS's, who usually seem to be medical marvels when it comes to their immune systems, have been really poorly over the last few weeks - colds, coughs, tummy bugs and now chicken pox.

It is rubbish when they are poorly, I do sympathise, but it will happen once you get out and about. I think most parents have a 'too ill, need to stay home' threshold, but everyone will have different ideas on where they draw their line.

@thaegumathteth

I think as much as you want to you can't and shouldn't protect a toddler from germs too much especially given their immune system probably hasn't been challenged much.

Hand foot and mouth is horrible but as PP said NHS advice isn't to isolate. I caught it as an adult but nobody else did.

I think if they have a fever then yes stay home or if they have d&v in last 48h but honestly you're fighting a battle you won't win.

This is life with kids , some people will ignore any rules anyways and the people who won't will employ common sense without the rules. So really I wouldn't message the group.

This

@Motherofking my nephew was in Africa for 8 months and while he was there he had croup, measles and chicken pox plus a couple of colds.
It's nothing to do with the country. Until you have children you're blissfully unaware of how often they get sick.

I was a Playgroup leader for 7 years. There are always (IME) policies in place however, young children can't always tell you that they feel unwell and are often contagious before symptoms develop.

Be kind to others. You sound quite anxious but it will lessen as your child gets older.

I am not sure why you keep saying 'it's not school'. The same sense of judgement applies on the parents behalf. If children are not well, they don't send them in.

YWBU to do this, but I do sympathise because we had a similar experience with DS - he just seemed to pick bugs up every five minutes, and then his sleep went to pot and it was just awful. But, with hindsight,
I can tell you that his immune system built up quickly and soon he was catching things far less frequently. I also caught HFM from him, which was grim But we’ve never had it since.

I used to swerve playgroup every so often so we had a week off bugs now and again 🙈😂 But this too shall pass, soon your child will have the immune system of a rhino!

You are going to hate it when your DC is in school OP and you hear parents at the gate talking about how little Timmy was sick through the night but has woken up fine so they are sending him in.

I agree that people shouldn't be taking obviously ill children around others. A cough/cold is fine but anything worse is just not fair.

I agree with the OP. Playgroup should be avoided if your child is unwell, common courtesy that will save parents a nightmare.

There’s enough germs at childcare that they’ll be exposed to sooner or later.

The thing is, if your baby hadn't been born in lockdown, you would have taken them to baby groups before now and they would have had a longer cycle of catching stuff. Possibly more slowly because babies don't interact with one another as much as toddlers do. But they still would have got every bug going.

If you're planning on getting a job, it's much better for them to get ill when you don't have one to be honest.

@Labloverrr

I agree with the OP. Playgroup should be avoided if your child is unwell, common courtesy that will save parents a nightmare.

There’s enough germs at childcare that they’ll be exposed to sooner or later.

Everyone agrees that if a child is obviously unwell then don’t take them to a toddler group.

But if you believe it’s inevitable that they will get lots of bugs when first exposed to them then it’s no less a nightmare them waiting for them to get them when in childcare. If anything it’s worse because you have the stress of juggling work - at least if you are on ML then it’s one less pressure, even if it is still shit and worrying when they are ill

I think because your child was born during the pandemic he has not built up a strong immune response - but unfort he will only do this once he is exposed to viruses and germs.
It is normal for toddlers to pick so much stuff up. But after a year he will get better. He won't build up an immune system if you keep him home.
I have twins who as toddlers shared baths. My son often got things like hand foot and mouth (three times in fact although in theory your child is unlikely to get this again now they have had it) but my daughter very rarely picked things up even though she shared baths with him. How often a child picks things up is linked to their own immune response.
Can I suggest you look into some homeopathic remedies. Nelson's arsen alba 30c (available boots other chemists / health food shops) stops upset tummies/bowels very quickly.

@IDontDrinkTea

Honestly, if you stop taking him places, you’re just delaying him catching everything until you do go. It’s part and parcel with kids. I know someone that didn’t take their child anywhere for this reason, then when she sent her to school she was ill permanently as she just had no immune system

This, unfortunately. I have known children in reception class who have been protected so much from germs that everything hits one after the other after the other when they’re in school. Most of the children there will be in the same boat as yours - born in lockdown, never exposed to anything. While it’s not essential for them to be there it’s the perfect time to get the immune system responding.

My eldest son died of rhinoviris - the common cold. He was described as a "healthy and thriving"'baby 2 days before he died of it. He had no underlying health problems.

Freaks me out taking his siblings to anything.

I get sick of health care professionals telling me to build their immunity by taking them to things - it can kill them.

There is no answer though, I can't isolate them forever either.

I’m so sorry for your loss HayleyBay. It is so scary how things can go from fine to terrifying in no time

I agree its annoying. It happens everywhere though. I used to skip groups for a few weeks after a bug to get some rest before the next one.

In answer to your question, a whatsapp message will been seen as passive aggressive and you're likely to find people avoid you after it, especially the ones ypu talk about. If you want to raise it them face to face with group leader is the way to go. Facebook messages will go to the same person anyway. Unfortunately if you want to speak up you will need to be assertive. But the best case is a reminder will go out and people will stop for a few weeks then just carry on. Better to control what you can by not going when you cant handle more germs.