Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to touch her child?

446 replies

WhatDoYouDo1234 · 25/10/2021 19:08

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 25/10/2021 22:05

I probably would have body blocked her and I have a big butt that could have accidently knocked her over.

GiltEdges · 25/10/2021 22:05

@Sleepyblueocean

I would move my child on to do something else. I wouldn't touch another child for behaviour issues unless my child is at risk and even then I would try to move my own child.
This
NotterOtter · 25/10/2021 22:06

I love a good MN land comment grin

I don't know anyone who just meekly accept this kind of behaviour irl tbh. Have you never seen physical confrontation between adults before? Confused

Alwayswantedasmegf · 25/10/2021 22:10

@NotterOtter to be honest I have many of times. Its not about that I just don't THINK in this scenario it warrants that level of confrontation why don't you understand MY opinion Confused

I actually don't mind confrontation but I would rather look for the parent FIRST.

This has become a bigger deal that it needs to be here. OPS child was not getting pushed to the floor.... kids do this type of thing often ots not usual by any means and if you think it is you must be living a sheltered life.

However I agree the parent should of been watching their kid.

Hamster1111 · 25/10/2021 22:11

Yeah I'd have done exactly what you did. And said the same to the mum. Ffs, watch your own kid!

DBI78 · 25/10/2021 22:11

I can see why it was frustrating and parents should have been watching. I thinking I would have asked them to stop and perhaps attempted to block the girls access if possible.

If someone touched my child I wouldn't be happy but I would also accept some responsibility if I had not supervised him properly. I would not be rude about it tho.

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2021 22:14

Your making me howl tonight. Your comment and the others announcing who's child is this have for to be the best!

I know this is MN where no-one answers their doors, basic communication is often seen as 'confrontation' and the only way to ask your neighbour to keep out of your parking space is to 'put an anonymous note through their door'....but you're actually howling at normal people sticking up for themselves or their children? Confused

Blimey.

pelosi · 25/10/2021 22:15

[quote Alwayswantedasmegf]@NotterOtter to be honest I have many of times. Its not about that I just don't THINK in this scenario it warrants that level of confrontation why don't you understand MY opinion Confused

I actually don't mind confrontation but I would rather look for the parent FIRST.

This has become a bigger deal that it needs to be here. OPS child was not getting pushed to the floor.... kids do this type of thing often ots not usual by any means and if you think it is you must be living a sheltered life.

However I agree the parent should of been watching their kid.[/quote]
Gently moving a child is not a confrontation. You’re seeing drama where there is none.

pelosi · 25/10/2021 22:17

@WorraLiberty

Your making me howl tonight. Your comment and the others announcing who's child is this have for to be the best!

I know this is MN where no-one answers their doors, basic communication is often seen as 'confrontation' and the only way to ask your neighbour to keep out of your parking space is to 'put an anonymous note through their door'....but you're actually howling at normal people sticking up for themselves or their children? Confused

Blimey.

Usually when someone says they are ‘howling’ they overcompensating because they feel uncomfortable that their opinions are not being accepted as the ‘right’ ones.
CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 25/10/2021 22:19

@itsgettingwierd

This reminds me of a situation at a park when ds was smaller (he's now 17!).

Standing at slide and other parents around. Child keeps climbing up wrong way. Parents stopping children coming down and asking child at top to wait. Ask child to come off and go right way.

Happens about 10 times. No sign of parent.

Then child starts to climb as another child comes down. Nearest person grabs child and removes them out the way before she gets a facefull of incoming foot.

Suddenly parent appears yelling about how she's been watching from a distance as we all interfere with her child just trying to play and accusing the person who removed her child of being a peadophile. (He was male).

As she's going totally OTT batshit every parent is watching the woman (man who removed child is just looking at her and saying nothing). Next we hear a blood piercing scream.

Yes you've guessed it. As she's yelling at the person who just saved her dd from injury her dd suffered an injury (was knocked clean off the side of the slide having been booted in the face first) as she ran up as another child was already coming down.

The worst bit was rather than deal with her poor sobbing dd she then began yelling about why everyone just stood and watched it happen Confused no one actually did as they were watching her but even so no one would have dared touch her dd again.

After about another 2/3 minutes of screaming she picked her dd roughly off the floor and stormed off with her.

It reminded me of a similar event when dc were small (now 17 and 15).

We were at a garden centre which had an inflatable climbing frame thing with a slide. My 2 were playing nicely, climbing up the correct bit and sliding down. The slide was wide enough for 2 at a time, although you bounce a bit and don't necessarily go in a straight line. A child who was a similar size to my ds2 came to play but was climbing up the slide then turning around and sliding down again meaning no one else could use the slide.

My DC asked him nicely multiple times not to climb up the slide (I'd taught them they weren't allowed as it stopped others playing) and he ignored them. His mum sat nearby smiling lovingly at her child. After about 10 mins my boys had had enough. So they slid down and knocked him off the end of the slide. He was at the bottom anyway so they didn't knock him far. His mum went mad. Shouting at me, telling me how cruel my children were.

I gave no fucks . Her child was being a pain and she didn't stop him.

5zeds · 25/10/2021 22:20

I’d have done the same -the second time- and told the mother she was being ridiculous.....I honestly turn into a Victorian Great Aunt when irritated.

JudgeJ · 25/10/2021 22:21

@Comedycook

People can be very ott....I once stopped a toddler falling between the gap between a train and the platform as the parent wasn't watching them... didn't even touch them...just put my arm in front of them to stop them moving forward. I got a filthy look from the parent.. it seems interaction with a random child is so awful the parent would prefer their child to have a potentially fatal accident Confused
I had a similar experience, I was about 20m behind a small girl, 3 maybe, pushing a toy buggy when a gust of wind blew it from her grasp and into the road. The child chased after it and I managed to get there in time to grab her arm. The mother, a good distance behind me, came up effing and jeffing, raising a hand at me. Bad move, she nearly finished up with a broken wrist.
CantBeAssed · 25/10/2021 22:29

Some of these comments...the child in question is only 3.. the mother is certainly to blame for not teaching her child boundaries but really....going by the replies you would swear op was dealing a 6ft hulk of a man🤣

PumpkinsandTea · 25/10/2021 22:35

@SweetMaryHell

You were right. I was once waiting for my DD in a changing room whilst she was trying something on. A little girl (no parents in sight) kept trying to look under the cubicle door. I told her over and over again to stop, DD was getting increasingly angry and then shouted “if I see that kid under this door again I’ll kick her in the face”. So I picked the kid up and delivered her back to her oblivious parents.
Shock Your daughter sounds delightful ConfusedHmm
cricketmum84 · 25/10/2021 22:42

@PumpkinsandTea yea because I'm sure you would be an absolute delight to the lovely little child peering under your cubicle door when you were half naked.

FFS some people Hmm

littleburn · 25/10/2021 23:02

I'm really surprised by the replies saying the OP should have just taken her daughter and walked away to avoid any conflict. So the daughter who's waited her turn gets taught that if people are rude/pushy you shouldn't hold your ground and you should just give them what they want, and the kid in question gets a lesson that being rude/pushy gets you what you want!

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 25/10/2021 23:44

@littleburn

I'm really surprised by the replies saying the OP should have just taken her daughter and walked away to avoid any conflict. So the daughter who's waited her turn gets taught that if people are rude/pushy you shouldn't hold your ground and you should just give them what they want, and the kid in question gets a lesson that being rude/pushy gets you what you want!
This. I'm at a loss at people being ok being dictated to by a 3 yo stranger
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 25/10/2021 23:45

@Alwayswanteddasmegf if they were continuing to push me away and destroy something u was doing? Yes I would

23minutesfromTulseHill · 26/10/2021 00:27

"Piss off now or I'll rip your face off, you little turd" in a low voice, big bright smile and death-stare eyes would probably work: some of the vocab might be unfamiliar, but the message would get across. See also the 'swearing' thread.
And you wouldn't, god forbid, have touched the little horror.

Moving it doesn't seem quite so bad all of a sudden Grin

Onlinedilema · 26/10/2021 00:41

Is have blocked her with my body.

Shasha17 · 26/10/2021 01:32

I don't understand this weird thing about not "touching a child" in this manner. Sometimes children NEED to be physically touched in order to prevent them from doing something dangerous, upsetting, harmful, hurting themselves or another child, causing a problem, etc. They are children! Of course you shouldn't hit a child (or touch them inappropriately, which goes without saying and is another issue. But in cases like this, when a parent is not around to physically solve a problem with their own child, then of course another adult might need to. It also all depends on context. You're the mother of a child that her child is being spiteful towards and you gently touched the child. You're not a strange man who punched her child in the face, or something! If parents don't bother to parent their child, very occasionally another adult may need to step in to prevent a problem.

1forAll74 · 26/10/2021 01:47

I would have told the other child to stand back and wait her turn, or even! lifted her back a bit if words had no effect The non bothering Mother, would have to lump it. !

BFCfairy · 26/10/2021 02:07

Yanbu and agree with others your daughter should not be moved. Also She queued waited and should therefore get her drawing.

Other parent should shout at you and should have been there. Maybe she should have apologised as a 3yo should be supervised.

sykadelic · 26/10/2021 03:05

I was okay with it until I realized you picked the child up.

I'm imagining seeing some random person lifting my child and I'd be pretty incensed... though idve stopped him before it got to that.

Her response was probably due to her not actually paying attention and only seeing you lifting her child... aka shitty parenting on her part

DyingForACuppa · 26/10/2021 07:49

Some of the comments have just reminded me of an incident back before I had kids, at a busy festival, walking along when suddenly I'm punched really hard in the leg. I look down, and it's a small child, so while I am annoyed and hurt I don't say anything. At which point the mother rushes up to chastise me for not apologizing to her precious for 'hurting the childs hand' when the kid punched me! Shock

Basically you can't 'avoid the drama' with parents like this, all you can do is realise their drama is their problem and don't give a it the time of day.

You did nothing wrong OP.