Was I wrong to touch her child?

[WhatDoYouDo1234]

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

I did this once in a playground in London a child kept grabbing the swing mine was on and my dc kept saying please can you stop and we'd waited 30 mins just to be on the swings and the mum was there and was so obvious she was deliberately letting her dc do it so we got off. In the end I gently pushed the dc hand off the swings and said off you go to your mum,
The dc face said it all she was so shocked someone actually told her no and did something against the bratty behaviour.

Her mum came over all sort of effing and blinding to which I ended up rather embarrassingly standing my ground and telling her I know where her dc gets her manners from. I think it was a good thing I did though, these dc grow up and end up in all sorts of trouble because they've been taught to be entitled through ignorance.
I'd have done as you did OP but I believe in society working together to help make it better. These people are so damn selfish they want you to walk off.

I would have looked for a parent the first time and spoken to her gently. The second time I would have used a stern voice, told her she needed to go back to her parents and put myself between her and access to the screen, physically moving her hands if necessary, though probably just by creating a barrier with my arm and sweeping her hands back (hard to know what the set up was like). I would have spoken to her sharply if she treated it as a game or tried to touch the screen again.

I don't think anything you did was unreasonable, though I don't think I would have lifted her back. I can see how a parent who hadn't seen the whole interaction might misinterpret that.

Doesn't really excuse the way she spoke to you, especially in a place full of children, but possibly she wasn't so much ignoring her daughter's bad behaviour as unaware because she'd lost her for a few seconds and only saw her when a stranger was picking her up - so was a bit unreasonable because of the scare of that rather than because she thought her precious princess should be able to do as she pleased.

Oh God. So now not only have I made a mistake (which I recognise and admit!), my daughter is going to end up with "poorer social skills, impaired problem solving skills and be prone to bullying"

Yes, I think you might be right there @NumberTheory. I'm obviously only seeing my side and it's useful to imagine the other perspectives and senators.

@WhatDoYouDo1234

Oh God. So now not only have I made a mistake (which I recognise and admit!), my daughter is going to end up with "poorer social skills, impaired problem solving skills and be prone to bullying"

Oh dear. The point is that it is done every time you are more likely to end up with that result. I think rather than trying to justify yourself just accept that you got angry with the child and the absent parent and lost control for a moment? Anyway, I have made my point.

Hell yeah I would have touched her.
You gave her plenty if warnings. Its not like you hit her. You just took her hands off something. Parents should have watched their kid.

@WhatDoYouDo1234

Oh God. So now not only have I made a mistake (which I recognise and admit!), my daughter is going to end up with "poorer social skills, impaired problem solving skills and be prone to bullying"

Aye, she'll be hanging round the streets, popping blue Smarties and wondering where it all went wrong before her 5th birthday and it's all your fault OP 😂

I'd have probably told her to bugger off and I'm not a sweary person.

Lost control, yes I was absolutely wild and erupting  Luckily next time I will have all your excellent "Goggle" searches to consult @Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds Have a lovely evening.

@WhatDoYouDo1234

Lost control, yes I was absolutely wild and erupting  Luckily next time I will have all your excellent "Goggle" searches to consult *@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds* Have a lovely evening.

Best of luck!

I would have shouted loudly " who does this child belong to" to force her feckless parents to take charge. Because otherwise, the kids might sort it out themselves.....😂😂

@SweetMaryHell

You were right. I was once waiting for my DD in a changing room whilst she was trying something on. A little girl (no parents in sight) kept trying to look under the cubicle door. I told her over and over again to stop, DD was getting increasingly angry and then shouted “if I see that kid under this door again I’ll kick her in the face”. So I picked the kid up and delivered her back to her oblivious parents.

Oh you're nice, I think I'd have turned a blind eye and let me DD kick her

I don't think you were wrong @WhatDoYouDo1234.

I was going to post this on its own thread but will add here as seems to fit, hope that is ok.

Some parents, regardless of what some on here think, just don't care, and won't care, until it's beyond reasonable.

I took my daughter to soft play yesterday for her birthday. My husband is NEVER here, always working away. He was home and he came, and I made him take baby for a walk, so I could spend one on one with toddler.

A little girl was there, with a very obvious disability with her leg, relevant because she kept getting into difficulties. It's a rural area, small soft play, maximum 12 tables, pre book. Me, her and her dad, two other families.

Firstly she wanted to play with my daughter, she was six, she told me, Dd is three. Dd wanted to play with me. I was kind to her, chatted to her, but kept moving on. She was following, getting stuck, I shouted on her dad, he ignored me. I should say it was her dad, I asked her, he was watching a film on his phone, I could see it. Twice she was crying, stuck, and I left daughter to rescue her, twice I saw the other families doing the same. So four times in tears, other parents helping.

Towards the end I let my daughter go on the pay extra racing cars, with me. She asked to go. I said, loudly, please go and ask your dad. He heard me, ignored me. I went ahead, alone with daughter, she was crying, he shouted at me "thanks very fucking much, you can see she wanted a shot, you could have left it for now".

It was the end part for my daughter so we left. But I am still annoyed. I was trying to spend time with my daughter, i was looking after his lovely daughter, I rescued her, by holding her to remove her from a stair case twice, as did other parents, but I was in the wrong and shouted at for not paying for the go karts. Sometimes, sometimes, you just can't bloody win.

Why are these parents always oblivious to the fact their little darlings are bothering other people but ready to pounce the moment someone else intervenes? If you don't want other people dealing with your errant children supervise them properly yourself!

@MissMaple82

It's all well and good "hating other parents not parenting" but that doesn't give you the right to do it for them. Ignore amd walk away!

So much for it taking a village OP.😂

I probably would have moved her as you did as well as loudly and passive aggressively asking if someone was missing a little girl.

But one look at me and I doubt she’d dare trying to come at me.

Why are people so scared to move a child? What are you so terrified of?

OP, you did nothing wrong.

@pelosi

Why are people so scared to move a child? What are you so terrified of?

OP, you did nothing wrong.

Would you move an adult? Or do boundaries go out of the window for a small child and make it OK.

I probably would have been secretly hoping my own DD would push her tbh

@Sleepyblueocean

I would move my child on to do something else. I wouldn't touch another child for behaviour issues unless my child is at risk and even then I would try to move my own child.

So you would place another child above your own, letting the other child know that brattish behaviour pays off? 'Bugger off', loudly at the pesky child might attract the breeder's attention.

Would you move an adult?

I would stand in the way and if the adult tried to get past me physically, I would push them back.

Would you move an adult? Or do boundaries go out of the window for a small child and make it OK.

Yes, if an adult was repeatedly getting in my way despite instructions to stop of course I’d move them.

@pelosi

Would you move an adult? Or do boundaries go out of the window for a small child and make it OK.

Yes, if an adult was repeatedly getting in my way despite instructions to stop of course I’d move them.

This ^^ exactly.

Also, if someone touched my child to move them in the situation you describe, I wouldn't have a go at them. I'd apologise for my child's behaviour. At least they didn't let them act like a selfish brat and move their child away, letting my child think if they act that way they get what they want.

@NotterOtter

Would you move an adult?

I would stand in the way and if the adult tried to get past me physically, I would push them back.

Your making me howl tonight. Your comment and the others announcing who's child is this have for to be the best!

I love a good MN land comment

This is happened several times to my daughter with little kids. I usually just block the way so they can’t continue... sometimes that’s not possible though... I personally wouldn’t touch another child for exactly the fact that people lose thier shit over the simplest of things. It does piss me off when people don’t control or watch thier kids when out.