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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I wrong to touch her child?

446 replies

WhatDoYouDo1234 · 25/10/2021 19:08

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

OP posts:

SweetMaryHell · 26/10/2021 08:37

I was once walking around asda with a trolly. Little kid flying around the aisles manically, no parent in sight. I’d managed to avoid him numerous times but unfortunately he came tear arsing around a corner and slammed straight into my trolly face first. I obviously went to see if he was ok and the mother came running - she’d seen it happen from a distance, tutted at me and gave me a mucky look before picking her son up and asking if he was ok after being ran over 😂

knittingaddict · 26/10/2021 08:39

I wouldn't have touched another child, but that child would have been more than aware that I meant business. They would have been on the receiving end of my no nonsense voice and a very hard Paddington bear stare. If that hadn't worked I would have asked the little darling were her parents were and asked them to deal with it.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/10/2021 08:47

@sykadelic

I was okay with it until I realized you picked the child up.

I'm imagining seeing some random person lifting my child and I'd be pretty incensed... though idve stopped him before it got to that.

Her response was probably due to her not actually paying attention and only seeing you lifting her child... aka shitty parenting on her part

'I'd have stopped him before it got to that' there lies the difference

Bunnycat101 · 26/10/2021 08:55

I wouldn’t have touched the child but been really annoyed. There are so many occasions that I just hate other parents and their laziness. I’ve always taught mine to be careful of little ones, take turns etc, wait. It drives me nuts when someone spoils my childrens’ games because their parents can’t be arsed.

Also in a busy London attraction in half term , there is no way a 3yo should be roaming away from parents. It’s just asking for trouble.

Lightswitch123 · 26/10/2021 08:59

@PandoraP

I would have done exactly the same as you OP. Why can’t you touch someone else’s child? I wasn’t aware of that rule.

Exactly! The world has gone mad if its OK for parents to let their kids run amok and upset other children but not OK to be calmly and gently moved off when doing something like ruining another child's drawing.

You were right OP. I'm just impressed you were so patient!!

saleorbouy · 26/10/2021 09:02

The way the oblivious mother acted and the language she used say all you need you know about her child's upbringing.
You tried to manage the situation but the mother only saw the final intervention.
You acted as many others would to protect your child and show her correctly how to behave in public.

mountbattenbergcake · 26/10/2021 09:35

@sykadelic

I was okay with it until I realized you picked the child up.

I'm imagining seeing some random person lifting my child and I'd be pretty incensed... though idve stopped him before it got to that.

Her response was probably due to her not actually paying attention and only seeing you lifting her child... aka shitty parenting on her part

Just as bad as some random child preventing your child from completing an activity though.

Agreed on the shitty parenting.

AlexaIWillNeverSayDucking · 26/10/2021 09:44

I don't think you did anything wrong. However, I have found that you get rid of annoying children more easily if you give them something to do, not just tell them what not to do.

These unsupervised children are basically at a loose end, so say "go and get your mummy," or "you go and wait there and you'll get a turn all to yourself" or even "look at that activity, you could do that."
My eldest has actually perfected this as a way to stop her younger siblings being annoying!

ItsAllMumboJumbo · 26/10/2021 09:45

Bloody hell, the child wouldn't take no for an answer, was repeatedly told/asked to stop interrupting, was spoiling someone else's fun, annoying children who were queuing nicely, and generally being irritating
Sod what the mother thought
And someone suggested you move your child?????? Unbelievable

Wishihadanalgorithm · 26/10/2021 09:46

OP, you did nothing wrong. This “mother” was clearly neglectful and only intervened as she did because she’s either someone who loves drama or she was embarrassed her negligent parenting was highlighted.

Hopefully crap mother has realised she actually has to pay attention to her child and should not let rush off and do what they like.

I think the only thing you did wrong was to be too patient. This child would have done this once with me and they’d have been told off and sent back to the parent.

Angiemumof5 · 26/10/2021 09:56

Funny how the mum only saw you physically move her child and not all the times that her daughter ruined your child's time on the drawing pad! That's what I call lazy parenting! I would of done exactly the same as you and then give the mother a mouthful back, your not there to watch and teach her child. And for those saying you should of moved you child is madness, what a way to teach them to be walked over.

Sadiequeenofscots · 26/10/2021 10:05

Personally I would always avoid touching someone else’s child unless they are in immediate danger.

However, what you did also wasn’t awful so 🤷‍♀️

YouBelongHere · 26/10/2021 12:07

To be honest it was probably encouraged by the child's parent which is why they immediately saw you move her. It never fails to amaze me what kind of behaviour parents will actively teach their kids.

I remember waiting for my Mum in a public place and she was going to be a while so I sat down to read my book out of everyone's way. I vaguely heard a man say 'tell her to get a life' but didn't realise this comment was aimed at me until I felt someone stop in front of me. Looked up and it was a little girl no older than four or five who grinned and said "get a life" before heading back to her sniggering family of Mum, Dad and older brother.

The comment didn't really hurt me but I do feel sorry for the kids actively being taught manners like that.

Eleganz · 26/10/2021 12:18

I would have been loudly asking whose child it was before the fifth time. You shouldn't move as that tolerates and accepted the behaviour, you shouldn't touch the child because then you get the shitty behaviour from the parent. A bit of public shaming is the best way forward, works a treat.

Jay123jay · 26/10/2021 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

tillytoodles1 · 26/10/2021 12:29

I was in Tesco and two little boys were play-fighting in the middle of the aisle. In my head I thought "excuse me boys" but out of my mouth came " will you two just get out of my way". An embarrassed looking man came and got them.

PeeAche · 26/10/2021 12:41

Her mum obviously was watching her, if she witnessed you touch her daughter. She just decided not to intervene. How bloody annoying! 🙄

I would have done what you did. I'm not shy of just dealing with a situation if I think I need to.

I once took my step daughter into the loos at a pub when she was quite tiny. There was another little girl in there of 5 or so who couldn't reach the taps. She was all alone in there. Naturally I helped her wash her hands while we did ours and didn't think anything of it. Later, when back at our table, her mother came over and gave me hell. She said she instructs her daughter not to use the taps when she goes to the toilet on her own and that I undermined her!

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 15:44

@FatCatThinCat

Why are these parents always oblivious to the fact their little darlings are bothering other people but ready to pounce the moment someone else intervenes? If you don't want other people dealing with your errant children supervise them properly yourself!

Exactly. You know they're fully aware what their children are doing because the minute they don't like what someone else is doing around their child they pounce!

itsgettingwierd · 26/10/2021 15:50

@tillytoodles1

Brilliant!

And at least that was the worst that your mouth said

billy1966 · 26/10/2021 15:59

I remember the annoying parents allowing children climb back up the slide, so annoying.

I definitely witnessed a few parents allowing their children go down and crash into the child holding everyome up.

The disbelief on the parents face being a picture.
Such stupid obtuse people with zero self awareness.

mountbattenbergcake · 26/10/2021 16:01

I definitely witnessed a few parents allowing their children go down and crash into the child holding everyome up.

Good!

GTAlogic · 26/10/2021 16:19

I would have used my stern teacher voice and told the girl to get off or stop touching the screen and to wait her turn. You were right IMO to move her and to say what you did to her parents.

HappyDays40 · 26/10/2021 16:38

I don't think its helpful calling another child a brat she was just a little bit silly. Any child of that age is capable of it. I wouldn't have any qualms about doing the same equally I wouldlet my son do that I also would not be arsed at all if another parent didi that to my child if he was getting a bit handy. I think we all need to stop being so precious about other people telling our children off or reasonable discipline. Otherwise children never learn about other people's tolerance levels and go through the world thinking its all there just for them

HappyDays40 · 26/10/2021 16:46

Sorry "wouldn't let"

ExpatAl · 26/10/2021 17:29

You were fine. The woman was just caught out at not managing her own child.

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