Was I wrong to touch her child?

[WhatDoYouDo1234]

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

@WorraLiberty

The mother was right (except for the language she used). Ideally she would watch her child but the fact that she didn’t doesn’t give you licence to touch the child

What makes you think the OP needed a licence? 🙄

See second definition: dictionary.cambridge.org/amp/english/licence

@MissMaple82

Yeah I think you were unreasonable, you have no tight to physically touch or pick up someone's child regardless of how annoying the situation was. I'd of gone bat shit too! The best thing to do would to of taken your child away to do something else amd return a bit later when hopefully the child had gone. You were in the wrong 100%

Not as 'in the wrong' as that child's parent.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Of course it’s absolutely your job to mediate for her ages 4.

She’ll be a much more confident and self sufficient adult for knowing that you did have her back when she was little than if she’s always left to sink or swim. Sounds strange but true!

Nope

I do not agree with moving your own daughter like other people are suggesting. By doing that you are validating the other kids actions as acceptable. Whilst not your job to parent or educate another child some kids need this because their own parents are so shit.

OMG! For all of those saying the OP was wrong, this is why there are so many horrible kids around these days. Take responsibility for your child FFS, and if you're not prepared to do that, then you should seriously think before you have anymore, as YOU are the problem! Lazy parents who then complain when another adult steps in to stop them from getting into danger, which this youngster would have been if the OP's child had clouted her to stop her spoiling her fun, should be bloody ashamed of themselves! Call yourself parents, you're a waste of space!

@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds

I do not understand why you would not give her a chance to deal with the child herself. No four year old I know pushes, and every four year old I know is able to articulate themselves and stand up for themselves because they have learnt to do so. At what age would you let her sort it out? This is a perfect example of what is wrong with socialisation these days - children who have parents fight their battles never learn and cannot cope when mum is not there. Next time I would step back and see what happens, you might be surprised. It is worth running the risk of having her game disrupted for her to learn this critical life skill. The parental role is primarily to protect, but equally importantly it is to teach, both through modelling and allowing a child to apply what they have learned. It would have been an awful experience for her to see you have a verbally aggressive exchange with this other mother and that is what she would have taken from it.

Utter claptrap. You're absolutely on the wind up on this thread.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Of course it’s absolutely your job to mediate for her ages 4.

She’ll be a much more confident and self sufficient adult for knowing that you did have her back when she was little than if she’s always left to sink or swim. Sounds strange but true!

Absolutely this. Parenting 101.

Meant to say that at four years old OP’s DD is far too young to be expected to have the skills to negotiate this kind of situation without parental input. OP modelling asserting boundaries is exactly what was needed.

Older children can be left to negotiate such things themselves, but this is not age appropriate at 4.

@Speakuptomakeyourselfheard

OMG! For all of those saying the OP was wrong, this is why there are so many horrible kids around these days. Take responsibility for your child FFS, and if you're not prepared to do that, then you should seriously think before you have anymore, as YOU are the problem! Lazy parents who then complain when another adult steps in to stop them from getting into danger, which this youngster would have been if the OP's child had clouted her to stop her spoiling her fun, should be bloody ashamed of themselves! Call yourself parents, you're a waste of space!

You seem quite angry about this

No wind up - I don’t think parents should be intervening. If a child tries to hit my child of course I would step in but to act like a bouncer against a 3 year old is as embarrassing as it is counterproductive.

So we've found the child who was pushing in's mother then @Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds

@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds

I do not understand why you would not give her a chance to deal with the child herself. No four year old I know pushes, and every four year old I know is able to articulate themselves and stand up for themselves because they have learnt to do so. At what age would you let her sort it out? This is a perfect example of what is wrong with socialisation these days - children who have parents fight their battles never learn and cannot cope when mum is not there. Next time I would step back and see what happens, you might be surprised. It is worth running the risk of having her game disrupted for her to learn this critical life skill. The parental role is primarily to protect, but equally importantly it is to teach, both through modelling and allowing a child to apply what they have learned. It would have been an awful experience for her to see you have a verbally aggressive exchange with this other mother and that is what she would have taken from it.

Well, you know some paragons.

But after 20+ years in a primary school I completely disagree with you.

This is a tough one.

I’d be pretty livid if someone touched my child.. but if I wasn’t watching her myself then what is the alternative.. just let her ruin other peoples days? That’s isn’t right either.

I’m not sure how I would have reacted so I guess YANBU

I'd have done the same as you @WhatDoYouDo1234 and I'd have no shame in it. If my child was doing something like that (which they wouldn't be because I would be watching them) and someone did what you did I would be apologising to you and would be embarrassed.

What you did was absolutely fine. This hysteria about making physical contact with a child unrelated to you is so odd. You moved her, she was in no way harmed, and it solved the problem. And no, of course your DD shouldn’t have missed her turn because of the other child. What sort of message does that send? Dick head coming - make way!

Funny how the Mum only noticed what her kid was doing when you stepped in to stop her. I can't stand parents like this.
I probably would have just blocked the screen myself because I know that lazy parents really don't like it when anyone else has any dealings with their kids unless you are pandering to them of course.

To all those who think the OP was right to intervene I suggest you goggle ‘should you let young children resolve disputes with other children on their own’ and you will find numerous articles, based on the current research in child psychology, that say that four year olds can and should be left to resolve their own disputes.
If you want to carry on as you are, feel free, but at least do it with some knowledge of what impact it may have on your child.

@MyMabel

This is a tough one.

I’d be pretty livid if someone touched my child.. but if I wasn’t watching her myself then what is the alternative.. just let her ruin other peoples days? That’s isn’t right either.

I’m not sure how I would have reacted so I guess YANBU

You would glance around for the parent. As it seems some are adamant not to move their child. The mother/dad must of been near by some where other wise the chiod would of been crying so either there's some exaggeration here or some people don't mind confrontation.

Physically moving someone else's kid isn't on unless they are actually hitting your child or screaming in your child's face or something that warrants actually Physically intervening.

I'm not surprised the mother went off on one. MN always gives opinions but I don't think all these posters would actually do what they are saying on this thread

@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds

To all those who think the OP was right to intervene I suggest you goggle ‘should you let young children resolve disputes with other children on their own’ and you will find numerous articles, based on the current research in child psychology, that say that four year olds can and should be left to resolve their own disputes. If you want to carry on as you are, feel free, but at least do it with some knowledge of what impact it may have on your child.

hahahahahaha

@WhatDoYouDo1234

So we've found the child who was pushing in's mother then *@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds*

What a delight. No, I have taught my DC to respect other children, and my DC probably would have stepped in to tell the other child to let your daughter have her turn.

@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds

To all those who think the OP was right to intervene I suggest you goggle ‘should you let young children resolve disputes with other children on their own’ and you will find numerous articles, based on the current research in child psychology, that say that four year olds can and should be left to resolve their own disputes. If you want to carry on as you are, feel free, but at least do it with some knowledge of what impact it may have on your child.

🤣🙈

@Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds

To all those who think the OP was right to intervene I suggest you goggle ‘should you let young children resolve disputes with other children on their own’ and you will find numerous articles, based on the current research in child psychology, that say that four year olds can and should be left to resolve their own disputes. If you want to carry on as you are, feel free, but at least do it with some knowledge of what impact it may have on your child.

No you don't find numerous articles of the like. And even ones that do still encourage parental supervision/intervention among very young children.

My mabel, why would you be 'livid'?

Are we going to do an empirical survey of the internet now? Fact of the matter is that children whose parents constantly intervene have poorer social skills, impaired problem solving skills and are therefore more prone to bullying.

If it were me I would have shouted out ‘Hello, would the owner of this child come and fetch her please,’ in an attempt to publicly shame their carer to look after their kid. If that didn’t work I’d try a firmer ‘No’ to the child, and as a last resort I would physically block her.