Was I wrong to touch her child?

[WhatDoYouDo1234]

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

Course you would, luv. 100%.

Oh my goodness what the actual fuck is wrong with people in this country??
Firstly a 3 year old should not be running around on her own. Secondly a 3 year old should know by that age to queue and she could see everyone else queuing! Thirdly it’s ok for her to repeatedly touch your daughters hands, but some people think it’s not ok for you to touch this girl?? Fourthly I cannot actually believe the number of people who said they’d leave and come back… so you must q again and you’re teaching your child that the bully wins. And don’t get me started on the fucking rude entitled brat of a parent who is not only rude to you but doesn’t apologise, and funny how she suddenly appears when you touch her brat. What the fuck. I’m fuming for you and your daughter OP! Hope you still enjoyed your day out! Oh and who the hell was the person who said your daughter must stand up for herself? At age 4… really. She wouldn’t have to if 3 year old brats were actually being looked after by their parents!

And I only read the first page of comments before posting…

Jeeze how precious are a lot of you? "I wouldn't touch someone's child!"

You asked the child nicely to stop. The child didn't stop. No parent stepped in to stop the child. It's perfectly reasonably of you to take action. You didn't hurt the child, you simply moved the child out the way. The mother can be quiet.

I haven't read all the comments as there is so many but the other parent was negligent and rude and should have apologised not had a go.

My 7 years old is non verbal autistic, so in term of managing challenging behaviour I'm well trained to many difficult situations.
Firstly, being French I was not aware of the rule to not touch a child. I spontaneously avoid doing so unless needed, but in conflictual situations I would have recourse to it as safeguarding the children and the enjoyment of the place for all of them by helping them interact peacefully and respectfully comes first for me than my discomfort of touching a child.
Even though I know first hand that touching can be triggering. But because of living it I also know how and when it is doable. I can 100% feel with some kids that physical contact would upset them / be unpleasant and then will avoid it at all costs.

If anyone could take the time of explaining to me the implicit rule about not touching children I would be much appreciative.

I would say that in the place of the mom I would find very difficult to try to find the parent / call for them as my focus stays on the children and I'm usually struggling much involving another task (looking for, strategizing...) when something requires already my vigilance and such situation would as it could cause a meltdown to my child.

This is typical behaviour of badly people: shouting and complaining in order to deflect from their own bad behaviour. In this case, poor parenting. You were right to tell her off.
Touching another child isn’t worth the risk, although I totally understand why you did it.

@SemynonA there is no implicit rule as you can see from this thread.

YANBU

I think reading it, I would totally say, call out the rubbish parents by drawing attention loudly to what their child is doing...is the best reaction.(easy for people to say what they would never do, when they are not the ones experiencing it in person) Though in the moment I dont think there was anything wrong with what you did!
If mum was watching well enough to see you move her little darling out of the way, then she would have seen her being a brat! (sorry, that should be - typical 3 yr old with crap guidance!)
I wouldn't stress about it OP.
People telling you to move your daughter on, just cos someone else was ruining her turn that she queued for need to give their head a wobble or grow a spine, seriously!
Did the mum say anything further??

as for @Dhcfisssifjrsnxfjds response...you can but laugh.

I have worked with kids for years (ages 3-18), am also studying psychology with modules in child development and have a four year old myself (who definitely would have decked the other child without intervention in this situation)
Children only start to get impulse control from 3...START to develop, they are around 7 or 8 before it will work consistently, older than than before it is fully developed.
Yes there is some truth to what you say, but certainly not in this scenario at this age, the can only learn it if supervised in the right responses through situations such as this one, when they start "telling tales" at around 7, you can let them work it for themselves a bit more.
Its a rare 4 year old that would have calmly discussed the situation and many would still lash out in frustration at that age!!

It takes a village to raise a child...If the parent couldn't parent, you were just 'helping her out'. Well done, OP. Don't feel guilty. I wouldn't.

@SemynonA I think the "dont touch other peoples kids" is sadly more to avoid being accused of anything, than to do with the adult interacting with the child.
The majority of parents i know wouldnt have a problem with a sensible grown up stopping their kids from causing harm or being harmed.
Sad sign of the times really (but also to protect children from the possibility of being abused, which society is much more aware of in current times)
Even as costume characters, in a job I did, we had strict rules to keep our hands in view in all pictures

Good on you OP - you did nothing wrong. People who can't be bothered to supervise their children but scream when someone else steps in make me mad.

The child shouldn't be left left unsupervised at all but she was like 3 or what? I would have gently moved my own child and avoided this battle after telling the child to wait for her turn etc and if it all failed just like your case. She's ruined the drawing many times, doesn't understand to take turns, doesn't know how to queue and doesn't understand what she is ruining and the impact it's doing. My almost 3 year old also wouldn't understand this either but I supervise him like a drone hovering and wouldn't allow him to do this but good for those parents who have commented that your 3 year old is mature and behaves like a civilised human and wouldn't dare to do such a thing. ever.

There's no point trying to reason or teach a 3 year old so I would have moved my own child if it was irritating him so much and told him we can come back when it's quieter. I hate the parents minefield as well and one thing that makes me physically sick is these situations and I try to avoid them and will supervise my son at all times to avoid any conflict. Also I wouldn't want my son to witness me being verbally abused as well that's why I pick my battles no matter how right I am because there's always some crazy person out there.

Op the parents were wrong throughout. You chose to stay to complete your drawing which there's nothing wrong about that either. I'm sure if your daughter had pushed the child, the parents would have still picked a fight with you it's just a case whether it's all worth it to ruin a day when it's meant to be fun.

You done nothing wrong, you parented her when hers didn’t .. you didn’t harm her or were aggressive unlike her mothers reaction. They used to say it takes a village to raise a child we shouldn’t feel we can’t tell someone’s else’s kid off if they’re in the wrong . I just had to tell my neighbours kids to stop throwing water over the balcony and plastic bottles, the looked at me like I was mad but they stopped and I wouldn’t of expected his mum to challenge me only
Say “well you shouldn’t of been doing that should ya” … kids will be kids but they look to us to teach them right from wrong .

@benzo

The child shouldn't be left left unsupervised at all but she was like 3 or what? I would have gently moved my own child and avoided this battle after telling the child to wait for her turn etc and if it all failed just like your case. She's ruined the drawing many times, doesn't understand to take turns, doesn't know how to queue and doesn't understand what she is ruining and the impact it's doing. My almost 3 year old also wouldn't understand this either but I supervise him like a drone hovering and wouldn't allow him to do this but good for those parents who have commented that your 3 year old is mature and behaves like a civilised human and wouldn't dare to do such a thing. ever.

There's no point trying to reason or teach a 3 year old so I would have moved my own child if it was irritating him so much and told him we can come back when it's quieter. I hate the parents minefield as well and one thing that makes me physically sick is these situations and I try to avoid them and will supervise my son at all times to avoid any conflict. Also I wouldn't want my son to witness me being verbally abused as well that's why I pick my battles no matter how right I am because there's always some crazy person out there.

Op the parents were wrong throughout. You chose to stay to complete your drawing which there's nothing wrong about that either. I'm sure if your daughter had pushed the child, the parents would have still picked a fight with you it's just a case whether it's all worth it to ruin a day when it's meant to be fun.

Totally agree with this. Most people have accepted that the 4year old may lash out. Hardly anyone has acknowledged that the 3year old is still learning how to behave. Everyone has blamed the 'bad parent' in not parenting the 3year old, and a few have said they have other children also (ie May have taken their eye off a child in some situations), children on the spectrum etc I must congratulate those that have a 3year old that wouldn't be excited, understands the concept of queuing and waiting their turn and then had a strange person telling them something they didn't understand ie wait and then had their hands removed. That child was not at fault. Who knows what the parent was doing, they shouldn't have shouted at the OP. But it was definitely NOT the fault of either child.

Almost the entirety of abuse happens with adults the child (and the parents!) trusts...
The paranoia in this matter is extremely hurtful when we would all benefit from the awareness that the danger is within. And I know it first hand. Sadly, what is very improbable (a pedophile kidnapping a child) gets more media coverage than what happens everyday (the extra nice uncle who is free to abuse the child as the whole family trust him and the child won't say a thing since he loves his uncle).

I think I would have distracted her and asked where her mummy (grown up) was and then brought her back saying that you thought she was a lost child.

you shouldnt have let your dd have 6 goes at drawing a picture when there was a big queue. Don t you teach her to be quick when others are are waiting?

@Pinkfluff76

Oh my goodness what the actual fuck is wrong with people in this country?? Firstly a 3 year old should not be running around on her own. Secondly a 3 year old should know by that age to queue and she could see everyone else queuing! Thirdly it’s ok for her to repeatedly touch your daughters hands, but some people think it’s not ok for you to touch this girl?? Fourthly I cannot actually believe the number of people who said they’d leave and come back… so you must q again and you’re teaching your child that the bully wins. And don’t get me started on the fucking rude entitled brat of a parent who is not only rude to you but doesn’t apologise, and funny how she suddenly appears when you touch her brat. What the fuck. I’m fuming for you and your daughter OP! Hope you still enjoyed your day out! Oh and who the hell was the person who said your daughter must stand up for herself? At age 4… really. She wouldn’t have to if 3 year old brats were actually being looked after by their parents!

Oh a person after my own heart! I just cannot believe the number of people suggesting to abandon what op & child were doing & get back in the queue-why oh why are we turning into a nation of wimps & what sort of example is being sent to young children!! We need to demonstrate that you stand up when something is wrong not cower away. The world is big & nasty & if all you ever do is teach them to be victims then that's what they will become.

So she stood there and watched her 3 year old child destroy your daughters work multiple times until you physically stopped her, only then she had something to say?

I’d have told her to fuck off and parent her own child if she didn’t like other doing it.

@TirednWorried

you shouldnt have let your dd have 6 goes at drawing a picture when there was a big queue. Don t you teach her to be quick when others are are waiting?

She would have tried 6 times if other people watched their children. She didn’t get a ‘go’ at all, it was sabotaged each time.

This reminds me of my daughters school inflatable day earlier this year.
Bare with me...
So my 9yro daughter runs off to play, there is a designated area for under 3s my boy was 19months at the time. (Bare in mind every few mins I got up to locate my daughter to ensure she was ok and behaving son in arms at this point)

Like any school event, the kids are everywhere the staff in place are know where to be seen....
I take my precious boy to the ball pit and one bouncy castle in a tiny area with minimal soft play. There was 4 kids in this area i noted straight away 3 of them were over 3 but under 5 so I like any normal parent would assume that the over aged but young childrens parents must be watching them...who else would not be constantly watching an under 5 in an extremely busy venue....🤔

Less then 3mins of myself placing my nervous boy in the ball pit..(he is scared of bouncy castles and needs reassurance that I am near...love his heart) within this time frame a little girl around 4yr with bows and frills in her hair and on her dress came over to the ball pit...which was very small, she began putting the soft play slide in so I moved my son over, the little girl kept moving the slide so it would trap my sons fingers feet or legs...I continued to keep the rotation going and kindly told the over aged girl to be careful after all 4 year olds are still not fully aware...
After trying to crush my son, infront of my very eyes the innocently dressed girl starts trying too stand on my boys fingers and began throwing balls at his head..this started like it was a accident or she was trying to play a game..but I see through this kid it was intentionally trying to hurt my son and play innocent....after 15mins or so of me correcting this ill raised child...and I say that because the non-existent parent had not checked in on its spawn of the devil or corrected frilly fillys behaviour 20mins since I had been in the baby area. By this point I had told the girl kindly numerous times to be nice and that my boy was a baby and she could hurt him, finally after the girl continued to be spiteful I firmly, but diplomatically, said she had to go and play else where, I had been looking around and even asked parents close to the under 3 area if this was there child before my firm mum voice was applied.
Devil child then goes on the bouncy castle, a little boy of 2 maybe 3 was happily playing, I presumed it was the evil kids brother...as she was pulling him around, I mentioned a few times to the girl that the little boy didn't like being pulled around, I was meet with a face....from a 4 year old basically saying 'who the f**k am I'
I thought thank god that is not my kid. 👹
My attention diverted back to playing with my son when I heard screaming, instinctively I jumped up and devil child was on top of this little boy pinning his face into the bouncy castle so he couldn't breathe, I ran on the castle pushed the girl off the boy who's mum was running to his aid at this point and checked the boy was ok, he was petrified, it was horrendous! I asked the mum if the girl was her daughter (the kids now trying to play innocent...) the mum said she wasnt so I made the evil kid take me to her parent and I told them mother, who then tried to defend herself 1st for not being present for almost half an hour and then saying her kid wouldn't be spiteful and only playing 🙄...I wouldn't even consider blaming yourself these devil kids are branded this because they are not parented correctly they are not watched and as a parent who's child is being affected by another childs behaviour I always correct someone else's as I do my own if the absent and ignorant parent disapproves then they should be watching and acting before someone else has too. You done nothing wrong x

Parents: "It takes a village to raise a child!"

Also parents: "Don't discipline my child!"