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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to touch her child?

446 replies

WhatDoYouDo1234 · 25/10/2021 19:08

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

OP posts:
Blueink · 27/10/2021 13:39

Many criticisms are directed to the parent yes, but have you read the full thread? Not only bully and brat, but tone of some posts about young children is disturbing.

hamsterchump · 27/10/2021 14:29

Are you not supposed to touch them because then the mother won't take them back?

Inastatus · 27/10/2021 14:36

@hamsterchump 😅

Noni123 · 27/10/2021 15:30

@Blueink

The point was the other parent WAS watching but obviously didn’t see their child was causing harm (they weren’t, behaviour just a bit annoying like a younger sibling might be) versus adult stranger physically removed their hands, lifted them off their feet and placed them down elsewhere (OP I know you regret this). So what about this activity/print out, is it more important than potentially traumatising a toddler - their own parent also added to that and may direct further anger to the child in the aftermath. A public space/kids attraction and expecting they will all behave perfectly at very young ages is delusional. Many adults can’t queue.
OK it's official the world's gone start staring mad! Children or adults regardless of age should NOT interfere with others. The parent should have been monitoring more closely but it seems were quite happy for their child to ruin another's experience until that back fired. There are far too many of these parents about propped up by wimpy others that support this nonsense. This is very simple parent your children & if you lapse then face the consequences of others displeasure & you should be the one apologising
LongjohnSylvia · 27/10/2021 15:36

Massive thread and op hasn't posted for many pages, but, just adding to the people saying the other mum sounds feral. Her poor kid(s) if that's how she behaves.

I can see why op lifted the other child away, and then regretted it. I hate lifting other people's children unless it's imminent danger. Even then, during the worst of covid I seriously had to think twice before I helped a kid down from a play frame as he was slipping. Half thought "is his mum [nowhere to be seen] going to scream at me for touching him"? Thankfully she was not like that at all and was grateful I stopped him from falling.

I have a no touch policy with kids I don't know because I know it can easily go wrong, but I don't think op was U. The other mum sounds like an absolute scumbag.

Charlene1971 · 27/10/2021 15:58

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IntermittentParps · 27/10/2021 16:35

@Blueink

The point was the other parent WAS watching but obviously didn’t see their child was causing harm (they weren’t, behaviour just a bit annoying like a younger sibling might be) versus adult stranger physically removed their hands, lifted them off their feet and placed them down elsewhere (OP I know you regret this). So what about this activity/print out, is it more important than potentially traumatising a toddler - their own parent also added to that and may direct further anger to the child in the aftermath. A public space/kids attraction and expecting they will all behave perfectly at very young ages is delusional. Many adults can’t queue.
So what about this activity/print out Would you not be annoyed if a child was disrupting something your own DCs were doing as an activity? Or would you be as dismissive as you are about the OP and her child?

is it more important than potentially traumatising a toddler traumatising? gently picking them up? Don't make me laugh.

their own parent… may direct further anger to the child in the aftermath. That is their own parent's problem.

A public space/kids attraction and expecting they will all behave perfectly at very young ages is delusional. The OP wasn't expecting the child to behave perfectly; she was expecting the parent to parent and intervene.

Many adults can’t queue. No, indeed. I'd wager at least some of them were brought up by people whose ideas about parenting are just like yours.

Blueink · 27/10/2021 16:39

No, of course I’m not a troll!
I used the word ‘potentially’
Drama of angry stranger prising hands off, lifting up and moving a 3 year old, subsequent shouting of angry mother…
But as long as their child got to print out a picture at the museum
Nice ‘village’

Blueink · 27/10/2021 16:43

Not directed to the OP, who reflected.
Blocking could be threatening also. Imagine if someone big was blocking you? Shielding maybe but so many other ways to deal with the “bully, brat” written off at the age of 3

Blueink · 27/10/2021 16:47

Intermittent, ironically you are not following the rules of Mumsnet, meanwhile suggesting I don’t follow the rules

Blueink · 27/10/2021 16:49

I’m not dismissive of the OP and her child at all, I’ve said several times the OP reflected and realised themselves their reaction was disproportionate

IntermittentParps · 27/10/2021 16:52

@Blueink

Intermittent, ironically you are not following the rules of Mumsnet, meanwhile suggesting I don’t follow the rules
Not following, sorry.
IntermittentParps · 27/10/2021 16:53

Your words: 'So what about this activity/print out'
Of course that's dismissive.

IntermittentParps · 27/10/2021 16:54

@Blueink

No, of course I’m not a troll! I used the word ‘potentially’ Drama of angry stranger prising hands off, lifting up and moving a 3 year old, subsequent shouting of angry mother… But as long as their child got to print out a picture at the museum Nice ‘village’
How was she 'angry'? And why do you say so confidently she 'prised' the kid's hands off?

The 'subsequent shouting of angry mother…' is the angry mother's fault and the consequence of letting her child behave as she did.

'But as long as their child got to print out a picture at the museum'
I should think that's quite a big deal for kids of this age and their parents. Again, dismissive.

Blueink · 27/10/2021 17:05

Suggesting I must be a troll as my comments are insane, being personal & derogatory “brought up by people whose ideas about parenting were like yours”

Blueink · 27/10/2021 17:11

The action wasn’t justified - I’m not dismissive of the OP or their child. The activity itself wasn’t that important in the context of what happened.
The OP themselves said about removing the child’s hands before lifting the child up.

Inastatus · 27/10/2021 17:12

@Blueink - you sound very dramatic! What if the OP’s own child (who is not much older than the other one), was ‘traumatised’ by not being able to take home her picture? Why should she have her nice activity ruined by another child? That sort of thing is a big deal to a 4 year old!

Blueink · 27/10/2021 17:20

Not being able to print out a picture was likely frustrating.
Being physically handled and moved by a stranger and your Mum shouting and swearing would probably be more upsetting for both children.
The 2 don’t compare.
How am I being dramatic?

Blueink · 27/10/2021 17:22

I’m trolling off now, I think the OP feels bad enough.

MajorCarolDanvers · 27/10/2021 17:36

I wouldn't touch a strange child unless they were in danger.

I would totally have given the child a telling off though.

I understand why you did it though and don't blame you.

Charlene1971 · 27/10/2021 17:46

@Blueink

Not directed to the OP, who reflected. Blocking could be threatening also. Imagine if someone big was blocking you? Shielding maybe but so many other ways to deal with the “bully, brat” written off at the age of 3
@Blueink

Oh catch a grip! Should the child just be allowed to do anything they want then? That'll show 'em 🙄

Original poster
WhatDoYouDo1234 · 27/10/2021 17:50

Just wanted to jump back on to say to @Blueink, I feel fine thanks. Not bad at all Grin

I agree I shouldn’t have lifted her but I'm hardly loosing sleep over it! I have no issue with the removing of her hands or telling off though! Traumatised she was not either, as she ran off laughing and was no where near the mum when she swore at me.

I will always stand up for my child and completely disagree with everyone who said I should have moved my child on. Firstly, it wasn’t the kind of set up where you could “just come back later” and secondly that’s not the lesson I want to teach my girl. That pushing and annoying gets you what you want faster. She wasn’t in the wrong and she deserved her turn.

Also, to whoever said to let the other girl join in (Hmm) it’s not my job to teach another child, especially on a day out with my daughter, and I’m not about to compromise our activity or pay for someone else’s kid’s drawing.

Finally, I have no issues whatsoever with any small children. I have two myself and understand how kids work. My issue was entirely with the parent who should have been supervising her.

Thanks to all those who gave useful advice on what to do next time! Sadly judging by many of the stories and responses on this thread, I am sure there will be!

OP posts:
Blueink · 27/10/2021 18:37

I’m back OP to say glad ur not losing sleep but please don’t remove any more children’s hands!!
Running off laughing can be a reaction some children have, hopefully it did mean she was ok.
You don’t necessarily understand “how kids work” just because you have two. Some children react to being touched, even by their parent.
You could make it your job to teach kindness, tolerance, flexibility even compromise, versus all about getting what I want, what I paid for and getting anyone in the way out of the way.

Inastatus · 27/10/2021 19:25

@Blueink - just read your last post and yep, still think you are being dramatic! I think it’s you who doesn’t understand how kids work! Most NT 3 year olds would be outraged at being told no, they can’t touch the other girl’s work’ but not ‘traumatised’ by being gently removed from the situation.

Charlene1971 · 27/10/2021 20:33

@Blueink

I’m back OP to say glad ur not losing sleep but please don’t remove any more children’s hands!! Running off laughing can be a reaction some children have, hopefully it did mean she was ok. You don’t necessarily understand “how kids work” just because you have two. Some children react to being touched, even by their parent. You could make it your job to teach kindness, tolerance, flexibility even compromise, versus all about getting what I want, what I paid for and getting anyone in the way out of the way.
@Blueink

Dear lord........🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️