Was I wrong to touch her child?

[WhatDoYouDo1234]

At a famous London attraction today with my 4 year old. She was playing on one of the interactive exhibits. There was a long queue behind us. Another little girl about 3 kept running up and putting her hands on what my daughter was doing. Think an interactive drawing, so each time she touched it the screen cleared and my daughter’s drawing was lost. There was no parent anywhere near. First time I said gently “No, it’s not your turn, it’s this girl’s turn, you have to wait.” Or something to that effect. By the fifth or sixth time my daughter was getting increasingly cross, no matter how much I told her to be patient and try again, or how I tried to ask the other little girl to stop, and the kids behind us were getting cross too. I’m trying to prevent my daughter from loosing her cool. So I actually removed the girl’s hands and gently lifted her back saying “It’s not your turn. You have to wait.” A mum then came storming up shouting at me “Not to effing touch my child again!” To which I said something like “Well maybe if you were watching her you could have sorted it.” So my question is not if I was unreasonable, I probably was, but what do you do in that situation? With hindsight I’m thinking I should have called out for someone to come and get their child? But it was all quite quick! What would you do?!

Oh thank god for this reply...exactly letting someone else's kid get away with what us present and vigilant parents teach our children not to do, is outrageous. Kids love and learn and respect rules and boundaries. They need them! Parents failing to do this are setting their children up for a harsh awaking in the real world, and to have their kids labelled as 'devil kid' 'brat' 'bully'
I know its wrong as an adult to admit but be honest....this is what WE ALL say about THAT kid...of course its not the kids fault but the shitty parent is the reason her or his kid is called these names, or not wanted over for sleep overs, whether people say it or not...
More to the point who even is not able to be present knowing they have a minor in THEIR care...you pre plan when taking kids out ensure you have another adult if you cant watch both kids or set times so every few mins you can check on the elder kid...honestly...

Essentially you were protecting your kid from another child in the most gentle yet firm way you could, while her parent was absent.
fair enough

Next time just yell "Security! I found a lost child, please help!"

Wow, some real weakness and over politeness coming through here.
Don't be weak and move your own child to avoid conflict, how pathetic and what a bad education for your child as well.
I think you were perfectly allright to get physical after several verbal responses. I would have told the women with exactly the same language that she should keep an eye on her kid and teach her some maners, and herself as well while she is at it.
However I would have probably first raised my voice and told the child off nice and loudly. Usually that works wonders.
Not sure we all need to be so patient and tolerant, be assertive and teach your kids to be assertive. You don't like something? then say it!

@TirednWorried

you shouldnt have let your dd have 6 goes at drawing a picture when there was a big queue. Don t you teach her to be quick when others are are waiting?

none of that

a, she didn't actually finish her picture because it was ruined each time
b, no, she shouldn't have to rush because there's a big queue. they can wait or move away to do something else.
why should she be penalised for being interrupted by some brat?

@Walkingthroughwords

People saying it was ok, I appreciate op meant no harm and you want to reassure her but it's not ok.

In YOUR opinion!

Other people are allowed their opinion.

Snowflakes having children is an absolute catastrophe.

Three year olds being physically removed from causing trouble is not a big deal.

@SweetMaryHell

You were right. I was once waiting for my DD in a changing room whilst she was trying something on. A little girl (no parents in sight) kept trying to look under the cubicle door. I told her over and over again to stop, DD was getting increasingly angry and then shouted “if I see that kid under this door again I’ll kick her in the face”. So I picked the kid up and delivered her back to her oblivious parents.

If my child said anything like that she would be punished. It's a disgraceful thing to say, whatever the circumstances.

You sometimes cannot win. I'm not a parent but I recently had a situation where I found a loose (yes loose) dog wandering in the road. Afraid it would be run over, I picked it up and put it in the back of my car, pulled in to the side of the road and then tried to find out on social media who it belonged to.

When the owner turned up, she was apoplectic that I'd picked up her dog rather than being at all grateful that I was trying to protect it from harm. Some people are just aggressive and entitled.

If she didn't want you to intervene with her child then she should've been properly supervising her. I wouldn't have automatically assumed that you shouldn't touch a child that is affecting your own like that. As long as you did it appropriately and in a defensive and gentle rather than aggressive manner then I think I might've done the same.

But hey I'm a dog snatcher who can't sleep and don't have children so what do I know.

I would have done the same but probably would have done it sooner before I lost my cool. Something along the lines of ‘oh where’s your mummy, let’s go find her’ and took her hand to walk her away.
If my little girl was disrupting someone else’s fun I wouldn’t be mad if someone touched her hand, as long as she wasn’t hurt or it wasn’t over forceful.

I would have done the same tbh. But before it got to that I would have said quite loudly to the room.. "who's child is this?"
But I've been told I'm quite outspoken

I would have tried to find the parents and said something to avoid touching the kid you were pushed to do it which is obvious but yes I would say she had to tell you not to touch her child too it’s hard to know what to do in these situations some parents are so occupied and never watch their kids and it drives me mad .

@TirednWorried

you shouldnt have let your dd have 6 goes at drawing a picture when there was a big queue. Don t you teach her to be quick when others are are waiting?

I think you've failed to comprehend. The OP's child only needed several goes BECAUSE this other child was allowed to keep interrupting and spoiling it.

@Viviennemary

I would have walked away complaining about hopeless parenting in a loud voice.

Same.

If you don't want people to touch your DC you should be paying attention to what they're up to. Sometimes it's impossible to avoid taking a child by the hand.

No totally unnecessary and unreasonable. Annoying yes, but hardly essential what ur daughter was doing. Would have only have touched another child to intervene if they were in danger.

Some very nasty and worrying comments on here towards a toddler

@blueink I totally agree. The way people are talking about this is hideous. It was a toddler! Hardly the end of the world behaviour. The mother shouting was inappropriate but blimey massive over reaction about the toddler

[quote Wimblingwombling]@blueink I totally agree. The way people are talking about this is hideous. It was a toddler! Hardly the end of the world behaviour. The mother shouting was inappropriate but blimey massive over reaction about the toddler[/quote]
I've only seen a few 'brat's etc aimed at the child. Most of the criticism seems to be squarely of the parent.

We live in a society where you can't judge or tell a parent to parent their child otherwise you will get verbally abused and we also live in a society where we are no longer understanding especially when it comes to younger children/toddlers where we expect them to behave like adults . In my home country, a parent would tell the 4 year old that the younger one is still very young, excited and doesn't understand in-fact would have included the little one in the drawing as well until the parents appeared .

My friends 2.5 year old was verbally abused recently at a park because he didn't wait for his turn where he ran in front of a 8 year old waiting to go on the slide. Mind you, my friend was supervising her son and they were in a play area for younger children. My friend told his toddler that he must wait for his turn etc and apologised but the father of the 8 year old came yelling at the toddler at the bottom of the slide that he shouldn't play in the park if he doesn't understand and now his made his daughter very upset where she is crying. I stepped in and asked whether he realised that he was arguing with a 2 year old and they learn overtime until they are older and the fact that his daughter wasn't crying until he started shouting and screaming and only started to cry because he was screaming at a 2 year old which is terrifying for both the toddler and his 8 year old.

We live in a society where there is no leeway, no tolerance and everything is cut out dry that we must follow rules forgetting the fact these are young toddlers/children still learning. Of course rules are very very important to shape the child but we live in a society saying why should we take a step back and give way. We are quick to judge an action not realising the parent could have been lecturing the young child all day, none of us will know this. Well done to those perfect parents but I assure you it's not because of you only, it's your child's personality as well that determines it's maturity and not just your parenting.

I have many friends and family members with free spirited toddlers/young children including mine doing parenting in all different styles and none of it made a difference until they started school and were older and understood better. The groundwork of these home teaching paid off when they understood better and was complimented with school. You just need to go on the behaviour and development board to read how it's normal that toddlers/younger children behave due to their age and development and parents trying everything in their power so they learn how to behave and understand consequences. Again, as I've mentioned in my previous reply, the parents should be supervising their children at all times and I'm literally like a helicopter over my son because I know the destruction he could potentially cause. I also know some parents could be watching their child from a distance thinking the toddler isn't causing any harm.

Again, I will watch my child like a hawk but if there's a younger toddler, I also teach him to give way because it doesn't make him passive, in fact it make him tolerant and don't get me wrong, being tolerant doesn't make you weak either. It's not accepting bad behaviour but accepting people for who they are which in this case a 3 year old who hasn't mastered social skills just as yet. Bullying, teasing, saying nasty things tend to come from people who have never learnt how to be tolerant.

@benzo

We live in a society where you can't judge or tell a parent to parent their child otherwise you will get verbally abused and we also live in a society where we are no longer understanding especially when it comes to younger children/toddlers where we expect them to behave like adults . In my home country, a parent would tell the 4 year old that the younger one is still very young, excited and doesn't understand in-fact would have included the little one in the drawing as well until the parents appeared .

My friends 2.5 year old was verbally abused recently at a park because he didn't wait for his turn where he ran in front of a 8 year old waiting to go on the slide. Mind you, my friend was supervising her son and they were in a play area for younger children. My friend told his toddler that he must wait for his turn etc and apologised but the father of the 8 year old came yelling at the toddler at the bottom of the slide that he shouldn't play in the park if he doesn't understand and now his made his daughter very upset where she is crying. I stepped in and asked whether he realised that he was arguing with a 2 year old and they learn overtime until they are older and the fact that his daughter wasn't crying until he started shouting and screaming and only started to cry because he was screaming at a 2 year old which is terrifying for both the toddler and his 8 year old.

We live in a society where there is no leeway, no tolerance and everything is cut out dry that we must follow rules forgetting the fact these are young toddlers/children still learning. Of course rules are very very important to shape the child but we live in a society saying why should we take a step back and give way. We are quick to judge an action not realising the parent could have been lecturing the young child all day, none of us will know this. Well done to those perfect parents but I assure you it's not because of you only, it's your child's personality as well that determines it's maturity and not just your parenting.

I have many friends and family members with free spirited toddlers/young children including mine doing parenting in all different styles and none of it made a difference until they started school and were older and understood better. The groundwork of these home teaching paid off when they understood better and was complimented with school. You just need to go on the behaviour and development board to read how it's normal that toddlers/younger children behave due to their age and development and parents trying everything in their power so they learn how to behave and understand consequences. Again, as I've mentioned in my previous reply, the parents should be supervising their children at all times and I'm literally like a helicopter over my son because I know the destruction he could potentially cause. I also know some parents could be watching their child from a distance thinking the toddler isn't causing any harm.

Again, I will watch my child like a hawk but if there's a younger toddler, I also teach him to give way because it doesn't make him passive, in fact it make him tolerant and don't get me wrong, being tolerant doesn't make you weak either. It's not accepting bad behaviour but accepting people for who they are which in this case a 3 year old who hasn't mastered social skills just as yet. Bullying, teasing, saying nasty things tend to come from people who have never learnt how to be tolerant.

OK good message and are quite right regarding the understanding of a 3 year old however the real issue here is where's the parents? It's their job to guide their child appropriately NOT a complete stranger. The anger on this post is at the parent not the child

The parent was actually watching or wouldn’t have seen the physical removal of their child, but didn’t interpret the toddler doing any doing harm - not hitting etc. You could have asked where’s their Mum OP. Being so precious about your child completing an activity in a public space is also not a great example.

The parents were wrong for not watching the DC.
I don't think you had a choice after asking many times.

@Blueink

The parent was actually watching or wouldn’t have seen the physical removal of their child, but didn’t interpret the toddler doing any doing harm - not hitting etc. You could have asked where’s their Mum OP. Being so precious about your child completing an activity in a public space is also not a great example.

Is it only hitting that is 'doing harm'?

Why is it 'precious' for the OP to want her child to complete an activity (whatever 'in a public space' means)? They waited and queued to do the activity and wanted the drawing at the end as a memento, but couldn't because someone else would not remove their child.
If the shoe were on the other foot and the OP's child kept erasing the other child's drawing, I wonder if the parent would have shrugged it off as them not 'doing harm'?

@Blueink

Some very nasty and worrying comments on here towards a toddler

Most of the criticism is aimed at the parent, not the child!

The point was the other parent WAS watching but obviously didn’t see their child was causing harm (they weren’t, behaviour just a bit annoying like a younger sibling might be) versus adult stranger physically removed their hands, lifted them off their feet and placed them down elsewhere (OP I know you regret this).
So what about this activity/print out, is it more important than potentially traumatising a toddler - their own parent also added to that and may direct further anger to the child in the aftermath.
A public space/kids attraction and expecting they will all behave perfectly at very young ages is delusional. Many adults can’t queue.

I wouldn’t have touched the little brat I would have positioned myself in between what was going on, but I would have said to the mother she should be watching her child