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Original poster

Is it possible to ever meet a guy that doesn't watch porn?

375 replies

Quirkyme · 25/10/2021 14:21

Good afternoon,

I'm a happily single woman in my late twenties, open to a relationship whenever the time comes.
I'm not a porn watcher, and for reasons I'm sure many of us know, I find porn damaging and detrimental... and therefore would prefer to be with someone who doesn't watch porn.

Because a lot of, if not most, men watch porn, it's normalised as being something women, and society in general, should accept as normal because it's common, which I don't agree with.

My ex also had a porn addiction, and also couldn't perform during sex, which obviously did not provide a great environment or atmosphere for us when having sex. I also do feel that he was closeted due to certain things he said, and I do feel that he was watching a lot of cck heavy porn. He had sexual issues in general, and also had not cm since his first time having sex 10 years ago, which I attribute to him ferociously w*nking off and watching porn. He was not forthcoming about any of this either. He also wanted me to do things (obviously from what he watched in porn) that I communicated that I felt were degrading, and then he used to stop pleasuring me, or say that he would only do certain things - going down on me, if he could do the degrading thing which I had openly communicated that I'm not comfortable with. This is obviously not okay. He would also make comments about my vag (because it couldn't take a pounding for excessive amounts of time) and just about me in bed in general, when funnily enough he couldn't even have sex properly due to his own issues. So yeah.

I had my views about porn, before this relationship, but my experience with this guy has obviously not helped, and only strengthened my view of it, and I guess I am in some ways affected by this. This relationship ended about 8 months ago.
And now I just have concerns about men watching porn, the content of what their wanting, and all sorts of 'hidden' things they get off to in their bedrooms with no self-control, and I do not want that.

Of course, if I meet someone who watches porn, I cannot necessarily make them not watch it if they do, my ex before that also watched porn and whilst he did not have the same issues at all as my most recent ex, he had immature views about sex and also was selfish sexually.

Is it possible to meet a guy who does not watch porn, and has a healthy sexual appetite, and understands the negative and detrimental effects and damage that porn causes? Because it seems that women (who do not want to) have to just normalise this, and get on with this, and that's not something I want or agree with.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Tianna476 · 25/10/2021 22:01

Shame isn't it that so many men feel the need to watch it. I hope there are men out there who can control themselves and not watch it.
It's an addiction, more they watch it, the more they want it. It also reducers their satisfaction in the bedroom as most women are not porn stars and cannot perform like them in the bedroom.

I know PP mentioned about religious men not watching porn but yeh I'm sure they do. But there is maybe a slightly higher chance that they see the moral reasons against it.

I am not religious but I know the LDS church take strong viewpoint against porn.. worth looking up. I agree with their viewpoint and they have articles that explain the reasons why it is so bad much better than I can!!

Chocolatewheatos · 25/10/2021 22:12

I find it weird that you starred out those words instead of saying "penis" "ejaculated" or "masturbated" if you weren't comfortable with the slang/swear words.

On the porn issue, I do get why some women have an issue with it. But if that's a hard line for you then yes, you'll find it hard to find a man who doesn't watch porn. It's like not wanting to date someone who drinks alcohol. It's a very common, normalised thing. I actually heard a pornstar say somewhere that it's the only industry where the average womans wage is higher than a mans, which is actually very interesting if its true . I've heard many women in the sex industry say they find it more oppressive that other women want to take away their right to work than men paying them to look at their bodies. As a woman I like watching porn and visiting strip clubs and wouldn't take well to a man or woman telling me not to. It kind of feels like telling someone not to masturbate.

TurnUpTurnip · 25/10/2021 22:21

I’ve never met a man that didn’t watch it

TheVampiresWife · 25/10/2021 22:25

Not rtft but mine doesn't (unlike every other man I've known). Before anyone asks how I could possibly know - he doesn't have a phone, or a computer other than his work one which can only access his work systems. He wfh so at the moment we're together pretty much 24/7 apart from when I go out to the shops.

There's also the fact that he absolutely hates it.

Welshiefluff · 25/10/2021 22:29

Wow. So many women on here that do not realise their man watches porn.

99.9% of men will watch some kind of porn at least now and again. You lot are fucking deluded.

Feelingofftoday · 25/10/2021 22:32

@Welshiefluff

Wow. So many women on here that do not realise their man watches porn.

99.9% of men will watch some kind of porn at least now and again. You lot are fucking deluded.

Bollocks Complete and utter bollocks

Raise your standards luv

Welshiefluff · 25/10/2021 22:37

Raise your standards luv

Wow, talk about prude.

Just because a man watches porn makes him low. How close minded can you get.

TheVampiresWife · 25/10/2021 22:40

@Welshiefluff

Wow. So many women on here that do not realise their man watches porn.

99.9% of men will watch some kind of porn at least now and again. You lot are fucking deluded.

Mine doesn't watch porn and I'm not fucking deluded.
GammyLeg · 25/10/2021 22:40

@welshiefluff guess what? men aren't a homogenous group. Just like (if you're a woman) I imagine we are very different people who like different things.

I'm sorry your opinion of men is so low.

holibobs12 · 25/10/2021 22:54

[quote GammyLeg]@welshiefluff guess what? men aren't a homogenous group. Just like (if you're a woman) I imagine we are very different people who like different things.

I'm sorry your opinion of men is so low.[/quote]
What's so low about it? What about other potentially exploitative industries that most of us buy into? What about women who also watch- presumably it's not low standards if they consume it themselves.

I'd also like to know what types of pornography is acceptable on Mumsnet if any

gogohm · 25/10/2021 22:57

Dp doesn't in my company, what he did before we met I don't know - well he spends hours looking at beautiful things but of the automotive variety so I suspect that is what he used to do on business too (remember those days .... )

BertramLacey · 25/10/2021 23:00

@Welshiefluff

Wow. So many women on here that do not realise their man watches porn.

99.9% of men will watch some kind of porn at least now and again. You lot are fucking deluded.

The only evidence I've seen for this is the belief that all men watch porn, therefore they're lying if they say otherwise. There's no evidence that they are lying without referring back to A. all men watch porn.

So it's just A. all men watch porn therefore B. anyone saying they don't is lying. And if you ask how you know they're lying, we're just back to 'because they all watch porn'. And so on, round and round, without any actual evidence.

Willyoujustbequiet · 25/10/2021 23:33

DH doesnt watch porn. Possibly when he was single but not now. No huge objection to it just doesnt really do anything for him so no point. He's not arsed.

My xdh didnt either as he said it was crap compared to the real thing.

I feel sorry for those that try and convince themselves all men do. Loads do yes but plenty dont.

Uncurtailed · 25/10/2021 23:47

There are 2 types of men, those who watch porn and those who lie about not watching it.

OhWhyNot · 25/10/2021 23:47

I doubt it op

The ones that don’t are married and their wives post on here telling you so

I think some men are less into porn but I don’t believe men who have told me they don’t look at porn they are aware women want to hear this

Moonshine5 · 25/10/2021 23:57

Yes it is possible

nanbread · 26/10/2021 00:04

My DH doesn't watch it. He might be unusual in that, certainly a lot of guys I know do watch it. He's in his 40s though - imagine it's much harder to find a 20 something year old who doesn't.

I've not said so to him but I'm quite glad DH doesn't. I especially hate the fact some of the larger porn sites are profiting from child abuse and rape and I do think it's potentially very damaging to teens who watch porn before having sex.

(And yes I'm 100% certain my DH doesn't before I get people HAHAing at my naivety etc)

nanbread · 26/10/2021 00:06

@Uncurtailed

There are 2 types of men, those who watch porn and those who lie about not watching it.
Haha. Funny, but just not true. There are in fact some men who don't. Strange how some people struggle to accept this.
GaolBhoAlba · 26/10/2021 00:10

*BertramLacey The only evidence I've seen for this is the belief that all men watch porn, therefore they're lying if they say otherwise. There's no evidence that they are lying without referring back to A. all men watch porn.

So it's just A. all men watch porn therefore B. anyone saying they don't is lying. And if you ask how you know they're lying, we're just back to 'because they all watch porn'. And so on, round and round, without any actual evidence.*

Ive never googled porn watching stats (strangely enough GrinWink), this discussion prompted me to. I read an interesting piece in Psychology Today; quite a detailed study. [There was more meat on the bones than that which ive copied, however] For the purpose of a crude 'how many do/how many dont' number crunch, their survey found:

• 97% had viewed pornography at some time in their lives.
• 94% had viewed pornography in the last six months.
• 82% self-reported as regular viewers of pornography.

immersivereader · 26/10/2021 00:21

My ex claimed never to masturbate. As seen as he obviously thought I was born yesterday, we split up

immersivereader · 26/10/2021 00:22

I simply do not believe these men who say they don't watch porn

Hoesbeforebroes · 26/10/2021 00:29

I can't categorically say my partner doesn't watch porn - no-one can!

But I can say there's no evidence of it, he's never mentioned it, it doesn't influence what a considerate man he is in the bedroom. That's good enough for me and I'm sure there are many other men out there who are the same.

abstractprojection · 26/10/2021 00:31

I think it’s highly unlikely to find a man that does not watch porn, but it’s very much possible to date a man who may watch poem and is a good, kind and generous lover and partner

OuchWhatWasThat · 26/10/2021 05:25

@Uncurtailed

There are 2 types of men, those who watch porn and those who lie about not watching it.
How original….
RhymesWithOrange · 26/10/2021 06:02

With respect and others must have thought about this, how can you be 100% certain he does not watch porn? Porn can be accessed at a moments notice on laptops/mobiles etc etc and history deleted if they wanted that or use sites that auto delete history.

I 100% know my husband doesn't watch porn as it revolts him. I have zero tolerance for it because of the damage it does to women, even if it is "legal". People can argue for porn all day long but I'll never fall for it.

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