Is my child a brat??

[Covidsucks]

My 2 year old is going through what I thought was a normal stage of not wanting to dressed/refusing to wear clothes (even when she's chosen them) including shoes.

My DM seems to think this is a massive behavioural issue and tells me I need to nip it in the bud, my approach is to give limited options (this or that) and then if she still refuses I leave her to calm down and eventually we get there, trying to force it does end in an epic tantrum.

My DM brought DD some clothes and shoes and wasnt impressed when DD didn't react in excitement. She then of course refused to try the shoes on and my DM got childish and moaned how much they cost and how she wasn't grateful etc. I tried to explain she's not being ungrateful and that my DM doesn't have to buy stuff for her.

Maybe my DD's behaviour isn't typical and I should be being more strict, my DM has made me feel like she's a brat.
AIBU in this or is my DM?

DM is being ridiculous... why would a 2 year old be excited about new clothes?

Sounds like your mum is the brat.

Your daughter is 2. I don’t know any 2 year old that would be excited by new clothes unless they had her favourite character on them.

Does your mum not remember what you were like at 2? If she wants to see excitement she should buy her bubbles or sweets.

@wtfisthatspiderdoing

DM is being ridiculous... why would a 2 year old be excited about new clothes?

Let alone care how much was spent on them!

Your DM sounds like hard work and your 2yo sounds normal.

Your DM is the spoilt one here.

I used to hate the pressure on my dcs at that age to “perform” when given gifts.

No, your mother is.

Your DD is a perfectly normal sounding 2 year old! Don’t tell her off to placate a tantrum from your mum.

No, your mum is a brat!

She’s 2?! I’m sure most children of her age would react in a similar way. Your mother’s expectations just aren’t realistic

On what planet would a 2 yr old get excited about shoes and clothes, unless of course it's princess high heels / wellies or a fancy dress costume

My dd was exactly the same at that age, your mil is being an idiot

What 2 year old is excited about shoes and clothes unless they are of there favourite character tell her maybe in ten years when shes 12 it might be a different story
Your DD sound normal and you sound like your doing a great job in your approach take your DM with a pinch of salt or tell her to get stuffed!

I'm pretty sure "being grateful" isn't something 2 year olds typically feel or demonstrate. Your 2yo sounds like they are displaying completely normal 2 yo behaviour. Your mum appears to have forgotten the basics of child development.

@rachelhasthoseinburgundy I said exactly that, she had 2 DC so I said do you not remember what I was like when I was 2.
I've heard many a story of how much hard work I was as a child, she seems to have selective memory!

Your DM has massive behavioural issues and you need to nip it in the bud.

@Briony123

Your DM has massive behavioural issues and you need to nip it in the bud.

This!

Your DD sounds normal to me. There is a good book called How To Talk So Little Kids Listen and it has really good ways of rationalising with toddlers and preventing tantrums.

It sounds like completely normal behaviour from a 2 year old. Does your mother not remember what 2 year olds are like?

@Merryoldgoat

Your DM sounds like hard work and your 2yo sounds normal.

This!!

I don't know why some people have rose tinted glasses when it comes to raising young children

Sounds pretty normal; 2 year olds can be very contrary. They can also be excited by the oddest things. You can always try to ramp up the excitement on their behalf and hope they catch on. Should your DM even be buying shoes for your DD without her opportunity to try them on?

How can a two year old show gratefulness. They don’t understand these kind of emotions.

Remember as a kid if the wrapped pressie was soft, it was a boring one.

The hard pressies were the exciting ones, as it could be a cool toy!

Your mum has clearly forgotten what being a child was like & that at your kid's age they are learning how to say No & practice being stubborn

Giving her 2 options sounds like a good strategy - or let her dress herself/play dress ups & see if that makes it fun for her.

Your child is not a brat.

Your mum, otoh...

I see no problem with allowing young children to choose what they wear - my daughter particularly went out in some outlandish combinations. In her thirties now and she dresses fairly conventionally so it did her no harm!

As for shoes, I am surprised anyone would buy a two year old shoes without them being fitted properly.

@cecilyp the buying clothes and shoes has been ongoing since she was born, she buys so much that especially in the early days she'd have outgrown it before she even worn it.

I think my DM gets so excited about how cute she'll look in something she expects DD to be the same and then is crushed when she isn't. Excitement for DD at the minute is bubble baths and blueberries (not together) 🤣

I havent got a lot of patients with 'brats'. Your DM is being ridiculous. Your child isnt a brat.

Your DD is behaving like a 2 year old - so it your Mum!!