Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my child a brat??

151 replies

Covidsucks · 25/10/2021 11:26

My 2 year old is going through what I thought was a normal stage of not wanting to dressed/refusing to wear clothes (even when she's chosen them) including shoes.

My DM seems to think this is a massive behavioural issue and tells me I need to nip it in the bud, my approach is to give limited options (this or that) and then if she still refuses I leave her to calm down and eventually we get there, trying to force it does end in an epic tantrum.

My DM brought DD some clothes and shoes and wasnt impressed when DD didn't react in excitement. She then of course refused to try the shoes on and my DM got childish and moaned how much they cost and how she wasn't grateful etc. I tried to explain she's not being ungrateful and that my DM doesn't have to buy stuff for her.

Maybe my DD's behaviour isn't typical and I should be being more strict, my DM has made me feel like she's a brat.
AIBU in this or is my DM?

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 25/10/2021 13:14

I think this is why there's a Peppa Pig episode devoted to new shoes. Lots of kids don't like putting clothes or shoes on in the early years. Mine felt that clothing was more of an optional extra at home, but they eventually understood that they needed to cover up when going out or when people came over. It passes eventually.

Couchbettato · 25/10/2021 13:14

God my 2 year old can't even speak in coherent sentences. I can't believe your mum expects a 2 year old to be mature enough to do as they're told when some kids are still grasping language.

Being naked is just something they all do. It's normal.

Lostmarbles2021 · 25/10/2021 13:15

cate16

In my professional opinion - the only footwear a 2 year old will get excited about is a pair of (to big) wellies... in the middle of a heatwave!

So true!

OP - DD sounds like she knows her own mind. Good for her. Great that you are not crushing that to make life easier for yourself.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 25/10/2021 13:18

@ChangingBuck

First time I'm seeing JADE and wow, I'm amazed it's a "thing" because I've ve had to resort to pretty much the same with certain people for years!
I refuse to justify or explain stuff because when I did/do it seems to give the other person more opportunities to twist or exaggerate my words. The more I'd defend myself, argue my corner, trying to make the see my side the worst it always got.
A find that a simple "I don't owe you an explanation" works wonders.

Thanks for link.

mynameiscalypso · 25/10/2021 13:19

My DM has a similarly selective memory when it comes to small children (or just has raised two very emotionally damaged children...). She came to watch a very over-excited toddler play football yesterday and now she's convinced he has ADHD because he didn't concentrate enough on what he was doing.

onelittlefrog · 25/10/2021 13:24

Well they don't call it the terrible twos for nothing.

Sounds perfectly normal to me and I've never met a 2 year old who was excited by clothes unless it's fancy dress or a character.

Bluntness100 · 25/10/2021 13:26

Your mother is behaving oddly. Your child is normal, she’s an infant, infants seldom get excited to be trying on clothes or shoes. Nor do you wish them to. I suspect your mother was just as hard on you.

MaMaLa321 · 25/10/2021 13:30

With the best will in the world, you should be discussing this with your mum, not a load of randoms on MN.
Yes, your mum has behaved unreasonably. But not horribly so. I'm a grandmother, and it is a learning process for all of us. I know that I've overstepped the mark in the past, as has my daughter, and I have gone on gransnet about it.
But, you know what, even though lots of people sympathised, it didn't help my situation at all. In fact, it became worse until we actually chatted.
Posters are throwing around the word brat as though your mother said it, which she didn't.
Talk to your mother, not us.

TattySlippers · 25/10/2021 13:31

Your DD sounds like a typical 2 year old. An adult who think a two year old should be excited and grateful for some clothes and shoes is living in La-la land

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 25/10/2021 13:33

You mum is the one throwing her toys out of the prank. Buy her a doll for Christmas.

hiredandsqueak · 25/10/2021 13:33

I think dm is out of order tbh. I buy dgs all sorts of stuff I don't expect him to try them on or be grateful. Dd is and that is more than enough. I have learnt though that the way to curry favour with dgs is to buy clothes featuring Hey Duggee or Geaorge Pig so I do buy him lots of that. Maybe if dm wants to buy something that will be instantly appreciated by dc you could suggest something they would like. For dgs a sticker book is the best gift ever and is a guaranteed kiss and a hug in return.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 25/10/2021 13:33

Pram not prank

Interrobanger · 25/10/2021 13:33

At this age it’s important for them to practise their agency and autonomy and realise they’re able to say no and make choices for themselves. It’s a vital (if very annoying for the parents) developmental stage. Your mum is odd for expecting a two year old to be excited about some shoes.

Heruka · 25/10/2021 13:36

I think my almost 6 yr old is only now starting to have the capacity to understand demonstrating gratitude for gifts, and still wouldn’t be willing to put things on and perform for the gift giver. Just beginning to have empathy that a gift giver may want to know that you like it. 3 year old no way! She will usually say thank you when prompted which I am pleased with and wouldn’t expect even that ability to be consistent in a two year old.

reader12 · 25/10/2021 13:41

I would never let a two year old wear shoes without trying them on in a shop first. It sounds like your email needs more hobbies!

reader12 · 25/10/2021 13:42

*DM not email!

supersop60 · 25/10/2021 13:46

Normal for a 2 yr old.
My DD at that age took her clothes off at every opportunity! (unless it was her Snow White dress which she wore every day for about 9 months)
Your DM is BU.

BlackeyedSusan · 25/10/2021 13:48

Yep a brat. Your DM has made you feel like she is a brat...I completely agree, your DM is being a brat! Your daughter on the other hand is being developmentally appropriate and you are doing just fine.

On what planet is a two year old going to be excited by shoes and clothes.

HWLA · 25/10/2021 13:51

Has your mum actually called her a brat?

Your child sounds lovely and very normal. Your DM is being ridiculous.

I'd be tempted to treat her like a toddler on this tbh if she won't stop going on about it. A little laugh 'oh mum, you silly old sausage! Of course she isn't going to be jumping for joy over clothes, it's very kind of you and I appreciate it but she's two, the best you're going to get from her is a thank you. Come on now, let's go do something fun'

If she perseveres with it then you can address it directly. 'Mum, I appreciate you like to share your opinions on my child's behaviour. That's okay, in the future I need you to find someone else to share them with because I don't want to hear it. If I feel I need advice, I'll ask' and repeat every. single. time. You don't have to just sit and politely listen.

I can't even imagine why she thinks it's her place to pass judgment on this. History of overstepping, perhaps?

ChargingBuck · 25/10/2021 14:08

Read about it here initially, & happy to pass on the insight @ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba :)

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/10/2021 14:09

[quote Covidsucks]@cecilyp the buying clothes and shoes has been ongoing since she was born, she buys so much that especially in the early days she'd have outgrown it before she even worn it.

I think my DM gets so excited about how cute she'll look in something she expects DD to be the same and then is crushed when she isn't. Excitement for DD at the minute is bubble baths and blueberries (not together) 🤣[/quote]
Oh I feel sad for your daughter - with your mum's attitude she can only disappoint your mum if she doesn't live up to her expectations of her behaviour.

I remember one Christmas having to gently explain to my mum that while the sack of tonnes of presents she'd bought for DS was much appreciated and the thought was kind, that DS was only 2 (maybe 3, can't remember), had already had his presents from Father Christmas in our house, that we'd been to the inlaws on the way to my mum and dad's where he'd also got a number of presents, so that now he was just past the excitement of opening multiple things and was most excited about playing with his cousin and eating chocolate. I'm sure she was disappointed that the whole thing hadn't lived up to her expectations of him being thrilled, but she was great and didn't show it, and said "ah, perhaps it is a bit much." And next year she just bought one or two things.

I think if you have a good relationship with your mum you should be able to say "well, you know, she's only 2 and really not bothered by clothes yet. Plus she already has more than enough so won't get much use out of this. I tell you what, next time she needs some pyjamas, how about you get her some Peppa Pig ones? She'd love those."

Sorberret · 25/10/2021 14:14

NO! She's 2!!

Nonnymum · 25/10/2021 14:15

I think your mother is being the unreasonable one. Your daughter is just being a two year old

Newusernamelalala · 25/10/2021 14:16

Just to add - your DM shouldn’t be buying DD shoes unless she’s taking her to the shop at the same time to have her measured abd checking they’re a proper width fitting etc

ThatNameAgainItsMrPlow · 25/10/2021 14:19

That’s really not normal behaviour to expect a 2 year old to be impressed with expensive clothes.
My mum buys my 2yo clothes all the time but she just hands the bag of clothes to me. I’d be giving her a Hmm look if she suggested we let dc open the bag and see what dc thinks of the clothes.