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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my child a brat??

151 replies

Covidsucks · 25/10/2021 11:26

My 2 year old is going through what I thought was a normal stage of not wanting to dressed/refusing to wear clothes (even when she's chosen them) including shoes.

My DM seems to think this is a massive behavioural issue and tells me I need to nip it in the bud, my approach is to give limited options (this or that) and then if she still refuses I leave her to calm down and eventually we get there, trying to force it does end in an epic tantrum.

My DM brought DD some clothes and shoes and wasnt impressed when DD didn't react in excitement. She then of course refused to try the shoes on and my DM got childish and moaned how much they cost and how she wasn't grateful etc. I tried to explain she's not being ungrateful and that my DM doesn't have to buy stuff for her.

Maybe my DD's behaviour isn't typical and I should be being more strict, my DM has made me feel like she's a brat.
AIBU in this or is my DM?

OP posts:
EggsellentSmithers · 26/10/2021 18:43

Bet your mum is a boomer. My in laws are the same. They never bend because they don’t want to, but expect my nearly 5 year old to, who still really benefits from routine because she’s small. It really pisses me off when the grandparents happily forget what their kids were like 🙄🙄

Weareallvirgins · 26/10/2021 18:47

When did 2 yr olds choose there clothes...
Pandering toher is going to be your downfall, put the clothes on her simple. No questions no awww would you like to wear this today. Your not going to breed a serial killer. Just a well behaved child.

Dnaltocs · 26/10/2021 18:52

Perhaps your mum has forgotten this aspect of child raising.

Bluemoononkentucky · 26/10/2021 19:04

@Covidsucks

My 2 year old is going through what I thought was a normal stage of not wanting to dressed/refusing to wear clothes (even when she's chosen them) including shoes.

My DM seems to think this is a massive behavioural issue and tells me I need to nip it in the bud, my approach is to give limited options (this or that) and then if she still refuses I leave her to calm down and eventually we get there, trying to force it does end in an epic tantrum.

My DM brought DD some clothes and shoes and wasnt impressed when DD didn't react in excitement. She then of course refused to try the shoes on and my DM got childish and moaned how much they cost and how she wasn't grateful etc. I tried to explain she's not being ungrateful and that my DM doesn't have to buy stuff for her.

Maybe my DD's behaviour isn't typical and I should be being more strict, my DM has made me feel like she's a brat.
AIBU in this or is my DM?

"moaned how much they cost and how she wasn't grateful etc."

Eh?

Is your DM a sandwich short of a picnic or something, that she thinks a two year old understands cost and gratitude. Or is she an outright narcissist who thinks a two year old should somehow have mental capabilities well beyond her age in order to not hurt grandma's feelings.

Batshit, absolutely batshit.

keffie12 · 26/10/2021 19:06

I dispair the more I hear about grandparents. I'm a grandparent too. Have they forgotten what you were like when you were little and how they hated being told? Now they do the same.

I'm nana to 3 with 1 on the way. Sometimes I wonder where the brains are with my generation. Your mom is the one out of order

1Endeavour2 · 26/10/2021 19:09

Oy! Cut the crap about boomers. Older people don't speak about younger ones as disrespectfully as this. You are talking ignorance, prejudice and stereotypes. I am a million miles from this!

keffie12 · 26/10/2021 19:09

@EggsellentSmithers

Bet your mum is a boomer. My in laws are the same. They never bend because they don’t want to, but expect my nearly 5 year old to, who still really benefits from routine because she’s small. It really pisses me off when the grandparents happily forget what their kids were like 🙄🙄
Precisely what I've just said from the "I dispair of my boomer generation" just up from this
Middersweekly · 26/10/2021 19:09

Sounds like a perfectly normal reaction for a 2yr old. Your DM is being rediculous!

VillageOf8 · 26/10/2021 19:12

Yikes. There's definitely a brat in your home but it's not the child.

I have zero tolerance for that and would tell my mom not to come around until she stops that crap. At minimum, I would tell her not to buy my kids anything else. If she didn't listen, I would simply refuse to accept it or just put it in my donation pile right in front of her. I would keep doing that until this crap stopped.

My kids come before anyone else's feelings, including my parents. Am I too harsh? Maybe, but I can't stand adults who moan and act like kids.

Tilltheend99 · 26/10/2021 19:23

I don’t think a two year old is yet capable of understanding the cost of shoes YANBU

recklessgran · 26/10/2021 19:27

Christ on a bike your mother is unhinged OP. I spend ouchy amounts on clothes for my DGD who is 3 and just bung the bags at my daughter when I see her. In actual fact DGD does like new clothes but good Lord I wouldn't expect her to want to try them on for me! Your DD sounds completely normal so please don't worry. Does your DM not have anything interesting to do instead of criticising your parenting? Hugs to you OP.

Lalliella · 26/10/2021 19:48

Your DD is a typical 2 year old. Your DM is also a typical 2 year old.

thebuswontfit · 26/10/2021 19:56

If your child is a brat, so is mine

Your mum has forgotten what little kids are like

DreamTheMoors · 26/10/2021 20:05

[quote Covidsucks]@rachelhasthoseinburgundy I said exactly that, she had 2 DC so I said do you not remember what I was like when I was 2.
I've heard many a story of how much hard work I was as a child, she seems to have selective memory![/quote]
My mum was famous for rewriting history on events I could clearly remember.

Don’t let your mum do the same, @Covidsucks.

The only one being bratty here is her. Don’t let her bully you into admitting it was your DD or it’ll set a precedent for events down the long, long road.

simiisme · 26/10/2021 20:37

Our younger son got naked at every opportunity when he was two.
My half-brother had a tantrum if he was dressed in anything but his spiderman outfit for over a year. That was aged 4 or 5.
Expecting a 2 year old to be excited about clothes is weird.

browneyes77 · 26/10/2021 21:07

Blimey, I never got excited about people buying me clothes until I was an adult Grin

Unless there was some cool new top etc I wanted as a teen, relatives buying me clothes I hadn’t specifically asked for at Xmas etc was never going to get me to squeal in excitement!

My 7 year old nephew will get excited about clothes if it’s a Spider-Man costume or some Hulk Pyjamas. But other than that I wouldn’t expect him to jump for joy at just getting a new jumper.

So I certainly wouldn’t expect a 2 year old to show any enthusiasm!

The only person being a brat here is your DM!

jamandmarmalade · 26/10/2021 22:08

@Lalliella

Your DD is a typical 2 year old. Your DM is also a typical 2 year old.
GrinGrinGrin perfect!
Bleachmycloths · 26/10/2021 22:14

Perfectly normal behaviour for a 2 year old. Your DM is the one who’s not normal. Has your DM not heard of the ‘terrible twos’? Has your DM not had children of her own? 😂

Duckrace · 26/10/2021 22:18

What kind of advanced understanding does she expect of two year olds??

Anjunna · 26/10/2021 23:35

Your DM expected your 2y to be grateful?????
Shocking behaviour from your DM

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 26/10/2021 23:35

Your child is behaving in a 2 year old kind of way, and with all due respect it sounds like your mother needs to grow up a little too.

RachaelN · 27/10/2021 07:39

She is only 2. It is a very emotional age for children as they have no idea about how other people feel, all they want is what they want.
Completely normal behaviour that will pass with time. Mine were both the same.
Your mum sounds unreasonable for wanting a 2yo to be grateful for things like shoes..

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 27/10/2021 09:07

@User983590521

I'm a gran. Your DM is the unreasonable one. Perhaps you were "hard work" as a child because your DM had unreasonable notions then too?
Can't help but think you are likely to spot on with this comment; great wisdom!
FeeLock · 27/10/2021 15:30

There is no magic to dealing with a two-year old, and you simply have to try any number of solutions to today's tantrum. Apparently, I refused to wear shoes in all weathers, and our family doctor (Mum consulted him about something else and asked about this at the same time) said that I would wear them when my feet got cold enough. I'm still barefooted at the end of October.

Your DM sounds as though she's taking personally your DD's refusal, which is a bit silly. Perhaps she thinks she had perfect children (she didn't) and that yours should fall into line (they won't).

Suggest you thank your DM for her kindness and if she persists in buying things and getting hurt, suggest you advise her to consider 'saving her money that might otherwise be wasted, on spending the day in the amusements/playpark'.

All good wishes. Hang in there - they do grow up! Flowers

Mypathtriedtokillme · 28/10/2021 09:07

My now 4 year old has PJ days and sometime still has a nudie day.

Little kids control very little in there life’s.
Clothing and choosing to get dressed are one thing they can control.
As long as their clothing is weather appropriate then my DD’s at that age could wear what they like.