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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my child a brat??

151 replies

Covidsucks · 25/10/2021 11:26

My 2 year old is going through what I thought was a normal stage of not wanting to dressed/refusing to wear clothes (even when she's chosen them) including shoes.

My DM seems to think this is a massive behavioural issue and tells me I need to nip it in the bud, my approach is to give limited options (this or that) and then if she still refuses I leave her to calm down and eventually we get there, trying to force it does end in an epic tantrum.

My DM brought DD some clothes and shoes and wasnt impressed when DD didn't react in excitement. She then of course refused to try the shoes on and my DM got childish and moaned how much they cost and how she wasn't grateful etc. I tried to explain she's not being ungrateful and that my DM doesn't have to buy stuff for her.

Maybe my DD's behaviour isn't typical and I should be being more strict, my DM has made me feel like she's a brat.
AIBU in this or is my DM?

OP posts:
ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 25/10/2021 16:59

@Cryalot2

I am a mum and will get flamed. My children were told to get dressed and put footwear on. They were given help if needed, but there was no refusing to wear clothes or footwear. Both were put on for their own good. At that age they are dressed in practical clothes
@Cryalot2

do you mean in the EXACT SAME situation, when being gifted clothes and shoes??
so your fully dressed or naked kid would have to get dressed/redressed rightaway, without hesitation or delay to parade in front of the gift-giver like a show pony?
Really?
I flat out refuse to believe that. Nobody sane forces their kids to do that against their will.

If you mean they'd have to get dressed without resisting as per your daily routine then that's pretty standard. But we are not talking about a daily event.

Original poster
Covidsucks · 25/10/2021 20:48

@zingdramaqueenofsheeba

That made me chuckle 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Covidsucks · 25/10/2021 20:59

Just to add a little more background, my dd is incredibly polite infact to the point where she over apologises and says thank you 70% of the time and I will prompt her the rest especially if somebody has given her a gift.

I wasn't in the room at the time my DM presented dd with the shoes and clothes had no idea she had brought them but I heard it and came in to help with the trying on the shoes (even thought they weren't going to fit as they were a size bigger than what she is and DM knows that) DM just wanted her to model them.

I always say thank you on DD's behalf to her too as let's face it, it's more of a present to me, helping me out which I appreciate and she knows that. But I'm afraid I wasn't impressed with the way she called her ungrateful over a pair of plain black boots! I mean I dont even get excited over that 🤣

And also my DM never called my dd a brat I just said she makes me feel like she is one by telling me her behaviour is awful when according to most resources and friends I have spoken to it's typical toddler behaviour!

OP posts:
buzzandwoodyallday · 26/10/2021 06:52

You're absolutely right in what you're doing. My ds turned 3 last week. Since he was around 2.5, he's gone though various phases of not wanting shoes on/ tops changed, trousers changed etc etc. For 2 months he'd only wear wellies, so I let him wear wellies. Then he had months where he always wanted to wear the same top, and do you know what? Sometimes I let him keep the same top on for bed, and possibly even to nursery again the following day if it still looked clean. And now, he'll wear his shoes happily and mostly change his top when needed too.

I gave him some power and it worked and saved the constant power struggle and arguments every day.

Your dm is being a bit precious and you may just need to remind her that it's your dd and not hers and you'll treat her how you want to.

Dizzy1234 · 26/10/2021 07:00

Is the "Terrible 2's" not a thing anymore? Thats what we called it.
My DD is in her 30's now and your DD sounds just like mine was at that age, I can still remember it!
Your dm is being precious, ignore her.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 26/10/2021 12:49

@Dizzy1234

Is the "Terrible 2's" not a thing anymore? Thats what we called it. My DD is in her 30's now and your DD sounds just like mine was at that age, I can still remember it! Your dm is being precious, ignore her.
A toddler showing zero interest in new shoes is not terrible twos. A toddler resisting to put on said shoes to satisfy her grandmother's need to feel validated is not terrible twos.

Writhing on the floor and foaming at the mouth because you had 2 biscuits but mummy said no to having a 3rd is.
I'm sure you can see the difference

wildchild554 · 26/10/2021 17:35

sounds normal to me, although if it continues to school-age lookout for anything else unusual as could be something else going on. And no your child isn't a brat for that.

Carriecakes80 · 26/10/2021 17:40

Roll on another 12 years and my eldest DD STILL doesn't get excited about clothes! My lass is of a group of kids who are clean and tidy, but are not the fashionistas me and my girl mates were lol. We learned lonnnng ago that if we want to impress our girl with clothes then it needs to be a big soft comfy plus size hoody that she can sink in, some joggers, and big fluffy socks...your little girl sounds totally normal! x

mumeeee · 26/10/2021 17:49

OP your 2 year old is behaving normally for a 2 year old

MummyMayo1988 · 26/10/2021 17:49

I think your DD is just being a 2yr old.
My DS on the other hand is a brat. He's 7 going on 2 and never seemed to get over the "terrible 2's". He is a total work in progress. Remind your DM of your DD's age and tell her to get over it!

Whyyyyyyyohhhhhwhyyyyyy · 26/10/2021 17:50

Are children ever excited by new clothes? My 12 year old knows to say thank you but he isn't over the moon at new clothes (even when they are desperately needed) now if you got him something hands on/technology related he'll be jumping to the moon in excitement

My 3 year old only gets excited by clothes if they are of a certain blue train even then the excitement wanes quickly

Elisi · 26/10/2021 17:51

Forget about your mother for a second. Every child goes through phases where they prefer to go nudey, all 3 of mine did when they were toddlers, you deal with it. What the issue here is, is that if you've politely asked your child to try on some new clothes and shoes to see if they fit and they've thrown a tantrum, are we only getting half the story here or is your child becoming used to throwing tantrums whenever they don't want to do something reasonable? If so, think, do you want your child in a nursery or kindergarten where other children throw tantrums whenever they don't get their own way? Would you like a play-date with a child like that? But yeah, your mother sounds difficult......

FreddieMercurysCat · 26/10/2021 18:00

Your child is a toddler exhibiting totally normal behaviour.

NotSorry · 26/10/2021 18:08

I remember my DD at this age - I'd buy her new clothes as she'd grown out of her other stuff and she refused to try anything on. In the end I used to persuade her to try one thing on and I'd use that one thing to measure up everything else. Your DD is completely normal, your DM on the other hand....

Vynalbob · 26/10/2021 18:12

Your DM is over ambitious and childish
Your dd is not a brat..... yet.
but
The letting choose which clothes to where then giving cool off time will...

  1. Increase the chance of her being a brat
  2. Create more anxiety due to the amount of pandering and lateness involved.

DM is over the top thinking your dd should be like an excitable 4/5 Yr old.
But you're doing the same....choices for very young children (age depends on the child) do no good whatsoever... ever been to a shop and wait while a very young child is listing what they want in their little bag of sweets.

Hertsgirl10 · 26/10/2021 18:12

Your mum is the brat. The kid is 2.. my daughter would go to nursery and get her clothes wet on purpose at that age so be able to pick clothes out of their spares cos she thought she was a fashion queen lol she still does 😂

Inlander · 26/10/2021 18:13

My 2yo is exactly the same with clothes. He would happily run around naked if he could. Sounds like normal behaviour to me!

CantGetDecentNickname · 26/10/2021 18:14

Your DD sounds normal - excited by toys at that age, not clothes unless they are dress-up. Could you ask your DM to put the money she would normally spend on DD in an account for her rather than buying clothes? I know it won't give your DM the satisfaction of seeing her GC dressed up, but it would be so much more useful for the GC to have later in life when she would appreciate it.

Friend of mine once gave up/ran out of time and ended up walking her DC to nursery in socks as was refusing to wear shoes (short distance). DC soon put them on for the teacher and they didn't do it again. My DC refused to wear anything with stripes as a toddler. Never figured out why, but wasn't a battle worth fighting as they'd rip anything stripy off immediately and rather go without.

Better to have shoes fitted as well rather than buy a bigger size. Even a too tight sock can affect growth of the foot.

Don't worry, they'll grow out of it.

Suzanne999 · 26/10/2021 18:24

She’s two, it’s what two year olds do. If she’s still behaving like this at 22 you may have a problem 🙂
She’s trying boundaries, trying out her language and personality. You’re exactly right to go with the forced alternative.
Don’t get anxious—- 2 year olds become 3 year olds, then 4 year olds and the mindset changes.

aimsi · 26/10/2021 18:27

Your mums at fault here and pretty brattish!
Your child sounds perfectly normal and asserting her preferences and learning she has a voice! I think you’re taking totally the right approach. We’re not in the 80’s children are now heard and encouraged to find their feet and voice their opinions

jamandmarmalade · 26/10/2021 18:31

[quote Covidsucks]@cecilyp the buying clothes and shoes has been ongoing since she was born, she buys so much that especially in the early days she'd have outgrown it before she even worn it.

I think my DM gets so excited about how cute she'll look in something she expects DD to be the same and then is crushed when she isn't. Excitement for DD at the minute is bubble baths and blueberries (not together) 🤣[/quote]
Your mum needs 'nipping in the bud' and to back off and stop behaving like a spoilt brat. Your DD is not a dressing up doll.

Your DD sounds a lovely and happy 2yr old when Trinny Woodall isn't imposing her wardrobe choices

bubble baths and blueberries sounds just perfect.

Sarbears28 · 26/10/2021 18:35

When my dd was 2 she went through the same stage, it lasted nearly a year and is still going on with some degree, although she will now try shoes on if asked. Mine got clothes for Christmas when she was 2.5 and declared to DML that 'clothes were not presents'. But my DML just laughed.

user1498572889 · 26/10/2021 18:41

I buy my grandkids lots of stuff although I wouldn’t get them footwear without them being there. I don’t expect any reaction from them. Me and their mums on the other hand love cooing over it. Sometimes they laugh at my choices and that is why I always give them the receipt. 😂

Upwherethebirdsfly · 26/10/2021 18:42

Your DD is totally totally normal. Your DM is being precious and has totally forgotten what it’s like! Mine are never excited about clothes and you can’t (probably shouldn’t) teach a 2 year old to be polite and fake gratitude! X

Insanelysilver · 26/10/2021 18:43

I think your DM has forgotten that kids are really still just babies at two. So expecting them to be rational and greatful for gifts of clothes is a bit unreasonable.
If she’s still not learned to be polite at 5 then I might consider she’s being a bit bratty.