To wish my baby was happier

Newmama93 · 2021-10-25T09:19:45+00:00

I know I should just be grateful, but I am a FTM to a challenging 7 month old. He lasts a maximum of 1 minute in each activity I do with him. Screams in the car to the point of heaving and being sick, screams in the pram the whole time. Is ok in the carrier although he’s a big boy weighing 9kgs so I can’t walk far with him in it. I’m now staying at home all day every day as whenever we go out he’s screaming the whole time in the pram. If we go to picnic it’s just not worth the car ride and then he’s fussy within 10 minutes of being there and bored. He’s a horrible sleeper, I’m up hourly at the least all night long, I have been since he was 4 months. I feed him back to sleep for all day naps. I’m in tears tonight after I hung out with some friends and their babies, mine was cranky the whole time. They sat down with their wines and their babies played and laughed while mine whinged so I never sat once, just carried him the whole time to new environments and things to do. I don’t get a second to breathe. I feel like I can’t do this. It’s so hard, i can’t make him happy unless I’m 24/7 being super animated which I can’t keep up, I know it may get better but it feels like I’m drowning. Thanks for listening anyway

Vbree · 25/10/2021 10:22

I really feel for you, you must exhausted. Sounds a lot like my brother as a baby. He did grow out of it. Do you have a partner/family that can help? Have you spoken to a health visitor or GP? You never know it could have a medical cause like undiagnosed reflux and he's in pain. Stuff like that can be managed once you know what's wrong.

PerfectPrepPrincess · 25/10/2021 10:24

Oh lovely that's tough. He sounds like he's just a high needs baby. Mine is similar, I have to put in a lot of effort to entertain and animate but I wonder if there's something more going on with your DS? Have you been to the GP about him or spoken with a health visitor? I wonder if it's a sensory issue? I take it all the basics are covered like clean nappy, fed, winded now reflux etc?

Original poster

Newmama93 · 25/10/2021 10:25

We thought allergies but got him tested and nothing showed! He doesn’t have symptoms of reflux but I could look into it! My DH works 8 hours a day and same with my family, My DS also only wants me when hubby is home so it’s hard to get a breaky. My mum helps out but only for about an hour and I just don’t feel like itsnenough, I want to run away haha. Thank you

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Original poster

Newmama93 · 25/10/2021 10:26

Yes always has a clean nappy, BF on demand, given heaps of opportunities for food. I want to go out with him and enjoy life together but it’s just horrendous I end up in tears

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Vbree · 25/10/2021 10:28

Yes definitely call the health visitor/gp as you never know they might have some advice. If it was me I'd still hand him over to your husband even if he cries, and maybe go out for a drive or walk just to get out of the house for a bit. I really hope things improve for you soon x

PerfectPrepPrincess · 25/10/2021 10:29

You should be OK to carry on him in a sling /carrier's for a good while yet mind.... You just sound exhausted.

Thinking about what you've written he's probably chronically over tired. You need to work on him getting enlightenment day off naps and night sleep and he'll probably be a much happier baby. @FATEdestiny has given loads of advice in historic threads Xx

RachelHasThoseInBurgundy · 25/10/2021 10:33

I’d go back to the GP and torture them until they explore all possibilities. He sounds like he is in constant pain.

Original poster

Newmama93 · 25/10/2021 10:36

He has happy moments - if I’m being super animated or give him a brand new toy but other than that he seems so bored of everything but then also hates pram and car so I can’t go anywhere.

I don’t feel he is in constant pain or I would’ve taken him back to the GP but I’ll explore the silent reflux and other possibilites

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Velvetbee · 25/10/2021 10:38

I had one of these and I’m told I was one too. We both grew out of it. Mine is 24 now and the most delightful person. I’m sorry that doesn’t help you now.
I used to take him out all the time because I knew I wouldn’t kill him in public.

TenThousandSpoons · 25/10/2021 10:38

Poor you, this sounds exhausting. What kind of sling have you got? If it’s a structured baby bjorn type you might find that a wrap sling hurts your back less, and if he’s happy in there you can use it more. My ds lived in the sling every evening for months as otherwise he’d be fussy. He was then a very easy happy toddler and is now a mostly chilled ten year old so do hang in there, it will get better and you’re doing great.

cheeseismydownfall · 25/10/2021 10:39

I agree with the PP who says he may be chronically overtired, and the poor sleep is the cause, not a symptom, of his unsettled behaviour. If he is waking up every hour overnight and frequently during naps then he is simply not getting the sleep he needs.

My DS was exactly the same. Utterly miserable every waking moment and a horrific sleeper. I was BF and was obsessed with gentle/baby-led patenting. My mental health was shot and I was on my knees.

When he was was 10 months I broke and we sleep trained him, something I would have said I would do over my dead body. Within three days he was sleeping though and his personality transformed over the next few weeks as he slowly caught up on sleep.

I would try and tackle the sleep issue.

Velvetbee · 25/10/2021 10:40

Seeing your latest comment, both me and said son have ADD. Perhaps our brains just needed lots of stimulation as your son seems to.

Original poster

Newmama93 · 25/10/2021 10:41

@cheeseismydownfall

I agree with the PP who says he may be chronically overtired, and the poor sleep is the cause, not a symptom, of his unsettled behaviour. If he is waking up every hour overnight and frequently during naps then he is simply not getting the sleep he needs.

My DS was exactly the same. Utterly miserable every waking moment and a horrific sleeper. I was BF and was obsessed with gentle/baby-led patenting. My mental health was shot and I was on my knees.

When he was was 10 months I broke and we sleep trained him, something I would have said I would do over my dead body. Within three days he was sleeping though and his personality transformed over the next few weeks as he slowly caught up on sleep.

I would try and tackle the sleep issue.

I’m in the same boat! Mental health crashing and exhausted but don’t want to sleep train. It’s so hard isn’t it - thank you so much x

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Original poster

Newmama93 · 25/10/2021 10:42

@Velvetbee

I had one of these and I’m told I was one too. We both grew out of it. Mine is 24 now and the most delightful person. I’m sorry that doesn’t help you now. I used to take him out all the time because I knew I wouldn’t kill him in public.

I love this and feel the same at the moment! I was snappy today and said what do you bloody want then!! Felt guilty but man I’m pushed to the limits

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CheeseRadio · 25/10/2021 10:42

You are describing how my baby was, exactly. I used to read on here about mum's leaving their babies to play contentedly on a playmat or whatever, and thought how?! My DC is now nearly two and him being able to walk was a game changer, as he hated not being on the go. Also as he's got older and I can explain that if he gets in the pram you can then feed the ducks/go to the playground/etc, we can actually now go to places with him in the pram without him having a wretching meltdown (this is only quite recent development, though). He got better in the car from about 15 months. The crap sleep - I co-sleep and have tried not to stress about it (easy for me to say, though, as my DH more than pulls his weight, and even then it's not easy) and I'm a SAHM, which makes it easier to cope with.

I try to remind myself, too, that there will be things my baby does that the other mums would kill for their baby to do.

Original poster

Newmama93 · 25/10/2021 10:43

@TenThousandSpoons

Poor you, this sounds exhausting. What kind of sling have you got? If it’s a structured baby bjorn type you might find that a wrap sling hurts your back less, and if he’s happy in there you can use it more. My ds lived in the sling every evening for months as otherwise he’d be fussy. He was then a very easy happy toddler and is now a mostly chilled ten year old so do hang in there, it will get better and you’re doing great.

Thanks lovely.

I have a bjorn one, it’s pretty stiff - I might try some others as it’s the only thing I have left!

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TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/10/2021 10:43

Sounds like my DS. I used to look at all the smiling jolly babies and feel bitter envy. He broke his first childminder with his consistent discontent - she actually retired early.

All I can say is, he gradually got better, and by 3 was no worse than the other 3 year olds. At 6 he is (touch wood) pretty easy and likeable.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/10/2021 10:45

I used to read on here about mum's leaving their babies to play contentedly on a playmat or whatever, and thought how?!

Oh god yes! And I saw friends' babies doing it, so I knew it could happen!

But not with my DS. Oh no.

PerfectPrepPrincess · 25/10/2021 10:45

You'll be helping him by tackling his sleep. You don't have to sleep train but you can do it other things to ensure he sleeps better/ longer. Contact naps for starters.

ilkleymoorbartat · 25/10/2021 10:45

I remember 7 months being the absolute hardest. I went to the HV centre in tears. My son was such hard work, wouldn't be put down and would scream. I was exhausted.

I do think it was a pre moving thing and he was massively frustrated. It did get better eventually but it's so hard in The meantime. I'd just try and get out as much as you can because being stuck inside can make even the sanest of people go mad. Hang in there.

Santastuckincustoms · 25/10/2021 10:46

Non-ige allergies won't show on tests! Tests will only pick up ige (anaphylaxis type allergies) not ones that create reflux and gut pain. It really does sound like my DC who both have non-ige allergies. Especially wanting go be held a lot. I would trial an exclusion diet from dairy and soya for three weeks and see if things improve.

Original poster

Newmama93 · 25/10/2021 10:46

You described it perfectly ! Nobody will mind my son beside my mum as he’s too hard. It’s exhausting

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JagerPlease · 25/10/2021 10:47

My DS was like this, and it turned out to be silent reflux. Medication made a big difference.

Also absolutely look at getting a different carrier/sling. I used buckles, others used wraps, but DS was about 2 and a half before I stopped carrying him completely

Original poster

Newmama93 · 25/10/2021 10:47

@PerfectPrepPrincess

You'll be helping him by tackling his sleep. You don't have to sleep train but you can do it other things to ensure he sleeps better/ longer. Contact naps for starters.

I contact nap after he wakes in the day to ensure he gets good naps. I also co sleep all night to try and help

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cheeseismydownfall · 25/10/2021 10:47

I’m in tears tonight after I hung out with some friends and their babies, mine was cranky the whole time. They sat down with their wines and their babies played and laughed while mine whinged so I never sat once, just carried him the whole time to new environments and things to do. I don’t get a second to breathe.*

Just to add, I have been there, every word of what you've written and more. My silver lining was that I found the toddler years an utter delight compared to my friends who had the happy, take-anywhere babies. I don't think that DS was a particular easy toddler (in fact, he definitely wasn't) but it was such a revelation to have this crazy, fun loving little person in my life - that went to sleep at 7pm! - compared to a miserable 24/7 demanding baby that honestly everything else since then has been a breeze. Whereas friends with way babies struggled more to adjust to the demands of their increasingly independent toddlers.