To wish my baby was happier

[Newmama93]

I know I should just be grateful, but I am a FTM to a challenging 7 month old. He lasts a maximum of 1 minute in each activity I do with him. Screams in the car to the point of heaving and being sick, screams in the pram the whole time. Is ok in the carrier although he’s a big boy weighing 9kgs so I can’t walk far with him in it.

I’m now staying at home all day every day as whenever we go out he’s screaming the whole time in the pram. If we go to picnic it’s just not worth the car ride and then he’s fussy within 10 minutes of being there and bored. He’s a horrible sleeper, I’m up hourly at the least all night long, I have been since he was 4 months. I feed him back to sleep for all day naps.

I’m in tears tonight after I hung out with some friends and their babies, mine was cranky the whole time. They sat down with their wines and their babies played and laughed while mine whinged so I never sat once, just carried him the whole time to new environments and things to do. I don’t get a second to breathe.

I feel like I can’t do this. It’s so hard, i can’t make him happy unless I’m 24/7 being super animated which I can’t keep up, I know it may get better but it feels like I’m drowning.

Thanks for listening anyway

Sorry I've got no real advice but I had twins that were just like this. I made no friends during maternity leave and went to baby mother classes maybe 3 times, it was just so hard. I spent a lot of time crying but it does go away and gradually get easier I promise but at the time it feels it will never end. By about 18 months it was much easier and by 2.5 they were just like other kids and grew out of it. Hang in there xxx

Thank you everyone, it’s very nice to get this support and I do feel better even though I have to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again. I appreciate everyone’s comments and support ! 🌸

@Velvetbee

I had one of these and I’m told I was one too. We both grew out of it. Mine is 24 now and the most delightful person. I’m sorry that doesn’t help you now. I used to take him out all the time because I knew I wouldn’t kill him in public.

Oh I remember that feeling. Back when my son, now late 20s, was little I used to go to Safeway supermarket that had a creche. One day I was so close to the edge I went there, at the desk I said, "don't tell me you are full." I must have looked demented. They took him and I sat in the cafe and had coffee and cake and read a newspaper. After 90 minutes I went back for him, that was maximum time you could leave them. They looked at me hard and asked if I was sure I was OK to have him. I assured them I was OK just needed a break. I think they saved his life and that isn't much of an exaggeration, maybe no exaggeration.

sounds like my DC2. she was such a grumpy baby. Now she's older we understand that although she has no developmental disorder she has lots of very strong sensory preferences. She's very particular over clothing, bedding, food texture, heat and lighting etc. It's super-easy to cater to her preferences now we understand them.

She is still a glass half full type, and needs a little encouragement from time to time to count her blessings, but honestly 95% of the time she's a delight, and very popular at school.

I had one like this too. She also couldn’t cope with prom or car seat but did like the sling. I bought a soft structured carrier (manduca, connecta, ergo etc. Mine was a rose and rebellion) which meant I could back carry her and get things done and go for nice walks. It was transforming and I carried her until she was 4 ( had a pre school weight one eventually). She continued to hate the buggy.

I feel for you. Both my babies have been challenging in similar ways. I second the pp who mentioned looking into nonIgE milk allergy. I solved the hysterics in the car by forward facing as soon as DC met the 9kg weight limit. Forward facing buggy sorted the hatred of the pram out too. I also sleep trained which was a godsend.

@PetticoatSoldier

I feel for you. Both my babies have been challenging in similar ways. I second the pp who mentioned looking into nonIgE milk allergy. I solved the hysterics in the car by forward facing as soon as DC met the 9kg weight limit. Forward facing buggy sorted the hatred of the pram out too. I also sleep trained which was a godsend.

I turned him in the car and pram! No difference, he was actually worse because he could see me and didn’t like me turning the other way.

Wow thank you everyone.

Mine was exactly like this - an insufferable little whinge bag.

He wasn't in pain, there was no medical reason for his griping. He was just high needs, into everything, eternally frustrated. If he wasn't being 'entertained' in some way, my god was he hard work.

I had mum friends with sunny little babies who happily sat and took in their surroundings. Or lay happily on a playmat for 30 mins. I was very bitter looking back

All I can say is that it will pass eventually! I now have a very chilled, thoughtful, considerate 6.5 yr old.

Think ahead 5 years. I can promise you the baby you have now will not resemble the child you have in the future!

"They sat down with their wines"?????

Very responsible with small babies!!!!

This sounds so hard. I have no experience of this, but did wonder if you'd tried a routine? Maybe he's very tired? Personally I would hate doing things on demand as I like to know what's likely to happen so I can plan my day. Can the HV help at all? They might he able to troubleshoot with you.

Sounds like silent reflux to me. Very similar symptoms with my grandson.
He got no use from his pram because he was so uncomfortable lying flat.
I Would speak to gp and try to get some omperazole to give him before feed.

Been there, cried a lot! Although my only saving grace was the buggy, so long as it was facing outwards he wouldn't scream. He cried all night long unless I stood up holding him, he cried all day long unless I stood up holding him. Whilst my two year old did her few hours in nursery I was pounding the pavements non stop walking to get a break from the noise, urgh it was horrible.
He's now 7 years old and an absolute delight! Gorgeous, funny, kind and loving, saying that when he gets tired or feels hard done by, he still resorts to the screaming that sets me on edge!

Asking gently, why are you against sleep training?

Looking back, I feel I was completely brainwashed by the baby-led-parenting cult. I'm actually quite angry at the pressure it puts on women with the notion that the solution to every problem is for the mother to martyr herself yet further - BF more, cosleep more, sling-wear more.

Now I am a long way out the other side (three times over) my perspective is very different. A baby waking up hourly overnight isn't a cue for a mother just to dug deeper into her reserves of innate motherliness. It is a problem that needs taking seriously because actually it is causing a significant problem for the baby, not just the mother. Sometimes being a parent means making hard decisions and doing things you find very difficult because it is the best thing for the child, and I would put sleep training a chronically overtired baby firmly in this category.

@myheartskippedabeat

"They sat down with their wines"?????

Very responsible with small babies!!!!

You can’t have a wine because you have a small child? Omg how ridiculous

@cheeseismydownfall

Asking gently, why are you against sleep training?

Looking back, I feel I was completely brainwashed by the baby-led-parenting cult. I'm actually quite angry at the pressure it puts on women with the notion that the solution to every problem is for the mother to martyr herself yet further - BF more, cosleep more, sling-wear more.

Now I am a long way out the other side (three times over) my perspective is very different. A baby waking up hourly overnight isn't a cue for a mother just to dug deeper into her reserves of innate motherliness. It is a problem that needs taking seriously because actually it is causing a significant problem for the baby, not just the mother. Sometimes being a parent means making hard decisions and doing things you find very difficult because it is the best thing for the child, and I would put sleep training a chronically overtired baby firmly in this category.

I just feel guilty I guess after everything I’ve read! He also is very determined and the screaming doesn’t stop so I just break because I’m exhausted and feed him to sleep. I struggle listening to him scream and sweat and be sick when I can fix it. I know I need to do something about the sleep over night as he can’t self settle but he just screams so much I’m too tired to tackle it.

I just feel guilty I guess after everything I’ve read! He also is very determined and the screaming doesn’t stop so I just break because I’m exhausted and feed him to sleep. I struggle listening to him scream and sweat and be sick when I can fix it. I know I need to do something about the sleep over night as he can’t self settle but he just screams so much I’m too tired to tackle it.

I totally understand and I really sympathise. And I hope I didn't come across as telling you that you should sleep train because that is as bad as all the bloody books that tell you that you shouldn't. I just wanted to share my experience that I went into parenting with very black and white views about what I would and wouldn't do, and I've realised that actually real life is a lot more grey and that there are no absolute right and wrong ways to go about things. The trouble is that the reason parenting books sell is because they make it sound like they have all of the answers - when they most definitely don't!

I had one of these. No medical issues, just constantly annoyed with being a baby. He nearly broke his childminder too! Once he could walk and talk (18 months ish) he was like a different child. Hes now 6 and is an absolute angel. So intelligent and is doing work at school 2 years above what he is! I believe he was just really intelligent and frustrated at himself. It was so tough but its just vague memories now. And I went on to have a 3rd so I wasn't that traumatised haha. She however was a perfect baby, completely textbook but is an absolute devil child now. Theyre all different and you are not doing anything wrong.

My second was in hindsight a nightmare, woke
From every nap screaming, really clingy. He wanted me to hold him whilst he played. He didn't want to cuddle on the couch or sit and play with cars he wanted me on the grand him on my lap playing with the cars. And I was exhausted. Waking a few times a night. Constantly fed to sleep and he'd wake up screaming after every single nap- my first would wake up lively and chat to himself and his toys for a few mins. So we might weaned and then sleep trained. I can remember 3 bad nights in the whole thing but actually it was fine. And then he was happier and suddenly I was getting normal again and I could feel the energy come back and I couldn't believe how long I'd slept in an exhausted fog. It's a miracle I could do anything really for those 11 months.

Oh OP, it’s so, so tough. My heart goes out to you.

My eldest was like this and it nearly broke me. He just cried, and cried, and cried. He was also really big, so carrying him was hard work (and he hated any kind of sling or carrier). Honestly, I think he just didn’t like being a baby. He got happier the more independent he could be: walking, talking, eating proper food, and also once he twigged that sleep wasn’t the enemy.

He’s a teen now, and the most laidback and sunny natured person. Not much consolation to you, I know, but I just wanted to send you an un-mumsnetty hug, and say it’s not your fault and you’re also not at all a bad person for struggling. I felt so guilty about not enjoying it, and for all the eye-rolling and muttering I indulged in, but we have a lovely relationship now and it doesn’t seem to have scarred him.

Do what you can to look after yourself to get through this stage, and I hope that you either find an answer or that he quickly outgrows it.

I think there's an awful lot of nonsense thrown around about damaging your child by leaving them to cry a bit. I've heard more than one person describe it as child abuse. I've seen so many friends broken by co-sleeping and not teaching their children to sleep threw the night. Personally we've let ours cry a bit since they were a couple of months old and I'm very glad we did. Unless you have a handful of people to share the nights with, no human can do it alone night after night. Humans needs unbroken sleep! Plus, I'm never sure why people think it's a good idea for the child to be up multiple times through the night? I totally appreciate however that you feel you're in a place where you can't deal with the crying so you feel you need take the path of least resistance and feed during the night....... I've definitely felt like that too. Could you start off small. Carry on feeding in the nights but try to structure structure day and improve day time naps?

During the night you could offer water so it's less appealing and hopefully gradually he'll give up bothering?

My baby became so much happier almost overnight when he learnt to crawl. Really hard times but I promise it gets better x

I had two of those and honestly just adjusted my lifestyle (and expectations) in the end and we were all happier for it.

I tried to do the coffee mornings and lunch dates but my baby just screamed and it was embarrassing. It didn’t improve when they were toddlers either so we just stopped doing eating out. It was a bit lonely I’ll admit but they’re much better now they’re primary school aged.

It’s all kind of messed up that this thread is making me pine for the baby days! my DS2 was like this. Never slept during the day. Always grumpy. He turned out to have ADHD. BF him until 20 months and co slept until…. Well he’s 12 (years) now and he still sleeps in my bed. if I had my time again I would bottle feed from birth and have him sleep in a cot.

I just read the bit about the little baby getting so upset he's sick. I'm not sure my previous post about letting them cry a bit is good advise now I know about the throwing up. This must be very upsetting for you all.