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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

368 replies

MinibusLift · 24/10/2021 16:13

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.

I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

OP posts:
angela99999 · 25/10/2021 18:01

He's an adult. Possibly his over-protective mother is the reason he's such a plonker. I married at 23 and had been capable of looking after myself for years before that.

jamandmarmalade · 25/10/2021 18:06

Alan's mum

Anitarest · 25/10/2021 18:37

YANBU she should be very cross with her naughty boy for not being ready to be picked up.

meganorks · 25/10/2021 19:04

Alan's mum is just pissed off that she got a call at 8 in the morning and she is going to have to pick him up or pay for his cab. Ignore her

Weirdlynormal · 25/10/2021 19:23

Ah fuck, adulting is so hard for poor Alan... because of his infantilising mother!

I feel you've got a good take on this OP. Good for you

MumOfScience · 25/10/2021 19:25

Alan’s mum is why Alan thinks it’s ok to aged 23 to behave like a drunken idiot on a night out and miss his taxi home with no consequences… Makes me think of the fast show…

HestersSamplerofCarrots · 25/10/2021 19:29

Alan is 23. Alan’s mummy needs to bog off.

jamandmarmalade · 25/10/2021 19:45

Alan has spun his terrifying Mater a yarn about being abandoned by the nasty bus lady so he does not get PS5 confiscated.

takenforgrantednana · 25/10/2021 19:50

@MinibusLift

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.

I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

at 23 they are old enough to work, drive, have sex and drink, if they understood before leaving you that 3 am you where leaving on the dot then tough if they arent there, find a bed for themselves and get the train/taxi home and pay for that too, his mum is well out of order. if he needed to be at work for 10am then it was upto him to say no thanks cant go out, or not drink instead he made that choice to get slaughtered

the next time make sure that he is not included in the plans

Mollymoostoo · 25/10/2021 20:00

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

If it was a normal taxi they would have left him.
BFCfairy · 25/10/2021 20:05

Yanbu he is an adult and it's the same as a pre paid train or coach fare and not one with an open return!

Siriisatwat · 25/10/2021 20:24

My favourite thing about this whole thread is the “parental responsibility” comment from yesterday.

I still keep thinking about it and chuckling over parental responsibility for a grown arse 23 year old 😂

Siriisatwat · 25/10/2021 20:26

And the PANTS …. oh my christ 😂😂

goodwinter · 25/10/2021 20:38

After reading all your comments OP, I just want to say you sound like a bloody brilliant mum :)

TheyWentToSeaInASieve · 25/10/2021 20:39

Wow! 23! His mum is organising lifts. Speechless!

PeachyPeachTrees · 25/10/2021 20:50

Alan's Mummy has now driven over to collect her son and left your son over there! I hope you called her and wailed "but my son is left behind in the city and he's run out of pants!" How can Alan's Mum be so mean?

Fleshmechanic · 25/10/2021 21:34

A 23 year old man's mummy called you? What the hell? He's not allowed on the minibus again, the end. Block her and move on. You're essentially a taxi as you said, it's not your business.

FeeFi100 · 25/10/2021 22:00

Same, I certainly don’t tell my mum where I am ‘every minute of the day’ but if I was staying at my mum’ and went out I’d tell her (only just out of politeness).

Original poster
MinibusLift · 25/10/2021 22:10

@FeeFi100

Same, I certainly don’t tell my mum where I am ‘every minute of the day’ but if I was staying at my mum’ and went out I’d tell her (only just out of politeness).
? He did tell me, and then told me he wasn't coming home and didn't know when he'd be back.
OP posts:
DerAlteMann · 25/10/2021 22:17

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

He paid to be taken home at a set time. He missed the bus (literally). He's on his own after that.
Original poster
MinibusLift · 25/10/2021 22:21

Seen son, does appear that Alan, after a phone call from his mum, implied I wasn't there to pick him up, and used the fact he was with my son as proof that I'd left them in the city, however not sure how this story held up as I dropped his sister home.

Anyway haven't heard anything else from his mum, have told son that if I take Alan in the future he needs to sign a waiver.

OP posts:
Mamanyt · 25/10/2021 23:36

OFFS. Tell that idiot mother that her "child" is an adult, made an adult choice, and can deal with the adult consequences. And if she doesn't like that, she can start arranging his transportation.

Glostergull · 26/10/2021 00:06

Actually as the Law stands he is totally responsible and chose to stay with your son. if she tried to take you to court you can point out in evidence (I assume your son will corroborate that this is correct) that. 1. he chose to stay there of his own free will.

  1. you do it only as a favour and are not paid for it.
  2. they are only paying basic expenses. for the cost of hire and fuel. for two trips for whoever arrives on time. and you are not responsible for going around to wake them. take action if they are too drunk to stand or wipe up their sick etc.
  3. If she isn't happy. She should drive the bus and not rely on you for all their misdeeds.
maddening · 26/10/2021 00:14

His mother can buy him train tickets as etickets and email them to him if he has no means of paying

jamandmarmalade · 26/10/2021 00:31

@MinibusLift

Seen son, does appear that Alan, after a phone call from his mum, implied I wasn't there to pick him up, and used the fact he was with my son as proof that I'd left them in the city, however not sure how this story held up as I dropped his sister home.

Anyway haven't heard anything else from his mum, have told son that if I take Alan in the future he needs to sign a waiver.

Alan the lying toad may only board with a written note from his mum. signed, witnessed and in triplicate. Grin