Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

368 replies

MinibusLift · 24/10/2021 16:13

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.

I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

OP posts:
FreshFancyFrogglette · 24/10/2021 22:56

I'm pissing myself at the audacity of Alan's Mum!!!

Cupoteap · 24/10/2021 23:09

He'll be waiting a refund next

PanicPrevention · 24/10/2021 23:09

Alan and Alans mum are both dicks.
I had my own baby at 23 damn right I got myself where I needed to be on time including a full time job.
Don't give it another thought op you did nothing wrong and are more than generous driving them around at cost price.

ChargingBuck · 24/10/2021 23:32

@genericuserneeded

I’m not sure how I feel about this

I think this needs to be a more formal arrangement if you want to be treated like any other private hire mini bus operator that would do a job of this size professionally. But you should know that mixing business with friends/family can lead to awkward situations like this.

I think the lines are blurred because you’re leaving drunk young people in different cities in the early hours when you drive away. Yes, it’s of their own volition, but to a certain extent they are vulnerable and in an unfamiliar environment. I think if this was a drunk 23 year old female, others would be more apprehensive that you left her behind.

I thought Alan was with your son anyway. What happened?

Who died & made you OP's HR Director?

She doesn't "need" a more formal arrangement, & has no desire to be treated like any other private hire mini bus operator, because she's doing an informal favour for her son & his mates, & getting her costs covered.

As to leaving "drunk young people" ie Alan the adult, in company with another adult, her son - what do you reckon OP should have done - tracked Alan down & forcibly fireman-lifted him into the mini bus?

It's not an awkward situation, & OP hasn't done anything to make it one. She simply received an awkward text from an awkward woman, who she doesn't report to, & doesn't need to respond to.

RAFHercules · 24/10/2021 23:39

Well I wouldn't be offering Alan any more lifts.

jamandmarmalade · 25/10/2021 04:13

23 year old Alan is grounded and he knows it hence dodging your minibus home.

Either that or he was due for his next feed and Alan's mum is doing her nut.

TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 25/10/2021 06:17

Ooh, watch out OP! Alan's mummy might come and give you a good telling off for this, followed by sending you to bed with no tea.

Seriously though, I hope you've blocked her number. What a ridiculous person she is!

Sn0tnose · 25/10/2021 06:21

I’d refuse to take Alan ever again when he asks (and he will)

I’d take him again like a shot. And right before they all jump out, I’d remind him of departure time and say I don’t expect to be woken up by a grown man’s mum again. Let his friends do the rest.

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 25/10/2021 07:02

You were perfectly correct in your behaviour.
All your passengers are adults.
Alan had a responsibility to be there for pick-up. He wasn't there.
You had to take everyone else home.

Alan's mum is barking.

PrincessNutella · 25/10/2021 07:07

Young people are commonly idiotic and need repeated lessons to get basic lessons into their thick skulls, but British drinking culture, which makes ridiculous allowances for bad behavior by the intoxicated, doesn't help. Alan's Mum is a fool.

GnomeDePlume · 25/10/2021 07:31

It's not an awkward situation, & OP hasn't done anything to make it one. She simply received an awkward text from an awkward woman, who she doesn't report to, & doesn't need to respond to.

Exactly this

No doubt Alan had a very difficult drive home with mummy going on about how terrible the OP has been, how Alan is a very naughty boy and that he shouldnt have allowed bigger boys to get him into trouble, how Alan will need to get his homework done go into work. All the while Alan will have been nursing a crippling hangover.

FlippinFedUp21 · 25/10/2021 07:42

Well, I have thoroughly enjoyed skimming through this thread. Might treat myself and read the whole thing later!

Alan's mummy texting you about not babysitting her 23 year old toddler...Alan is going on time-out as soon as he gets home!

Stringsnthings · 25/10/2021 08:06

Alan decided he didn't want his lift at 3am. I suspect Alan spun his mum a sob story in order to get a lift home. Perhaps Alan knew his mum would most likely give him a lift the next day and therefore wasn't worried about staying out late.

To be honest OP picking her children up at 3am is not really any different. There's no profit involved and whilst a night in a Premier Inn is nice, it's not really a night if you have to wake up to pick 10 drunk people up at 3am. Op is essentially doing a 4 hr round trip to enable her children to go out

Fetarabbit · 25/10/2021 08:06

YANBU.

think the lines are blurred because you’re leaving drunk young people in different cities in the early hours when you drive away.

23 is an adult, if Alan was getting the train/bus back he would have to be there at a certain time, would that be the fault of the drivers that he missed them? The responsibility to look out for one another is on the friends you go out with rather than transport.

IntermittentParps · 25/10/2021 08:59

At 23 I'd been living away from my parents and getting myself to work/uni/everything for 5 years.
How embarrassing for both Alan and his mother.

What did you say to her? My reply would have been unprintable that he knows the arrangement and it's up to him whether or not he sticks to it.

Autumnleaves4 · 25/10/2021 09:10

No especially since you left with your son, if he was the only one who hadn’t reappeared then I would have expected you to have called his Mum since his sister was there I presume you would have access to her number. A bit tricky though for the future, what would you do if just one doesn’t turn up and their 18? As you say you can’t sit there all night.

Original poster
MinibusLift · 25/10/2021 09:16

@Autumnleaves4

No especially since you left with your son, if he was the only one who hadn’t reappeared then I would have expected you to have called his Mum since his sister was there I presume you would have access to her number. A bit tricky though for the future, what would you do if just one doesn’t turn up and their 18? As you say you can’t sit there all night.
You really think I should call someone's mum if they don't turn up, at what age would I stop calling them, 40? Not being narky just genuinely interested.

As said before the fact he was with my son didn't change my actions, I would have (and have done in the past) left him alone in the city. Written down that seems harsh but by offering a lift I am not offering to babysit an adult.

Expect son back later today so will see what he thought of whole situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
MinibusLift · 25/10/2021 09:20

Op is essentially doing a 4 hr round trip to enable her children to go out

My situation means the peace of the Premier Inn makes it more beneficial to me than them, if I didn't do it (and sometimes I can't) they just make other arrangements, they still go out.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 25/10/2021 09:40

So your son went out with your Friday night. Said not to lift but you haven’t seen him yet and now Monday

He’s been out all weekend ?

ErrolTheDragon · 25/10/2021 09:44

@Blondeshavemorefun

So your son went out with your Friday night. Said not to lift but you haven’t seen him yet and now Monday

He’s been out all weekend ?

Her adult son.
ChargingBuck · 25/10/2021 09:46

Yup - her adult son, who is not due back at work until Tuesday.

Waahingwashingwashing · 25/10/2021 09:48

@Blondeshavemorefun

So your son went out with your Friday night. Said not to lift but you haven’t seen him yet and now Monday

He’s been out all weekend ?

So what? He’s an adult!

I have no idea whether my 19 year old dd was out at the weekend or how and when she got home. She’s at uni away from home.

Also have no idea re other dd she’s 22 or DS (also an adult).

LagunaBubbles · 25/10/2021 09:50

He’s been out all weekend ?

Clearly he has, so what's your point?

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/10/2021 10:20

I find it strange he was planning to come back 3am sat then stays all weekend in the city

Why didn’t he plan that in the first place

And mum hasn’t a clue how he is or how he’s getting back

Or am I sounding like Alan’s mum 😂

Waahingwashingwashing · 25/10/2021 10:23

He’s an adult. And his plans have changed 🤷🏼‍♀️ He doesn’t have to tell his mum.

Are your kids young @Blondeshavemorefun? It’s hard to understand how it changes and it’s hard to put yourself in the position of a parent to an adult when yours are young.

All I can say is. Do you tell your parents where you’re going every day, what you’re doing, if your plans change?