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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left a 23year old at 3am away from home?

368 replies

MinibusLift · 24/10/2021 16:13

I've nc as outing.

I have a minibus, for the price of the fuel and a Premier Inn room I am happy to collect my children and their friends and drop them at festivals/night clubs/stadiums etc.

I've been doing this for a few years before covid and have started again now never had an issue, occasionally haven't picked everyone I dropped off as they have decided not to come home.

On Friday I picked up 12, with my DD the youngest at 18 and then going up to 25.
I don't get involved in the organising just tell my children how much it will cost (£90 this time) and then I pick them up, drop them where they want to go and then pick them all back up at a pre agreed time. I, and my children are very clear that I won't hang around, like a pre booked taxi I leave at a set time.

Saturday morning 3am I go to pick them all up, one of mine had already texted to say he was staying in the city so I was expecting 11, but only 10 arrive.

I'm told *Alan has decided to stay with my son as he isn't ready to go home, apparently his sister tried to convince him but you can't argue with drunk people.

So I take the 10 back (about 2hours drive) and drop them home. At 8am I am woken up by Alan's mum asking why the fuck I'd left her son in the city and that he is stuck 2 hours from home with no money and needs to be at work at 10am and demanding I go and pick him up, finishing that no mother should leave someone else's son behind.

Was IBU to leave him?

(Before someone asks why I do it I'm studying and a quiet hotel room followed by a couple of hours of silent sleep in a bed on my own more than makes up for the driving)

OP posts:
diddl · 24/10/2021 20:35

"Babyroobs"

Supposedly Alan had stayed behind with someone else so hopefully wouldn't pass out alone to be found by police!

Babyroobs · 24/10/2021 20:38

@diddl

"Babyroobs"

Supposedly Alan had stayed behind with someone else so hopefully wouldn't pass out alone to be found by police!

Yes I understand it's a slightly different situation. I'm just saying to all those that think parents should just let them get on with it and learn their lesson, it's not always that simple when it's your own son/ daughter in trouble.
Original poster
MinibusLift · 24/10/2021 20:42

@Boood

Alan must be the only 23 year old in the world to pick up his Mummy’s call at 8am when he was still out at 3. So all other things aside, I’m impressed by Alan’s Mummy’s leadership skills.
Alan rang his mother before 8am resulting in said phone call to me.

To the pp, Alan was with my son and from a brief message I had from my son Alan appears to have been picked up by his mother. My son however is still presumably in the city, he doesn't have work until Tuesday so don't expect him back tonight.

OP posts:
Whereismumhiding3 · 24/10/2021 20:47

@Babyroobs
I don't think that's pathetic at all. He's a relative of yours that was in a bad way, drunk and passed out in the street.

I think any of us would have responded in that situation to go collect them, be it our adult child, partner or 60 year old auntie/ uncle!

That's a bit different a scenario to Alan who wasn't passed out in the street but having a merry old drinking time with his mate (OPs son) who also stayed out, wanting to party more and didn't want the lift home. They probably have a few stories about the fun they had .... it doesn't follow that Alan passed out somewhere.

I wonder if OP's son is back yet? I bet Alan and DS made their way home together late morning.... and Alan did a "ill voice" on the phone to call in sick to his boss this morning!

Joystir59 · 24/10/2021 20:51

I was married and running my own household at 23. I hadn't had a parent give me a lift in years by then. Good grief!

LaurenKelsey · 24/10/2021 20:54

Wow!!! His mother probably complains about anything and everything. She is being ridiculous. I’d tell Alan that he’s kicked off the bus. Tell the mother to take responsibility for her son’s transportation.

Whereismumhiding3 · 24/10/2021 20:55

Ah OP, cross posted so the outcome is all laid out now...

To the pp, Alan was with my son and from a brief message I had from my son Alan appears to have been picked up by his mother. My son however is still presumably in the city, he doesn't have work until Tuesday so don't expect him back tonight

Alan's mum picked him up! Grin

OP , how different Alan's mum parenting is to yours.

You have brought up an adult. She has brought up a man child.

**Alan may not be allowed out to play with his friends again Grin

Snog · 24/10/2021 20:57

Alan's mum is a CF

MacMahon · 24/10/2021 21:13

OP I love Premier Inn too.

OnTheBoardwalk · 24/10/2021 21:23

I love a Premier Inn as well. YABU though for not sticking around for breakfast

My mum worked shifts and between my ages of 18 and 21 would be driving though the city centre in the early hours

She would wait 15 mins, maybe 30 at a push if I told her I was on my way. Any longer than that and I was left to my own devices on getting home

Overitallnow · 24/10/2021 21:33

@Babyroobs
OMG you had to pick up your 22 year old "child" covered in sick? I guess he still lives at home?He needs to move out and grow up.

FranceTeam · 24/10/2021 21:34

A question, would you be unreasonable if it was a young girl who was being left behind?

Babyroobs · 24/10/2021 21:35

[quote Overitallnow]@Babyroobs
OMG you had to pick up your 22 year old "child" covered in sick? I guess he still lives at home?He needs to move out and grow up.[/quote]
He has only just returned home from Uni !!

Overitallnow · 24/10/2021 21:40

Pick up time is pick up time. His / her responsibility to be there then.

longwayoff · 24/10/2021 21:42

I'd have a very firm word with Alan's mum. Alan can sort himself out.

Original poster
MinibusLift · 24/10/2021 22:03

@FranceTeam

A question, would you be unreasonable if it was a young girl who was being left behind?
I've thought about this, firstly everyone is over 18. My 18 year old DD is obviously new to going out but in all the time I've been offering this I have never had a women not turn up, I've had girlfriends turn up without boyfriends but not the other way around. I'd like to think that if my dd refused to come to the pick up point I'd do the same, I've certainly told her I will leave without her.
OP posts:
Original poster
MinibusLift · 24/10/2021 22:04

I'm glad there is some Premier Inn love Grin although you are right, it is very unreasonable that I miss breakfast.

OP posts:
feelingfree17 · 24/10/2021 22:08

Alan should have been on your mini bus at the arranged time so he could be at his job at the arranged time the next day! Alan needs to gain a sense of responsibility and his mother needs to keep out of it. You absolutely did the right thing

TheCuntessOfMiddlesex · 24/10/2021 22:11

@MinibusLift

I'm glad there is some Premier Inn love Grin although you are right, it is very unreasonable that I miss breakfast.
Oooh I love a Premier Inn! Always my first choice
Rainbowsew · 24/10/2021 22:18

@Isabellabasil

I'm on the fence. On the one hand you definitely didn't have the parental responsibility to go and find Alan, he is an adult.

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

If he'd paid for an ordinary taxi and didn't get in it at the appointed time he'd have lost the money and had no ride and you wouldn't expect the taxi driver to go back for him.

Yanbu op he is 23 not 17. His mother ringing you is hilarious! Hopefully he's learnt a lesson.

thing47 · 24/10/2021 22:21

OP has Alan himself moaned or complained to you? If not and it's just his batshit mother doing so, it's presumably because she had to go and pick him up herself? So really her annoyance is being aimed at totally the wrong person, it should be aimed at her son for missing his lift home… I'd have told her to fuck off.

MyDcAreMarvel · 24/10/2021 22:38

@itsgettingwierd All those saying taking petrol money is illegal.

Surely any of us who do the driving with a car full accept payment towards petrol?

Yes but £90 isn’t petrol money, it’s not illegal if insured but any profit hotel costs don’t count is income.

2Two · 24/10/2021 22:41

But on the other, he has paid for you to take him home so it's a bit different from a normal favour from a parent.

No it isn't. It's not different from buying pre-booked ticket on a train or bus and then deciding not to use it. You don't get to order the driver to go back to collect the passenger in that situation, any more than you do with OP.

PumpkinsandTea · 24/10/2021 22:49

@titchy

op is doing her children and their friends a favour for cost rather than the astronomical fee a large taxi at the same time of night would cost. It's neither her nor there whether she's a licensed taxi or not because she's not offering a service to all and sundry.

She's offering a pre-booked taxi service to various different people (not limited to family) for money. How's that different to me pre-booking a taxi and the driver just having me as their only fare that night.

As I said if she has an accident she could well be fucked - would her insurance pay out?

The difference is that she's not profiting. A rather major difference Hmm
PumpkinsandTea · 24/10/2021 22:52

@Crunchymum Since when has a Premier Inn been a 'crappy hotel?!?!?! I stayed in one recently and it was fabulous! HmmHmmHmm