Are you scared of driving / avoid it ?

[fussytodd]

I've met a lot of women recently who don't like driving and are afraid to, especially not with their kids in the car.

Is that quite common ?

My mum is petrified of driving, her fear has gotten worse over the years. I love the actual act of driving, I quite like driving late at night or early morning when the roads are empty, it's really peaceful and relaxing but I am afraid when it's busy because it seems every time I go out everyone seems to pull out of junctions without looking or cut me up or tailgate me. It feels a lot more dangerous than it did 10 years ago. My fear started after I was a passenger in a big car crash though before that I was completely normal about driving.

It's definitely not relaxing, that's true. I also find people pulling out everywhere.

The thing that gets me is that roads are narrow and when you're passing other cars, sometimes there's not enough space OR even if there's just about enough space, it feels like the car passing you is just too far on your side. I find that stressful.

But generally I don't avoid driving and I'm not fearful. But I've not been in a car crash as and adult, but I've been in two serious crashes as a child and do remember them.

I love driving. DH and I always prefer to be the driver than the passenger. I sometimes do the 4.5 hours to my parents with the DC on my own and quite look forward to it.

My mum is 73, dad is 69 and they split it 50/50 too. Mum was the only driver till I was about 5 when my dad finally learnt in his early 30s. She had passed her test at 18.

There are no circumstances in which I like driving. I have no problems driving on familiar, local journeys. I can cope with long journeys (4-5 hours) on familiar roads. I get very anxious driving on busy roads that I don't know. I could never drive through a city for example. I'd probably go to pieces.

I had a friend who was killed in a motorway accident when the traffic suddenly slowed and the driver behind her was on his mobile phone and went straight into her. She was killed outright and it had a devastating and seemingly permanent impact on the mental health of her adult son who was also in the car. I also know someone whose wife was killed in a motorway accident. And I've seen two people run over in separate incidents right in front of me - one fatally.

I drive out of necessity but am constantly aware how risky it is so no, I don't enjoy it!

I’m very happy driving for the most part, but I have a few things I won’t do - I wouldn’t drive in very central London and I especially don’t like busy urban driving on the other side of the road.

I don’t know many women of my generation who are afraid of driving (many just don’t drive for other reasons) but I know loads of my parents and grandparents generation who can drive, but because their husbands always drove if they were together, they never got confident beyond pootling around their local area. It’s like most things, to be confident you have to keep doing it regularly

I only passed in my mid 20s and struggled because I was quite an anxious driver. I failed my test a few times mainly because I’d be anxious on the day and make mistakes but be fine on the practice tests with my instructor. After I passed though it got a lot easier and I started to actually enjoy it. I had lots of weddings and hen dos in far flung corners of the U.K. without public transport options. I think having to do all those journeys forced me to work through that anxiety and gain experience which helped my confidence.

Now I’m fine with driving and don’t avoid it, although I can still get a bit stressed out on those big motorway roundabouts where there are lots of lanes and it’s not immediately obvious which one you need to be in for your exit (or you can’t read the markings for each one until you’re already in them). But I guess everyone has things like that they don’t like.

I think the only way to get over it is to keep doing it. Eventually you push through. But if you avoid driving it becomes harder and more stressful when you finally have to do it because it becomes more built up.

I think it used to be quite common - I've known women who've worked out routes that go twice as far to avoid motorways. Less so now though.
I drive a van in my current job, was terrified at the thought beforehand, quickly got used to it and enjoy it now. But I've frequently found the idea of driving to be worse than the reality and just getting on and doing it makes it less intimidating.

Hate driving, makes me anxious, especially strange (to me) city centres with weird road layouts and hard to find parking.

But I am of the Feel the Fear, Do It Anyway school of anxiety management. I've just driven DC1 to an activity somewhere new because it's good for me, even though I could have asked H to drop her off. I always allow ridiculous amounts of contingency time, and try to be a bit Zen about getting lost.

Motorway driving does not phase me at all, as all the exits/lane changes are signed clearly and in good time, and I don't have to park.

No.

But...

I am a bit wary of driving around cities and towns I don't know. But aren't 'scared' of driving.

To the posters saying they're anxious in cities, eg London. Is it because you're worried you'll get stuck in the wrong lane at a roundabout and won't be able to switch lanes ? Or get shouted at if you make a ' mistake ' - like being in the wrong lane and then needing to indicate and wait for someone to let you through ?

I drive in central london a lot and I get called nasty names a lot by aggressive men. I think that kind of thing puts some women off.

Anxious ex driver here. My nerves were so intense it was truly not safe for myself or others for me to carry on, so I stopped. I was such an anxious driver though that the same year I passed I developed a severe psychosis. Some people truly don’t belong on the road and if they hold their hands up to that in order to protect everyone else, fair play to them in my opinion.

I've also noticed some people are terrified of taking a wrong turning and going the wrong way. This seems to really stress them out. It's not ideal if in a rush to get to an appointment, but if just out and about, I don't understand that stress. The sat Nav recalculates anyway..

No I love it, but I spent s long time feeling completely trapped and isolated because I couldn't drive.

I love driving, so much so I took an advanced driving course/test and now teach it.

For those who are afraid, I’d recommend you look at it. First thing it will teach you is (much) improved observation. That in itself will reduce any panic about people pulling out everywhere/not enough space to pass which might make driving more relaxing.

@H8H8H8

I love driving, so much so I took an advanced driving course/test and now teach it.

For those who are afraid, I’d recommend you look at it. First thing it will teach you is (much) improved observation. That in itself will reduce any panic about people pulling out everywhere/not enough space to pass which might make driving more relaxing.

Great tip. Thank you !

I used to be a confident driver, but that was when I lived in rural France and roads were quiet. Now moved back to the UK to a heavily congested town and driving scares me. I can do a round trip to my daughter's house, about 4 miles, but really frightened to go on an unfamiliar road. I'm nearly 70, if that makes much difference.

I’m not scared, I dislike some bits of driving though, big confusing roundabouts where everyone else is also confused so you have to watch all around you while figuring out where you need to be. I also get a bit twitchy driving & trying to park in a big town/city.
I love the freedom driving gives me though.

My mum is in her 60’s and is a bit of a fearful driver. Won’t drive on the motorway or at night if she can help it and is one of those that does 30 in a 40 zone.

I like driving but other peoples driving really pisses me off!

I don't love it or hate it, it's just necessary for me. If we go out as a family DH drives as I like to have a snooze!

Really hate it. I passed my test 15 years ago and can count the number of times I have driven since on both hands. I am useless, a complete liability and would much rather get cycle or get a a bus, train or taxi anywhere.

I hate being driven in a car too, although I do feel more relaxed in a taxi than I do if being driven by someone I know strangely. I’m fine in coaches and buses.

I had a motorbike for a while and actually found that much easier, much less stressful. Maybe because growing up I cycled everywhere so used to being on 2 wheels! I sold my motorbike when I started working from home as I just didn’t use it enough to warrant the cost.

Luckily I live in an area with great public transport. My family didn’t have a car when I was growing up so I am just used to travelling my other means. I am glad I passed my test, so if I absolutely have to drive somewhere I can, but I would explore every possibility to avoid it first.

I never ask for lifts and take advantage of friends, as I say, I hate being driven as well as driving so do seek out alternatives as a matter of course.

I hate driving. Overall I hate cars, we no longer own one, but DH used to drive for a living do he always drives as he likes it and I never did.

I wish I did like it, but I don't. I feel trapped in a car, I find the concentration required annoying.

I love trains, buses and walking.

@TheGriffle

I’m not scared, I dislike some bits of driving though, big confusing roundabouts where everyone else is also confused so you have to watch all around you while figuring out where you need to be. I also get a bit twitchy driving & trying to park in a big town/city. I love the freedom driving gives me though.

My mum is in her 60’s and is a bit of a fearful driver. Won’t drive on the motorway or at night if she can help it and is one of those that does 30 in a 40 zone.

Oh that reminds me! I don't like it when it's busy and I'm trying to parallel park and I'm holding up other cars. I'm not amazing at parallel parking and the angry looking people waiting, really put me off.

I’ve driven miles. However, I no longer like it and probably do avoid doing it. I could drive anywhere if I had to but I know I need to keep that-I suspect it’s easy to lose the ability.

@fussytodd

To the posters saying they're anxious in cities, eg London. Is it because you're worried you'll get stuck in the wrong lane at a roundabout and won't be able to switch lanes ? Or get shouted at if you make a ' mistake ' - like being in the wrong lane and then needing to indicate and wait for someone to let you through ?

I drive in central london a lot and I get called nasty names a lot by aggressive men. I think that kind of thing puts some women off.

Yes, I've had a few aggressive incidents with men on the road. One was just completely bizarre (well most have been, but this one sticks out). I stopped to let a queue of traffic by, everyone else gave me a wave to say thanks because they had been waiting so long, but one man drove passed screaming through his window at me , there was a guy sitting in the passenger seat as if nothing was happening. Doesn't put me off driving though. I was just absolutely livid and just pulled him a WTF face.

@Thatsplentyjack

No I love it, but I spent s long time feeling completely trapped and isolated because I couldn't drive.

That’s me at the moment @Thatsplentyjack

I’m in my 50s and learning. I am quite nervous and feel overwhelmed by all the things you have to think about at the same time when driving (I’m sure this would have been easier when I was younger).

I need to do it though otherwise I will be dependent on my partner for ever.