Are you scared of driving / avoid it ?

[fussytodd]

I've met a lot of women recently who don't like driving and are afraid to, especially not with their kids in the car.

Is that quite common ?

Learned late (in my 30s) and was just about getting confident when lockdown started and then I was only driving half a mile once a week to the supermarket. Trying to make myself drive more now but DH likes driving so tend to defer to him. I’ve driven 400 mile round trips but would happily hand driving over to someone else to avoid it. I feel an enormous sense of responsibility behind the wheel that makes driving hugely anxiety inducing. I made a mistake in one of my driving lessons and was inconsolable - probably freaked my instructor out completely. I’m pretty competent with every other aspect of my life but just cannot warm to driving at all!

MIL has the fear and it’s just getting worse with age. She drives slowly as far over towards the kerb as possible then slams on brakes around corners which is incredibly dangerous and scary for anyone in the car with her (I refuse). She now gets the bus as much as possible. She doesn’t even like being in a car with someone else driving and is the worst backseat driver but nobody in her family challenges her behaviour. She won’t travel abroad for fear of having to be in a car to get from a to b. It seems to have started after retirement when she stopped daily commutes…

I love driving, always have. Passing my test was a big moment of freedom and responsibility for me aged 17. I’m very chilled in the car, to the point that even other people’s shit driving doesn’t bother me. I just leave big gaps/plenty of space, shrug and let them get on with it.

I don't really like driving unless I know the route well. I don't mind motorways as they are long straight roads but I'm not keen on busy junctions and my worst horror is going into a new large town or city where I have no clue what the roads are like and there are horrors like bus lanes to avoid and a car park to find

I love driving but I have noticed more aggression and general foolhardiness on the roads.

Some drivers don't understand that you shouldn't overtake on double lines and or tailgate if you won't break the speed limit for them. As they aren't going to pay my speeding fine or accept my point, I ignore them.

There also appears to be an increasing tendency for some drivers to shoot out onto a main road or when joining a motorway, which can be quite hair-raising especially when you can't move lane to let them join.

I've also seen increasing amounts jump red lights.

Maybe I'm unlucky but that's my experience.

I passed my test at 20 and didn't drive again until I was 36 and my second child was born. A friend of mine at college hit a pedestrian and killed her, she was actually hit by several cars but it was determined that his had struck the fatal blow. There was an inquest and all that and it was deemed to have been her fault - she stepped into a busy road without looking - but that didn't matter to my friend and he couldn't get over it.

That whole thing gave me such a fright and really got in my head. I got terrible anxiety and hated learning to drive, once I had passed I just never wanted to get in a car again.

I took a long long time to get to a point where I wanted to drive and even longer to actually do it. I have been driving now for about 4 years and still have never driven on a motorway. I'm happy enough on local roads and generally stick to routes that I know, it's quite rare for me to drive somewhere totally new. To be honest, I never ever thought in a million years that I would even get this far, so I don't find that as limiting as it sounds.

Ironically I actually quite like the act of driving but I would prefer it if there weren't any other cars or people around!!

I don't mind driving including motorways. I loathe city driving because of impatient drivers and odd lane layouts. There is a massive roundabout on the outskirts of our nearest city with a bizzare lane layout that has badly faded lines and traffic lights in odd places. I hate it and avoid it. DH has to use it a lot for work and knows where he's going but says it's still a nightmare because it's full of confused drivers.

In a proper world all road layouts would be simple and standardised!

@Vallmo47

Anxious ex driver here. My nerves were so intense it was truly not safe for myself or others for me to carry on, so I stopped. I was such an anxious driver though that the same year I passed I developed a severe psychosis. Some people truly don’t belong on the road and if they hold their hands up to that in order to protect everyone else, fair play to them in my opinion.

Yeah similar story here. I passed, and drove for a couple of years but hated it SO much and just felt I was more of a danger to those around me. I think I really lack spatial awareness as I struggled so much with parking.

I drive out of necessity but am constantly aware how risky it is so no, I don't enjoy it!

That about sums it up for me. I do not enjoy it at all. But I have no choice - I live in the middle of nowhere - real rural Britain. I would not be able to see the doc (35 minutes away) or get petrol (about 10 minutes drive) or see my family if I did not bite the bullet and just do it.

I avoid the very narrowest lanes with few passing places - believe me, tractors rule the road and will not reverse for anyone at all. Sometimes they have stuff on the back that makes it difficult for them to reverse to be fair - but they can see cars coming from miles away because they are higher than the hedges and seem not to think it might be a good idea to pop into the nearest gateway and wait for you to arrive!

Driving to the nearest town (about 40 minutes) I take a longer route to avoid the junctions that are problematical to me.

I worked for many years in a brain injury unit and the idea that accidents happen to other people is not one that enters my head. I know what can happen.

I am also conscious that sometimes the anonymity of being inside a car makes people behave in a way that they would not dream of doing face to face - good manners and patience go out of the window. And bad manners and lack of patience on the road are dangerous.

I hate motorways with a passion - some drivers have no imagination whatsoever of what the consequences of exceeding the speed limit or over/undertaking inappropriately might be. They are like 90 mile-an-hour traffic jams in many places with people weaving in and out.

Trying to comfort people whose loved ones have had a catastrophic brain injury is a valuable lesson.

@Cottagepieandpeas I was the same when I was learning. I did lessons as soon as I was 17 but gave up because I was so nervous and felt so useless. When I was around 24 my partner really pushed me to do my lessons (probably because he was fed up driving me to places I couldn't get the bus or train 🤣) I would sweat and get flustered and just panic all the time. Now I dont even think about getting in a car full of kids and driving wherever I need to go. I don't even think about gear changes, signaling changing positions on the road, checking mirrors. It just becomes second nature. Honestly, it's probably the best thing I've learned to do in my life.

Strangely the easiest place I find to drive is Milton Keynes as it is a grid system with lots of roundabouts and because the roads are numbered H1, 2, etc and V1, 2, etc, I tend to know where I am more easily.

I don't like driving and part of me really wishes I never learned. However, it has opened so many doors for me. I love living in my rural village so driving places is often the only option. In fact its very rare I get public transport.

I like motorway driving, its the best type of driving. Especially when I am going to a race early hours Sunday Morning (I was on the motorway before 7AM this morning). Not as keen when its busy.

Hate strange towns and citys. Also unfamiliar country roads. I got lost in Leeds this morning and it wasn't fun at all, but there were no issues anywhere. I just had to go right round a roundabout to turn left as I found myself in the wrong lane.

In over 20 years driving I've only had one incident with another car (a couple of bumping into walls while parking), but that was them going the wrong way round a car park at speed. However, its a necessity I'd rather not do TBH.

As per a PP over the last 10 years it really has become more and more stressful than it used to be.

DW loves it, drives my toys all over Europe. Tends to get a bit nervous as a passenger when speeds get above 150.

I dislike driving in general but am reasonably happy to drive localy. I sometimes drive a funny (longer) way in order to avoid a particularly horrible roundabout or a difficult right turn. Lack of driving in the pandemic didn't help either.

My DH has a hybrid car which starts up in a totally different way, from a normal car. I won't drive it as when he first had it he had problems with this and doing a hill start. It would have been great if it had come with a lesson for each of us.

@fussytodd

To the posters saying they're anxious in cities, eg London. Is it because you're worried you'll get stuck in the wrong lane at a roundabout and won't be able to switch lanes ? Or get shouted at if you make a ' mistake ' - like being in the wrong lane and then needing to indicate and wait for someone to let you through ?

I drive in central london a lot and I get called nasty names a lot by aggressive men. I think that kind of thing puts some women off.

It's the sheer volume of traffic that unnerves me. and the aggression. I live in a village near Bristol, I have no problems driving to the outskirts of Bristol but driving through the city terrifies me to the point that I refuse to do it anymore. If I need to go into the city then it's a drive to the nearest town and catch a bus/train from there. Driving through the country lanes on the other hand holds no fear for me.

I'm not frightened of it exactly, but I don't enjoy it at all. I feel cooped up, hate the poor visibility, and am always aware that I'm in control of a machine that could easily kill me or someone else, which I think is something that many drivers don't fully respect.

I always choose to walk or cycle if I can because it's just much more enjoyable. But I do drive if necessary.

I was fine until my adult DD was in a very serious accident.

Now I’m really nervous and I hate driving past where she had her accident.

I have beta blockers for driving on a particular stretch of motorway. They help.

No, I've never been frightened. I'll drive anywhere I need to, cities, motorways and high mountain passes.

I do hate Bristol city centre but that's only because of the roadworks.

anxious & hate it & actively avoid it. before menopause it was fine & no issues. Got worse after menopause, & now only feel happy doing about4 or 5 very short routes. everything about it panics me & I just cant think straight. even the thought of driving stresses me out & causes me sleepless nights. I have missed out on many social things because I an not drive to the venue. If I do manage to drive somewhere I dint enjoy it because I stress about driving home.

@EmmyLake @Vallmo47 Both your posts really resonate with me. I eventually passed my test (6th attempt!) a decade ago in my early thirties. I’ve tried to get over my anxiety about driving but I just can’t. I’m just always so aware I’m in control of something that could potentially injure or kill someone!

I’ve hoped that my anxiety would lessen over time, but it hasn’t. I also really really hate parking and think my spatial awareness is pretty bad. I’m in two minds whether to persevere or not - on one hand I can see having the ability to drive is useful, but on the other hand I hate it and am not particularly good at it!

I find it odd that in other aspects of life - with skills such as maths, drawing, learning languages etc - we accept some people are naturally more skilful than others. But when I’ve said to people I really have no aptitude for driving the usual response is ‘oh just practice and in time you’ll get better and be less anxious’.

I love driving, the faster the better. I regularly do long journeys and always look forward to the drive.

I don't like driving on motorways, though I will do it if it's absolutely necessary - I much prefer to go a longer route on A roads. I always allow longer than I need, and as long as I've got Google Maps on my phone speaking to me I'm quite happy driving in new areas.

Should've added within the speed limit. I'm not racing around built up areas. Promise.

I used to love it, happily drove all around the country, wouldn't think twice before just getting in and go-ing somewhere, wasn't over confident as in arrogant, but confident in my abilities and observation etc. When I was pregnant I developed anxiety (in general), and driving was a huge part of that. I could not drive as I wouldn't have been safe, even getting in the car and sitting stationary in the drivers seat I could feel my heart race, palms sweat and invasive thoughts take over- I sold my beloved car as just owning it was stressing me out and I didn't want to get behind the wheel until I had it under control (the medication also made me feel trippy!). Felt a lot better after maternity leave and so got a cheaper car to use just as a runaround really for work, supermarket etc as DH has the bigger car, hate driving now and especially with lockdown and not having to drive to work I sometimes don't go in it for weeks which isn't good. I'd happily sell it tomorrow if I wouldn't need it soon for work.

Bloody love driving!! Even more so now I own my dream car, which is amazing to drive.

Just did a jaunt up to scotland, 9 hours each way and I was in heaven even with the crazy motorways and traffic jams.

That said, overly anxious drivers and aggressive drivers are awful and shouldn't be on the roads. Both are dangerous in their own way.

@LovingBob my neck of the woods. We just almost got hit by a woman who decided to turn right in the middle lane when we were turning right. She didnt even look, just drove across the front of us. I dont understand it. The beauty of Milton Keynes is if you realise you took a wrong turn, you just whizz up to the next roundabout 30 seconds away and go round it! Literally impossible to get lost!!