Are you scared of driving / avoid it ?

[fussytodd]

I've met a lot of women recently who don't like driving and are afraid to, especially not with their kids in the car.

Is that quite common ?

I am 47 and haven’t driven since my 30s. I am a bad driver and that made me scared of having an accident. I had a lot of near misses, so decided driving just isn’t for me.

@PurpleIndigoViolet Yes I completely get where you are coming from and I think deep down you know whether your fear is an overwhelming one or not. It’s true things get easier with practise, but I was anxious to the point I couldn’t sleep at night if I knew I had to drive to a shop ten minutes away on local roads. That’s just not normal. I will add that if you think you can overcome it with time, or at least drive on roads you feel comfortable with, absolutely persevere. I had a few near crashes due to simply not being very good coupled with legs shaking massively. If I’d been another driver I’d be livid people like
me pass their test. But we do sometimes slip through the net - all it takes is a good drive on test date. I was able to cope when I knew the passenger was able to take control of vehicle at any time. The second I was on my own with it I crumbled.

I miss the freedom terribly. ❤️

Hate it. Can never tell where the car is, I feel like I can never see properly over the dashboard or to the sides with this iron cage obstructing my view, and I don't have time to look properly at anything anyway as you're meant to race along (I'd be much happier going 20 miles an hour - still faster than walking) and I do it so rarely (we don't own one) that by the time I've figured out where all the bits on the rental car are, we've arrived. It's such a huge responsibility - at least walking to the bus stop I'm not likely to hit a cat or God forbid, a child.

I hate driving and it makes me very anxious but I do force myself to do it.

I have 4 female family members on mine and DH’s side who took lessons and got a license in their 30s and 40s but never drove again as they were scared to which I really don’t get. My mother stopped driving completely in her 50s due to anxiety and went back to buses.

I wouldn’t say I enjoy driving. I find it much easier in an automatic (drove them for 15 years) but I’ve had to drive a manual for the last 2 years as couldn’t find an automatic I liked and hate having to change gears and getting caught in slow moving traffic uphill as automatics don’t roll back!

I was very confident on motorways in my 20s and 30s as used them regularly for work but after a few years without needing to, I got anxious about it and would do anything to avoid them. Regularly use the M25 now though, not out of choice, and don’t think about it. I find it easier than driving through my town constantly stopping at roundabout and traffic lights. I find the more you use them the easier it gets.

I took driving lessons in London but there’s no way I’d drive there now though. We when we visit family I make DH drive. Way too many aggressive drivers and driving there scares the crap out of me.

I’m very grateful I can drive and have a car after periods without one when we’ve only had one car which DH needed for work. It was amazing how trapped I felt without the use of one.

I detest it. Passed when I was a teenager on a manual and then didn’t drive again until my thirties. I just kidded myself all that time that I ‘could’ do it if I needed to because I had a licence - absolute rubbish, obviously. Got behind the wheel again out of necessity in my 30s (now living in a very busy, hilly town - having learnt and passed in a very rural, flat area of the country) and found I really couldn’t do it. I bought an automatic which helped a lot and was the difference between me being able to drive and not. But I’m still not good - I’m fine on the road but I find parking and tight manoeuvres terribly difficult - it’s so tough to judge the width and length of the vehicle. I badly dented the car manoeuvring through a very narrow gate just last week.

Funnily enough my MIL and my mum are both licensed drivers who can’t drive. I do think women are more likely to be anxious drivers but I think that’s partly because women are more likely to appreciate that they’re in control of a machine that could kill someone. Which is fairly terrifying if you think about it. And it’s not a bad thing to be aware of it.

I've been driving for over 30 years and I would say I'm getting more anxious when I need to drive somewhere I don't know or if the route is a bit tricky.
I went from commuting for my job to working 5 minutes from home which hasn't helped.
I still go where I want to go but also take the train to certain cities but I've always done that.
I'm finding keeping a car which hardly ever gets used really stressful too.
It just seems to deteriorate on the drive and is always covered in dust!

It's a shame, but the majority don't like it and are scared.

I like driving, and as the only one in my family who can it's essential!
I learned to drive in London so the amount of traffic and narrow roads don't bother me. What I really don't like is driving in a city I don't know - Brussels was quite confounding- and I've noticed I'm finding it harder to see well at night (contact lense wearer).

I’m not a very good driver. It took me several attempts to pass the practical test and I only passed in the end because I struck lucky and got a test where nobody pulled out in front of me, nobody walked out in front of me, the manoeuvres I was asked to do happened to be ones I was capable of, and the examiner just happened to choose an easy route with clear signs and lanes and not too much traffic.

I know I’m not very good at driving but in order to live my life I need to drive, to take DC to school and other places, to get myself to work, to take elderly parents to the doctor, to fetch groceries, etc. So I drive - but I prefer not to. If I go anywhere with DH he drives. And I prefer B roads and familiar routes, I park as far away from other cars as possible to avoid the risk of clipping them, or I park in a parent and child space which is wider. I certainly wouldn’t drive into a city centre, there are too many lanes and too much risk of making a mistake and having an accident.

I suppose a lot of people are like me. Not good at driving, don’t want to drive, but unfortunately you need to.

I enjoy it, especially if I’m on my own, except in bad weather (though I assume no one enjoys that).

I have a friend who is 52 who will only drive locally, and has never driven on a motorway ( which is fairly limiting here). And MIL will only drive to places within about 5 miles, and where she knows about the parking. Again, limiting.

I can’t drive. I just don’t think I’d be a safe driver. I have anxiety, so I worry I’d dither and hold up traffic, I have ear trouble which means I don’t really know where sounds are coming from- and I have vertigo so I get dizzy spells!
All adds up to, probably best if I don’t drive. Though it does cause me a lot of obstacles by not being able to drive, I can’t really feel safe behind the wheel of a car.

@MissChanandlerBong81 I agree with you that (some) women are for some reason more aware of the dangers than (some) men. But I also think that it’s more socially acceptable for a woman to admit she hates driving and isn’t particularly good at it. I can’t imagine many men admitting to this - even if they knew deep down that it was true.

I'm afraid of driving. We were in a car crash when I was little, the other driver wasn't looking and just turned into us. Then a few years later a girl from a club I went to was run over and died. I couldn't afford to learn when I was young and didn't prioritise it as I got older because I was scared. By the time I took lessons, I was nervous a lot; instructors like to comment constantly and that didn't help my nerves - if I knew I'd looked but they asked then I started second guessing, and always trying to make me drive faster than I was comfortable on the small roads; no other traffic so I figured why should it matter if I go at 15mph when kids are zooming about on their bikes. I passed my test no problem, but then a week later a bus under-took and hit the car when it jerked in front of me, I couldn't get out of the way because there were cars behind and to side; insurance didn't even debate he was responsible (there was CCTV I think), but I didn't want to drive after that. I don't know how to restart. Additional lessons won't help my nerves, because "have you checked all mirrors" etc will make me panic even when I have.

My dh used to have a reasonably big powerful car, we needed a new car a couple of years ago and could only afford a smaller less powerful car at the time, the sort of car that (sweeping generalisation) is more likely to be driven by a woman. Its been a couple of years now and in geberal male drivers are significantlt more aggressive in the way they react to the car, far more likely to overtake dangerously forcing my dh to have to drive more defensively

Maybe the reason some women are more nervous is because its quite common for women to drive smaller cars (for various reasons) and those women are being made nervous by the more dangerous aggressive driving they encounter as a result? My dh hates the situation, but he also drives a big van and has been driving for years so it doesnt make him doubt his drving ability. But if this was his only, consistent experience of driving?

I love driving. If dh and I go out, I generally will do the driving as I get horrendous travel sickness as a passenger even on short journeys

@PurpleIndigoViolet yes I think that’s true too. I mentioned in my earlier post that I badly dented our car on a gate post last week. My husband was furious - but not because of the money it’ll cost to fix but because (direct quote) ‘when I’m driving it to work people will think I did it!’

Absolutely terrified

@MissChanandlerBong81 That's definitely a typical male reaction isn’t it? I think - generally speaking - women’s self worth and sense of self is a lot less linked to their driving ability/confidence, as compared to the average man.

Sure, practice and and staying calm can help, but some people (me) are just not as spatially aware/spatially instinctive as others. And the roads are busier and faster than when I learnt 30 years ago. The only accidents I've been in are people crashing into me because my decisions weren't fast enough for them. I can 'read' the surrounding traffic and road layout and signs - but not fast enough to be safe. And it just is a dangerous environment. A lot of people blank out that awareness because they need to get around. I've tried taking extra lessons etc but have decided I'm not going to drive again.

I will drive anywhere and everywhere, I have a uk license and a us license so will happily drive both on the left and the right (although I've been known to sit at road ends having forgotten which side I'm supposed to be in for a moment, lol.

My mum has always been the same, so I take after her, she still motorway drives at 77.

I'm also a fantastic parker, one of my skills is to get my car in to tiny spots, comes from living in a busy street without drives in my twenties.

Using public transport it would take me an hour to take my toddler to nursery - that includes three buses and a 1.5 mile walk (which is too much for a 3yo). Then it would take me 2.5 hours to get to work - that’s three more buses and a 3 mile walk.

Or I can drive 10 minutes to nursery then 35 minutes to work. That’s why I have to drive, and I’m sure that’s why other people drive too. I hate driving, I’m not good at driving, I’m probably not safe at driving, but what else can I do?

I passed at the age of 40, 9 years ago. Although it’s been a life saver as I live up a steep hill plus with having the kids the same time, it’s gave me more freedom with them. But I only stick to local roads, school, work, shops. Don’t go on the motorway. I was so nervous when I passed my test, now I just jump in the car and don’t think about it. But there are so many aggressive twats on the road. I really don’t know how some people have a licence, some awful driving out there.

I'm an incredibly nervous driver. I've never got used to it. Also I misjudged a tight space last week & collided with a huge metal pipe on a concrete pillar. It had a gaping maw on the bottom that trashed my car. I was devastated.

It's all been fixed- bar a horrid low down dent, but I'm now very apprehensive to get back in the car.

I love driving, I didnt learn in this country but just forced myself to get comfortable with more traffic and more complicated road systems.